Nine

Austin

This was not how I’d thought the night would go.

Not at all.

I’d thought I’d be waist-deep in booze before the sun officially set, so I could happily forget the last week of my life. No matter that it was apparently the whole problem anyway.

And then there was Jules.

Standing there in tiny little cutoffs, her pale and perfect thighs revealed in all their fucking glory. Her All Time Low tank top straining at her chest and showing a slice of her stomach. She’d slid her red hair off to one shoulder. Her nose ring complemented her studded ears…and there were tattoos for days. There was nothing fucking sexier than a woman with ink. And I wanted nothing more than to trace every line on her curvy body.

But I knew that I probably shouldn’t want her.

I’d fucked up my first chance. We’d both fucked up.

Still, I was sitting next to her at Louie Louie’s, listening to the dueling pianos battle and trying not to stare at her. I wasn’t successful.

“What?” Julia asked, catching me for the third time since we’d sat down with our beers.

A girl who liked beer. Fuck me.

“Just you.”

“Me?”

I shrugged noncommittally. Yeah, she looked fucking hot. She had to fucking know it. She might think I’d been a pig earlier, but it was the truth.

“Can you two make out already or something?” Patrick joked, nudging Morgan. “Right?”

Morgan slipped forward. Her long dark hair curtained the front of her face, and she giggled. Oh, she was fucked up. “Yes. Make out. Everyone should make out.”

Heidi put her hand on Morgan’s shoulder. “You all right?”

“I’m amazing! Dream job, here I come!” she said, tipping backward and nearly falling off of her barstool.

“How much did you get her to drink?” Emery asked.

Patrick shrugged. “We did a couple of shots. She was fine before you got here.”

“We did eight shots!” Morgan said. “I’m great at counting.”

Julia snickered and then covered it with a cough.

“CEO material right there,” I said with a shake of my head. It was hard not to be bitter even though I knew Morgan truly deserved the job…and this time, right now, to kick back and relax. She didn’t do it enough.

“Oh my God!” Morgan screamed. “I love this song!”

I widened my eyes as she jumped up and started singing, rather poorly, to Britney Spears’s…“Baby One More Time.” Heidi jumped up and started singing with her. And, eventually, she grabbed Emery and Morgan and pulled them out to the dance floor. Patrick realized pretty quickly that he was now alone with Julia and me. Then, he hightailed it out to the dance floor. Smooth.

Julia snagged her beer and took a long drink. I didn’t take my eyes off of her.

We were in a packed dark bar, alone at a table in the back. All of our friends had miraculously disappeared out onto the dance floor, acting like fools. I might be a bit drunk, but I wasn’t a fool. I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me by.

“You want to go out with me?” I asked point-blank. No point in beating around the bush with her.

She nearly spat out the beer at my question. “What?”

“A date. You, me, together. I’ll pick you up. We’ll do normal human things instead of running into each other over and over on accident.”

She went from confused to amused to angry in the seconds it took to finish my sentence. It was sexy as hell.

“Are you out of your mind?” she asked with round eyes.

“Not that I know of.”

“Austin,” she groaned. “We tried this. We broke up. We’re awful together.”

“Maybe things have changed.”

She snorted. “They haven’t.”

“Sometimes, I really don’t get you.”

“Sometimes?” she asked with raised eyebrows. She leaned forward toward me and poked me in the chest. “I’m pretty sure you never got me. Ever! If you understood me at all, then we wouldn’t have gone through the shit we went through two years ago.”

I eased into her personal space. Our faces were mere inches apart, and she didn’t back down as I met her gaze.

“I do get you, Jules. I get you better than anyone you’ve ever met. I see you. I know you. And that’s why this didn’t work. You can blame me all you want, but the truth is that you won’t open up.”

“I won’t open up?” Her voice was low and deadly. “You think that’s the reason? So, you’re blind and stupid.”

“I think that you’d rather have someone safe in your back pocket than have someone who challenges you.”

I ran a finger down her exposed arm. She shivered under my touch, but her eyes were still hard.

“And you think that you’re a bright ray of sunshine? You’re completely open and honest? What happened Memorial Day weekend, Austin? Why didn’t you tell me about the CFO position? You had the opportunity, and you fucking choked. You might think that I can’t open up, but if that’s the truth, then you’re just as bad.”

She huffed and jerked her arm back. But I remained immobile.

Is it that obvious, what had happened? Of course, she had looked at me at the meeting this afternoon. She’d known something was up. I just hadn’t talked to anyone about it. After blowing up on Jensen, I’d wanted to get the fuck away from the whole thing.

Now, Julia was expectantly looking at me. Her eyes were searching, waiting to see if I’d explain…or if I was exactly like she’d said. I didn’t like to back down from a challenge.

“The board didn’t approve me,” I finally admitted to someone other than my family. I hadn’t even told Patrick, but I was sure someone else had.

“This fast?”

I sighed. “Jensen put my name up for CFO when he moved Morgan up to his job. The board had some…concerns about my behavior.”

“That shouldn’t be reason enough not to give you the job. You’re a Wright. Maybe they’ll change their minds.”

I almost laughed. Oh, how I wish it were all that fucking simple.

“No. Jensen accused me of being an alcoholic and said that I had to go to rehab before they’d even consider it.”

Julia chewed on her bottom lip, and for the first time, she glanced away from me. I knew what she was thinking. She’d made it clear that she thought I drank too much. But it was all bullshit. An excuse layered over everything else. If I gave up drinking, they’d find some other reason not to pick me.

“Maybe you should listen to him,” Julia said.

Here it comes.

I pushed my chair back and started for the door. Fuck, I really just wanted to get drunk and laid tonight. Not deal with this shit.

I was outside and walking down the darkened alley toward Buddy Holly Avenue when Julia rushed up behind me.

“Why the hell did you storm off?” she demanded. She had her hands covering her arms as the late-night cold bit into her.

“Why the hell are you following me, Jules?” I snapped back at her.

She glared in my direction, and something in me snapped. I grabbed her by her shoulders and slammed her back into the brick wall outside the bar. Her breathing was ragged, and her mouth parted slightly at my movements. My body was pressed up against her lower half, and I never let her shoulders go. I held on for dear life as I stared down at those perfect pink lips, and I kicked myself for not diving straight in.

“You just up and left without explanation.”

I leaned forward into her, got dangerously close. Everything in her awakened at the movement.

“You don’t want to go out with me,” I said. “You don’t want to have anything to do with me. You abandoned me on the top of the canyon a week ago and said that all we did was argue. So, if you don’t want this, then leave me the fuck alone.”

“Excuse me for trying to find out why you’re not getting a job I think you deserve,” she spat in my face. “I guess I was wrong.”

“What I deserve has never mattered to anyone.”

She searched my face. I didn’t know what she hoped to find. All I was feeling right now was rage. Yet my dick twitched at her nearness, and I knew that she noticed. Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind unleashing all my pent-up energy on her. I could fuck her in this alleyway. We both wanted it. We were both holding back. Hanging on the edge by a thread.

“Oh, I’ve missed that look,” I said, pushing her even though I knew I shouldn’t.

“What look?” Her voice was breathy and her eyes unfocused as my hands slid down from her shoulders to her waist.

“The one begging me to fuck you.” I moved my mouth to her ear. “Do you want me to fuck you, Jules?”

She whimpered softly as I thrust my hips harder against her.

“No,” she managed to get out.

“You sure?”

She hesitated. “No.”

“That’s right. I know you do.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” she whispered.

“I know that your body is craving mine, like an addict in need of her next fix.”

Julia winced. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t do drugs,” I said with disdain.

“And alcohol is…”

“Different.”

“Bullshit,” she spat, pushing me away. “You talk about all the other addictions out there—drugs, sex, money—yet you won’t own up to your own. It’s pathetic.”

“What’s pathetic is that you’ll use any excuse to argue with me.” I shook my head and pushed away from the wall. “Any excuse to put distance between us.”

“Sex was never our problem!”

“Then, why aren’t we having it?”

“Because you are the problem,” she said, gesturing to all of me.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

I turned on my heel and started back down the street. There were plenty of other bars. I didn’t need to be in the one loaded with expectations and judgment.

“Where the hell are you going?” Julia called after me.

“Finding someone who wants to suck my dick,” I viciously snarled back at her.

I heard the string of curses come out of her mouth and almost laughed. She was the one denying herself. It wasn’t my problem. She didn’t want to go out with me. She didn’t want to fuck me. She wanted to fix me. Well, I didn’t need fixing. And I didn’t need her.

I glanced back over my shoulder once and saw her standing alone on the sidewalk. She looked torn between coming after me again and walking back inside.

Truth was…I might not need her, but, fuck, did I want her.

“Go on inside, Jules,” I said. “The life you want isn’t with me.”

She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her eyes drifted back to the space we’d just occupied, as if she were contemplating how we’d gotten from point A to point B. Her eyes finally met mine, and she sighed softly.

“You push everyone in your life away. One day, you’re going to wake up and realize that you don’t have anyone left.”

Then, she disappeared back into the piano bar. It hurt worse than I liked to admit, seeing her leave…again.

That was the other thing we were good at—walking away. Because running was easier than facing the facts. Sex was easier than feeling. Arguing was easier than communicating. A lie was easier than the truth.