Twenty-One

Austin

Maverick was dead.

One minute, he had been there, taking care of Jason, working for the company, running a marathon. And, the next minute, he was gone.

Twenty-three years old with his entire life ahead of him. A wife and a son. Now, a widow and a boy who would grow up without his father. Just like all the other Wrights at the hospital. But worse. So much worse. He would never even know his dad. He wouldn’t know the man he had been or how much he’d loved his mother. He’d have plenty of family, but no one could replace a father. I knew that firsthand.

Sutton was inside the ER room. She had collapsed onto the ground when she found out that he’d died of an unknown heart complication. Her wails could still be heard, but she screamed at anyone who wanted to come inside to console her.

There was no consoling with this.

Only empty words.

And pity.

I knew that she wanted neither of them.

The only thing that she said coherently was Jason’s name. Over and over again. Like a lament.

But she’d told us not to bring him into the room. She wanted to be the one to tell him when the time was right. He was too young to know what was happening, which was its only mercy. But he wasn’t too young not to know that something was wrong. I didn’t blame her for protecting him. Even when nothing could make it right.

Because nothing would be right again.

We had all joked when Sutton got pregnant that Maverick had done it on purpose, that they had a shotgun wedding, and that he only wanted her money. Then, over the last year and a half, we’d all realized how wrong we were. Maverick had adored Sutton, and beyond that, he had been a great guy and a hard worker. He’d fit in better than anyone had anticipated.

That was irreplaceable.

I wished that I could do something, but none of us could. We just waited on the other side of the hospital room door and listened to our youngest sister, the best and brightest and happiest of all of us, as all of that was crushed out of her.

I found Julia in the waiting room. She had her knees tucked up to her chest with her chin resting on them. She was staring off into the distance with red-rimmed eyes.

“Hey babe.”

I reached my hand out to her. She put hers in mine and then stood. I wrapped strong, comforting hands around her, holding her tight to me.

“How’s Sutton?” Julia asked with a sniffle. “God, what a stupid question. I’m sure she’s horrible.”

“Yeah. She’s not good.”

Julia wiped tears from her eyes and hiccuped. “I can’t imagine. I just…can’t imagine.”

“No, I don’t think any of us can. It made me want to come see you immediately. Touch you, feel you, make sure you were still here, still real.”

A tear slid down her cheek, and I gently swiped it away with my knuckle.

“That’s sweet.”

“It’s the truth. The thought that you could be gone sent me into a panic. I can’t explain it. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I just needed to see you.”

“Sutton will feel that every day, and when she looks for Mav, he’ll be gone,” Julia whispered.

“Maybe we should get you home.” I worried over her distracted, glazed expression.

My Julia was locked away somewhere. Trapped deep within herself. I didn’t know what to make of this, but I would take care of her the best that I could.

“All right,” she whispered. “Should we say good-bye to anyone?”

“I’ll just text Jensen.”

She nodded, completely out of it, as she walked through the sliding glass doors. I followed her out of the hospital and into an Uber. Neither of us had driven anywhere today. We went to her place instead of mine because I wanted her to feel at home and safe.

What had happened gave me perfect clarity in the same way that it seemed to have completely messed with Julia. She was distraught. And all I wanted to do was comfort her and make it all better.

“Maybe we should get you in a shower,” I suggested.

She shook her head and then collapsed onto the couch. “How is she going to be able to go on?”

“I don’t know, Jules. It’s not going to be easy.”

“It’s going to be impossible. I was there with her all day. I saw her love for that man. She was sad because she’d barely gotten a kiss before he left for the marathon. She’s going to regret every single thing that happened this morning. It’s just wrong.”

“I know. There’s nothing any of us can do for Sutton, except be there for her. And, right now…we can’t do anything. So, let me take care of you. It’s the only thing I can do.”

She looked up at me with unblinking wide eyes. “I really want a drink.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “I can do that.”

“Fuck, Austin. No. No, no, no.” She pressed her hands hard into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have a drink. Definitely not around you. That’s horrible.”

I sank to my knees before this beautiful woman. “You’re hurting. It’s perfectly normal to want to numb the pain.”

“Don’t.”

“I won’t drink with you.”

“It’s mean.”

“It’s okay, Jules,” I said, drawing her hands away from her face.

“It’s not okay. None of this is okay.”

“Julia.”

She finally looked down at me. I kissed both her hands.

“None of this is going to get better today. Not for Sutton. Not for you. Not for anyone. Beating yourself up for how you’re feeling isn’t going to help anything. If you want a drink, I’ll pour you one. I’ll take care of you. Just let me take care of you.”

“Oh, Austin,” she whispered.

Her lips brushed against mine. I felt the pain in that small movement. My Julia was broken, and there was next to nothing I could do about it. But I did what I could.

I swept her up into my arms. She buried her face into my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck, and clung to me. I brought her into the bathroom and gently set her back on her feet. After I turned the shower on, I took my time stripping her out of the sticky clothes she’d worn to the Fourth of July parade. I kissed her once more before moving her under the hot water. She shivered under the spray as I removed all of my clothes and followed her inside. I lathered a loofah with the cherry body soap and washed the sweat off her skin.

Once she was clean, I helped her out of the shower and toweled her off. She wrapped her hair up in a towel. I saw some of the hollowness had left her eyes, but she was still out of it.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course.”

I urged her into bed. She disappeared under the covers. I pulled on my boxers and found a small liquor shelf in her kitchen. It had two bottles of top-shelf gin and a full bottle of Maker’s Mark. My fingers itched for the Maker’s.

I stood there, momentarily paralyzed. I’d told Julia I wouldn’t drink with her. I’d told her that it was okay that she had a drink. And it was okay.

This was one of the most stressful days of my life. It wouldn’t just be a drink to get the edge off of withdrawal. It wouldn’t be a casual drink with friends. This was the day my brother-in-law died. My sister became a widow. My nephew, fatherless. It was okay to drink today. I could be strong for Jules, but I wasn’t strong today.

My hand tightened around the bottle of whiskey, and I brought it down to the counter. Just one. I only needed one.

I tipped a shot into the glass and tipped it back. My hands were still shaking when I set it down. The drink had done nothing. I still ached. Nothing was numb. I’d need to bury myself in that bottle for it to fucking do anything. And I wouldn’t do that to Julia. Not when she needed me right now. One would have to do.

I shoved the Maker’s back on the shelf with a force that I couldn’t control and made Julia her gin and tonic. Before I went back to the bedroom, I rummaged through the junk drawer until I found a pack of gum. Spearmint. I hoped that would cover the whiskey on my breath. I popped two pieces in my mouth. Then, I snagged Waffle, who was on a chair in the corner, and brought the unicorn in with me.

She winced when she saw the drink in my hand but actually cracked a smile at the unicorn. I offered both to her. She snuggled up with Waffle as she downed her drink like a professional. I would know. I wouldn’t have minded a drink that size either. But not today.

I slipped into bed next to her, drawing her over to snuggle me. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the day. Reality was a train wreck at the moment.

“You know, Jules, with everything that happened today, I don’t want any more regrets in my life.”

“Mmhmm?”

“I know we might have started out in a fucked up way. That we’ve had our ups and downs. But all I could think when I found out about Mav was that…they didn’t get enough time. Not by a long shot. They were only married for a year and a half.”

“I know,” she said, sniffling again.

“Life is so uncertain. I don’t want us wasting our moment.”

“We’re not wasting our moment, Austin.”

I kissed her shoulder, feeling more secure with her pressed against me. What had happened to Sutton was unthinkable. I’d had a lot of loss in my life. More than the average person, but losing the love of her life…that was a loss I had no idea how she’d endure. I felt broken for my sister, yet my feelings for Julia had never been clearer.

Tragedy had sharpened my resolve. I was not going to let this woman go for anything. The scariest part was that Sutton had felt the same way, and look where that had gotten her.