Twenty-Six

Austin

Patrick’s birthday was exactly what I needed right now.

Not that I could tell anyone why.

I was so utterly fucked up.

This prick had hurt Julia. For years. She’d been so hurt that she had to run. She’d had to become a new person to get away from him. And then, when she’d finally opened herself up to someone, it had been me.

And what had I done? Fucking hurt her.

She never should have given me a second chance. She had to see Dillon when she looked at me. Fucking asshole addict who used and abused her good graces. That slap she’d hit me with last fall felt so much more weighted. I’d deserved it then. I knew I deserved it more now.

Landon shot me a curious look. “You’re awfully quiet.”

“I don’t like to listen to the sound of my own voice like you do.”

“Whatever, dude. It’s more than that.”

“Let it go, Landon.”

He sat up straighter in his seat as we pulled up to The Shack. It was the best barbeque west of Dallas. Even if my car did hate that it had a gravel parking lot.

“You want to talk about it?” Landon asked.

“No.”

“All right. Well, if you change your mind…”

“Seems unlikely,” I said, stepping out of the car. “We’re here to celebrate my best friend. Not for you to baby me.”

Landon held his hands up. “My bad, dude. Just looking out for you.”

“Well, don’t.”

I locked up my car and headed through the front door, behind Landon. Patrick was already there with a few of the guys from the gym—Evan, Mick, and Connor. I was truly surprised it was this subdued, considering the fact that Patrick was such a life-of-the-party kind of guy. But I wasn’t complaining. I’d rather it just be us anyway.

Landon and I ordered at the front. Landon got brisket while I got ribs. I was obsessed with them and would come to get them all the time if the Shack were closer to the office. I filled up a water cup and then headed for Patrick’s table in the back of the restaurant, near the bar.

My eyes lingered on the shelves of whiskey. I really wanted a drink. One to take the edge off. This felt like a good reason. I’d even take a fucking beer. Anything. Instead, I sat my ass down and just stared longingly instead.

“Happy birthday, man,” I said to Patrick as I waited for my food.

“Good of you two to finally show up!”

“Yeah, sorry. I got hung up.”

Patrick raised his eyebrows. “Why do I have a feeling that wasn’t the only thing hung in this joke?”

I laughed and shrugged. “I’ve got a pretty amazing girlfriend.”

“Aw, my lovesick puppy,” Patrick joked.

“Here we go!” Evan said, carrying four beers in his hands and dropping them on the table.

Mick had two more drinks and passed one to Connor.

“Hey, thanks, man!” Patrick said, grabbing a beer.

Landon took his, and Evan swigged back some of his.

And then there was one.

It was as if Evan had freaking looked into my brain and materialized the exact thing I wanted. But I let it sit there, in front of me, tempting, alluring. I knew exactly how it’d taste. How it’d make me feel.

“That one’s for you, Austin,” Evan said, pressing it over to me.

Patrick and Landon shared a look.

“I’ll just double-fist it,” Patrick said with a laugh.

“It’s just one,” I said, meeting their eyes. “No big deal. Right? It’s your birthday.”

“Austin,” Landon muttered, “are you sure?”

My hand slid across the table and wrapped around the beer. God, yes, I am so sure.

“It’ll be fine,” I reassured them.

I could be like everyone else. I could have one drink for my best friend’s birthday. This was totally possible.

The first sip brought it all back. It was an effort not to empty the bottle. It tasted so good. So fucking good.

But I felt Landon’s and Patrick’s eyes on me. Worry creased in every line of their face. So, I forced myself to put the drink down and grin. Some of that worry left their eyes.

Everything went back to normal. Our food came. I finished my beer. We ordered another round. We were all having such a good time that, when I went through the third beer, I wasn’t even sure anyone else had noticed.

“I know you wanted this to be a small thing,” Evan said after we all finished eating. “But I might have invited the rest of the guys for drinks at Flips. It’s supposed to be a surprise party. So, act surprised.”

Patrick laughed. “You sneaky motherfucker.”

Now, Landon glanced at me. “Maybe we should head out.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” I asked.

“Famous last words, Austin.”

“Ah, come on, man. It’s not a big deal. We’ll hang out for a couple of hours and then get back to the girls.”

“You sure that you’re okay?”

“Fine.”

We all stood to go, and I was pleased to see that I could walk just fine. If I’d felt drunk at all, I might have heeded Landon’s warning, but I didn’t feel drunk. I was fine. Even better than fine.

I peeled out of the parking lot of The Shack and sped toward Flips. I hadn’t been in a bar since that night I was with Julia at the dueling piano bar downtown. I used to live in them.

Maybe I should have been worried that it felt like coming home.

But all I felt was relief as the group of us entered the favorite local bar.

A large group of guys that I recognized from work, the gym, and college called, “Surprise!”

Patrick laughed and moved to the center of the festivities. We were herded together. Beers were handed to us. Shots on trays appeared. Everything started to turn into a blur. Just a haze of alcohol like I hadn’t had in a long time. Even Patrick and Landon seemed to have had enough that they were retreating back into that time before. Back when this had been my life.

The next thing I knew, we were walking up to the bar like fools.

“Peter,” I said, tipping my head at the bartender.

“Wright.”

I always thought he called me that because he couldn’t or didn’t want to tell us apart.

“Three rounds of Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Peter’s eyebrows rose high. “All right, man.”

“It’s Patrick’s birthday,” I said, clapping my best friend on the back.

Peter poured out the drinks, and I passed over my credit card to pay for it all. As a drink, the Four Horsemen was a hot fucking mess. As a shot, it was worse.

One shot Jim Beam. One shot Jack Daniel’s. One shot Johnnie Walker. One shot Jameson. And then Bacardi 151 poured over the line of shots and set on fire.

“Fuck,” Landon said.

“This is going to be fucking awesome,” Patrick said. “Take a picture!”

He passed over his phone to Peter, who begrudgingly accepted it. I could tell he hated that request. But who fucking cared? It was one picture.

Once the three of us were lined up, Peter struck a match and touched it to the end of the line. One by one, the shots went up in flames until all were ignited. I slung an arm over Landon’s and Patrick’s shoulders and grinned as Peter snapped a shot.

Then, we tipped back shot after shot.

Jim Beam went down harsh. Jack Daniel’s was a little smoother. Johnnie Walker was like heaven. And, by Jameson, I could hardly taste it at all.

I eased back into a seat as the burn from the liquor coated my stomach. Finally. There it was. There was that feeling I’d been missing. Numb.

This would be good. I used to drink way more than this without it even touching me. I was fine. I was celebrating after all.

My thoughts felt hazy. Everything was funny. I felt good. Really fucking good. God, I’d forgotten how good I could feel.

I moved forward, back to Patrick’s side, and nearly stumbled right into Evan. “Fuck, man. Sorry.”

Evan put out a hand and steadied me. “You look fucked up, dude.”

I laughed. “I feel fucked up.”

“Maybe you should slow down.”

I passed him the beer in my hand. I’d only had a sip. “Take my beer.”

Evan shook his head and laughed. “Patrick, I think you got Austin past the point of no return.”

Patrick turned to look at me, but I was sure he was seeing double. “Fuck, man. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to let this happen.”

“Ah, come on! It’s your fucking birthday!”

A vibration came from my pocket. I jerked the phone out and promptly dropped it. I picked it up and cursed violently at the shattered screen.

“Hello?” I called into the phone when I saw Jules’s name on the phone.

“Austin Wright,” Julia said in a serious tone, “are you drunk?”

“What gives you that idea?”

“Besides the slur?” she growled.

“I’m not slurring.”

“What about the picture Patrick posted of you guys doing four flaming shots at Flips? Was that a Four Horsemen?”

“Maybe.”

“Christ,” she spat. “I thought you guys were going out for dinner. Not going to the bar!”

“Babe, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“You’re on a bender! You went and got fucked up!” She sighed heavily into the phone and then was silent for a few seconds. “Should I come get you?”

“You don’t need to come get me.” I turned to Patrick and stuffed the phone in his hand. “Patrick, tell Jules that I’m totally fine.”

Patrick put the phone to his ear. “Hey, Julia. Yes. Yep. Uh-huh. Probably a good idea. Oh, I so am. It is my birthday. Yeah, I know. Sorry. Okay. Sure.” Patrick handed the phone back. “Uh, here you go.”

“Babe, see?”

“I’m fucking coming to get you.”

Then, she hung up on me.

I stared down at the phone in shock.

“What the hell did she say to you?” I asked Patrick.

“That I was irresponsible and a shitty friend. That I should have taken better care of you, and I should be glad that she wasn’t going to kick my ass.”

I sputtered into laughter. “She didn’t say that!”

Patrick shrugged. “Your girl is crazy. She’s perfect for you.”

I couldn’t deny that. Julia was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to me. I’d marry her right now if she wanted to do it. Course, she deserved so much more than no ring and a dirty bar.

“Hey, guys,” Evan said, reaching his hand out to Patrick. “I’m going to call it an early night. My girlfriend hates when I’m out late.”

“Ha!” I shook his hand. “That makes two of us.”

Evan laughed and then disappeared.

“She doesn’t hate when you’re out late. She hates when you drink,” Patrick corrected.

“Eh. Goes hand in hand.”

“You haven’t even fucking sang to me yet!”

“You do not want to hear me sing.”

“I already have!” Patrick said. “I think I still have Fiddler on the Roof on tape somewhere.”

“Fuck you!”

Patrick laughed. Landon appeared then in front of us. His eyes were wary, and he suddenly seemed much more sober than us.

“I just heard from Heidi. Looks like she’s on her way here,” he said. He cringed as he glanced between me and Patrick. “She’s going to chew me out for letting this happen.”

“It’s my birthday,” Patrick said with a shrug. “You need another drink, Landon.”

“I think we’re all cut off.”

“Hey, I’m not pussy-whipped by anyone. I can have as much as I fucking want,” Patrick said.

“Do you want to deal with Emery, Heidi, and Julia?” Landon asked with a pointed look.

“Bring it,” he said.

Landon shook his head and went to the front door to wait for the girls. It didn’t take long before they showed up at the bar. Heidi and Landon seemed to be having a heated argument at the front of the room, but eventually, they moved with Emery to the bar to talk with Peter. I knew Heidi was friends with the bartender. Plus, this was really her bar. She hustled pool here like a champ.

But it was Julia who caught my attention. She was in the skimpy dress I’d stripped her out of in the shower. And she looked hot as fucking hell. Christ, I wanted my dick in her so bad right now.

“Jules,” I said as she approached.

She sighed, looking resigned. “Come on, Austin. We should get you back to your place. Try to detox you again.”

“Babe, I’m fine.”

“Look, I’m not surprised that this happened. I figured it would happen at some point,” she said. “I’m just disappointed that it did.”

“Why the fuck are you disappointed? Because I’m here, celebrating my best friend’s birthday?”

“Not everyone has to get wasted to celebrate a birthday, Austin.”

“Yeah, well, I did.”

She narrowed her eyes in warning. “No, you didn’t. This is the addict talking right now. Not you.”

“What the fuck would you know about it?”

She clenched her jaw. “Why are you trying to start an argument with me? Fuck, I haven’t missed this.”

“Come on. I know arguments get you hot.”

I ran my hand up her bare arm, and she shoved me off.

“Stop it,” she snarled. “I wanted you to go out and celebrate Patrick’s birthday. I thought dinner and some guy time would be good for you. I thought you would be responsible. After everything I told you, I knew you wanted a drink. I fucking knew it. You were doing so well.”

“Well? You think I was doing well? I was fucking drowning. Not drinking was killing me. I finally feel like my-fucking-self again.”

“So…when you’re with me, you don’t feel like yourself?” she asked, her tone low.

I should have heeded it, but the alcohol ignored it.

“I feel like the guy you want me to be. But, if I want a drink, then I should be able to have it without feeling guilty about it.”

Her eyes were hard…yet still sad. “You need help.”

“Fuck that noise!”

She didn’t even flinch. “You know how I know you need help? Because I’ve seen people just like you. I’ve seen my father just like you are right now. I’ve seen him get so wasted that he beat my mom. I dated a fucking drug dealer, Austin. I know what addiction looks like, and I know that this is a problem for you. I might not have been addicted to drugs or alcohol, but Dillon was as good as an obsession. I had nothing and no one! And I was strong enough to get out. You…” Her eyes traveled the length of me with deep pity. “You have everything and everyone, and still, you do nothing.”

She waited for my response, but I had none. What the hell could I say to that?

“I want to be here for you. I needed someone to be there for me, and they were. But I had to reach out. All you have to do is ask for help, to rely on someone, anyone. We would get you professional help. We could get you past this. But you can’t do that. You’d rather try to hide it. Try to bury it. All secrets come out in the end, Austin. Trust me, I know.”

Then, she turned on her heel and walked away from me. My head was swimming with her words. With the cruel indifference I’d flung at her.

Here was the perfect woman for me. Perfect in every single fucking way. And she was walking out the door.

If she left, then I knew she wasn’t just leaving the bar. She was leaving me.

I was running before I even finished the thought.