Chapter 10

Dana

Above everything else going wrong with my Friday, Mr. Jackson wasn't in his usual room. It seemed silly to ask around about him, when most of the catty women on the floor with me would have poked fun at me rather than just answering the damn question. I'd have to look into it later.

A text came through on my phone from Cameron, asking if I wanted to go to dinner. Guilt ran rampant inside of me as I walked to the break room and sat down at the nearest table. He was the one I should have been going to dinner with, not Kendal. Though it was supposed to be nothing more than two friends going out for a shared meal, I knew I wanted more. I wanted to take away his pain, and there was only a few ways I could think to do that... none of them appropriate for a woman in a committed relationship.

The phone rang and I answered it.

"Hey," I mumbled into the receiver.

"Are you not wanting to go because of us fighting over your food?" Cameron's voice was pinched with anger.

"No. I have plans already with an adviser from school, but if you want me to cancel, I will." I realized just how much I disliked him as I considered changing my evening around to suit his desires.

"No, it's fine." He cleared his throat. "I figured you were just pissed over me helping you, but remember you asked for help. I was fine sitting on the sidelines and quietly supporting you in your fight against your flab."

"Fight against my flab?" I glanced down as tears filled my eyes. Was I flabby? Is that the word he used for my body?

"Oh hell. Here we go again."

"Nope. Here we don't." I hung up and set the phone down on the table in front of me.

"Dana, you all right?" Dr. Lewis. The older doctor reminded me a lot of my dad with his thin body, long mustache and kind eyes.

"Yeah. Just fighting with the significant other in my life. It's okay though. I'm good." I forced a smile and wiped at my eyes. "Drama just seems to follow me like a bad omen."

"Well, that's because you're a good person." He patted my back as he stood beside me. "I appreciate all you've done for Amanda Tarrington. That poor boy, Kendal has been through hell. His daddy left when they were kids and his mother started to show signs of MS soon thereafter. Kendal's been in this hospital for most of his teenage and adult years, caring for Melinda and now Amanda."

"And she died when?"

"Melinda? His mom?"

"Yes, Sir." I pushed my chair back and stood up.

"About six years ago." He shook his head. "Sometimes the worst part of our job is having to watch people suffer in an endless cycle of death. The boy deserves a good future."

"He's not so much a boy anymore, right?" I laughed as Dr. Lewis' face softened.

"I guess you're right. He's not." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "Thank you again for caring. It's going to make you one of the best nurses in this hospital."

"Thanks, doctor." I didn't comment on my date with Kendal or the fact that New York was looking more and more like a possibility in my life. I didn't know Dr. Lewis any more than I knew Tinsley. Everyone was just a name to remember and another person to impress.

Indecision raced over me about whether having dinner with Kendal was a good idea. I sure as hell wasn't going out with Cameron, but that didn't mean I wanted him to see me out with someone as good looking as Kendal. He'd never believe that it was just a friendly dinner, hell, I wasn't sure if I believed it. The only thing that gave me comfort was the fact that Kendal Tarrington would never fall for a girl like me. I wasn't nearly enough woman for him.

I couldn't go. Plain and simple. Pulling out my phone, I texted him quickly that having dinner would be great, but just didn't seem right since I was dating someone. Maybe coffee again sometime or a sandwich at the hospital.

It was a shitty move on my part, especially seeing that we were supposed to meet up in the next couple of hours.

I forced the ill feeling that was working its way up my chest back down and went in search of Jackie. She was my only friend in the hospital, and at times it seemed like the whole damn city. Olivia would understand my concerns and help walk me through what to do, but she was a zillion miles away and had her own problems.

"She's dating an asshole of her own," I grumbled. Luke Taylor was a douche bag and a half, and I'd yet to meet him. Just hearing about the way he treated Olivia had my blood boiling. Funny enough, I wasn't doing much better with my choices either.

I checked every nurses’ station on the fifth through seventh floor of the hospital looking for Jackie, but came up short. I remembered the small room she liked to sneak away to at the end of the eighth floor and headed there. I wasn't sure her advice would be any better than the shit running through my head, but it was worth a try.

The racing around left me winded, and I stopped outside the small room and tried to catch my breath as I panted loudly. It was embarrassing. Cameron might be a total ass, but he was right about me being a couch potato, which was his favorite nickname for me.

The panting coming from inside the room was louder than my own, which gave me pause. Was she?

I pushed the door open and yelped.

Parks glanced over his shoulder, his shirt off and slacks down over the smooth curve of his ass.

"I am so sorry." I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of him and shut the fucking door. He had to be every woman’s wicked fantasy. His dark hair was spiked high on his head as if he was a rebel leader for a group of sex gods, his skin tan and stretched across miles of muscles.

"Hey. Stop checking out the goods." Jackie leaned around him, and I realized he was fucking her as she sat on the examination table.

"Oh shit. Sorry." I jerked backward and slammed the door. "Stop panting so loud. I can hear it out here."

Worry raced through me as I glanced around. She was going to get caught. They both were.

How exciting. I groaned as I swallowed the need pumping through me for that type of thrill, to live a little beyond my comfort zone with someone like Dr. Parks.

By the time I made it to my car, my whole body ached for a strong, aggressive man to hold me down and lay waste to my two months of chastity. It wasn't by choice.

A groan left my lips as I pulled out into traffic and tried to clear my mind. Cameron was at home. I could just force myself on him and keep my eyes closed. I could pretend he was Parks.

"No. Kendal." Another groan as a dull ache rose between my thighs, quickly turning into a violent pulse.

Tears blurred my vision, but I wiped them away. Why did Jackie have thrilling sexcapades in the hospital and I didn't? I could come up with a few reasons, one being that I was a responsible adult, but sadly enough, the idea of her being beautiful and me being just me kept racing through my mind and throwing ice water on my lust.

By the time I made it to the apartment, all I wanted was a hot bath, a cold beer and a gallon of ice cream. Wicked-hot sex was for extreme people with naughty agendas and the balls to fuck where they wanted to.

That would never be me.

I parked the car and walked up to the apartment as dread filled my insides. I had a fight coming, not a long night of passion. Cameron and I had ended our conversation much like all of them had ended over the last years. One of us hanging up on the other.

"Baby?" I pushed the door open and walked into the dark apartment. After flipping on lights and trying to figure out what was out of place, I realized what it was. His stuff was gone.

"What the fuck?" I walked through the apartment and stopped to check my watch. We'd talked an hour before, and then he came over and took all of his stuff out of the house? Why?

I dropped my stuff on the kitchen table and choked back a sob. It was a good thing that he'd ended the relationship. I wouldn't have had the nerve to, but for some reason, it didn't feel so great that he had.

Relief would come soon, but rejection seemed to be the only feeling worthy of my time in the moment.

I walked to the bedroom and stripped out of my clothes, not caring where anything landed. No one was going to bitch about me being a slob or not cleaning up after myself. No more badgering me over my food or how fat I was.

After taking a deep breath, I face-planted on the bed and let out a long scream into my pillow. It was a good thing that he was gone, but if so, then why did it sting so damn bad?

Sliding my hands along the cold mattress, I brushed my fingers over a piece of paper.

"A note?" I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed in the darkness. Leaning over, I flipped on the light and unfolded it as my unhealthy lunch rose in my chest.

Dana,

I'm sorry this is ending like this, but I just can't do this anymore. As a man who takes good care of my car, my office, my clothes, my body... I'm tired of hoping that you'll do the same. Hopefully through this loss you'll figure out how to start caring more about yourself. You're a pretty girl, but you've got a lot of growing up to do. I thought I could hang out in hopes of you doing it faster, but I can't. I left everything that we bought together as a gift. I know you're struggling financially. If you need help with the rent, just call and I'll spot you for a month or so until you figure out what you're going to do. Moving in with your mom might be a good choice, or not, seeing that she cooks the worst food in the world for you. Anyway, I'm rambling.

Good luck to you. Take care of yourself - like really take care of yourself.

Cameron

"Wow." I let out a shaky sigh and forbid myself to cry. There was no way in hell I was going to shed another tear for that asshole. Take care of myself? Was I so fucking grotesque that having an ice cream or a beer from time to time was going to break me?

Obviously in his jacked up opinion. I wadded up the note and pitched it across the room before flopping down on my back and pressing my palms to my face. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I wrestled it out angrily to see a text from Kendal.

Kendal: It's just a friendly dinner between two people who care about Mandy. Don't leave me hanging unless it's going to mess up what you have going with your man.

Me: I'm not sure I'm in the mood for company, Kendal. This day has been... so fucked up.

Kendal: Then come out with me. We'll get drunk and talk about the state of the world today.

Me: LOL. If you insist, but I'm getting in my pajamas and testing the theory that a gallon of ice cream will melt before anyone can fully eat it.

Kendal: Ha. I'd say save me some, but you seem hell bent on having all of it. Enjoy it then. Give me your address and I'll come by and shake your guy’s hand before I take you to dinner.

I texted him my address, but didn't have the nerve to tell him that there was no man in my life anymore. Where it would free me up to spend the night in his arms if he offered, it was a stupid hope. It would only serve to crush me more when he patted me on the head and dropped me back off at the apartment later that night. Men like Kendal Tarrington didn't date broke, overweight girls like me. Those stories were reserved for fairy tales.

Besides, I couldn't even keep Cameron.

There was little to no hope for doing better.