Present
Two months later…
Dani survived. Even though she was barely alive by the time they got her to the hospital. While her only niece helplessly looked on, she’d taken a handful of antidepressants, mainly to rid her mind and heart of the demons that plagued her, but ultimately to ease the pain of her brother’s death.
She was charged with kidnapping and child endangerment. After pleading no contest to the charges due to her mental illness, she was sentenced to three years in Parkhaven, a psychiatric hospital in Savannah. I haven’t been to see her yet but I call to check on her once a week. I’m listed as her closest living relative. Part of me is still angry over what happened. Caroline is still coping with watching her aunt attempt to take her own life and it’s been a difficult road for her. But the other part of me feels sorry for Dani. I’m certain had her parents given a shit about her or Dean, neither one of them would have ended up this way.
Then again, who’s to say?
Mental illness is unpredictable and oftentimes, incurable. And no matter how much a person is loved and cared for, sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes there are just things in life they simply cannot overcome. They feel cornered and defeated and see no possible solution other than death.
I often worry if Caroline will suffer from the same disease that plagued her father and aunt. After an extreme amount of research, I’ve discovered that mental illness is hereditary and normally symptoms do not occur until later in adolescence or early adulthood, so it’s hard to tell but I pray it skips a generation. However, I can’t shield her from the trauma that has already been bestowed upon her in her short life.
Which is why we are both back in counseling, something I feel we will need for a while.
It scares the hell out of me but I don’t let her see my fear. I just take it one day at a time and pray that my child can conquer what her father and aunt couldn’t.
Life.
The one thing we can both count on though is each other. And Linc has also been an anchor of comfort for us. He hasn’t left our side in the last two months, but once again, our life is about to be flipped upside down. Linc leaves to go on tour in three days. He had them push the dates back as far as he could with everything that’s been going on but they can’t put it off any longer. The selfish part of me doesn’t want him to leave. I need him here. I need his strength and his love. His guidance. Aside from Caroline, it’s the one thing I can depend on.
The one thing I trust and believe in the most.
Us.
But this is his career. And no matter how much I hate him leaving, I have to support him.
We’re on our way to check on the progress of the house today. It’s nearly finished. We’ll be moving in while he’s away and the thought saddens me he won’t be here to share it with us. I remind myself that there are worse things in life, like not having him at all.
His hand clasps mine, pulling it to his warm lips. “What’s on your mind, babe?”
I shrug, not really wanting to share my depressing thoughts. I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to dwell on the negative.
“I’m gonna miss you,” I say.
“I’m gonna miss you, too.” He places a kiss on my knuckles before settling our clasped hands on his thigh. “Both of you.” He steers the truck up the inclined road, up to our mountain in the sky. I’ve grown to love this place. The way the late sun kisses the peaks and ridges with its glorious golden rays. The vast land and trees and the peace they offer.
“Have you thought about what we talked about?” he whispers, and looks over my shoulder to see if Caroline is listening. She’s engrossed in her book, not paying the least bit attention to us.
“I still think it’s too soon.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I almost think he’s pissed but then the house comes into view and a big smile smothers his handsome face. I drag my eyes away from that satisfied grin and gasp at the sight before me.
Our home.
The front is covered in windows, no doubt offering a generous amount of natural light inside. The three-story cabin is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before with its wraparound deck hugging the entire second floor and stone chimney, promising comfort and peace. The house is perched up on a massive hill, the mountain offering the perfect backdrop. It looks like something you’d see in a painting.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Wait until you see inside,” he says, pulling to park in front of the four-car garage around the side. Caroline pokes her head between our seats, her mouth agape in awe of it all.
“Wow,” she whispers.
Linc lands a kiss on her temple. “Welcome home, sweet girl.”
We make our way around front. Linc looks like he did on his eleventh birthday when he got his first ten-speed. “There’s a little bit more touch-up painting that needs to be done but other than that, they’re finished with construction,” he says, opening the door.
“I thought it wouldn’t be finished for another month.”
“Surprise,” he whispers close to my ear as we walk inside.
“Oh my God.”
I’m speechless. Probably because there’s not enough air in my lungs to speak. The vaulted ceilings are breathtaking with vast wooden beams stretching across the top. Just as I had suspected, the natural light filtering in through the windows is stunning but not overwhelming. I can see now that the glass has been tinted so the light filtering in isn’t harsh, but soft, offering a warm, cozy feel.
Linc steps out in front of me and grips my hand while Caroline darts off upstairs. “I’m going to find my room,” she shouts, her feet eating up the stairs with excitement.
“C’mon. I wanna show you the rest.”
“I can’t believe they got it done so fast.”
“I know people,” he says with a wink, pulling me toward the kitchen, which is even more impressive than the living room.
“Oh, wow. This is amazing.”
The floors are all wood and polished to perfection. There are cabinets galore and the appliances are all state of the art. The countertops are an exquisite dark granite and there’s an island in the center equipped with a wrought iron pot rack hanging low from the ceiling.
Linc wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck. “I see you barefoot and pregnant, cooking up a storm right over there.” He points to the six-range stove.
“That’s a little sexist, don’t you think?” I tease, although nothing would make me happier.
“A little.” I give him a pointed look over my shoulder and he kisses my nose. “Okay, a lot, but what can I say, this is like a dream come true for me. The woman I love, making a home for us, taking care of me and our children.” He sweeps my mouth in little kisses. “You, naked, wearing nothing but an apron and a smile.”
Laughing, I swat his arm. “I won’t be doing that while I’m pregnant, I’ll tell you that.”
“Okay, maybe not while you’re pregnant but soon, very, very soon.”
I turn to face him completely. “How is it possible to love someone as much as I love you?”
“Easy, it’s me and you. Us, baby. It doesn’t get any better than this.”
He takes my mouth in a hard kiss, conveying everything I feel.
Love.
Devotion.
The burdens of life I carry melt away when his lips are pressed against mine, when I’m wrapped in his arms. I forget about all the bad and bathe in the good.
“Mama, Mama! Come look,” Caroline squeals from above.
With his hand holding mine, he leads me up the stairs. The house has five bedrooms and three baths but the entire third floor is one large bedroom, and it’s clearly been designed for Caroline. It’s open and bright and the far wall is nothing but built-in bookcases filled with books. Tons and tons of books. In the center there’s a reading nook equipped with a big pink oval cushion and what looks like dozens of throw pillows in every shade of the rainbow. And written above it, in big scrolling letters it says…
Read to live…live to read.
This is obviously the cause of her excitement because the smile on her face is priceless and it makes me wish I hadn’t left my phone in the car so I could capture this moment forever, even though I know I’ll never forget it. “Look at all the books, Mama!” she exclaims, tugging me toward the center of the room. The walls are painted a soft yellow and the bathroom a soft pink. I twist my head to get a look at Linc and find him kneeling down on one knee. When I look back at Caroline, she smiles mischievously as if she’s in on it, too. I turn my attention back to him. His hand reaches for Caroline’s and mine.
“I want to make a promise to each of you right here, right now. No matter what happens in my life, you two will always come first. Always. You both mean the world to me and you’ve made me happier than I could have ever thought possible. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I do the same for you, too. I’ll tell you each and every day how much I love you. How much you mean to me, and I’ll never let you down. Never.” My eyes sting with tears as I look down at the man who undoubtedly owns my heart.
Who has always owned my heart and fought like hell to keep it. The fact that he not only promises to love and care for me but Caroline as well only cements my deep love for him. I’ve said before there’s no way I could ever love him more but like so many times before…
I am wrong.