Eighteen

Julia

We weren’t fine.

Or at least…I wasn’t fine.

Maggie made my skin crawl. Seeing her stupid, flawless face made me go berserk. And, for the last two years, I’d believed that Austin had used me for sex while Maggie was out of town. If he couldn’t get it from his fuck buddy, why not make a new one when she was gone? Easy enough.

I’d been crushed.

It was the first time I had opened my heart since I left Ohio and all my baggage. For a long time, I’d never thought I’d be interested in letting someone else in. Then, Austin had happened. And then Maggie.

It hurt my head to think about what he had revealed to me in the alleyway. Why wouldn’t he have just broken up with me if he didn’t want to fall for me? Why had he let me believe that he and Maggie were together?

In my experience, if something seemed to make perfect sense, like Maggie and Austin, then it was usually true. But he had been so sincere that he’d used Maggie as an excuse. There had been no waver in his eyes. No flick off to the right. No shifting of his feet.

He had explained the situation in such a calm and collected manner that it seemed as if it was a huge relief to him. That maybe he had been waiting a long time to tell me the truth. Why he had concealed it all in the first place was a mystery to me. I didn’t usually piss off and push away the people I cared about. And he’d claimed no excuse for his actions.

Had he really caught feelings for me and scared himself off?

Either way, I felt stupid for leaving. Heidi would have barged back into that place and put the smackdown on Maggie. I just didn’t want to deal.

So, I drove home and crashed down on the couch after carefully locking the door back up. A text dinged on my phone from Heidi.

Where the hell did you go?

I never told Heidi about what had happened with Austin two years ago. She probably wouldn’t even know who Maggie was. And, if I told her the truth, she might actually find Maggie and do exactly what I’d envisioned.

Austin and I got into a fight.

Again?

Yeah. I think we’re okay. Just…shit with our last breakup.

And that is?

I really don’t want to talk about it.

Okay. Girl time. Emery and I will be there in ten.

Heidi, you don’t have to!

Want to. See you in a minute.

I walked into my room and stripped out of the black dress I’d put on for the event. I was hanging it back up on a hanger when my eyes snagged on olive green amid the layers of black. I grabbed the bomber jacket I’d been looking for, for weeks.

“What the hell?” I grumbled.

Had I overlooked it this whole time? That pissed me off. I couldn’t believe it was here all along. I shook my head. I was seriously losing my mind.

Replacing the jacket, I changed into shorts and an oversize T-shirt. Then, I pulled my hair up into a high pony. Heidi and Emery were prompt. It only took ten minutes to get across town, but they must have booked it.

“Hey,” I said, unlocking the door and letting them inside.

“What the hell happened?” Heidi asked.

Emery patted me on the shoulder, and Heidi pulled me into a hug.

I methodically locked the place back up before turning to face them. I knew it was time. I had to tell them what had happened. And they were going to hate Austin as much as I had for the last two years. Though I was more confused than ever.

So, I spilled the beans. I started at the beginning and didn’t leave anything out. Heidi and Emery were rapt listeners. Both angry and disgusted in the right parts. Both agreeing to go find this Maggie girl and make her regret her decision.

“Okay. So, all this time, you thought that Austin had used you for sex until Maggie got home? Then, he’d cheated on you as soon as she was back?” Heidi asked.

“Yep. Pretty much.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me this? We could have hated on him together.”

“I hardly knew you at the time,” I finally said, sinking into the chair opposite where Heidi and Emery sat on the couch.

“That’s true, Heidi,” Emery cut in. “Even you said you liked to wait a year to make serious friends because so many people leave Lubbock.”

Heidi waved her off. “Okay, fine. But then later?”

“I don’t know. I was embarrassed.” I shrugged off their looks filled with pity. “Do you think he’s telling the truth about Maggie now? That he lied about what had happened and only let me believe that something had happened because he was basically scared of his feelings?”

“That actually sounds like Austin,” Heidi said.

Emery nodded. “Classic Wright behavior.”

“Well, what do I do? I cannot deal with Maggie again.”

“Honestly? I know it’s hard, considering what he put you through in the past, but maybe you should trust him,” Heidi said. “I know; I’m the worst to give this kind of advice. I didn’t trust anything Landon said. I didn’t ever believe he’d divorce Miranda. Not until the evidence was directly in my face. But Austin’s bachelor life is pretty legendary. If he’s willing to try to be with you, I think it’s worth it.”

“To be honest, Julia,” Emery said, “the reason we’ve been so excited about this is because Austin has never really dated. He has flings. And he’s not treating you like a passing dalliance.”

“I want to believe that. I do.” I tilted my head back onto the cushion and stared up at the ceiling. “My life hasn’t always been easy. Trusting people is really difficult for me. After Austin hurt me, it confirmed everything that I’d thought I knew about him. Giving him a second chance was unfathomable.”

“Then, why did you do it?” Heidi asked.

I met her eyes and smiled at the thought of Austin bringing me to the top of the canyon to show me the sunset and Austin walking me around the art gallery on First Friday and Austin losing so bad at carnival games that we got Waffle out of pity and Austin getting me art classes all summer.

“When we’re not at each other’s throats, we’re perfect.”

“Maybe that’s enough?” Emery said.

“Maybe it is.”

Despite my conversation with Heidi and Emery, a bubble had burst. A part of me had cracked when I saw Austin and Maggie together, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

Austin had come over after he finished at the Parade of Homes. He’d apologized again for the situation, for the past, for everything. He’d reassured me he wasn’t interested in Maggie. And I even believed him.

He could have Maggie if he wanted. He’d had Maggie for a long time. They had this weird relationship as it was. She wasn’t out of town or anything, so he didn’t have to find a new girlfriend to make up for the lack of sex. And Heidi and Emery were right; when I thought about it, it was clear that he cared for me.

I cared for him.

He cared for me.

Things were good.

But not right.

By the time our art class was rolling around, I wasn’t even sure if I should show up. Though I adored art and people said I had a scrap of talent, I didn’t ever think it was something that just came to me. Not even in college. It’d irritated my professors so much when I turned in something shitty after having no real inspiration and not wanting to draw because I was capable of so much more.

All artists were insane in one way or another. Creativity didn’t grow on trees, but inspiration could strike like lightning.

With a sigh, I changed into loose-fit jeans and a black T-shirt that I didn’t mind getting paint on. Because, let’s be honest, I always got paint on myself.

Austin had said that he’d meet me there after the gym. I didn’t know how he spent so much time there. The idea of going to a gym that often made me break out in hives. So many sweaty bodies and dirty equipment and judgment. My couch was a much better alternative.

Unfortunately, I had to leave the house and my precious couch. I shakily locked up behind me and drove downtown. The studio where Austin had signed me up was in a small brick building on the Art Trail. I parked in the same tow zone Emery had parked in then. There didn’t seem to be anywhere else to park, so I sure hoped this was okay.

Nerves hit me fresh before I even got into the studio. My stomach was in my throat as I stood outside.

What if I forgot how to paint? What if I totally sucked? What if everyone else was amazing and showed me up?

It was ridiculous to even think that. Talent didn’t disappear overnight. I knew that logically in my brain, but logic wasn’t winning. Art was such a solitary endeavor that I couldn’t help but feel intimidated as I strode into the new space.

My eyes swept the open room as a wash of familiarity swept over me. Easels were set up in a circle around a platform with a cliché bowl of fruit at the center. I couldn’t even explain the number of times I’d had to draw a piece of fruit.

“Let me guess,” an African American woman said, approaching me. She had kinky, curly hair that was probably the most amazing thing I’d ever seen and librarian glasses. “Julia?”

“That’s me.”

“Wonderful. I’m Nina. I’ll be teaching this session. Grab a canvas, a palette, and some paints. We’ll get started soon.”

“Thank you.”

I did as I had been told and found a space for both me and Austin. I absentmindedly fiddled with a paintbrush and tried not to make eye contact with anyone, so I wouldn’t have to make small talk. But class time was about to start, and Austin still wasn’t here.

“Is this seat taken?” a Hispanic girl asked. She had stick-straight hair and a great smile.

“Uh…yeah. Sorry.”

“No problem!”

I watched the girl circle the room as I chewed on my nail. A bad habit I’d never gotten rid of. I double-checked my phone. One minute until class time. Austin still wasn’t here.

I shot him a text message.

Hey, where are you? Did you decide not to come to the class? It’s about to start.

I waited another minute, but there was no answer. What the hell? Was he in the car, rushing here, and couldn’t get to his phone? He had a stick shift after all. It was feasible. You weren’t supposed to text while driving. But, still, it seemed strange that he had signed us both up for this class, and now, he wasn’t even going to show.

Not strange…wrong.

Like…what the fuck had he been thinking?

“Hey,” the girl said, having made it back to me. “It looks like this is the only seat left. Is it cool if I sit here?”

“Sure,” I huffed.

I knew I probably should have been friendlier, but getting stood up to an art class Austin had paid for was doing nothing for me. Not a thing.

“Okay,” Nina said, moving to the center of the room. “Thank you all so much for coming out today. It’s the start of a brand-new session, and I have a special treat for you today. Last session, we worked on portraits. We’re going more advanced this session with life drawing, also known as figure drawing.”

I sat up straight in my seat. Figure drawing? Like…for real?

“We’re lucky to have a volunteer to sit in for this session. Please remember to give him our full respect. His job isn’t any easier than yours.”

My eyes were glued to the back door of the studio, as I waited to see who the hell would volunteer to sit for a figure drawing. Standing in one position for an hour, completely naked, wasn’t my idea of fun.

Then, the door opened, and my jaw dropped open.

Austin took a step into the room.