Tanner
He'd been furious at first when Star refused to talk to him. Absolutely, brain-jammingly furious that the mother of his own child wouldn't say a single word to him. It had taken everything he had to respect her wishes. Now, he'd just resigned himself that things would happen when they happened.
Now, as he sat in the driveway at his house with Brendon, sipping on some beers and working on an old bike the Blood Warriors had dug up for his younger brother, he still didn't know how to act. It had only been a couple weeks, but she was already gone from that crappy apartment. She and Patricia had moved most of her stuff into storage and packed up what little was left in the dumpster by the side of the road.
“Talked to Star yet?” Brendon asked as he handed a fresh beer to his brother. They'd hit a good stopping point on the bike, and were just taking a break to relax and hang out with each other. Just like siblings did.
“What do you think?” Tanner replied.
“That'd be a 'no,'” as he copped a squat next to him.
Tanner shook his head. “I got a routine now, I guess, which is kinda nice. Saddest fucking excuse for a routine I've ever heard of, though.”
“Oh yeah? What's that?”
“Wake up, get coffee, eat breakfast, work out,” he cracked his beer and took a foamy drink, “ride down to Patricia's and see if she'll talk to me.”
“Every morning?” Brendon said, laughing.
“Every morning. Set your watch by it.”
“Why dude?” his brother asked. “Why would you put yourself through that shit?”
Tanner rolled his eyes. “This coming from the dude who ran off with Willow? You're kidding me, right?”
Brendon laughed. “Nah, I guess you're right. God, that was stupid of me. Stupid of you, too.”
“What's so stupid about me?”
“Man, you need to just cut your losses. Do you think she'll really come back to your sorry ass?”
Tanner set his beer down between his legs. “Know what really gets me?”
“What?”
“I don't know that she will, but I know that she will. Like, if I just keep the faith or some stupid shit like that, she'll let me come back. She'll forgive me, you know?”
“Forgive you? You didn't do anything wrong, man.”
Tanner shrugged. “I didn't protect her. I shouldn't have left that night to go have a meeting with the guys. I should have been there. If I had, Aaron wouldn't have come up on her place like that, busted in and taken her.”
“You couldn't be with her twenty-four-seven, Tanner,” Brendon replied, sighing. “He would've just come back the next night.”
“You don't know that,” Tanner said. “You don't know, because we only know about that one night.”
“Well, that's beside the point. Shit happens.”
Tanner took a drink of beer. “How about you?” he asked, changing the subject. “You doing any better?”
“Almost a month clean now, I think.”
“You craving it still?”
Brendon shrugged. “I think about it sometimes, you know. But, no, not craving it. Every time I think about it, I just remember how awful everything surrounding it was. The homelessness, the stealing, the sleeping in alleys. Shuts out a lot of the memories, then. Reminds me how awful the rest of life became because of it.”
Tanner nodded beside his brother. “Talked to Willow?”
Brendon laughed. “No! Thank fucking God, too. I pray that bitch never shows up at Mom's house.”
“Why not?”
“Cause Mom'll claw her eyes out, and we'll have to figure out how to get blood out of the front entry way.”
Tanner had a good laugh at that one.
“How about joining up?” Tanner asked as he grabbed his younger brother's shoulder. “You still looking at it?”
“Becoming a recruit again?” Brendon asked. “I dunno. I mean, I let you and mom, and all you guys, down once already. With you, it was twice as bad. I just don't know if I can handle something like that again.”
“Then don't let us down,” Tanner said, grinning. “Easy as that.”
“Easy enough for you to say. But the doing part? That's where it gets hard.”
“Look,” Tanner said, pausing so he could think about how exactly he wanted to word things, “it's like this. You've got all the distractions out of your life now. Willow's gone, the drugs are gone. You got me, you got mom, you got yourself. What else is there? You wanna get a shitty job working retail somewhere?”
“No,” Brendon said, and took another drink of beer. “I don't know what I want.”
“Well, come on, man.Bbike's almost done. We'll have you up and going in no time flat. Once you get on it, you'll remember what the good old days were like. The feel of the wind in your hair, the sun on your face.”
Brendon grinned. “The way the women look at you.”
Tanner laughed, but then his smile began to fade as he thought of the way Star used to look at him. The way she'd held onto him. The way she'd clung to him at night in bed. The way she felt in his arms, so warm and perfect.
He might not have that again from her. He just took another sip of beer.
His brother noticed the look on his face. “Sorry, man. I didn't mean to -”
Tanner waved him off. “No, you're fine, man. Let's just talk about something else, okay?”
“You wanna run down to the Crow? Kick back a couple beers?”
Tanner shook his head. “Nah, man. I got some stuff I need to work on back here for the night.”
“Cool, dude,” Brendon said. “Guess I'm gonna head out, then.”
They both got up and hugged, clapping each other on the back.
“Be strong, man,” Brendon said. “She'll come back.”
“That's what I keep telling myself.”