Star
She lay in her new bedroom at Patricia's place, reading and rereading the same passage in her book. The words didn't seem to want to sink in, though, and she finally just dropped the novel on her chest. It wasn't the book’s fault. It was Tanner Rainier'. He was what kept messing up her train of thought, her focus.
She'd only been living at Patricia's for a while. And, honestly, it was nicer than when she'd been living alone. Sure, Patricia was gone most days for work, like she was today, but at least she had Patricia's cat to keep her company.
Sort of.
Mr. Wiggles was a cat, after all. He kind of ignored anything and everything unless he wanted to be played with, or fed. Most of the time, he just slept on the couch or perched at the top of his cat tree and watched the world go by.
Oh, to have the life of a cat. That would be a sweet setup. No biker boys, no psychos stalking you and kidnapping you just so they could terrorize your man by leaving you out in the forest.
Memories of that night loomed back up in her mind. Memories of his crappy old car, the stale stench of cigarettes, the feel of the blindfold over her eyes.
She shivered despite the warmth of the room.
They came and went, the memories. They stayed locked away most of the time. But, occasionally, they'd resurface for no reason, like now. Little bits and pieces that would just take over her whole world.
Star got up from the bed and put her slippers on, then shuffled out into the kitchen. She grabbed some coffee and checked the time. Geez, it was almost noon, already. She'd barely done anything with herself all day long, just laid in bed trying unsuccessfully to read her new book. Even that, she couldn't get done right.
How hard was reading, anyways?
She took a sip of the stale coffee and grimaced. She needed to stop waiting so long to get up.
She had a list of other things she needed to do, too. Get a job, for one. And with the baby on the way, Juicy Lucy’s was off the table. Maybe she could get another temp job. Maybe, almost a month later, people would be hiring.
She shook her head at her naiveté and sighed. Nothing would have changed in the last month. This was a smaller town, and just not as many jobs as there used to be.
Seemingly out of the blue, Patricia's doorbell rang.
Her apartment was far enough back from the parking lot and the main road. Star hadn't been able to pick up the sound of Tanner's bike on any of the daily trips he'd made. But, still, she was pretty sure it was him.
She just took another sip of coffee as he began to knock on the door for a few seconds.
She didn't budge from the kitchen. She didn't head back to her bedroom, to hide her head under the covers like she wanted. She had no illusions that this would somehow all just disappear. But, she had her hopes. Maybe, he'd just forget about her. Or, she'd forget about him.
Then, a few months from now, she could just show up on his doorstep with a chubby-cheeked little baby and a birth certificate.
“Here you go, Mr. Rainier,” she'd say as she handed the document over. “Proof that you have a child. Now cut me a check and let me move on with my life.”
Then, he'd give her a cashier's check for five-hundred grand, and they'd call it a day. No, they'd call it a life. An entire life. She'd move away from this godforsaken town, maybe go out to the west coast. Some place she could feel the ocean breeze on her face, and she could dip her toes in the water as she thought of better days.
But, who was she kidding? She didn't have many “better days.” Not many more than what she'd spent with Tanner, at least. Those had been good days. Riding behind him on his bike, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. And, then, of course, there was always the time between the sheets. Or how honest he was, how he didn't dress anything up, or mince words with her.
She set her coffee aside, realization setting in. She wanted him. She wanted him badly. But, she didn't think she could handle this life of his. Break ins? Fights in the street? She hadn't been built for this kind of thing.
Of course, though, maybe she was wrong about herself. Maybe she could handle it? Maybe, in a world like his, you just had to expect that sometimes things were going to happen, things outside your control. And that, what really measured and tested you was how you dealt with what couldn't be handled.
Did you break? Or did you bend like the willow in the wind?