Chapter 6

Dana

A sad sound left me as I dropped the call with Kendal. Were things going to be awkward between us now? Without a doubt... Yes.

I parked outside of my apartment and sat there for a few minutes, trying to decide if I should just cancel. Nothing good could come of us having our first meet up at a large University event. The school was half the reason we couldn't be together.

He moved past that... remember?

"Yeah, but now I get to move past him dating my sister?" I got out of the car and walked to the front door as my mind spun a long trail of lies. My hands were shaking by the time I got myself undressed and stood in front of the mirror in my bra and panties.

I wanted so badly to feel beautiful in front of him, and I was getting there... slowly. But knowing that he'd been with my model-like sister? Who was I kidding.

After turning around and making a few disgusted sounds at myself, I finally gave up, put on a clean pair of nursing scrubs. I wanted to see him, and that trumped everything else. I could get over myself for a few hours to help him out at the event.

After that, I would make my decision. Move past wondering if he could ever love me the way he loved Ana and be with him, or release him back into the world and hope he found someone that could love him like he deserved to be loved.

I hated myself for thinking that I wasn't capable of it anymore. Reaching for a candy bar on the kitchen counter, I stopped myself and grabbed a granola bar instead. Cameron's voice echoed in my head about me needing to lose a few pounds.

"Stop it," I mumbled and walked to the door, shoving the granola bar in my mouth and eating it in two big bites. I couldn't keep taking steps backward. I wasn't trash and I wasn't a pig. Kendal wouldn't have paid me a bit of attention if I'd been either.

Unless he knew that I was Ana's sister.

I turned the radio onto the 80s station and cranked it up loud, not letting my thoughts get the best of me as I drove toward campus. I sat there for a good twenty minutes in the parking lot, trying to talk myself out of putting the car in reverse and going back home. Fear tore through me in thick waves, and panic sat all around me.

"Come on. It's just a party. You won't even get to talk to him. Just get out of the car and tell him about Dr. Lewis and his invitation and then mingle with everyone else. You're there to chaperon, not be his date." I let out a quick puff of air and opened the door, closing it and walking quickly to the rec center before I changed my mind.

It was dark outside, but the bright orange lights wrapped around the windows of the gym made it more than obvious that something fun was going on inside.

"Welcome. We have punch by the basketball goals and the music will start shortly." Kendal was at the door, holding it open and welcoming everyone that walked in.

I paused as a large group of girls moved in front of me. Each one of them took their turn flirting with the handsome accounting professor who'd stolen my heart. My insides ached as I walked up the stairs and met his eyes.

Was I pretty enough?

Did he think about me?

"Dana." His voice was nothing more than a whisper. His dark green eyes widened a little as a smile lifted his perfect lips.

"Think I was going to stand you up?" I smiled and moved to stand in front of him. I reached up and fixed his tie before running my hand over it to smooth it down. Might as well go with bold, though I didn't feel it at all.

He clamped his hand over mine as his voice dropped a little. "Be careful. It's not going to take much from you and I'll turn into someone who doesn't take 'no' for an answer."

I swallowed hard and glanced down as another group approached. "I shouldn't be here."

"There's punch inside and a name tag for you near the back. Go check in with Bethany and stop thinking so much. It's a party and I needed your help. Go get started and I'll find you later." His eyes moved across my face and a million words passed between us.

I needed him so bad it felt like I might explode. "Okay."

"Good girl." He leaned down and brushed his nose by mine. "Hurry before I get us both in trouble. You dressing like a naughty nurse."

"What?" His humor pulled me from the moment. "These are my scrubs I wear every day."

"I know. I love how they look on you." He pointed toward the door. "Inside. Now."

I walked in and glanced back to find him watching me closely. He was going to win me over and force me to retire any thoughts I had about not being good enough. The desire and demanding need written all over his face had my panties wet, my nipples budded. The pressure of my pulse beat against the side of my throat and the room spun for a moment.

"Hey. You okay?" Bethany moved up beside me and reached out, touching my shoulder.

"Yeah. Sorry. I just….," I glanced back to find him welcoming another group of students, "I just love him so damn much."

"Good." She laughed and moved to stand beside me before wrapping her arm around me. "He loves you too. You guys just need to figure out how to move past all of this craziness."

"Maybe. I wish I felt like it were possible." I walked beside her to the kitchen area, almost enjoying the comfort of her arm around me. I had to be careful what I said for sure. She was Damon's fiancée, and he and Kendal shared everything, even women back in the day apparently.

Did they share Ana?

"Anything is possible." She released me and walked over to pick up a small name tag. "Here you go. Wear this with pride as you'll be asked to hold hair and cart sick students out of the building before the night is over."

"Thanks?" I laughed and put it on as she excused herself and walked back into the gym. After I got myself situated, I moved to stand in the doorway and let my eyes move across the spooky decorations and bright lights strung everywhere.

"Like it?" Kendal walked up and stopped in front of me. The delicious scent of his cologne washed over me and I breathed in deeply, not caring if he noticed all of a sudden.

"Yes," I breathed out.

He reached out and touched the side of my face. "Why haven't you picked up my calls? You know I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I pulled his hand down from my face carefully. Nothing too dramatic. We didn't need it. "Dr. Lewis took me in his office yesterday and asked that you come to dinner soon. His wife's cancer treatments aren't going as well as they hoped. I think he's hurting more than he's letting on. I know you became good friends with him during your mother's battle with MS."

He slipped his hands into his pockets as he studied me. "Come with me. You'll love Nate and Denise when you really get to know them."

"And he and I talked about me entering into a master's program so that I could move into medicine and start my residency." I forced a warm smile, hating myself for pretending in front of him that everything was fine. He was the only man I wanted to be completely open with.

His eyes widened and he reached up, running his hand through his messy brown hair. The dark-rimmed glasses he wore seemed to make him more stunning, as if that were possible. "Here at UT?"

"No. In New York." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I think being with Olivia for a few years would be good for me." I glanced around, feeling so out of place. "You know? Something new and different. Away from my family."

"Away from me." He dropped his hand and took a step back. "I'll call Nate tomorrow. Thanks for the invite from him. It breaks my heart to know that his wife is dying." He rubbed his chest, never taking his eyes off of me. "Although some part of me knows exactly how it feels to lose everything."

"You mean my sister?" I pursed my lips as my eyes burned with unshed tears.

"No." He moved into the kitchen, forcing me back. The command in his voice left every part of me alert, ready for anything.

"Don't do this." I lifted my hands as he closed the kitchen door and crashed into me full force, lifting me off my feet and pinning me to the wall. The firm press of his thick body was almost too much.

"I mean you and you know I do." He brushed his lips by mine and ran his strong hands down my sides, gripping the back of my thighs and forcing me to wrap my legs around him.

I was liquid heat with nothing more than a look from him. I wouldn't survive him making me feel loved, important, special.

"Please let me down." I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my fingers up the back of his head as he ground against me and groaned. "I can't do this, Kendal. I don't know how I feel."

His hot mouth pressed to the side of my neck as he rolled his hips, massaging my center with the thickness of his erection. "I know how you feel, baby. Like heaven, Dana. I don't miss your sister. She's not in my life anymore and hasn't been for a very long time."

"But you loved her." I whispered against his neck as I tightened my thighs around his waist. I needed him buried deep inside of me, to feel his hands all over me. I needed to get away or all thoughts would be useless. He'd win me over with nothing more than the need to be pinned to a bed beneath him.

"And I love you now. More. So much more. I was an idiot back then, and the sad thing is that she didn't love me. She never would have left if she did." He ran his nose up the side of my neck and licked at my ear as I groaned.

"But if she would have stayed beside you, then what?"

He stiffened against me. He would be with her. It was that easy. And he and I would be family.

"Please put me down." I pushed at his chest as best I could.

He moved back and I slid down the front of his body, the sensation almost more than I could bear. "Dana, that's not fair. I wasn't looking for love when I found you. You know that."

"Because you were still hurting over her."

He glanced down and let out a long painful sound. "What do I need to do to make this up to you?"

"I don't know." I reached up and brushed away the few tears that had fallen onto my cheeks. I felt so weak, so stupid. I wanted to belong to him, but did he see Ana when he saw me? No. She was so much prettier than I was. He'd have to close his eyes to pretend to be with her, and even then, it would be impossible. She was thin and I was-

"Dana. Look at me." He reached out and cupped my face. "I didn't know she was your sister. I would have told you if I did. I opened myself up to you and told you how badly she hurt me. I've never shared the depths of that with anyone."

I nodded. He was right. He had bared his soul to me, but at that moment, I'd almost wished he hadn't. The pain on his face, in his voice that night when he talked about the one who got away was horrible. But now she wasn't faceless.

She was my damn sister!

"But you don't have to hurt." I couldn't believe the words pouring out of my mouth. "She's here and single. You should go to her and pick up where you left off."

His face dropped as he lowered his hands and stepped back. "What? Is that what you want? For me to be with your sister?"

"Is that what you want?" My breath caught in my chest. "Because I can't be a part of that. I don't even know why I just said it. I need to go. I'm not Ana. I can't be. She's... she's so much more." I moved past him as the room spun in front of me. "I'm sorry. I can't be her."

"Dana!" He called after me, but I found myself sprinting toward the door.

Why did I come here? What did I expect?