When Pistol arrived back at the desert cave, Katrin was nowhere to be found. The blanket was still spread out on the cave floor, and there was a half empty pack of trail mix next to the saddlebags, but no sign of Katrin. His stomach plummeted.
Jesus, tell me she didn’t do anything stupid.
Or, more to the point: Tell me Smith didn’t get to her before I did.
He left the cave and searched the surrounding area. The bike was still there. Katrin’s jacket was slung over the seat. His gaze landed on a small hill nearby, a light-colored shape huddled on the side of it, nestled amid some rocks.
He raced for the hill, heart thudding. “Katrin!” he shouted. “Katrin!”
He climbed the hill, calling her name until his throat was raw, ignoring the agony that ripped through his shoulder as he attempted to find holds on the rocky embankment. He picked his way around stones and shrubs, and finally he saw her — lying on her back, one hand flung up over her head, her dark hair matted and fluttering in the warm breeze. Blood stained her jeans — a small patch of it around her crotch, spreading down her left thigh. The fear that took him then was unlike anything he’d ever felt.
“Katrin,” he croaked, scrambling over to her. “Katrin, are you…?”
She was breathing. Thank fuck for that, she was breathing. Her head shifted slightly to the side, and she murmured something.
“You’re alive.” His voice shook with emotion. “Can you answer me, darlin’? Please?”
She murmured again, but didn’t say anything he could understand. Her lips were cracked and dry from the sun. A canteen of water lay nearby. He looked at the blood on her jeans, trying to determine the source. He didn’t want to move her in case she had a back injury, but he needed to figure out what was wrong.
“Jax?” Her eyes fluttered open.
“Katrin, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay; you’re gonna be okay.”
“Jax, I … I’m so sorry…”
“Shh. It’s all right. Just relax.” He glanced to the side and saw her phone lying a few feet away.
She followed his gaze, her eyes narrow, forehead furrowed in pain. “I was trying to get service. I wanted to call for help. I slipped.”
“You were gonna call…?” he started, confused. “Who were you gonna call, babe?”
Her mouth worked, and she tried to swallow, eyes fluttering again. “I don’t know. Maybe my … my friend. In Ohio. Thought someone should know where we were. Thought maybe she’d know what to d—” she coughed, sucking in a harsh breath at the end. “I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing.”
“It’s okay,” he said again.Why, Katrin? I would have come back for you. I wouldn’t have let anything bad happen to you. Couldn’t you just wait?“How badly are you hurt?”
She raised her head slightly, looking down at her stained jeans.
“Careful,” Pistol cradled her head, supporting her.
“I’m…” She looked up at him, eyes wide and desperate. As Pistol watched, those eyes filled with tears. “I have to tell you something.”
Pistol’s chest clenched. “What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
A fist slammed Pistol’s gut.
She continued, “I don’t know if — if the fall—”
Pistol went cold with fear. She waspregnant? He searched for some explanation, his brain moving crazily through questions he already knew the answers to. Was the baby definitely his? When had this happened? And how? They’d been safe. Until last night. Sweet Jesus, this couldn’t have been from last night, right? She’d have no way of knowing. No, this was something she’d known for some time. But why hadn’t shetold him? He thought back to the past couple of days — that look in her eyes, like she longed to confide something to him, but he’d pushed her aside.
But why not last night?
Why…?
He couldn’t wrap his mind around this. He might have been a father. Would still be, as long as she hadn’t miscarried. He’d never imagined himself as a father, never thought it was even a possibility. When Leonard Smith had told him that part of the plan, he’d dismissed it as sheer madness. And yet some part of himhadthought about it, on nights when he couldn’t sleep. Evenings on the porch of the clubhouse, whisky bottle beside him, he’d tried to picture himself with a kid, and the fuzzy image in his mind had eventually taken on some clarity.
I’m not responsible enough for a kid, he’d thought.I’d be a shit parent, just like my mom.
And yet some part of him had hoped that wasn’t true.
Now staring down at Katrin, he knew those were just excuses he’d made because he was scared. Katrin’s news filled him with anxiety, sure. But also withjoy. And a sense that, if she had miscarried, he’d be devastated. He’d do anything to protect this woman, and now that he knew about the baby, he felt ten times that fierce protectiveness.
I’d move heaven and earth for them, he realized.To make the world safe for them, I’d do absolutely anything.
The ferocious surge overtook him, and he had to will himself calmer before he stroked Katrin’s hair back from her sweaty brow. “Oh Kat. God, I had no idea…”
“I wanted to tell you.” She cracked her eyes open, reaching out to touch his face. “But I didn’t know if you’d be happy.”
He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know what to say, how to help her understand how much he needed her. How much he loved this kid already.
“I am happy. So fucking happy.” He smiled at her. “Kat, I … I love you.”
The truth of the words hit him at the same time as a wave of nerves. Whoever thought he’d be saying those words to a woman? Whoever would have thought he’d mean them so much? But he did. He’d known that first night, and then watching her stay strong through her father’s tyranny, through the impossibility of their situation, he’d slowly realized that denying it wouldn’t make it any less true.
She smiled back up at him, tears still glistening in her eyes. “I love you too.”
He let out a half laugh, half sob. “This is so crazy. I don’t even know what to say.” His smile faded. “But the baby … how will we know if…?”
She glanced down at herself. “It’s not a lot of blood. It looks like a lot, but it’s mostly stopped. I can’t be sure, but I think it might be fine. I’m not feeling any cramps. That’s a good sign.”
“We need to get you out of here. To a hospital.”
She gazed at him steadily, her eyes taking on a focus that hadn’t been there before. “That’s not safe as long as my father’s still out there, Jax.” She sat up, leaning back against a rock. I don’t want to be trapped somewhere he could find me.”
“But why would he think to look for you in a hospital?”
She eyed him. “You’ve said it yourself — we don’t know how far his reach extends. He might have plants in hospitals. Might be friendly with corrupt agents in the police force, in the government. I thought for a while, as I was climbing up here — I thought maybe we could go to the police. Go to some outside agency. But now I get it. It’s just us, isn’t it? No allies except your club. And they’re…” She clearly didn’t want to say it.
He nodded. “It’s true. We’re not safe anywhere while he’s still out there.”
She nodded. “There’s nothing a hospital could do for me anyway. If I miscarried, I miscarried.” The slight quaver in her voice was the only indication of how scared she was. “If I didn’t, I didn’t.” She let out a long breath, swiping at her eyes. “What’d you find out in town?”
He sat back on his heels. “Your father has taken the remaining Souls prisoner.” She flinched. He continued, “I saw his men lead them from the clubhouse into an unmarked van. They were going to your father’s house.”
She nodded grimly. “We don’t have much time then.”
“I overheard one of them say the ‘party’ starts in an hour.”
“Then let’s be the first guests.” She started to rise.
“Katrin, listen.” He took her hand. “My first responsibility is to you and the baby. My brothers … they all knew there were risks when they signed on to be part of the Blackened Souls. They’d understand.”
She frowned slightly. “Understand what?”
He gazed into her eyes. “Say the word, and I’ll take you away from here. We’ll ride off together, go somewhere far, far from all of this. And I promise you, I will make sure we’re safe. To make sure he can never find us.”
Her frown deepened. Those hazel eyes held both compassion and determination. “No, Jax.”
He raised his brows. “What?”
“I thought at first we should leave too. That’s why I climbed that hill, to help us plan an escape. Like I said, I thought about the police. I thought about my friend from Ohio. But what he’s done, Pistol. Taking your brothers hostage. Terrorizing us. He won’t stop! Even if we disappear, he won’t stop. And I’m tired of running. I’m tired of living in fear of my father. He has your brothers, and he means to kill them. You need to do whatever you have to in order to free them.”
He hesitated. Part of him thought she was right. But the baby … the baby was more important than anything else.
“Katrin, it’s not that I want to abandon my brothers to die. But there is nothing—do you hear me—nothing, more important to me than this kid.”
“Then make our lives safe for our baby,” she said firmly. “Your brothers matter to me, Jax.” Her gaze softened. “They gave meyou. They made you all the best things you are.” Her voice softened. “I want to help them. And I want to stop my father once and for all. Even if it means…” She clearly couldn’t finish.
“All right,” he whispered, a renewed sense of determination growing within him. He could do this. Put an end to Leonard Smith’s reign, free his brothers, and then settle down with his wife and child. It wouldn’t be easy, but he’d been in tough scrapes before.
Just, maybe not this tough.
“I’ll be right there with you,” she assured him. “Helping any way I can.”
“No,” he said immediately. The thought was too terrifying for words. “I can’t let you help. It’s too dangerous.”
“Christ, Jax. Riding that bike was dangerous. Holing up in a cave in the middle of the desert was dangerous. I think that ship has sailed.”
He shook his head. “But this is something else entirely. I’ll take you into town and we’ll check into a motel. Fake names. I’ll leave you there, where you’ll be safe.”
“Jax—”
“Kat, please?” He wasn’t sure how to convey to her how important this was to him. “Please, sweetheart. I know nothing is completely safe right now, but I need you as safe as possible. I can’t risk losing you or the baby. I just can’t.”
Not after everything else I’ve lost.
She seemed to hear the unspoken plea.
She gazed at him evenly for a long while. Then she sighed resignedly. “All right.” She started to get to her feet. “Let’s go, then.”
He checked his phone. “Your father’s goons said the party would start in an hour. That was thirty minutes ago.” He helped her up. “It might be too late by the time we get there.”
She shrugged. “Then let me come along.”
“No,” he said again. “I can’t let you do that. I’m sorry.”
He thought he’d never forget the mingled pain and resentment in her expression, as long as he lived. He wished he could tell her it was okay. That she could come with him. Help on his mission. But she was pregnant. She’d just had a fall. She might have miscarried. He had to make sure she was as safe as possible.
“Well,” she muttered, starting down the hill, holding her shoulders rigid — a
posture he’d learned meant she was frustrated but trying to make the best of things. “You probably won’t be too late.” She threw a glance back over her shoulder. “I get the sense my father likes to play with his food before he eats.”