Noah’s Girlfriend
There is nothing better than waking up with your dick in an extremely talented mouth. My head is swimming, my ears buzzing, my heart racing, and I feel great. I don’t usually fall asleep when I’m this high, but based on the porn star moves coming from this girl, I’m sure she fucked me into oblivion, and I hope she does it again.
Weaving my fingers through her hair, I push her down further, sliding my length deeper down her throat. She takes it all while moaning her pleasure at my silent insistence.
Fuck yeah … get it, girl.
She moves with reckless abandon, sucking the way every man dreams of being sucked off. It’s not my usual M.O. to bring a girl back onto the bus overnight, but I’m glad I made an exception this time. It’s too bad I don’t remember a damn thing about last night. It’s just another reminder why I’ve got to get my shit together and stop drinking and doing coke at the same time. When I do one or the other, my memories stay intact, but when I do them together, I’m screwed. I’ll think about that later, though, because right now there’s a real live wet dream happening as this girl tries to win the award for the best blowjob of all time.
Cracking my eyes open slowly, my line of sight is immediately drawn to a glorious head full of curly blonde locks draped around my cock. Reaching out, I eagerly feel around the table for a condom. Once it’s in my grasp, I drop my hand back onto my stomach and groan as she licks the pre-cum from my dick. Overwhelmed with pleasure, I drop my head back onto my pillow and close my eyes. This talented vixen has me riding the edge of pleasure as she pulls the condom from my hand.
The sound of the wrapper ripping is a promise the best is yet to come. It’s only when she rolls the condom down my length and groans do I begin to wonder where on earth I found this sexpot and how long I can keep her here if she fucks half as good as she sucks my cock.
“Damn, baby, I can’t wait to take you again.” Her husky words wash over me as her pussy slides around my dick. She moves slowly at first, adjusting to my size before bending down and tugging at my nipple rings with her teeth.
“Fuck, you’re good at that.” I hiss, and she chuckles, squeezing me tighter as if proving a point.
“We’ve always been good together, Sawyer, and now we can make up for lost time.”
Wait … what? Opening my eyes, I pray I’m not fucking who I think I am right now.
“Marilyn …” I whisper, and when my eyes meet hers, she grinds her clit against me. This girl has always had a way of coming fast and taking me with her. But she’s not supposed to be here, and I can’t get my dick to catch up to my drug-addled mind on this one. She’s so fucking tight and riding me so hard I’m about to blow.
Her walls begin to pulse around me as she chants my name in a growing crescendo. This is so fucking wrong, but the sound of my name falling from her tongue has my cock on blastoff. There’s no holding back at this point, and my body betrays my mind, giving in to the carnality of this moment. All I can do is hope I’ll be able to figure out what the hell happened after I come.
“Sawyer!” she cries loudly, riding the wave of our mutual orgasm. The bedroom door flies open mid-release, and all I see is the hurt and rage in Noah’s eyes. He screams more expletives than I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth, and I say nothing. What can I say? His girlfriend is still milking my cock with her pussy, and I can’t deny he’s not seeing it.
When Noah storms out of the room, I throw my arm over my head as Darren and Wyatt call out to him in vain. My twin sense is on high alert, and before the bus abruptly stops, I already know Noah’s running. I would too if I were him, but as usual, he’s better than me. I probably would have punched him first.
“Well, that was awkward, but he’ll get over it eventually.”
Marilyn’s dismissive tone pisses me right the fuck off. “Are you kidding me? He just kicked the damn door in! You need to get dressed and get out.”
“Come on, baby, don’t be like that,” she whines.
“Don’t call me baby. What happened last night? How are we even here?”
“Noah broke up with me, remember?”
Do I? I remember them fighting, and I remember doing a lot of drugs.
“It’s hazy.”
“Well, he’ll just have to get over it, Sawyer. I’ve always loved you more, it was bound to happen. Noah’s nice, but he’s not … you.”
She bites her bottom lip, and her eyes glaze over. Looking at her makes me sick. Hopping up like someone lit a fire under my ass, I start throwing on my clothes.
“This isn’t happening. I don’t care if you broke up. You should’ve never dated him in the first place, and I should have never hidden our past from Noah. Fuck, Marilyn! He’s my goddamn twin! Noah is the only person who loves me, faults and all and you … we just killed that. He’s never going to forgive me!”
“You’re being overly dramatic.”
I can’t believe she’s blowing this off like it’s no big deal.
“And you’re being extremely indifferent about it. This might not be a big deal to you, but it’s everything to me.”
When I grab my phone from the nightstand, there’s already a text from Warren. I’m never going to hear the end of this from any of them, but at least he’s acting like a manager right now.
“Cab is outside, get your shit and go. You won’t be coming back.”
She shrugs. “It’s your loss.”
“I used to think so … not anymore.”
It doesn’t take Marilyn long to pack up and get out. She even does it silently and without any drama. It’s because she knows how bad we fucked up last night. Broken up or not, what we did was wrong.
“What the hell, Sawyer?” Darren yells when he gets back on the bus.
My head is pounding like crazy. I need a line of coke and a shot of whiskey.
“Dude, I know. Even though they broke up, it’s still no excuse.”
Darren and Wyatt exchange confused looks. Darren’s mouth falls open but Wyatt takes the lead. “Uh, Sawyer, who do you think broke up?”
“Noah and Marilyn.”
They both shake their heads and Darren fills me in. “That never happened. They were drinking and got into a fight, Marilyn came to you, and you guys got high as fuck. Noah was so pissed off he slept on the bus with Collateral Damage. When he finally came to set shit right, well … you, uh, know how it went from there.”
“No … this is not happening. She said they broke up. She said she loved me.”
It hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m a pathetic loser who fell straight into her trap.
“Sorry, man, she lied.” Wyatt’s remorseful tone matches his expression.
“Do you have any coke, Darren? Fuck, I need a drink.”
Instead of waiting for an answer, I make my way to the kitchen to get it myself. Warren is already there pouring all the bottles down the drain.
“What are you doing?!” I scream.
“What I should have done a long time ago. This has gone too far. You need rehab.”
“The hell I do. I just need something to take the edge off.”
Warren shakes his head and leads me back to the couch. “No, you need to sober up. Your band and your entire future are in the shitter right now because you were too high to realize you fucked over the most important person in your life.”
“The band is fine … everything will be fine.” I’m trying to convince myself most of all.
Wyatt snorts. “Keep telling yourself, that but your brother is long gone and heartbroken. If you think fixing this with Noah is going to be easy, you’re higher than I thought.”
“We just need to talk, we’ll work this out. We have to work this out.” The thought of losing Noah over some chick is enough to set off a torrent of tears.
Warren throws an arm around me and pulls me into a side hug. Darren sits on my other side and does the same. “We’ll quit together, Sawyer. We’re too old for this shit anyway. We’re not addicts, we’ve just been partying way too hard lately.”
“I’m down with getting the shit off the bus for a while. Anna doesn’t like it anyway,” Wyatt adds.
“Wyatt, can you call him? Get him to come back?” I’m begging, but I don’t care. My soul aches knowing I caused him pain. Somehow, I’ve got to make this right.
“He’s not answering. I’m sure he needs some time, Sawyer. He’s probably going home.”
Home where? To my parents’ house? To our place in Santa Monica? How did I fuck this up so badly?
I won’t let myself believe that. “We’re in the middle of a tour. He wouldn’t just disappear.”
They look at one another with the same troubled expression. They think I’ve lost my mind.
“Noah isn’t thinking clearly right now. I’m sure the last thing on his mind after what happened this morning is the tour. We’ll have to cancel a few shows and see if we can get him to come back. You had the next few days off anyway. Hopefully, this will settle down.”
Warren doesn’t sound convinced. With good reason too. Never in all his life has Noah shirked any responsibilities.
I’m beginning to feel frantic. “What happens if he won’t come back?”
With a heavy sigh, Warren leans back and crosses his leg over his knee. “The best outcome is that he does. If he refuses, you’ll all be in breach of contract. At that point, you try to negotiate with the label to either hire someone else, go on without him, or let them sue you and go on with your lives.”
“What if I leave? If Noah comes back, I’ll resign. It’s my fault, and I’m the one who deserves the consequences.”
Darren and Wyatt stare at me with shocked expressions, but Warren just shakes his head. “It could be a possibility, but I doubt it would fly. Each of you brings worth to the band, but you are the Bastard in Bastards and Dangerous, Sawyer. You’ve got the stage presence and the attitude to carry the band, Noah doesn’t, he’s just too damn nice.”
“Yeah, well, I apparently bring the bastard to all aspects of my life.”
“You said it,” Wyatt grumbles under his breath.
“Not fucking helping,” Darren bites back.
“Stop it, none of this is helping. What really happened last night, Sawyer? Maybe start at the beginning,” Warren prompts, encouraging an open dialogue.
“It started before last night,” I confess.
“Son of a bitch!” Wyatt yells.
“Not like that, we haven’t been having an affair. Look, here’s the truth … Marilyn played us all. The two of us have history. Ever since she started working at the bar, we’ve been hooking up when I was in town. I thought I was falling in love with her. We texted all the time, talked occasionally, and had great sex.”
Darren already knows this, but it’s news to Wyatt and Warren.
“Go on, Sawyer, let’s figure this out,” Warren says.
“She got mad at me the last time we were home because I wouldn’t invite her on tour with us. I had feelings for her and everything, but adding another person to this bus didn’t make sense. She was pissed and ended things. I honestly had no clue she’d been building a relationship with Noah behind my back the whole time. Two days later, when he asked if he could bring her along, I was stunned.”
Surprise fills Wyatt’s features. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Did you see how fucking happy Noah was? I wasn’t about to steal his sunshine. I was fuming inside, but I was also hurt. I knew it was at least partially my fault because I never told anyone except Darren and Diane about Marilyn, so how could I expect Noah to know?”
“And that’s why you were such an asshole to her all the time,” Warren muses.
“Yeah, pretty much. It only took me a second to figure out she’d been playing us both once she went straight to Noah.”
Wyatt glares at me. “But you still let him fall into her trap?”
“He was already there! Besides, I’m not a saint. Part of me was angry, and I figured he deserved what he got. Deep down I wondered if maybe he did know about us but didn’t care. Mostly, the part of me that knows him best just didn’t want him to deal with the same hurt I was going through.”
“You should have spoken up, Sawyer,” Wyatt says, still sticking up for Noah.
“I realize that now. Marilyn’s such a vindictive bitch she probably got off on the whole thing. Having all of Noah’s attention but still trying to get mine. Last night, when they fought on the bus, I felt bad for her. Noah had been a buzzkill all day, and it seemed like he just wanted to pick a fight with anyone he could.”
Wyatt huffs in frustration. “Damn, this is such a mess. Sawyer, Noah wasn’t being a buzzkill. Marilyn told him she wanted to party. He knew what party was code for and he wasn’t down for it. He’s over the drugs and alcohol. I shouldn’t even be saying anything, but it’s time we all talk this out. Noah was talking about leaving the band if we can’t get the drugs under control. He’s worried about you guys, and he doesn’t want to be a part of a world that could potentially steal his brother from him.”
Wyatt’s words sink into my already fragile mind, and they make me feel like utter and complete shit.
“I’m not an addict.”
He counters, “If you weren’t an addict, your hands wouldn’t be trembling because you haven’t had a fix in the last six hours. And you wouldn’t have been such a dick to your brother the past few weeks.”
Warren gives Wyatt a cautionary gaze before turning his attention to me. “No one is saying you’re an addict, Sawyer, but your continued drug and alcohol use is concerning. I’ve got a specialist on standby to help you and Darren get clean.”
“I’ve only been a dick to Noah because I didn’t know how he was still oblivious to Marilyn and me. She had to have mentioned it by now, and if not, she stares at me enough to tip him off. Hell, she’s still texting me a dozen times a day. Noah is smart, he should have figured out by now that he stole Marilyn away from me. But I still didn’t set out to intentionally hurt him last night … I’d never do that. And one more time for the record, I’m not—”
Warren cuts me off. “An addict. Yes, I’m fully aware. Regardless, you have a penchant to overindulge. It’s affecting your personal life, and you hurt the only person in the world you’d give your life never to hurt. So we need to implement some changes as soon as we find Noah. If you’re really not having addiction issues, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah, whatever. What about Noah? I need to get to him.”
Warren’s brow furrows. “Our bus is heading back to California now. Once we figure things out, we’ll meet back up with the rest of the tour. We’ll be home tomorrow. In the meantime, text him, leave him messages, email him, or whatever you need to do.”
“Noah didn’t know,” Wyatt whispers. “He’d never do that to you, Sawyer. I think Marilyn played the hell out of both of you.”
“I know she did. Last night proves it. This is exactly why I don’t do relationships or date. Women are fucked up. I’m going to get some sleep. Anyone care if I take the room?”
They all shake their heads, and I close the broken door as best I can. I’m not mad at them, just myself. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I text Noah.
My words don’t mean shit right now, I know, but I hope you’ll hear me out when you’re less angry. I can’t believe what I did to you, but I swear on everything, Noah, I didn’t know you were still together. I know it doesn’t make it right and I fucked up royally, but there’s more to the story. I’m so sorry. I love you.
Noah never texts me back, but I didn’t expect him to.
I’m standing outside our condo debating whether I should knock or use my key. It’s been a week since Noah left the tour, and he’s refusing to communicate with me. Our family is pissed, the strain between the guys and me has never been worse, and I feel like I’m dying inside. I’ve never gone more than a few hours without talking to Noah.
My keys slip around in my sweaty palms as I try to open the door. No one is going to do this for me. I have to make Noah hear me. Darren said he’s not doing well. They only got him to stop drinking two days ago. According to his text, Noah is here and thinks they went to the store.
The place looks clean enough now, but the way Wyatt described it a few days ago made me cringe. He said alcohol bottles were strewn all around. It’s hard to even imagine Noah going through something like that, especially alone. Even worse is knowing I’m the one who drove him to it.
The blinds are closed, and Noah is lying on the couch with his arm over his head. I toss my keys onto the counter, and he speaks without moving.
“Forget something?”
“Everything my parents and D.A.R.E. ever taught me about drugs and alcohol.”
A snort escapes him, and I can tell from the way his stomach moves he had to work hard to not let out a laugh.
“What are you doing here, Sawyer?”
“You know why I’m here. We need to talk.”
When Noah moves his arm away from his head and sits up, it’s hard to believe what I’m seeing. He looks like he’s lost ten pounds, and the bags under his eyes are so deep and dark it’s like someone punched him. My guilt has grown tenfold in the last sixty seconds, if that’s even possible.
“Say whatever it is you need to say so you can leave.”
I sit down on the table directly across from him so he has to look at me. “I have a lot to say, so this might take a while.”
“Great,” he groans. “Get on with it then.”
“I’m sorry, Noah. Not just for what happened with Marilyn but for everything. The drugs, the alcohol, the constant partying, all of it.”
“What about being a dick, fucking my girlfriend, breaking my heart? Are you sorry for all of that too?”
Noah’s tone is a mixture of sarcasm and anger, and I can’t ever remember a time he’s used it on me.
“All of that, and let’s not forget being a shitty brother, being the better-looking twin, blaming you for breaking Mom’s vase when we were six. Want me to keep going? I’m sure there are more shitty things I’ve done to you. I’m a bastard, but I’m going to change.”
“You’re not the better-looking twin,” he grumbles, trying to hold back a grin. “What the hell happened, Sawyer? Was she really worth our relationship? You could have talked to me and told me you had feelings for her.”
“Can I sit?” I ask, motioning to the seat next to him. Taking his shrug as a yes, I move from the table to the couch and face him.
“Have Darren and Wyatt told you anything about what happened?”
“Nah, I’m not even sure I was coherent enough to know my own name until yesterday. After they fed me and got me to shower, I crashed.”
“This is a long story, and I’ll answer anything you want me to, but Marilyn played us. I completely own up to what happened the other night. I was wrong, and even though I don’t remember any of it, I should have never put myself in a situation where something like that could happen.”
“What do you mean you don’t remember?”
“Just that. I was wasted. The last thing I remember is you being pissed and fighting with Marilyn. I was already a few lines of coke down by then. I remember feeling bad for her as I was knocking back a shot of whiskey. When she asked if she could join us, I said sure. You seemed like you needed some space, and it’s not like she had anywhere else to go. After that, everything is pretty much a blank until a few minutes before you kicked the door in.”
Noah scrubs his eyes with his fists while taking a few steady breaths.
“I’m not sure which part of your story is more disturbing. That fact you were so messed up you don’t remember anything, or that you were so messed up you were able to betray the person closest to you and not even think twice.”
“I’m done, Noah. I know it doesn’t mean much now, but what happened was me hitting rock bottom. I will never let that happen again. Warren has someone who is going to work with Darren and me so we can kick the coke for good.”
“Why should I believe you?” Noah snaps angrily.
“You shouldn’t, but I’m going to prove it to you nonetheless. I’ve never felt the kind of self-loathing and pain as I did when I realized it was Marilyn in my bed. There’s nothing I can do to change what I did, and for that, I will forever be sorry.”
“You’re always sorry, Sawyer.”
His words sting more than I thought they would. “Yeah, I know, but I’ve never had to be sorry for something I did to you before. Not for a betrayal like this. The thing is … I have to ask you something. Did you know Marilyn and I were fucking before you brought her on tour?”
“What!? God, Sawyer, no! Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
It’s easy to see Noah is telling the truth. His reaction, his expression, makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit.
“Sawyer, you need to talk to me now. Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” Noah’s eyes fill with tears, but he blinks them back.
“Because I have issues. I tried not to love her, to fall for her, but there was something about her. The way she always texted me, the way she wanted to know how I was doing. I thought she cared until she broke things off two days before you invited her on tour with us.”
Noah leans back and covers his face with his hands, muttering “no” again and again. When he finally looks back at me, his eyes are red, and he’s no longer holding back his tears.
“I can’t even believe I have to say this. Sawyer, I would never, ever, do something like that to you. We don’t do the whole swapping girls thing, we never have. It sucks we always seem to be attracted to the same women, but we’ve made it work in the past, and I hope we’ll always make it work. I’ve been angry and sad for days …” He pauses and stares at me with a blank expression.
When Noah speaks again, it’s in disbelief. “We’re best friends … twins, for fuck’s sake … how could you sit on something so important? You’ve sat back and wondered if I was betraying you for months. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I tell you everything, Sawyer. Every. Damn. Thing. What am I supposed to do with the knowledge that you don’t trust me enough to do the same? Fuck Marilyn, you’re the one breaking my heart.”
Ouch.
Noah’s pain is palpable, and his question is valid. I don’t have an excuse. I’ve been trying to figure it out for days, and the only thing I can come up with is glaringly obvious. My drug use has changed me, affecting aspects of my life I didn’t even realize. Noah has always been my safe space. Even if I run some things by Diane first, I know Noah will always have my back. I’ve never doubted him before, and I hate the fact I’ve created this huge chasm in our bond.
“But that’s just it, you don’t tell me everything. If you had, I would have known something was going on with you guys. I would have known she was hitting you up too. I’m not the only one who kept secrets, Noah. Mine just went deeper than yours. Tell me, how long had the two of you been talking or dating before you asked her on tour?”
With a reluctance unlike Noah, he finally answers, “A while, Sawyer. At least six months, if not longer. There were many times I mentioned texting her and you never said a word.”
“Why would I? Everyone was texting her, even Bethie. Marilyn is friends with us all. It would have been uncommon for us not to talk to her. Why didn’t you tell me you were dating?”
With a blank expression, he shakes his head. “I don’t know, maybe because I wasn’t sure exactly what we were to each other since it was all via text and phone. We hadn’t seen each other to cement anything in person. Why didn’t you?” Before letting me answer, he speaks again. “You must hate me, but if you had just said something, told me about the two of you when I invited her, you would have saved us both a lot of heartache.”
“You were happy. You know how I get … I’m not sure happy is in the cards for me, and I’m not ready to settle. For her, I was willing to try, but when Marilyn said it was all or nothing if she didn’t come on tour with us, it pissed me off. When she ended it, I told myself we were just fuck buddies anyway. Then you were a couple less than two days later. I was stuck. I thought you should know but decided it wasn’t worth it when I saw how happy you were. Then the longer it went on, the more it ate away at me, and I became bitter and resentful, and I let the drugs become my escape.”
Suddenly, he seems sympathetic toward me. “I didn’t have sex with her before she came with us. You should know that. I wasn’t fucking her before the bus.”
“And I wasn’t fucking her after, until that night or that morning. I don’t know if I had sex with her the night we got on the bus. I’d assume … but it wasn’t until she’d already given me head, put the condom on, and slid down on me that I looked up and saw her. If I’d seen her before, there’s no way. Sorry if that’s TMI.”
“I’m so confused,” he admits wearily. “She never asked for money or gifts, so why play us like that? She hasn’t tried to reach out to me at all.”
“Me either, not that I would take her calls.”
“So why?”
At times like these, I feel bad for Noah. He’s got this purely good heart and soul; the thought of anyone doing something to fuck with people doesn’t compute to him.
“A power trip, I guess. Bragging rights maybe? She can say she played us both, fucked us both, and nearly killed our relationship. She’s one of those women who needs control and will do anything to get it.”
We sit silently for a few moments as Noah lets all this sink in. It’s a lot to handle, but at least he’s sober. I had to do it coming down, and it was a wicked bitch. Eventually, he surprises the hell out of me by pulling me to him and hugging me hard.
“Can we ever get past this?” I’ve never heard fear in his voice like I’m hearing now, but I understand the feeling all too well.
“If you can ever forgive me, I hope so.”
Noah clutches me tighter. “Forgive you? I stole your girl, Sawyer. How can you forgive me?”
“I can’t hold something against you that you didn’t know. I should have said something, and I will next time. Girls are only going to continue to try getting between us. We have to be more transparent with each other. If you start dating, you have to tell me, and the same goes for me. I never want to risk going through this again. I’ve been off kilter since you left the tour.”
Finally releasing me, he cracks a small grin. “Me too. It felt like something was wrong with me the entire time. I always know when you’re hurting, but this went beyond anything I’ve ever felt.”
“Because we were both hurting.”
His green eyes meet my matching set. “So are you really getting sober?”
“Hell yeah. I’m not giving up alcohol, but I’m done with drugs. I’m not an addict. I’m not withdrawing or anything, but a line of coke sounds good. I want to get to a place where it doesn’t. Where I’m not tempted. Where I can easily say no. And if I just remember your face when you caught us together, I don’t think I’ll ever have an issue saying no again.”
“I’m glad. I’d never want to go through that again, but I would if it meant getting you sober. I’ve missed you this past year, more than you know. The partying and the drugs, it’s just too much for me.”
After kicking my feet up on the table, I lean back on the couch. “Wyatt said you want to quit the band. Is that true?”
“Yes and no. I love the band, and touring with you guys is one of the best experiences of my life. Getting to do this with you is the icing on the cake. But I don’t love the partying, the drugs, the mood swings, the constant women in and out of the bus, and neither does Wyatt. Imagine how Anna feels, Sawyer. Knowing you and Darren are constantly traipsing in women in such close quarters. She’s not stupid. She knows Wyatt can catch a show if he wants to. Or even join in. She’s your best friend, and you haven’t considered how this makes her feel, have you?”
“I’ve been pretty fucking selfish.”
“Nah, you’ve just been riding high on the endorphins of success. I’ve heard it happens to all the best people.”
“It didn’t happen to you,” I point out.
“I made a conscious effort for it not to. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have fun. You most definitely should, but do it in moderation and without the drugs. I don’t want to lose my twenty-one-year-old brother to an O.D., and if I did, I’d never forgive myself. I want to leave the tour because I can’t bear witness to something I can’t stop.”
Exhaling, I run my fingers through my hair. “We have to be better at this shit, Noah. No matter how hard the topic is, we have to talk about it. You’re the one person in the world I can’t live without.”
“Agreed.”
“Are you coming back to the tour?”
He flashes a bright smile. “Hell yeah. Brothers before bitches … always.”
“God, she really was a bitch, wasn’t she?”
He laughs and nods. “She was, but it was attractive in an odd way. The sex was good.”
“Yeah, the sex was great.”
The uncomfortable vibe in the room is back before Noah snorts and then laughs. “This is why we don’t date the same girls. Talking about sex is one thing, but being able to compare sex with the same woman is an uncomfortable level of weird, isn’t it?”
“With you … yeah, because you’re my twin. With Darren, not so much.”
“I don’t even want to know.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “No, you definitely don’t.”