Chapter 15
Lee
I enjoyed spending time with Farrah, and I liked having her in my home. We ate together and afterward, she helped me clean up. I hadn’t spoken of the pregnancy or the baby at all, wanting her to calm down and relax a little. She had been so tightly strung when she’d first gotten to my office, it was clear we weren’t going to get anywhere talking about it, then.
Inviting her to my cabin for dinner had been the one way I could imagine getting her to calm down and stop worrying for a moment. Plus I had been hungry, so it worked out all the way around.
She had thought I would be angry about the baby. I guess I could have been. None of this had been planned and it was a tough conversation to have with anyone, especially since she believed it wasn’t even possible.
After all the medical crap she told me, the endometriosis and everything she had been through trying to conceive, none of this should have been possible. It just shouldn’t have happened. And I didn’t miss the part where she’d said how much she’d always wanted a child. I could only imagine the pain of not being able to conceive when it was the one thing she had always wanted. It sounded like this Jim was a real piece of work too. How could he blame her and make her feel worse than she already did?
I couldn’t be angry at her for this. It wasn’t her fault. If there was anyone I had to be angry at, it would be the doctors who had been wrong. But judging from what she said to me at the ranger’s office, they had really tried to make it happen. If the doctors had seen her fail to get pregnant time and time again, they weren’t exactly wrong by concluding she couldn’t get pregnant.
And it all started when she was sixteen. That was a long time to have to struggle through it.
If anything, this pregnancy wasn’t a problem, it was a miracle.
But I didn’t want to talk to her about it just yet. I wanted her to be able to enjoy herself a little. I hadn’t asked when she had found out, but since we had slept together only a week ago, she hadn’t known for long.
None of it made sense. She had to have been barely pregnant. But I wouldn’t go there with her tonight. I wanted to spend time with her and get to know the woman that had been on my mind since she had left here on Monday.
I had tried all week to forget about her and I was acutely aware that it would be so much harder when she left this time. But this time, she wouldn’t be able to walk out of my life for good. Not now that she was pregnant with my child. She had come here to tell me, so we were connected one way or another until the baby was twenty-one.
That was something great to think about. Having Farrah become a part of my life was something I hadn’t thought would happen, but now that it was the case, I wasn’t upset about it.
I had a feeling I would need some time to wrap my mind around what had happened and how it would change my life, but I still couldn’t find it in myself to be upset about it.
I looked at Farrah as she moved around my cabin and I couldn’t help but feel she belonged here. She was at home in my space and I felt comfortable with her in my home. We washed the dishes together. I didn’t have a dishwasher. As a bachelor, I hardly needed one. So, she washed and I dried.
Everything about Farrah was graceful and elegant, and despite the terrible week I’d had, I couldn’t help myself. I still wanted her.
With her dark hair pulled back she looked efficient and classy. She wore a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, but even though it was casual, she was still polished and I liked that about her. Farrah didn’t seem like the type of woman that would look terrible in the morning. I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which she would look bad.
In fact, I knew what she looked like in the morning. I had stayed the night in the motel last weekend. That was probably what had fucked me up, because I hadn’t been able to get my mind off her, since.
I wanted Farrah. I wanted to sleep with her again. I wanted to kiss every inch of her body, and to run my fingers over her smooth skin. I wanted to tangle my hands in her hair and taste her most intimate parts. I wanted her to press her tall body up against mine.
The thought of being with her made my dick twitch in my pants. I was turned on by her. I was hot for her. But I wasn’t going to act on it tonight. We had been through enough emotional trauma for one day, and hitting on her to get her into my bed now was the last thing I was going to do. No matter how much I wanted her.
We would take the time to figure things out, and once we decided how we were going to go about it, we could approach the topic of sex again.
Even though it was what I really wanted right now. But I would wait. If Farrah was pregnant with my child, I wanted to have a go at being with her. Not only because she was fucking hot and she still fascinated me to no end, but because I believed it was right for us to try to be parents together. It was right for me to try to make it work with her. I wanted to do right by her, and the baby.
She hadn’t made this baby alone and no matter how crazy it was that she was pregnant, I wasn’t going to have her raise the baby alone.
Once the kitchen was clean and everything had been packed away, we walked into the living room. I put on a movie so we had a bit of noise in the background, but neither of us was really watching. We faced each other, her legs folded underneath her on the couch, and we talked some more.
When Farrah wasn’t stressed or worried, when she wasn’t closed down because she was shy or unsure of herself, she was quite sweet. She was easy to talk to. She laughed easily and I loved the sound of it. She had a sense of humor, too. Farrah was smart. Her jokes all had double meanings, and her outlook on life was just as intriguing as the rest of her.
We talked about everything under the sun. She told me about her job when she worked as a photographer for a large company.
“I was stuck, there,” she said. “The pay was great but I realized I would always be shooting the same things. I would always be doing the same kind of projects. I wanted to do my own stuff, to explore my art, but I was never able to because my job took all of my time. So, I decided to leave.”
“And what do you want to do?” I asked. “What is your own thing?”
“Nature,” she said. “The photos in the National Geographic have always fascinated me. Being able to catch a moment that no one is able to see because no human can normally come that close. That is magic to me.”
I couldn’t believe this woman. How was it possible that we were so well suited for each other? Fate had to be fucking with me.
Listening to her talk, I watched her mouth. It was mesmerizing. How could someone have hurt her? I wanted to know about this Jim character who had obviously done a number on her. I wanted to know who the hell he was and what right he thought he had to hurt her, when she was nothing but beautiful, kind, and so genuine. But I wouldn’t ask her about it tonight. Whenever she had spoken about him she’d gotten visibly upset, more than any other topic. Whatever he had done to her, it was still very raw. I had to take that into account if I wanted to make things work with Farrah, but I could deal with a shitty ex-boyfriend. I was already better than him, I decided. I wasn’t going to reject Farrah for her shortcomings.
For one thing, I had yet to find any.
Farrah and I talked until deep into the night. I told her about my family, how Hannah and I had grown up close even though she was five years older than me. I told her about Hannah’s past, about Nick, the asshole who hadn’t been good to her. The day my sister had gotten a divorce, our family had celebrated her narrow escape.
“It’s a pity that she’s seen so much pain,” Farrah said. “She’s such a great person.”
“She is,” I said. “But with pain comes growth.” I didn’t tell Farrah that I thought it was the case with her, too. But I knew she thought it.
When I glanced at my watch it was two in the morning.
“It’s so late,” I said. “We’ve talked the night away. Did you book a room at the motel again or at the lodge?”
Farrah shook her head. “I didn’t book any rooms. I came straight to you. I was too worried to think about any of it.”
“It’s going to be a mission to get something now, even though they are open twenty-four seven. You’re welcome to stay here for the night. I can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.”
I was trying to do the right thing here, and I didn’t want to pressure her.
“I don’t mean to be forward,” Farrah said, looking at her hands. “But will you sleep in the bed with me? I don’t really want to be alone.”
I nodded. “Of course,” I said. I would love nothing more than to sleep in the bed with her.
Farrah headed out to her car and grabbed the overnight bag she had packed. She had expected to have to stay. She closed herself in the bathroom, and I quickly changed into the boxer shorts I always slept in.
When Farrah stepped out again, she wore pajama shorts and a matching t-shirt. She looked shy again and blushed when my eyes slid over her body.
“You’re beautiful,” I said. I opened the covers for her and she came to the bed.
When she was tucked in I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth. She was already half-asleep when I returned. I climbed into bed and Farrah quickly wrapped herself around me.
I barely knew this woman, but the moment she curled into me, I was happy. This just felt right. It didn’t matter how little I knew about her, we were now on a journey together. And I would try my best to see it through. Not just out of duty as the father of the child, either. I wanted to be with Farrah. I wanted to look into her eyes every day. I wanted to be the one to chase her nightmares away, and to make her smile.
I put my arm around her and held her close to me. After a week of restless nights, I closed my eyes and finally fell into a deep sleep.