Chapter 16

Dana

"Are you okay, dear?" The sweet older woman beside me on the plane reached over and handed me a tissue.

"Yes, ma'am." I took it. "Thank you."

I couldn't stop tearing up. My whole world was behind me and I was running. Again. Maybe I was overreacting, but it just didn't feel like it. It felt like the beginning of another relationship where I was pulling the weight, where I was the only one bending and breaking and changing. I couldn't go through it again.

I needed to matter to someone enough for them to change a little too. It seemed like too much to ask.

"Anything I can do to cheer you up?" She gave me a smile.

I forced myself to smile back and blotted my eyes. "No, ma'am. I'm headed to see my best friend in New York, and I wish it were for a good reason."

"Care to share?"

"I fell in love with a really great guy, but it turns out that maybe he's not so great." I let out a painful sigh, not truly convinced that I believed my own words. Kendal was a good man. I was just looking for something more. Something bigger. Better.

As if that were possible.

It wasn't like Kendal had the power to heal every shitty relationship I'd been in and the scars each of them had left on my heart. It was completely unreasonable to expect that of anyone. Especially of him.

He was fighting for his job and had just lost his sister.

I was a horrible person. A needy bitch that couldn't settle down thanks to my demons. I'd never be enough in my own mind. He deserved someone that was at least emotionally put together.

"And why is he not such a great guy? Did he cheat on you?"

"No." I blew my nose.

"Leave you standing at the altar?"

"No. He's just not willing to bend in order for our relationship to work out, and I'm tired of being the only one willing to change. I feel like that's an unhealthy place to be."

"It is. Sometimes." She reached over and squeezed my hand. "But you love him?"

"Yeah." I nodded, feeling the truth in my admission. I loved him so much. I would have changed everything for him, given anything.

Then why not this?

"And he loves you?"

"I honestly don't know. I think so, but he's not willing to say it."

"He refuses to tell you that he loves you?" Her voice gained a little bit of an edge.

"No. Yes. I don't know." I smiled and wiped my eyes once more. "He's a professor at a prestigious college and I'm a student there. Not his student, but they have very strict rules."

"How old is this man?" Her eyebrow lifted.

"Six years older than me. He's young." I patted her hand this time.

"Oh. Good. Jeez. You scared me there for a minute."

"We can’t see each other until next May when I graduate, and I feel like I'm the only one coming up with solutions to make it happen sooner. Eight months feels like absolute hell." I brushed my hair over my shoulder and huffed. "I just wish he would offer up a solution."

The airline attendant brought the drink cart down the aisle and offered us a drink, interrupting us for a moment. I sipped my coke and turned back to my seatmate, suddenly grateful to have someone to talk things through that didn't know either of us. Maybe she'd have some wisdom she could share with me.

"So this beau of yours... he didn't offer to leave the University so that you could be together."

"He..." I paused. He had offered. I shut him down. There was no way I would take away his career. It meant everything to him. It was all he had. His mother and sister had passed from MS and his father disappeared a long time ago.

He had Damon and his career. And me. Or used to.

My heart broke open and I hated myself for not seeing deeper into the situation.

"He did," I whispered and took another tissue. "I wouldn't let him."

"And you forgot that he offered?" She pressed her shoulder against mine.

"Yeah. I'd somehow convinced myself that he didn't care." I sniffled. "When he did. He does. I shouldn't be on this plane."

"Well, it's too late for that now, silly." She laughed. "Just make sure you get back on the next one out tomorrow and go tell him before it's too late. Love doesn't come around all the time, sweetheart. It's a precious gift and so many of us throw it away over the stories we tell ourselves."

I nodded. "You're so right. I'd convinced myself that he didn't care. That I was alone in wanting to make us work. What crap."

"Such crap." We shared a quick laugh and she pulled out a book. "I hope everything works out beautifully for you both and someday, you'll share your wisdom with a young woman in need that crosses your path."

I smiled. "I will. Thank you."