Chapter 18

Dana

The rest of Saturday night had been spent around the dining room table, eating pasta until our sides hurt, and telling stories until we knew each other better than we might have wanted to. We fell asleep snuggled up on the couch, and after a long kiss at the door on Sunday morning, I headed home. I wanted to get my life back in order and to make sure that I was still capable of breathing without Kendal snuggled up beside me.

I missed his warmth the minute I left. It wasn't until I woke up alone on Monday morning in my bed that I realized just how guilty I felt for spending the whole afternoon and evening with him on Saturday and not mentioning anything about Amanda. I just couldn't force myself to share an estimate that had turned out to be wrong. She wasn't dead or the hospital would have called him. I urged him to go up and see her a few more times in the coming week while we snuggled on the coach and he promised that he would, but of course questioned my reasoning for poking him to do so. I made something up, though I hated myself for doing it.

Knowing the time of someone's death did very little to prepare anyone, and I could see Dr. Lewis' reasoning behind not giving Amanda or Kendal a date. It was a death sentence in itself.

My alarm went off again beside my head, and I swatted at it before finally pulling myself up. I had to meet with my nursing adviser at UT before heading over to the hospital for a late afternoon, early evening shift. Knowing that I wasn't going to get to visit with Mr. Jackson had me feeling shitty and sluggish before my feet ever hit the floor.

The letter. I hadn't opened the letter from him.

I got out of bed and wandered into the living room in search of my bag from the hospital. I emptied it on the couch and pushed the various articles of clothes and random shit around until I realized that I didn't have it. It had to be in my locker if nothing else. I'd get it later.

My alarm went off again from the bedroom, forcing me to jog to the back of the apartment to turn it off.

"I hear you already. Shit." I turned it off and pulled my t-shirt over my head and shorts down my legs before mulling through my closet in search of real clothes to wear. I was so used to going from the hospital to the house and nowhere else really that scrubs were all I'd been wearing lately. That and pajamas.

I found my favorite pair of jeans and pulled them over my legs, feeling better than I had in a long time about how I looked. It had nothing to do with losing weight and everything to do with the handsome man who seemed to be sweet on me. How I'd gotten so lucky was a mystery, and one I was good leaving alone. I didn't want to fuck up anything where Kendal and I were concerned.

A laugh left me as I slipped my feet into a pair of slippers and grabbed the only fresh thing sitting on my kitchen counter. The lone grapefruit that Cameron had tossed at me only a few days back.

"Asshole." I grabbed my keys and walked to the car, peeling the fruit as the events of the last week raced through my mind. It was crazy how when good things started happening, they really happened fast. Now, to get them to start happening was like pulling teeth.

I got in the car and took a few shortcuts to get to campus as fast as I could. I had twenty minutes until I was meeting with Nurse Barry, and she didn't mess around. If we were one minute late, we might as well not even knock on the damn door, because she wasn't opening it. Rule number one - respect other people's time and be on time. Period.

After finally finding a parking spot, I got out and jogged toward the campus. I had to weave in and out of several large groups of students, but was thrilled to make it to Nurse Barry's door three minutes ahead of schedule.

I knocked on the door and opened it as she called out from inside. "Come in."

"Hi, Nurse Barry." I walked in and set my backpack on the floor beside me. I didn't need to carry it, but I'd always felt so odd not carrying a bag while on campus, like I was up to no good, or a shitty student that didn't care one way or the other about her classes. It was nuts, but just a habit I couldn't break.

"Hi, Dana. Have a seat and let's get started." She pulled a folder from the filing cabinet nearest her and opened it. "I have quite a few positive comments that have come in from some of the hospital staff as they are working with you or even evaluating you."

"That's great." I leaned back in my seat and crossed my legs. "Any bad reviews or things that I need to work on?"

"Not really. I have a comment from several doctors that you seem a little too involved with the patients, but from my point of view, that is a strength, not a weakness."

"I'm glad to hear you say that. One of the nurses told me the other day that caring for the patients, or showing them loving-kindness wasn't appropriate."

"Really? Unless you’re doing something inappropriate like kissing or touching-"

"Absolutely not." I shouldn't have interrupted, but I couldn't let her keep going down that line of thinking. I would never do anything with a patient but take care of them. Surely they knew that.

"Right. Of course not." She picked up her pen and scribbled a few things into the file. "Have you been thinking about your mini-mester classes? I don't think you have any more nursing classes that you need to take, but you're still a double major, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping to graduate in May with a degree in nursing and in business."

She smiled and shook her head. "You're looking to run a hospital one day, right?"

"That's the current plan, but to be completely honest, there is a part of me that wants to throw caution to the wind and try for med school."

"Really?" She glanced back down at the file. "I'd say with your grades that wouldn't be a problem at all. The only issue might be funding, but a lot of hospitals will support your educational goals if you pledge a certain number of years to them."

"Interesting. I didn't know that." I glanced around to take in all the medals and awards she had on the wall behind her. "And do you know if Memorial does that?"

"Oh no, we're talking St. Mark's in New York, Zion in Los Angeles. The bigger hospitals." She made a few more notes and handed me a list of courses. "Looks like you need to get in a marketing class and maybe something in economics or accounting."

I scanned the list again and smiled as my eyes moved down to the master's-level accounting class entitled, Financial Statement Analysis.

"What about this one?" I pointed to her and handed it back. "Who's this Dr. Tarrington?"

"Kendal. He's a great guy, fantastic teacher. He's got a lot of baggage thanks to some less than ethical decisions he made earlier in his career, but from what I hear, the Dean of Accounting really has his back.

"Kendal? Interesting name for a man." I took the file from her and tucked it into my backpack as my heart swelled in my chest. How fun would it be to have the rest of the semester to stare at him from the front row? He would kill me for signing up for his class, but he would get over it.

Besides, it would be a fun surprise to just show up the first day the semester started. I could almost feel the excitement associated with teasing him silently like the bad girl I wasn't.

"All right, well, it looks like you're all set to go. Any questions for me?"

"Nope. You can put me in for the accounting class with Dr. Tarrington and the only marketing class I have left."

"Consider it done, kiddo. Have a great day, and keep up the good work."

"I will." I got up and walked out into the early morning sunlight, pausing to take a deep breath and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my skin.

"Dana?" Jackie's voice surprised me simply because it was out of place. We were rarely on campus together since starting our internships.

"Hey. What are you doing up here?" A smile spread across my face as I walked toward my closest friend.

"I'm going to talk to Nurse Barry about transferring."

"What? Where to?"

"To NYU." She ran her fingers through her long blond hair and let out a tired sounding sigh. "I keep thinking I'm going to move past this thing with Parks, but I can't. I think I'm in love with him. Is that stupid?"

"Yes. It is." I gripped her shoulders. "You can't transfer now. You have a few months and then we start our last semester. If you want to move up there in May when we're done with school, then I'll help pack you up and drive you up there myself, but not right now."

"That's freaking eight months, Dana."

"Have you guys spoken since he left in a hurry?" Worry clouded my thoughts as I tried to figure out what it was about Parks that had my friend acting like a lunatic stalker. Surely he wasn't that great in bed.

"No. I told you that he didn't give me his number before he left me hanging."

"And he doesn't have your number either."

She didn't answer, but pinned me with a hard stare.

"Okay. Okay. Shit." I lifted my hands in the air. "What if we went up there over Christmas and tried to find him? Maybe it would be better if we visited first and then made the decision to uproot everything for this dude after you see if he's wanting a relationship."

"And if he doesn’t?" Tears filled her eyes and my worry crept up another notch. She was close to going off the deep end.

"Then we'll find another guy who's way better for you, Jackie. You're not yourself at all. You need to get some sleep."

"Maybe you're right." She pressed her hands to her face, and I took the opportunity to move up beside her and wrap my arm around her shoulders. I guided her back toward the parking lot and stopped beside my car, fumbling with the keys to get the damn thing unlocked.

"Let me take you back to your apartment and you can get some sleep. Does that sound okay?"

"I guess. I'm so tired, but every time I try to get some rest, all I do is think about how much I miss him, or how good we were together."

"I have some sleeping pills at the house. Let's just go back to my place instead. How does that sound?"

"I like that idea too." She pulled me into a tight hug and pressed her cheek to my shoulder. "Don't let me turn into a lunatic."

"I'm working on that, but you're not being much help in the matter." I forced a laugh and helped her into the car.

Cameron's red Honda was sitting outside of my apartment complex when I drew up, causing the morning to go from bad to worse. First Jackie acting like a psycho and then having to deal with Cameron?

Shit. Kill me now.

I got out of the car and reached for Jackie's hand as she got out of her side and glanced around.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Come on." I helped her up the stairs and barely got her settled in the darkness of my bedroom when a knock resounded at the front door. "Get some rest. I'll wake you up for our shift later today."

"Okay. Don't forget."

I closed the door and let out a soft sigh as the person knocked again.

"I'm coming," I mumbled and walked to the door, making sure to peek through the peephole in the door first. Cameron. Of course. Who the hell else was I expecting?

I opened the door a little bit as a chill ran down my back. "Hey there."

"Hi Dana. Can we talk for a few minutes?"

"I'm kind of busy right now."

"Is Jackie okay? I saw you almost carrying her up the stairs."

"She's fine. Now isn't a good time."

"Please? I'm not here to do anything but talk. I promise. I fucked up and I wanted to apologize. I don't know where we went wrong, but I take one hundred percent of the fault for it."

"And you should." I slipped out into the hallway and closed the door behind me. "I was completely sold out on us being together forever."

"I still am."

"Right, well, that ship has sailed. You treated me like shit, made me feel like the most unattractive woman in the world and wouldn't make love to me if I begged you."

The snicker from the guys that passed behind Cameron only caused my anger to burn brighter.

"I was a fucking idiot. You're a hard working woman, you're intelligent and so far beyond hot it's painful to think about never making love to you again. Give me another chance. Please. Two years shouldn't be thrown down the drain that fast without us trying to get it back. I'll do anything."

"No." I shrugged and pressed my back to the door. It wasn't even about me finding Kendal and starting to dream about all that we could become. It was about me being unwilling to let the fucker in front of me weasel his way back into my life only to push me down again before I could blink twice.

"No isn't going to work. Maybe? Yes? Those are great, but no isn't what I'm looking for."

"Fuck you then. You don't scare me, and you're not going to intimidate me. You walked out on me and left me trying to pay rent in this expensive ass place without any notice at all." I poked my finger into his chest. "You didn't even have the decency to call."

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to see that the hospital was calling.

"Dana-"

"No. I need to take this. We're done. Through. Leave me the fuck alone." I turned and walked back into the house, locked the door and dropped down on the chair nearest me. "This is Dana."

"Hey. It's Tinsley." Never in a million years would I have expected the bitch on the other end of the phone to have an almost caring tone when talking to me.

"What do you want?"

"It's Amanda. She just flat lined. They're about to call in Kendal. If you're anywhere near him..."

"Fuck." I jumped up and grabbed my keys as horror raced through me. "Give me ten minutes to get to him. Please."

"You have five minutes at most."

"Thank you." I dialed his number and ran down the stairs, almost tripping three times before I made it to my car. It went straight to voice mail, which left me with no choice but to race from accounting room to accounting room in search of him. I'd never make it in time, but I certainly had to try.