Better Man
“Do you think I care? Look, Bob, Warren already told you this is legit. Noah is out of work for the next month. It’s what, two or three weeks of shows to reschedule? Fucking do it.”
This asshole at the label is getting on my last nerve. The last couple of days have been exhausting, and he’s not taking this seriously.
“What about doing the shows without him? He can stay home and get some R&R, and you guys can keep going.”
This fucker.
“You did not just ask me that. We’ve never performed with one of us missing, and we never fucking will.” The longer I talk to this fool, the higher my blood pressure climbs.
“Sawyer, come on, it’s a little bump on the head. Noah will be fine.”
“Let me be clear, Bob. Do your fucking job and reschedule the shows. File whatever you have to with the insurance company so they’ll pay out the losses. What you’re asking is illegal. The doctor put Noah on leave for a reason. Noah can’t work, and if you don’t do what you’re paid to do, I’ll go straight to the owner of the label. Don’t think for a minute I don’t have his number in my phone. The faster you do your job, the less anxious I’ll be to use it.”
“Okay, okay,” he concedes like a little bitch. “You don’t have to be such a hardass. You can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“You want to bet? Amelia was shot, Noah can barely open his eyes without excruciating pain, and our guards are under mandatory orders to see psychologists over break because one of them killed a woman to save Mel and Noah. They’re all traumatized. You’re lucky this isn’t going to last longer or we don’t cancel the tour altogether. Push me one more time and we might.”
I hate this prick, I have always hated him. He’s sleazy on a good day and will blow smoke up anyone’s ass to get what he wants. I’ve wanted him off of our account for a while, but he likes us, and nepotism has its privileges. He’s somehow related to the owner, but I’ve heard they’re on shaky ground.
“All right. So we’re in agreement you’ll pick up in New York after the first of the year as scheduled?”
“Unless the doctors recommend otherwise, yes.”
“Jesus, let’s hope they don’t, that would be a nightmare.”
He’s lucky I didn’t go to his office and do this in person.
“Okay, Bob, gotta go. If you need anything, talk to Warren.”
“All right, Sawyer, see you in New York!”
Dammit. I forgot we have to schmooze with this fucker in New York. Hopefully, it will be the last time we see him because it’s getting harder and harder for me not to tell him to fuck off.
“Come in,” I call out when there’s a knock at my door. Anna peeks her head in, and it immediately brings a smile to my face. “Hey, Bethie.”
“Hey, Sam and I are getting ready to head back down to San Diego, but I wanted to be sure you’re okay before I go.”
“I’m fine. It’s been a rough couple of days, but everyone is healing.”
“About that …” She takes a seat. “Did you suddenly get over your fear of blood and wounds?”
“No, why?”
“Don’t play coy with me. You’ve been squeamish as long as I’ve known you, but you’re the only person Mel seems to go to for help with her bandages.”
Busted.
“It freaks me out, but Noah can’t do it, and Mel doesn’t seem to want to ask anyone else. I caught her trying to do it herself and she was making a mess. I told her to just get me from now on. I have it down to a quick routine.”
“You’re a good man, Sawyer Weston, and one day some girl is going to be lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Bethie, but I think I’m going to be taking a hiatus from women for a while. Take some time to work my shit out.”
Leaning forward, she drums her fingers against the desk. “Maybe after the tour you can work on getting your house together. That house is your true happy place. Maybe you’ll feel more centered if you start spending some time there.”
That’s not a bad idea. I always assumed I’d fix it up with my wife, but this could be a project I can get behind.
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re one smart cookie?”
Grinning, she replies, “Once or twice. If I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer? It’s a two-part question.”
“I’ll try.”
“You started calling me Bethie the first week we met. Why?”
Her question takes me back; I remember it like it was yesterday. “You have to promise you won’t be mad at me if I tell you the truth.”
Happiness glimmers in her eyes as she leans back in her seat and draws an X over her heart with her finger. “Cross my heart.”
“When we started talking on the phone and you told me your name was Anna-Beth, but your friends called you Anna, I didn’t think much of it. We were young, but even back then you had this sultry, sexy voice.”
“Go on, flattery will get you everywhere.”
Laughing, I continue. “You were the complete opposite of what I’d pictured you to be. You were this adorable little pixie. All I could think of was Tinkerbelle. I couldn’t reconcile that Anna, the sultry goddess I’d pictured in my mind, was you when I looked at you.”
“Sawyer,” she admonishes, “I’m not even sure we were thirteen yet when we met. You shouldn’t have been thinking of anyone as a sultry goddess.”
“You do realize you’re talking to me, right? My sex drive has always been high.”
Her smile is bright as she shakes her head. “Okay, keep going.”
“The first few days we were getting to know each other, I’d either catch your attention or call you Anna-Beth. You’d remind me it was Anna, but that seemed so wrong to me at that point. Especially since you and Wyatt clicked right away and I’d pictured dirty things with my Anna from the phone.”
“Oh my God, Sawyer!”
“What? It’s not like we didn’t kiss.”
“On the cheek. It was a peck on the cheek!”
I roll my chair closer to the desk. “I know, and I’m glad. I knew you were special after a couple of days and that we were going to be friends for a long time. That’s when I came up with Bethie. Everyone else practically gagged when I said it to you, but you didn’t. You blushed.”
“I will deny this to my dying breath, but if we’re telling secrets, I’ll be truthful. When you called me Bethie, I got tingly. No one, up to that point, had ever given me a nickname and, for a short period of time, I wondered if I made a mistake not dating you.”
“Really?”
She nods. “I realized pretty fast I was right choosing Wyatt, and that what made the nickname so special wasn’t the name but that it came from you. I’d become friends with the asshole and I loved it. No one has ever called me Bethie but you.”
“Good, because that’s our thing, Bethie, part of our bond. Even though you’re grown now and fine as fuck, to me, you’re still that little pixie.”
“I love you, Sawyer.”
“Right back at you.”
“So … that leads me to my second question. As far as I know, before Mel, I was the only person you’d ever nicknamed.”
“That is a fact, but almost everyone in my phone has some kind of nickname.”
She waves her hand. “Doesn’t count because you never call them that to their faces. That’s your own inside joke.”
“Also a fact. What do you want to know?”
“Wyatt told me how the nickname came to be. Belle and Amelia, I get the princess reference. What I don’t get is, why did it stick? And why are you still calling her that?”
“Ah, are you jealous?”
“No, seriously, not at all. I just want to know.”
I pick up a pen and start spinning it in circles while I think.
“It made her mad, and she got feisty. Something about it was … attractive for some reason. So attractive, my dick got hard.”
“Sawyer!” she mock-scolds me through her laughter.
“You asked for the truth. Anyway, it also made her blush, which was counter-indicative to how she was acting, so I kept it up.”
“And?” she coaxes, worrying her bottom lip.
“And that’s mostly it. That reaction had virtually disappeared the first day or two into our tour. It wasn’t as fun anymore, but she seemed to like it, and the nickname was fitting, so it stuck.”
“How do you know she likes it?”
“Because when I call her Princess, her mouth sort of kicks up into a slight grin, just on the right side. You can see it if you pay attention. But when it’s just the two of us talking, she smiles. Fuck, Bethie, she’s got one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen.”
She pulls the pen from my hand and sets it aside. “Smiles have always been your weakness. Most men pick a sexualized body part usually boobs or asses. Sometimes you’ll get a guy who goes for eyes or even personality. Not you. For you, it’s always been the smile.”
“A smile is harder to fake than most people think. It can tell you a lot about a person. The laugh lines, the twinkle in your eye, the way your cheeks lift just a bit. When I decide I want to be with someone, I have to be able to tell when I’m making them happy and when I’m making them miserable. How they smile at me is the key to that answer. I’m still a man though. A nice ass, decent rack, great smile … a girl who has all of that would be the perfect trifecta.”
The way she keeps staring at me is making me a bit uncomfortable.
“Bethie, why did you want to know?”
“I’m not sure. We were just kids when you gave me that nickname. I figured, as an adult, she had to mean something more to you. And I know Mel does, and you’re getting over it and all that, but I guess I just worry.”
“Sometimes, a nickname is just a nickname. Most of the time I don’t even realize I say it.”
“I think you need a nickname.”
“Pretty sure I have one already. Most women call me ‘Oh God.’”
Her brows furrow and then it clicks and she tosses the pen at me. “That is so wrong.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite. It means I’m doing everything right.”
“Just keep using your own condoms, Sawyer. I’d hate to see you get trapped by the wrong girl.” She stands, and so do I.
“And who would be the right girl?”
“That’s easy,” she says, kissing me on the cheek. “The one who will move heaven and earth to always give you the good smiles. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Drive safe, Bethie.”
“I’ll text you when I get home.”
After she leaves, I think about her answer. Maybe she’s right, and one day it will all come down to a smile.
This morning, Noah scared the shit out of us. He disappeared, and Princess was terrified. He turned up a little while ago and gave me the evil eye for sitting with Mel while he was the one out doing all kinds of shit behind her back.
Before taking off, Wyatt stayed for a few minutes and filled me in on their trip to see Sara’s parents. I’m fucking livid. Even more so because Noah locked himself in with Mel instead of talking to me about all of this. The fact he took Wyatt to deal with this is like a kick to the fucking balls. I know they’re best friends, but I’m his fucking brother; I’m supposed to have his back.
For whatever reason, I’m not good enough for Noah anymore. Not to talk to, confide in, or to even have his damn back while he confronts crazy head on. But I’m good enough to hang at home and take care of his girlfriend’s wounds while she picks my past apart and questions me on my lack of girlfriends.
It’s not just that; I got sucked in again and fell into the ease of opening up to her. She’s so easy to talk to, and I always end up saying more than I would ever tell anyone else.
It’s impossible to concentrate on music anymore, so I decide to do some day drinking instead. After pouring myself a glass of scotch, I head to the backyard. Once I’m comfortable on a lounger, I focus my attention on the vastness of the ocean and begin to relax. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore always has a calming effect on me.
“Day drinking? I sure do miss those days.”
“And you will for another six months or so,” I answer as Belle sits next to me. She rubs her almost non-existent belly and leans back on the lounger.
“More like five months, but it seems like forever. Everything is quiet inside. I’m assuming Noah and Wyatt came back?”
“Yup.”
“Did he have a good excuse?”
“Nope.”
She shields her eyes from the sun. “No he didn’t, or he didn’t have one good enough for you?”
“Both. It wasn’t good enough for me by a longshot, and there’s no excuse for him to have worried Mel like that. He could have left a note or something.”
“True, but maybe he forgot. Concussions mess with people’s memories.”
Not likely. I continue to look out at the water.
“I’ve been getting your fan mail.”
Now that catches my attention. “What?”
“Ever since I started doing the blog posts and the articles, your fans have been sending me emails and letters. ‘Belle, please give this letter to Sawyer. Do me a solid.’ ‘Belle, from one woman to another, I know Darren is meant to be my husband. Please give him my number.’ The worst ones are the ones convincing themselves Wyatt is unhappy and wants them instead of Anna. You guys have some interesting and deluded people in your camp.”
“Jesus, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
She releases an evil chuckle. “Because anything sent to Slammed is property of the magazine, and I’m going to have so much fun doing an exposé on these women. Something about the dangers celebrities face with delusional fans.”
“You’re an evil genius.”
“I know. Besides, women shouldn’t be sending their coochie through the mail. If you want a man bad enough, you should work for it.”
“True, but make sure you turn them over to our security team when you’re finished with them. They monitor all the incoming mail to ensure we don’t have stalkers. They also can nip the overly obsessive fans in the bud early when they start sending too much mail.”
“Damn, you guys go through so much. I don’t envy you.”
“All part of the game, I suppose.”
Reaching over, she pats my knee. “Still doesn’t make it right. You give up a lot to do what you love.”
“Maybe, but we get a lot in return too.”
“True. You got Mel and me, and that’s no easy feat.”
“Ha! Damn, Belle, you crack me up.”
She pretends to look offended. “Can’t argue the truth. Admit it, your world has gotten brighter since we entered it.”
I finish off my scotch and concede defeat. “You’re absolutely right, and you’re even giving us an addition to our family. You’re stuck with us for life now.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s amazing who you’ll put up with for love. It’s okay, though, it’s always just been me, my mom, and Mel. It will be nice for the baby to have a huge extended family. She’ll always be surrounded with love and light.”
She sounds so serene. I admire the way Belle seems to always go with the flow. “Still she, huh?”
She smiles. “Until I see some testicles and a penis, that’s what I’m going with.”
“You’re lucky Darren is a family man. He may not have been expecting a kid at this point in his life, but he’ll be a great dad.”
“I think he will be too. I watched him at Thanksgiving with Saylor and Emme, and I swear my ovaries were on overload.” I’m laughing, but when she taps my arm, I give her my attention. “You’re Darren’s best friend, and I think you should know I do care about him. This situation isn’t something I’m taking lightly. It’s not what I had planned for my future, but it might be the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love him, Sawyer.”
Noah slides open the door and joins us, but I ignore him. “I know, Belle, and if I thought any differently, you’d have already heard it from me by now. I think this is good for both of you. But when the news comes out about you guys, and especially the baby, make sure you tell us right away if the fangirls get to be too much.”
I make a mental note to talk to Darren about protection for her anyway. We’re on the road too much to take chances right now. Especially knowing that she’s getting these emails.
“I will. We’re about to go see Darren’s parents, and he’s probably wondering where I went. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
When Belle leaves, Noah takes her place.
“Drinking already?” he asks, giving the side-eye to my glass.
“What can I say? It’s been a stressful morning, to say the least.”
“Sawyer, I’m sorry. I know you’re angry with me.”
I sit up and turn to face him. “Don’t, Noah, I’m not Mel. You don’t need to try to placate me. You knew exactly what you were doing this morning and figured you’d ask for forgiveness later. You pulled that move straight from my playbook, I know it well.”
Storming back inside, I grab the bottle of scotch, bring it outside, and refill my glass. Partially because I want a drink, and partially because I know it’s going to piss Noah off.
“You wouldn’t have let me go.”
“I wouldn’t have let you go alone. Sure, I would have tried to talk you out of it because it was an awful idea for about a hundred reasons, but I would have been by your side in the end.”
“It was something I had to do, and I feel better now.”
“Physically? Or because you felt like you owed it to Sara’s parents to pay them off after their daughter tried killing you and your girlfriend? You work hard for your money, Noah! Didn’t Sara get enough of it the first time around?”
He winces, and I’m not sure if it’s out of anger or pain. Of course, it makes me feel like the world’s biggest dick.
“You didn’t see them. They’re poor, Sawyer. Disabled, broke, and heartbroken. It wasn’t why I went. I needed answers, some closure, and at the end of the day, they could make our lives hell even though Sara was at fault. Imagine if they decided to countersue us or tried to do something to Mac. Maybe I feel like this is an insurance policy. A bit of kindness goes a long way.”
Why does he always have to be the one to take the moral high ground? The bigger question is, why do I care? This is how he’s always been, and it’s none of my business.
We sit in silence for a while. I lean back in my chair and finish another two or three drinks before he speaks again.
“I did something else today too.”
“We know. I’m pretty sure your Christmas shopping could have waited until you’re not about to pass out when you stand up. Or, at the very least, long enough for you to call and check in so we didn’t have to track you.”
“Sawyer, this is important. Are you drunk?”
“I’m not drunk, but I’m not sober.”
He winces and holds his head, then sighs. “Maybe we should talk later.”
“I’m fine, Noah, say what you want.”
He fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a ring box. Suddenly, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Wordlessly, he passes it to me. It’s fucking gorgeous. Everything about this ring was made for a princess. My Princess.
But that’s the thing about love; it’s never guaranteed to be yours or to be reciprocated. As much as it stings, this is a good thing. It’s exactly the push I need to prove to me she isn’t mine, once and for all.
“It’s a good choice, Noah. She’s going to love it.”
I pass the ring back, and he stares at me long and hard. “There is so much you aren’t telling me right now. I know you better than I know myself, Sawyer. Talk to me.”
“There isn’t much to say, is there? I’m just hurt, Noah, okay?”
“You’re hurt?” Then, with a sudden realization, his tone softens. “Because of Mel.”
Exactly, asshole.
No, not really. This is about him.
Us.
“You would think that. I’m not sure you know me as well as you think. If you did, you would know this is all about us. I used to be your best friend. I should have been the one you went to about Sara, the one you told you were thinking about getting married. I should have been the one who got to stand by your side and pick out the ring as you made one of the most important decisions of your life. Me, Noah. Not Wyatt. I’m actually your brother. I should be your true best friend. You would have been my first call. You, not Darren.”
My hand trembles as I pour another glass of scotch. Maybe I’m a little drunker than I thought. I can’t even bring myself to look at him right now. Instead, I drop my sunglasses over my eyes to block out the sun.
When Noah finally speaks, his voice is low, barely steady, but I can feel his eyes on me the entire time. “Five days ago, I almost died. If you, Mac, and J wouldn’t have come back, I have no doubt Mel and I would be dead. Jordan has officially put Sasha in charge of the bar while he sits in his room here and pops anti-anxiety meds like candy. You’re hovering, drinking, and taking charge of everything the rest of us can’t.”
He pauses and reaches for the water he brought out with him. After taking a long draw, he continues.
“Friday night, I was just happy Mel told me I was the one for her. By Saturday morning, something changed. Life is short, Sawyer, and I’m terrified something bad is going to happen to me.”
That catches my attention, and I turn my head toward him. “Nothing bad is going to happen, you’re fine.”
“Am I? I don’t feel fine. There is a dark cloud looming right now … something is off. Maybe it’s the concussion and all in my head. But what I do know is I’m taking Belle’s advice to live for today. I’m sorry I hurt you. More than you will ever know. As we left Sara’s house, we passed a jewelry store on the way home and I made Wyatt stop. It wasn’t planned. Honestly, I didn’t even know what I was looking for when I went in there, or the four other stores we went to after that.”
Now I feel like a complete jerk.
“So why a ring?” Lifting my glasses, I give him the attention he deserves.
“We walked around each store, and I was waiting to see something, anything, that said ‘Amelia would love this.’ I was thinking a bracelet for Christmas would be nice, you know? Mel isn’t a typical girl who values monetary things, so I knew it had to be something special. Wyatt tried steering me away from the rings, but women wear rings all the time that have nothing to do with marriage, so I ignored him. That’s when I saw it. We were about to leave, and it was literally the last thing we looked at in the last store we went to.”
Of course, and I’m sure Noah feels it was—
“Sawyer, I swear it was fate.”
And there it is—the higher calling he believes in more than anything.
“Noah, I’m not trying to shit on your sunny day, but when we got home from Vegas a week ago, Mel stormed out on you for even mentioning the prospect of living together in a year. What makes you think this is the best idea?”
“It’s probably not, and that’s why I’m not giving it to her now. This incident has bonded us in ways I never expected. I feel it. I’m going to hold onto the ring until the time is right, and you’ll be the first to know when it is. This wasn’t a Wyatt-versus-Sawyer thing, or a me-being-upset-with-you thing, it was a me-and-the-universe thing. Damn, Sawyer, I know I haven’t said anything, but I’ve barely been awake much the past week. I’m extremely thankful for you taking charge of things, for putting the label in their place, for taking care of Mel and me.”
“It’s not a big deal. You’d do it for me.”
“Are you kidding? You’d rather never sing again than deal with blood, but you’ve been taking care of Mel’s nasty fucking wound for a week. You step up when it matters, Sawyer, you always have, and I can’t imagine a time when you won’t.”
“You would still do it for me.”
“Maybe, but I’ve learned some things about myself lately that I don’t like. Now I seem to question everything.”
What in the world is he talking about? Noah is the best person I’ve ever known.
“Like what?”
“I’m selfish.”
I scoff at that, but he shakes his head sadly. “It’s true.”
“Says the man who just wrote a check for a hundred grand to a psychopath’s family.”
“Big fucking deal. The swipe of a pen against paper that won’t make one bit of a difference in my bank account in the long run. I’m talking about things that matter.”
“Are you okay? Seriously, should I take you to the doctor? Everything you do matters. What has you on edge? Aside from the obvious concussion.”
I’m worried about him. He’s tense and fidigity and keeps furrowing his brows.
“I’m jealous. I’ve never been a jealous person.”
Oh, now we’re getting somewhere. After a sip of my scotch, I give him the unvarnished truth.
“You’re only jealous because of my feelings for her.”
“You admit them when you’re drunk, of course.”
“No, I’m admitting them because they’re over. Mel’s just a good person, and it’s hard not to be enamored by that. She’s also a hundred percent in love with you, and no one else is even visible in her orbit but you. You’re going to marry this girl, Noah. She’s going to be my sister-in-law. That’s not something I would ever take lightly.”
“I know, but it’s not just you. I see how other men look at her. I get jealous when she’s doing her interviews with Wyatt and Darren too.” Whoa, that’s different. “See, I know, it’s crazy. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, but I’m not sure I like this aspect of it. And that’s also where I’m selfish. I like having her to myself. I like being cooped up on the bus and not sharing her.”
He’s all over the place today. I wonder how much is concussion jumble and how much is him needing to get his feelings out.
“You don’t seem to have an issue when we have breakfast together in the morning.”
“Well, that goes back to me trusting you more than you believe. I do trust you, Sawyer. I just don’t want you hurt or upset. It also means trusting her. Any girl who would fuck around with my brother under my nose doesn’t deserve my love or my friendship.”
I’m reminded of the day on the bus when I pushed things too far and promptly down the rest of my drink.
“You’re lucky then, Mel’s not that girl. She’d never do that to you. You need to relax, Noah. Enjoy her, enjoy the rest of the tour. Let go of this selfish, jealous feeling you’ve got going on. I’m not going to mess with your girl. Darren is having a baby with her best friend, and if Wyatt even thought to lay a hand on his best friend’s girl, I’d kick his ass for messing with my best friends’ heart. After Bethie kicked his ass herself.”
Noah laughs. “True, Anna is a force to be reckoned with. I really wanted to see her kick Sara’s ass that day in Vegas.”
“Although I see the appeal, I didn’t. I wanted Anna and Mel as far away from Sara as possible. I wish I could understand why you gave her parents that money, or even the decency of a conversation, but I don’t.”
“We’re just different people, Sawyer. I can’t walk away so easily. I don’t know what else to say.”
“You’re the good twin, I’m the asshole twin. That’s nothing new.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” Noah stands, running his hands through his hair. “Our whole talk has been good. You’re a good person, and so am I. Sure, we both have our issues, who doesn’t? But come on, for once can you admit we just have different strengths and weaknesses? Maybe you can be harsh at times, but there are days when I envy that. You speak your mind, I’m always the pushover. I know there are times you wish you could be more easygoing, but for as long as I can remember, you took it upon yourself to speak up. To get your way, to protect me, to be sure we were treated equally instead of two halves of the same coin. You did that, not me.”
“I don’t know about all that.”
He looks down at me and cracks a smile. “I do. We’re twins, Sawyer, and even when it hurts we talk about the stuff most people won’t touch. We’ve had more conflict between us the past year than we ever have. Maybe life is catching up with us. Things will be normal again soon enough. Our bond is stronger than any of this other BS.”
I feel so much better, but I’m also still angry. Maybe it’s the booze.
“You look tired, you should go lie down.”
“Yeah,” he yawns, “I am pretty beat.”
“Go, I’ll still be here later. We’re good, Noah, and we always will be, even if we fight.”
“For sure. It’s just better when we don’t.”
By the time Mel comes out of their room, I’ve practically finished the bottle of scotch. I can’t stop thinking about how lucky he was today. What if Sara’s parents had been as equally psychotic as she was? I wish Noah would be more concerned with his own safety because it stresses me the fuck out that he isn’t.
“I’m going to make some food. Do you want something to eat?” she asks with a concerned look on her face.
“Are you really not mad at him?” I’m slurring, but Princess will understand.
“For which part?”
“Going over there, giving them money, not telling us he was doing something so epically stupid.”
As she digs around in the cabinets, I down another glass of scotch. “I’m glad he took Wyatt with him. I’m not happy he didn’t tell me first, but I understand it more now.”
They’re nauseatingly perfect for each other; each of them are way too understanding. “What about the money?”
“What about it? It’s his money, Sawyer, not mine.”
Mel stands defensively, daring me to cross her. My cock twitches, until I remember he bought her a ring today. “It will be. Hell, it might as well be. You know he’s going to marry you.”
She grabs a few napkins and brings me a sandwich. It hits me that she’s the first woman to make me food outside of my family and Anna. “Eat this, please, and I’ll keep talking to you.”
I didn’t even realize I was hungry until she put it in front of me. Moaning, I devour the first half quickly. This might be the best grilled ham and cheese sandwich I’ve ever tasted. It’s a buttery, crispy perfection. She seems proud of herself as I eat before she continues with our talk.
“Look, Sawyer, I love your brother, but I’m not his keeper. The last thing on my mind is his money and what he does with it. I’ve got more than enough of my own to worry about his. But I do think what he chooses to do with it at times is admirable. A family lost their only child to mental illness, and their child also happens to be someone Noah used to care for. I don’t see anything wrong with him helping them out and easing his conscience.”
It’s odd to hear those words come from her mouth. I have to remember she isn’t a groupie and actually means what she says. After finishing my sandwich, I take the plate to the sink. I need to sleep off this alcohol, but I want to finish our talk. “That was good, thank you. But you didn’t answer me. What are you going to do when he marries you?”
The words taste stale on my tongue. How can I hate the idea of them together as much as I love it? She’s laughing when she turns to face me until she realizes how serious I am. “You actually didn’t ask me anything about getting married. You pointed out he was going to marry me. I don’t know the answer to that, Sawyer. If … Someday, when … Noah and I choose to get married, that will be his choice. Personally, I love the random things he does to make other’s lives better because he’s fortunate enough to do so. If he’s financially stable enough to help others, more power to him.”
I’m so tired all of a sudden. I blink my eyes and rub my head in an effort to keep talking. When did I get so drunk? As her words catch up to my drunken ears, I think about them. Maybe that’s what appeals to her so much—Noah’s generosity. “Do you think I should do that? Be more philanthropic?”
“Sawyer,” she plates the last sandwich and turns the stove off, “you should do whatever makes you happy. Most days I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. The bulk of my parents’ money is sitting in an account accruing interest. The rest gets donated. That makes me feel better about the rest since I have no clue what to do with it.”
Just when I think we’re done talking, she takes my breath away by placing her hand on my heart. “You have to do whatever makes your heart happy. Nothing else is worth it. You also have to stop comparing yourself to your brother. The two of you are completely different people, both equally amazing, both with huge hearts and an incredible love for family. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve got your whole life to do good things.”
Her words are sweet, and her touch feels so good, I can’t help but smile at her. She’s always honest; that’s probably the best thing about her. Princess will never blow smoke up anyone’s ass. “Thanks, Princess, I needed that. Tell Noah I’m sorry for fighting with him. I was just …”
“Worried,” she fills in, but that’s not it.
“Not only worried … I was being protective of you. I’m your friend and I don’t like to see you in pain, but he’s my brother and I should know better because Noah would rather die than hurt you. I’m going to go sleep this off. Thanks for the sandwich and the chat, Princess.”
When I leave the kitchen and lie down in my bed, all I can think about is how I should find something to do that would make me a better person, so that one day, I might be lucky enough to find a girl like Mel of my own. Noah is a lucky guy.