Chapter 2

Kendal

The last few days had been nothing but a blur. A thick numbness had settled over the top of me, and at times I was grateful for it. Between losing Mandy and having to testify in Jake's court case from his stabbing, I was spent. The school was good enough to give me a few days to myself, or really the whole fucking semester if I wanted it. My answer had been short and sweet. Hell no. There was no way I was sitting around in my misery for three months under the guise of trying to heal.

There was no such thing as healing from death. It lightened its sting over time, but the bastard stood beside the living, ready to remind them at each turn in the bend of what, or rather who, they'd lost.

If it hadn't been for Damon, I'd probably have missed every meal between Mandy's passing and the funeral. I was grateful for his friendship before my sister passed, but ever indebted to him after it. I wouldn't have made it without him.

"I miss you," I whispered softly as I stood at the front of the sanctuary. The dark black suit Damon picked out for me fit like a glove, leaving me to want to tease him about knowing me too fucking well. The words never left my lips, but he knew what I was thinking.

The large picture of my sister set up beside her casket showed her laughing with so much life in her eyes that it scored my soul. I slipped my hands into my pockets and took a shaky breath. One more hour of living her death and then I could retreat back to the house and drown myself in a bottle. It wasn't my usual way of doing things, but I felt as if I had little choice.

"Kendal. I'm so sorry for your loss, son." An older man that I faintly recognized patted me on the back and shook my hand as I turned toward him.

"Thank you, sir. It's sad that death isn't a respecter of age." I glanced over at Mandy's picture as I released the guy’s hand. I'd cried enough tears over losing her that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to cry again. The pain had turned from excruciating to a dull wave of agony that rolled through my body from top to bottom. The moments of rest I got from it were moments where I let myself dream of Dana.

"Dr. Tarrington." Jake rolled his wheelchair up beside me as I stood at the front of the church. The poor kid was one of my two TAs at UT and had been through hell himself over the last few months. A love story gone bad had almost taken his life. How the young woman that said she loved him could stab him repeatedly in the chest until he was lifeless was beyond me.

We live in a fucked up world.

"Jake. How are you?" I wanted to push a bit of positive inflection in my voice, but couldn't seem to muster the energy.

"I'm better." He glanced toward the picture of Mandy. "Your sister was a beautiful woman."

I reached over and squeezed the kid's shoulders. "Thank you. She looked just like my mom."

"Are your parents here?" Jake glanced over his shoulder.

"No. They passed away awhile back. It was just me and Mandy."

The sadness in his eyes would be a common theme for the day. I was almost prepared for it. My parents’ death had almost torn me and Mandy in half, but somehow by leaning on each other, we made it through. I wasn't sure who the fuck I was going to lean on to get through losing her.

"Oh shit. I'm so sorry." Jake glanced up with a look of horror on his face.

"You didn't know." I tucked my hands back in my pockets. "Did Bethany come with you?"

"No. I think she and Damon are working things out." He rolled his eyes. "Don't get me started."

I nodded, wishing I could fake a chuckle. "You were brave at the hearing yesterday. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks." He nodded. "That means a lot to me. I'm sorry again."

"Me too," I mumbled and turned back to face my sister's casket. A few extended members of my family were greeting everyone and taking care of everything, which gave me the right to simply stand stone still wherever I wanted to, which was beside Mandy.

"I assume that Damon's been taking care of you?" Dana's voice had the power to soften my tough exterior without even trying. The poor girl had sustained me verbally smacking her all over the parking lot at UT in front of a handful of her peers and still seemed to care.

I didn't deserve her time or her affection, but fuck if I wasn't greedy enough to want it with every fiber of my being.

"Yeah." I turned to face her. "I'm sorry about the other day. I overreacted."

She moved toward me, sliding her arms around my waist and pressing herself to my chest. The subtle move melted me completely. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head as I closed my eyes. I was close to tears again somehow.

"Don't apologize. Whatever upset you about the class schedule," she glanced up at me, "we'll figure it out and change it. Don't push me away right now. You need me and I need you to need me."

I nodded and brushed her long dark hair off her shoulder. "I do need you."

She rubbed my back softly, wooing me to rest against her. If it hadn't been for the fifty people milling about behind her, I would have collapsed in her arms.

"I'm so tired," I whispered before leaning down to press my face against the side of her neck. I breathed in deeply as she pulled me into a warm hug and cupped the back of my head.

"Let me take care of you, okay?"

"I'd like that," I murmured and let out a breath I felt like I'd been holding for the last four days. Where Dana and I would have to draw the line at friendship, it was still more than enough to help me survive the coming weeks. I could repay the favor by helping her with her degree or maybe offering her a TA position as well.

Our love affair was over, but our friendship could continue to develop. If only she wasn't my student, or a student at all.

"Hey buddy." A tap on the back had me pulling from Dana and turning to face Damon.

"Thanks for coming today." I reached out and pulled Damon into a hug.

"Of course, man." He returned the gesture before moving back to let Beth get in a quick hug as well.

"Guys, this is Dana Young. She was one of Mandy's nurses and is a friend of mine." I put my hand on Dana's lower back as Damon smiled and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you. I think we got to see each other earlier this week at the hospital." He smiled as she nodded.

"We did." Dana smiled back and turned to Beth.

"I guess we should sit down." Damon glanced down at Beth as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He glanced back up toward me and gave me a sad smile. "We'll let all of your extended family sit up here with you, and my family will be a few rows back if you need us, okay?"

"Just remember that you're a pallbearer."

"I know." They walked toward the back as Kendal nodded toward the front row. "You mind sitting up front with me?"

"Not at all." She slid her arm into mine and walked with me to the front pew. I unbuttoned my jacket, nodded at a few University friends and old college buddies before sitting down. How in the hell had my life turned from going in the right direction to losing Amanda and Dana all in the same day?

Luck. It was my shitty luck. It'd always been that way.

The preacher walked to the front and began the ceremony as I sunk down into my darkness. I didn't need to hear the words of grace, or be reminded that my baby sister was in a better place. I needed to mourn, to scream and throw a fit at the unfairness of life. Everyone else could get comfort from the event, but I simply wanted to get through it.