Past
I don’t want to fall in love with Dean but it happens anyway. Or perhaps it is the idea of falling in love that has me tumbling fast and hard. Either way, it happens.
In a single heartbeat.
A blistering moment in time.
Deep down I know loving him will inevitably change me but it will be a long time before I truly understand just how much.
“I need you, Sylvie. I can’t wait anymore.”
Neither can I.
This has been our routine for the last two months, skating the edge of temptation, drowning in a sea of insistent desire.
“Make love to me, Dean.”
Parked on a dead-end road, I straddle his lap in the backseat, rocking against him. I’m past the point of caring anymore.
I want him.
His strong hands move to my hips, holding me in place. “Sylvie.” His brows pinch together, concern etching his face. “I need you to know that—I’m not like other guys.” His hands move to my neck, eyes holding mine. “What I feel for you, it’s not like anything I’ve ever felt before. The thought of losing you.” The tortured look on his face has my chest clenching tight.
“I get a little caught up in the head sometimes. Sometimes things don’t make sense, and I have a hard time working through my emotions. So if I ever lose my temper, or say crazy shit, just remember, it’s not you…it’s me.”
A rush of fear trickles through me but the sincerity in his eyes soothes it away instantly. “Okay.”
“I just—I don’t want to lose you.”
My hand cradles his rugged face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He remains silent for one heartbeat.
Two.
Three…
“I love you. I love you so fucking much. You make my world better. You make me better.”
The words roll off of his tongue in an avalanche of heat, slamming into my chest, ripping through my heart like a freight train.
Tears well up in my eyes as my body floods with warmth. “I love you too, Dean. Always.”
“You love me?” he asks, in awe of my confession.
Biting my bottom lip, I nod. Mama says love doesn’t need a reason, it speaks from the irrational wisdom of the heart.
What Dean and I have is irrational all right. Nothing about us makes sense. Our age difference. Our personalities. Our directions in life. We were headed down two completely different roads, yet somehow, my path has changed course, merging with his.
His mouth is back, hungry.
Hot.
A cyclone of destruction meant to claim my heart and soul forever.
Removing my shirt, he plants soft, reassuring kisses across my collarbone before he shifts, laying me down on the cool leather seats. Then he unbuttons my jeans, slowly peeling them from my shaky legs, dropping more kisses along the way.
The sound of denim hitting the floorboard is just as thunderous as my pounding heart, letting me know we are that much closer to being connected as one.
Which is what I want more than anything right now.
His desire is palpable as well as my own and the need to answer it pulses wildly in my veins.
I am naked sans my bra and panties and he’s still fully clothed. Heat rushes my cheeks but I stomp down my apprehension as my trembling fingers move to his sides, lifting his shirt up his torso and over his head, breaking our kiss.
I’ve never seen a man naked before and the sight of Dean looking down at me right now is intimidating. His eyes are dark pools with glimpses of moonlight reflecting in their depths. I want to bathe in its pale light. But I also want to dance on the other side, where no one else has been.
And I want to go there with him.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod, squirming beneath his intense gaze. Sitting back on his haunches, he pulls me with him then snakes his hands behind my back to unclasp my bra, releasing it in a quiet snip but the significance is deafening as the fabric whispers down my arms.
I cross my arms over my chest as I lie back down. Dean pulls them away. “Don’t hide from me. I want to see all of you.” Snip
Holding my eyes, he takes off my panties, dragging them down my legs slowly before unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, situating his body over mine.
A shiver races through me, realization of what is about to happen penetrating every nerve. He nudges my opening.
I tense. “Wait…shouldn’t we use a condom?”
His mouth touches mine. “I’ll pull out. I need to feel all of you, Sylvie.”
I can feel him pressing against me, my heart pounding like a loud drum in my ears. I find it impossible to swallow and even harder to speak so I nod my consent.
He begins to move, easing inside of me slowly. I cry out, the burning sensation almost too much to bear as he fills me one painful inch at a time.
Oh God, it hurts so badly.
I can’t catch my breath as I try to hold back the tears. Dean stops, stroking my hair with his hands as he lands kisses on my lips and cheeks.
“It’s okay,” he whispers.
I take in a few calming breaths, telling myself that if I can get past the worst part of it then I can enjoy the good parts.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod again, words impossible right now.
He drops his forehead to mine and pushes all the way inside of me in one hard thrust. Burning pain like I’ve never known invades my body. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes as I attempt to breathe through it.
This is awful and nothing like I expected it to be.
“Dean, it hurts,” I grit.
“I know, baby, I’m sorry. It won’t hurt next time, I promise.” I want to believe him but I’m not so sure. I’m not sure I ever want to do this again. Dean rocks back and forth, going deeper with every thrust. I almost tell him to stop, but the more he moves the less pain I feel. My fingers dig into his back as I pray for it to end but eventually, the pain ebbs into a dull ache.
Then Dean tenses, a look of pleasure smothering his face as he quickly pulls out of me. A sense of loss washes over me, my innocence abandoned here on a dead-end road in the middle of the night. I feel like a different person, yet still the same. Either way, I know my life has changed forever.
Though, I have no idea just how much truth those words would carry.