Present
He pried himself from the bed around five this morning, just as the sun was beginning its ascent. With a heavy heart, I walked him out to his truck where we spent a good amount of time kissing one another good-bye, struggling to let go. He promised to return around three this afternoon so we could spend our final few hours together before he leaves.
Caroline and I spend the majority of our day in the kitchen. She wanted to bake him a going away cake, and I needed to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think about him leaving.
I help Caroline pan the mix and set the timer before we walk out back to pick out some flowers to decorate the dinner table with. Shears in hand, I snip a yellow Gerbera daisy while Caroline patiently holds the large Mason jar firmly in her hands.
“Mama, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, you can ask me anything.”
“Why was Daddy so sad? Didn’t we make him happy?”
I pause, hesitating to go this far with her. She’s just a child, how much of this can she really comprehend and will it do more harm than good?
“Of course we made him happy, but sometimes, when he was sad, it didn’t have anything to do with the people around him, it was just something he couldn’t control. And sometimes, that sadness would drown the happy. Does that make sense?”
She shrugs. “Kinda.”
I try to think of the best way to explain it without scaring her and helping her better understand him.
“Pretend you’re flying a kite, it’s a clear, beautiful day and you have just enough wind to make it soar. Everything is going great. You think the day couldn’t be any better when suddenly there’s a crack of thunder and the sky turns dark. You checked the weather to make sure there wouldn’t be a cloud in sight but now dark clouds are all you see. Then the winds pick up, knocking your kite back and forth, threatening to ruin your perfect day. Then the rain sets in, sending your kite crashing to the ground. How would that make you feel?”
“Sad.”
“Was it anyone’s fault?”
“No,” she says, tilting her head. “You can’t control Mother Nature.”
“Exactly.”
Realization soothes her troubled face and she nods in understanding before wrapping her arms around me. “Do you think he’s still sad?”
“No, I think he’s finally kissed the sun.”
She draws back, giving me a big smile. “That makes me very happy, Mama.”
“Me too, sweet girl.”
I slip the jar from her hands, and set it on the ground, cupping her cheeks. “Listen, I want you to know that your father loved you very much. Never forget that, okay? He wouldn’t want you to be sad. He would want you to be happy. For him. Can you do that for me?”
She nods, and I kiss her head.
“Come on, let’s go check on that cake.”
We gather the jar of flowers and walk back inside hand in hand; my heart lighter than it has ever been before.
“Of all the times I’ve had to leave, I think this one will be the hardest.” Linc’s voice is deep and gravely, raking over my heart in the most painful way. His mouth meets the skin of my neck, a greeting I’ve grown accustomed to, but today I don’t like the worry it brings. He’s just returned from spending the day with his mother. He’d wanted her to come for dinner but she was more tired than usual, having completed a chemo treatment yesterday.
Tension rolls beneath my fingers as I place my hands on his shoulders. “We’ll be fine,” I assure him, even though I’m silently dying inside.
I need to be strong for him. Be there for him like he has been for me.
“I know. I just…you’ve spent your whole life taking care of everyone else. I just want to take care of you. It’s all I want to do. I wish I didn’t have to go.”
“You do take care of me. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for you.”
Tucking a stray hair behind my ear, he leans down to drop a kiss to my forehead then my lips. “I’m so proud of you.” His palm caresses my face and I turn my mouth in to place a kiss there. “I’ll call every night,” he promises.
“Don’t you mean FaceTime every night?”
“You’re really looking forward to that, aren’t you?”
I blush. I am looking forward to it. It’s the only way I’ll be able to see his face and that brings me a small measure of comfort. “Why would you say that?”
He gives me a pointed look, raising one lone brow. He’s so sexy when he does that. “Because you’re curious.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
“Am I? I bet if I touched you right now you’d be wet.”
“Jesus, Linc. You have no shame, do you?”
“Not when it comes to you.”
He kisses my lips again, twirling his tongue with mine in a single quest to drive me out of my mind. God, I’m going to miss him terribly. I’ve grown addicted to his kisses, the soft and gentle ones, the possessive ones.
All of them.
He pulls back abruptly, throwing me slightly off balance. “Oh, I almost forgot. I gave the builder your cell phone number just in case he can’t get in touch with me for any reason. You have permission to make any decision on our behalf.”
“Uh, I’m not sure I feel very comfortable with that, Linc.”
He looks affronted. “Why not?”
“Because it’s your house. You should be the one making those decisions.”
He chews the inside of his mouth before clearing his throat. “This is our house, remember? Besides, you know me. You know what I like. I have complete confidence you can handle the task.”
I shrug. “Okay, but if you come home to claw foot tubs and bead board ceilings, I don’t wanna hear a thing.”
Kissing my lips firmly, he inhales deeply through his nose. “I’m fine with that as long as you are the one naked in that claw foot tub.”
“I’m sure that can be arranged.”
“So what’s for dinner?”
“Chicken pot pie.”
“My favorite.”
“I know. Something to remember me by.”
“Baby, there’s no way in hell I could ever forget you.”
After dinner and gorging ourselves on Caroline’s going away cake, I find myself in the only place I want to be, wrapped in his arms.
Caroline went to bed hours ago.
I’m not sure what time it is.
I don’t want to know.
I know it’s late and I don’t want to think about when he’ll be forced to leave me. All I want to do is lie here, my head on his chest, inhaling his masculine scent, counting the beats of his steady heart. We’ve already made love once but it wasn’t enough, even though it was one of the single most beautiful moments of my life.
But each time seems to be better than the last.
The minute we were alone, his hands were on me with an incredible sense of urgency. Worshiping my body while branding me with his touch. Then once he was inside of me he slowed down, reveling in our time together. I never wanted it to end. And the second it was over, I wanted to start all over again.
His fingers skate up and down the center of my naked back, electrifying my skin, grounding me. I lift my cheek, propping my chin on my hand that’s planted on his chest.
Kissing his chest, I press my cheek back down on his warm skin. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“You’re the only reason I’ve been able to face any of this. I don’t want to even think about where I would be right now had you given up on me.”
Looking down at me, the corner of his mouth lifts before he places his warm hand over mine. “I’ll never give up on you. Ever. What we have, I can’t explain it. Not even in a song.”
“I know. I’ve tried to put it to words too but the closest I could get was rambling thoughts scribbled in a journal.”
“Is that what I always see you writing in?”
I nod, looking away. “It’s the only place I can speak my truth. What is really inside of my heart.”
“I wouldn’t mind looking inside of your heart someday,” he says, pulling me closer, I kiss his chin then his mouth.
“You already have.”
“Yes, but not the way I want to.” His large hand fans my face. “I want every single part of you. Just like I want to give you every single part of me.”
“Linc.” I kiss his shoulder, scraping my teeth along his skin. Goose bumps ripple across his flesh and I smile.
Dipping my hand between us, I wrap my hand around him, earning myself a long, deep groan.
“I love it when you touch me.”
One hand cups my breasts before he playfully tweaks my nipple. Pleasure shoots between my legs as his mouth travels down the center of my chest while his fingers dip into my wet slit.
He shifts, taking up position between my thighs. “Tell me what you want.” He spreads my legs wider, putting me on full display.
I gasp.
“Touch me.”
He grins. “Touch you how?”
Leaning down, he kisses the right side of my thigh then moves his hot mouth higher. My warm blood runs hot, desire singing in my veins. Linc eases one finger inside of me, then two. “Answer me.” His hooded gaze remains focused on his task; need swimming in those deep green eyes.
“With your mouth,” I tell him, fisting the sheets beneath me. He’s driving me mad and dizzy with want.
“So you want my mouth…” His thumb moves to the bundle of nerves that is screaming for his attention, swirling the pad of it around and around. “Here?”
Now I’m really embarrassed. I’ve never experienced this level of intimacy before. And I don’t know what I like enough to say it out loud.
“Sylvie,” Linc prompts, lowering his mouth to blow cool air on my burning flesh. “I’m waiting,” he says with a teasing lick.
I moan when his tongue leaves me, desperate for more of him. “Yes, please!”
His tongue dips low, taking a long swipe before settling to lapping at my swollen clit. I cry out, fisting my fingers in his hair. His fingers drive in and out of me at a steady pace while he devours me, dragging me further and further to the edge of insanity. I thrash on the bed, the impending pressure building at a feverish rate.
Then it happens.
I explode, trembling and shaking beneath his relentless mouth.
He releases me on a loud suck after drinking every last bit of pleasure from me. “What else?” he asks, moving up to cover my body with his. “What else do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know,” I pant, unable to think properly now that he’s rendered me completely mindless.
The head of his cock nudges my slick opening.
I smile against his curved lips.
His hand threads through the back of my hair, gently tugging to expose my neck. He pushes inside of me, one glorious inch at a time, burying himself to the hilt while scraping his teeth across my collarbone.
“Ah…yes!”
Resting his forehead to mine, he holds my eyes. His slow and steady strokes dissolving into solid, powerful thrusts. “Is this what you wanted?”
“Yes.”
He drives into me harder.
Faster.
Displaying a fierce, primal side of him I never knew existed, he shows me what it’s like to be loved in a way I’ve never known.
Totally.
Completely.
And without apology.