It Doesn’t Matter Anyway
Amelia and Belle ended up staying until about five in the morning. After Goonies, Wyatt threw on some reality T.V., and Princess fell asleep, eventually slumping onto Noah’s shoulder. He fell asleep, too, knowing he’d wake her if he moved. At least, I hope that’s why.
It’s not uncommon for me to read while we all hang out, so I pull up her book on my phone and go back to the beginning. It doesn’t take long before I’m completely sucked in.
My name is Joss Kline and my husband, who you will be hearing a lot about, is Sam Kline. I’ve never been a believer in romance or happily ever afters, but I do believe in good sex. A strong O game has to be part of any good relationship. My husband Sam had the strongest O game I’d ever experienced, and the fact he’s one sexy bastard doesn’t hurt either.
We dated for about a year and a half before my O’s disappeared. Our relationship was great, we still had sex often, but I’d become a tool for his release, my needs brushed aside. One day, I sat back and tried to figure out what was going on. Why had my O’s vanished but his still went on stronger than ever? I dubbed it The O Factor, and trying to figure it out became my mission.
When I began playing detective, the last thing I wanted was the puzzle to end with a ring on my finger. I just wanted my mother fucking O’s back, and if they were with Sam that was perfect, if not, well, it was his loss, not mine. Okay, maybe a little bit mine. I mean, after all, even without my O’s he still rocked my world, but those O’s are really fucking important to a healthy sex life.
What happened next led us both on a sexual discovery mission that, to be frank, has spiced up our love life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. If you want to know what happened, how I brought the O game back into my world and kept it there, keep reading. My first bit of advice to you all is, in order to keep your O game, you must never, ever, accept complacency in your relationship. Complacency is where the O Factor hides. As soon as you hit that bump in your relationship and choose not to rebound, it’s over. Want to find out how I rebounded? Keep reading.
And I did. I kept reading until Belle and Darren came back inside looking windswept and well fucked. He was even holding her hand and walked her out. I think he’s got it bad, but as I watch Noah walk Amelia to the door, I realize I’m pretty sucked into her orbit, and I’ve got no room to judge.
Yawning, Noah grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’m off to bed,” he calls while walking to his room. Wyatt went to bed hours ago, as did Warren, so it’s only Darren and me now.
“I fucked her bareback,” Darren blurts out, his words stopping me in my steps toward the table. Turning around slowly, I let his words sink in. I only have one question for him.
“Why?”
He takes a seat, and I follow, waiting for his answer. “I’m not exactly sure.”
“We don’t know her. She’s a reporter who trolls bands for a living. You’re going to end up being her baby daddy, you just wait and see.”
That is the last thing I want for my best friend. Darren has a pure heart of gold, and if he knocks up some random chick, it’s going to fuck him for life.
“Have you ever met someone and, for some inexplicable reason, been drawn to them? Man, I could be the world’s biggest sucker, but I believe she’s sincere. And we did sort of talk about STI’s and birth control and shit. I like her, Sawyer, a lot.”
“I kissed her Princess pal tonight,” I admit in a rush, and a huge grin spreads across his face.
“Tell me more.”
What can I tell him without sounding like a total bitch? “It was hot, and if she hadn’t pulled away, I would have fucked her. With protection,” I add because he needs to be reminded his life isn’t a fucking joke.
“Protection from now on, I promise. I’ve never done that before, and let me tell you, sex without a condom is almost like a whole different experience. But enough about me and my awesome night. Do you think she’s into you?”
“I think she’s guarded, and she’s more concerned about her job than she is about a relationship.”
With wide eyes, Darren covers his mouth to stifle his laugh. Once he’s composed himself, he points at me. “You said relationship. Looks like I’m not the only one who feels sucked into an alternate reality tonight.”
“I didn’t mean …” Tugging on my lip ring, I think carefully about what I’m about to say. “Shit, whatever. That kiss was earth-shattering, and if that’s what people feel when they meet someone they like, I’ve been doing this shit all wrong.”
“You need to talk to Noah.”
“Yeah, I know. I wanted to do it tonight, but I guess it will have to keep until the morning. The last thing we need is another Marilyn situation on our hands.”
“You’ll figure it out, the two of you are tighter than ever. Well, other than the residual issues with our impending retirement.”
“It’s done. We’ll open a record company or some shit and record your next band.”
Darren points at himself before turning and looking around the room. “Uh-uh, a new band isn’t in it for me. These last nine years have been a blast because I’ve been able to spend time with my brothers. But fuck if I’m going to pick up and start touring again. This shit is not for the faint of heart.”
“Hm, I really thought it would be you who kept going.”
“Nope, I’m looking forward to finding a cool chick to chill with who will cook her ass off for me. I’m ready for real home-cooked meals again. You, on the other hand, were meant for the stage. You should be the one to keep going.”
I’m getting antsy with this conversation. Me on a stage by myself, touring alone, isn’t something I’ve ever wanted. It’s easy to display an asshole persona when I’m surrounded by my family, but to be a solo act? It’s just not in my nature.
“You know that will never happen.”
He frowns at my low tone. “It’s a shame, Sawyer, your talent is a gift.”
“So is yours,” I counter easily.
“Noted. Let’s get some sleep because I can’t wait to see how Noah reacts when you tell him you finally like a girl. I know it’s early, but I’m happy for you. Night, man.” After patting my shoulder, he goes to his room, and after turning off the lights, I go to mine.
I’m too hyped up to sleep though. After stripping down to my boxers, I start reading the book again, and I don’t stop until I finish and the sun is shining brightly in my room. I hear Noah’s door open and look at the clock. It’s after ten. I can’t believe I read an entire book in five hours. It was good; Amelia has a way with words. She grabbed me and pulled me into her story, and I never looked back. I have so many questions I want to ask her, but I know one thing for sure. She’s exactly the person we needed to tell our story.
After taking a piss, I throw on some clothes and head out into the kitchen to talk to Noah. He’s standing at the counter smiling away. It’s nice to see him in a good mood, but then again, Noah usually is.
“We should talk,” I tell him as I pop a coffee pod into the Keurig.
“It’s like you can read my mind. That still might be the best part of being a twin. You want to go first?”
“Nah, you can. Let me get a few sips of coffee in before I have to actually get deep.”
With a curious glance at me, he takes a seat at the table, and I join him when my coffee is finished.
“Look, I think we might have a problem bringing Amelia with us on the road.”
My heart lurches at his words, but Noah is so excited he doesn’t notice how what he just said affects me.
“Why?” I’m hoping that came off nonchalant and not anxious.
“Because I like her, Sawyer. I mean, really like her.”
Darren stumbles over his own feet as he walks in on the tail end of Noah’s confession. Fucking A, this was not how I thought this conversation was going to go.
“Noah … I don’t know, I mean …”
In his excitement, he doesn’t even realize I’m tripping over my words, which is very unlike me. I don’t have trouble speaking; it’s not in my nature.
“I know. It’s the worst timing to think I may be falling for someone, and we could pick one of the other writers, but she’s the best out of them all. Do you think it could work? That we could have a friendship and, if I’m lucky, maybe more? Damn, Sawyer, I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long-ass time.”
Darren winces as if in pain and, after the Marilyn thing, I do the only thing I can, the only thing that’s right. “I’m sure it will be fine, Noah. She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who moves quickly anyway. Be her friend and see what happens. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your friendship, especially since she’ll be on our bus and she already thinks I’m a dick.”
“She’s going to be on our bus? And you’re not a dick, Sawyer, you’re just rough around the edges at times.”
Darren is mouthing words rapidly to me, but I’m ignoring him. I don’t need to know what he’s saying; I can already hear him bitching me out in my head. “Yeah, Warren sent out an email this morning about how inappropriate it would be for her to bunk with them because Wyatt is married and all. Did you, uh, make a move on her last night or anything?”
Darren turns his attention to Noah, but Noah shakes his head. “No way. We just talked, but she felt comfortable enough with me to fall asleep on my shoulder. That has to mean something, right?”
I want to yell that it doesn’t mean shit because she kissed me and she liked it. He should know our chemistry is off-the-charts insane. But I don’t tell him any of that because she pushed me away. Maybe she doesn’t want me like I want her. Maybe Noah really is her choice and that’s why she backed off, why she automatically sat next to him, and why she fell asleep on him.
“Sorry, guys, I’m really tired. I didn’t get any sleep because I’m stressed out about this song. Give me a couple of hours to nap and then we’ll jam.”
Noah furrows his brow with worry. “Are you okay? Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“I just wanted to run some ideas by you, but we’ll do it later. Maybe I’ll be in a better frame of mind if I get some sleep.”
“Okay, I’m going to go for a walk on the beach. It’s gorgeous outside today.”
When I’m halfway to my room, I hear the sliding glass door open and then close, and Darren follows me into my room not more than five seconds later.
“What the hell, Sawyer? You have to tell him you kissed her! We can’t go through this again! It’s not fair to Noah, and it’s not fair to the band.”
I don’t even have it in me to argue with him because he’s right, but Noah is my brother, and he’s lit up brighter this morning than a tree on Christmas.
“Actually, I don’t have to tell him. I think I misread the entire situation. She pushed me away, Darren, after she spent an hour talking to him down on the beach. When she came inside, she pushed me away and claimed the spot next to him on the couch. She’s already made her choice.”
Sadness fills his features. “Man, don’t do this. I’ve never seen you so fired up over a chick. Don’t let your self-doubt cloud your judgment on this. Not this time, Sawyer. For once, fight for what you want. You’ve got her number. Call her or text her and ask her what she wants.”
“Like that’s not premature or anything.”
“At least you’d be fighting for what you want! I know you love Noah and you feel like shit for what happened with the bitch, but dammit, Sawyer, you’ve always taken all the fault for that situation. You weren’t the only one in the wrong.”
Darren is angry and in protective mode. If I’m not careful, he’ll tell Noah.
“Maybe not, but I was the only one who was too high to realize he was fucking his brother’s girl. I owe him one. Hell, I owe him everything. This is nothing. I kissed her once. Big fucking deal. I kiss girls all the time and never tell him about it, so she won’t be any different. If they start dating, I’ll tell him, so there’s no … conflict of interest or whatever, but I’m fine, Darren. I’m stepping back. Noah deserves to be happy.”
He shakes his head and stares at me in disappointment. “You deserve happiness too, Sawyer. Noah isn’t the only Weston twin who does good things for people. You do them for Noah all the time and he doesn’t even realize it. If this were any other fucker, you’d be cocky and arrogant and get the girl just because you could. Instead, once again, you’re falling on your sword. I really hope you don’t regret this, man. For all our sakes. I’m going to go see my parents for a bit. Text me when you’re ready to jam.”
“Darren, wait …”
He pauses at my door and turns around.
“This isn’t just anyone. It’s Noah. Lifelong romantic, believer in fate, soul mates, love at first sight, and above all else, happily ever afters. He falls quickly, loves passionately, and never second-guesses his feelings. But … he doesn’t fall recklessly. Noah sees something in the women he chooses, and you know better than anyone it doesn’t happen often. Maybe this could someday mean something to me. Or maybe I would fuck it up. But it already means something to him.”
With an unusually sad expression, Darren shakes his head. “It’s sad you can’t admit to yourself she already means something to you too.”
After he leaves, I’m lying on my bed when the words start coming to me in a rush. I always keep a pen and a songwriting journal next to my bed because inspiration tends to hit me in the middle of the night.
Was it just an illusion?
The way you looked at me.
Didn’t sparks fly, when your lips met mine?
Your love is an illusion
Not given without strings
You can’t be mine forever
Not while wearing his wedding ring.
I scribble the lyrics furiously. They don’t make much sense, but it’s something, a start, and for the first time in almost a year I feel my creative spark coming to life. I may not be getting the girl, but getting my writing mojo back is the next best thing.
Over the next two hours, I write and rewrite as I figure out lyrics and potential melodies to go with them. When my phone buzzes next to me, I snatch it up eagerly, wondering if it could be her. But of course, it isn’t.
Darren: Let me know when you’re up.
Never went to bed come in if you want to.
A few minutes later, my door swings open and his eyes sweep across my bed. There are at least a dozen drafts spread about, and when he realizes what he’s seeing, he comes closer.
“You’re back?”
“I’m back, check this out.” I hand him the song I just finished and wait for his input. I don’t have to wait long.
“Dude, this is … damn, Sawyer.”
“It’s bad, huh? I’ve been tweaking and tweaking it for the last two hours, but maybe I need to start over.”
“Don’t you fucking dare. This is the best song you’ve written in ages. It goes perfectly with the title and the new album. It’s legit. This right here is what it’s all about. This is Bastards and Dangerous … Unplugged.”
“Yeah?” I ask with a grin.
“Hell yeah. But do you know what else this is?” He answers without waiting for me, “This is your heart speaking, Sawyer. I won’t say anything, but this is putting Amelia on blast for choosing your brother. You just built a future for them, and you don’t even know that is going to be the case.”
“I did not.”
With a snort, he tosses the page back at me. “You totally did, but it’s good. If what’s happening is going to bring out this side of you, I’m looking forward to seeing you kicking ass with new creations even though I’d rather see you put yourself ahead of Noah for once.”
“He’d do the same for me.”
Darren stares at me for a moment before answering. “I know he would, I just wish this time he got the chance to. You always seem to beat him to the punch. I love Noah, you know that, so I’m not hating on the dude. I’ve just never seen you the way I saw you last night. Can’t blame a brother for being in your corner. Anyway, when do you want to start laying down tracks?”
I’m so fucking bleary-eyed I can’t stand it. It’s close to one now. “Can you send a group text? Tell everyone we have a new song and we’ll lay it down after dinner. That will give me a few hours to catch some Zs so my voice doesn’t sound like shit.”
“Will do. You did good, Sawyer, with the song and with Noah. I’m bummed for you, but I’m also really proud of you, man. There’s no one else I’d want to have my back than you.”
“I’ve always got your six, Darren … and thanks.”
It always amazes me how a few hours of sleep, a shower, and some good food can revitalize a person. We’re all down in the garage studio getting ready to start working, but first, they’re passing around copies of the song for everyone to get on the same page and suggest necessary changes.
Darren was able to build off the music while I napped, and he pretty much finished it by the time I woke up.
“Damn, Sawyer, you did this in just a few hours? It’s definitely … different.”
“Different bad?” I ask Wyatt.
“No, it’s great. It’s got a romantic vibe to it, which is fine, but it’s acoustic and softer, so it seems like a leap. But the end … that’s the fucked-up part, the part that makes this song all you. I’m excited as fuck to lay these tracks down. This is going to be a hit, man.”
Noah keeps looking from his paper to me and back down again. I think about what Darren said about my heart and wonder if Noah will pick up on it too. I hope not. When he finally opens his mouth to talk, his words surprise me.
“This song is almost enough for me to say we should forget about retiring and keep touring. You outdid yourself, Sawyer. Your talent is endless. Songwriting is your gift, you really should think about doing it for others. You’d make a killing. I’m proud of you, baby brother.”
Relief floods through me when I realize Noah is beaming with pride.
Warren jumps on the praise train too. “The song is fantastic, Sawyer. It’s exactly what this album needs. Before we get to recording, I wanted to give you all an update. Amelia sent over her signed contracts by courier this evening. She’s officially on board, and as long as her background check pans out and you’re all still in agreement, she’s your newest addition to the tour.”
“You need to call her, Warren, and tell her she needs to have an attorney look over those papers. I don’t want to be accused of fucking her over.”
“Calm down, Sawyer. Her attorney’s office already went over everything with her.”
Bullshit. “On a Sunday? I don’t buy it.”
“Ah, she … said she had a family friend who helped her with some paperwork before she was going to ask. A lawyer who helped her deal with her grandmother’s estate.”
“Good, then we’re all set. Things are looking up, guys. It’s fate.”
Noah’s optimism never ceases to amaze me, but I get the feeling there’s something Warren isn’t telling us. Like me, Warren isn’t one who usually trips over his words. It’s his job to be assertive and on the ball. As long as she had the paperwork looked at, that’s all I care about at this point. I’m going to try to push Amelia Greyson out of my mind. Maybe by the time the tour starts, I won’t even remember what it was about her that made my heart race and my dick instantaneously hard.