Chapter 8
Farrah
I never wanted someone the way I wanted Lee. He hadn’t pushed me once to do something I didn’t want to do. He had let me be myself and it had made him irresistible, and now I wanted to be with him in a way I hadn’t ever experienced with anyone before.
When I was younger, I had been with a few guys. Jim had been the most prolific, and I had been with him the longest. We had aimed for forever, for a family. With him, it had been slow and steady, the way I had needed it with him at first. Until it hadn’t been anything like that at all. As time passed, it had become a nightmare, and all I remembered about Jim was the incredible pressure to be better. To be different.
It wasn’t like that with Lee at all. He made my body tingle. He made me hot at my core and I wanted him. When I looked at him, desire washed through me and I wanted to act on it. I couldn’t remember when last I had felt anything at all. Since I had met Lee, my body which had been dormant for a very long time, had suddenly woken up.
I was determined to be bold with him. He allowed me to be exactly what I needed to be when I needed it.
I broke off our kiss and pulled him toward the bed. I wasn’t sure if he would follow. We were still strangers after all. I was still taking a chance. But Lee followed me. I pulled him onto the bed and he lay down next to me, pressing the length of his body against mine. His body was taut and muscular and the bulge in his pants told me how happy he was to see me. He was turned on by me and I loved it. It made me feel good about myself. Knowing that he thought I was hot and that he was sexually attracted to me made me feel bold about what I was doing. When I was away from him I doubted myself, believing I might have misinterpreted the signs from him. But there was no guessing how he felt now.
But Lee didn’t know me. He didn’t know how broken I was. Maybe that was why he was still attracted to me.
The negative thoughts started bouncing around in my mind, tugging at my newfound boldness, making me doubt myself. I tried to push them away. I tried to make them stop. I didn’t want everything I had felt with Jim to ruin this little bit of freedom I had with Lee.
Lee broke the kiss and I was suddenly terrified I had done something wrong. I wanted to apologize but I stopped myself. Lee wasn’t Jim.
“We can’t do this,” Lee said, and my heart sank. He knew there was something wrong with me. He had to.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a whisper.
Lee frowned and leaned up on his elbow. “What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong. I want you, Farrah. God, you have no idea how much I want you. But I’m not ready for this. You’re not just some quick fuck.”
I blushed when he said it like that.
“Sorry,” he said, when he saw my reaction.
“What am I, then?” I asked. I wanted desperately to know what he thought of me, how he saw me. I needed to know that he didn’t see me as someone who was broken.
“I want to know you,” Lee said. “I’m fascinated by you. This isn’t supposed to be about your body. I want to do it right, and I don’t think we’re there yet.”
I took a deep breath, and I felt like I was going to cry. The way he had said it made me feel like I was worth something.
When had I last felt that way? But I couldn’t continue without him knowing. I was going to drive myself crazy. I was going to push myself to the limit if I carried on like this.
“I need to tell you something,” I said in a hoarse voice. I glanced at Lee. His face was expressionless and he only nodded. I took a deep breath and braced myself.
“I can’t have children,” I said. I was staring at my hands, scared to look at his face. I feared the judgment I would see there. It had been the hardest thing to admit. For years I had held out hope, feeling less than worthy when I had my period again and again. “I went to doctors for years. Different doctors. We tried everything but they all agreed I would never be able to get pregnant.” I shuddered, thinking about how awful it had been. How awful it still was. It took everything to confess this, but if Lee was going to invest anything in me he had to know. I couldn’t hide something this big from him.
“Why are you telling me this?” Lee asked.
I braced myself for what came next.
“This is my chance to be truly bold. This is my one chance to do what I was never allowed to do before. I could never be myself. Out here, with you, I can do that. It’s my last chance to do something crazy before I have to go back to reality, to my life and my responsibilities.”
Lee remained quiet. I glanced at him. His face wasn’t filled with reproach. Instead, he looked sympathetic.
“I’m not trying to trick you or just have a one-night stand,” I carried on. “I feel something with you that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Or maybe ever. I want to hold onto that for as long as I can before I have to let go.”
I had no idea what he was thinking after my little speech. I was trembling. It had been so much harder than I’d thought to say it to him. It had been terrifying to admit that I wasn’t a complete woman, and that I was unable to do what I had been put on the earth to do.
Lee raised his hand and put it on my cheek. When I met his eyes, they were filled with sympathy and a hunger I hadn’t seen before. He lowered his face to mine and kissed me, and there was nothing gentle about it. His urgency set me on fire. I poured everything into the kiss, all my fears, and all my pain.
He wasn’t rejecting me. He wanted me. The way he kissed me made me feel like he genuinely wanted me, and it wasn’t out of pity. Lee had said I wasn’t just a quick fuck, he wanted to get to know me. He had been careful with me because he respected me, not because he didn’t think I was worth it. It fell into place in my mind and drove away the uncertainty and the negative thoughts about myself.
Lee ran his hands over my body and I shivered. His touch was electric, my skin tingling everywhere he touched me. He pressed his body against mine and ground his hips. I could feel his dick in his pants, a thick ridge of lust. Desire washed over me and pooled between my legs. I wanted him so badly.
Lee put his hand on my breast and I shivered at his touch. His hands were large and capable. He cupped my breast and kneaded it. My nipples hardened and strained against my bra. Lee rolled onto me halfway so I was on my back and he started kissing me down my neck, leaving a trail of fire as he worked his way down my body, not taking his hand away from my breast. He was in control right now. I loved it. He kissed me on my chest and with his free hand, he tugged the neckline of my dress down. He peeled the cup of my bra away and kissed my naked breast. I gasped when he sucked the nipple into his mouth. He sucked my nipple, running his tongue around it before he moved to the other breast and did the same.
As if he couldn’t hold back anymore, he reached down and grabbed a fistful of my dress, pulling it up. He pulled it up to my waist so my legs were bare and my panties were exposed. I shivered. Lee stopped kissed me and looked me in the eyes. He ran his hands over my legs, fingering the lace of my panties. I shivered at his touch. Through the material, it was more intense. I opened my legs a little and he cupped my pussy with a hand that was scalding hot. I was so wet I could feel it in my panties.
Lee ran his hand higher and higher up my body, pushing underneath my dress. I sat up so he could pull it over my head. When he dropped it on the floor, I was exposed wearing only the lace underwear I had put on. Lee stared at me as if I was a vision and I blushed. I reached for his shirt and pulled it over his head. He wasn’t wearing his uniform and the t-shirt and jeans were easier to get out of.
When his shirt was off, I took a moment to stare at him the way he had stared at me. His muscles were defined, his abs a perfect row of defined muscles. I ran my hands over his torso. His eyes were on mine when I looked up.
I undid his belt and unzipped his pants, then helped him get out of them. When he was in his jocks, he turned his attention back to me. He pulled my panties off, sliding them down my legs. I unclasped my own bra and then I was naked on the bed.
Lee ran his hand down my stomach and pushed his fingers between my legs. I gasped when he flicked my clit. He paid attention to it, taking time to run his fingertips in circles over my clit until I was gasping and squirming on the verge of an orgasm. But he didn’t let me go there. Before I could lose control, he slid to my entrance, feeling how wet I was. He pushed his fingers into me and I cried out. I groaned and he kissed me again, pumping his fingers in and out of me. I closed my eyes and gasped, squirming on the bed.
Again, Lee stopped before I orgasmed. He brought me close to the edge and then let me go. It was a delicious torture and it made me ache for him in a way I had never craved someone before.
With his eyes still on me, he moved away from me, quickly slipping off his shorts and climbing onto the bed.
I opened my legs for Lee. It was the most natural thing in the world. It felt comfortable and right with him. He positioned himself between my legs and I glanced down at his dick. He was hard, straining, his balls heavy beneath it. His body hovered over mine, strong arms planted on either side of my head as he pushed into me. He was bigger than I had expected but my body adjusted to his size easily.
I gasped. It was pure pleasure when he slid into me until he was buried. When was the last time sex been this great? When last time I had enjoyed it at all?
Shutting down the thoughts of my past, I lost myself in the moment. This was the only thing that mattered, I told myself. Lee started bucking his hips, sliding in and out of me and I closed my eyes, letting him take over. I rocked my hips with him and I held onto his shoulders as he rode me harder and harder.
It didn’t take long before I orgasmed. I fell apart beneath him but Lee was right there with me, kissing me, slowing down his pace, and guiding me through it.
When he started moving faster again I was sensitive, tighter after I’d cum, but he slid in and out a few times, taking it slower before he picked up his pace and started pumping into me again.
After a while, I lifted my head to kiss him.
“Let me be on top.”
He nodded and pulled out of me. I wanted to take charge. I wanted to give him what he was giving me. He lay on the bed and I climbed onto him, straddling his hips. I lowered myself onto his cock and gasped when he pushed into me. He pushed in deeper than he had been before and I rocked back and forth a few times to get used to him. I leaned forward with my hands on the pillow on either side of his head. I started moving my hips faster and faster, riding him the same way he had done when he had been on top. His dick slid in and out of me and my clit rubbed against his pubic bone, bringing me close to another orgasm. I rocked harder still, closing my eyes. Ecstasy washed over me, starting at my core and it numbed my body. I curled forward as I rode him until finally, another orgasm rocked me. I collapsed on Lee’s chest, convulsing and shuddering, the orgasm racking my body.
It took me a moment to recover from the second orgasm. I expected Lee to push me off him and spin me around so he could take me from behind, so he could fuck me like an animal until he came the way Jim had always done. It was the only way it had always ended for me.
Lee didn’t do that. Instead, he rolled me over, staying inside of me which was impressive. He looked me in the eyes and we were caught in the fantasy that I had never been able to share with anyone. There was care. Maybe there wasn’t love, but there were trust and respect which was a hell of a lot more than I had ever had before. There was nothing wild and crazy about it. It was nothing like a porno, which was always what sex had felt like to me before. Even though we barely knew each other, it still was about a connection between two people, stronger than anything I had ever felt before. I closed my eyes and Lee carried on, sliding in and out of me again, moving his hips harder and harder.
The motion was natural and almost automatic and the rhythm dragged me along, pulling me closer and closer to the edge and over a third time.
I had never had three orgasms before. It had always been once and then I’d had to endure Jim until he was finally finished. Having two more orgasms was crazy. Lee had focused on my pleasure so much for so long, it was hard to wrap my mind around it. He didn’t seem to care nearly as much about his own pleasure as he cared about mine.
When I orgasmed, waves of pleasure crashing over me again and again, Lee erupted inside of me, too. I could feel him pumping, releasing into me and it dragged out my own release. It was so intense, drawing us closer and closer together until I didn’t know where I ended and he began.
After it was over, Lee and I lay quietly together. He didn’t move inside of me, didn’t try to pull out. We looked into each other’s eyes and I basked in the closeness.
It had to end, eventually. Finally, Lee moved, slipping out of me. He was getting soft and he couldn’t stay inside of me any longer. When he rolled away from me, I felt his absence acutely. But Lee pulled me against him, wrapping his arm around me and curling his body around mine like a question mark. This hadn’t been about getting off for him and being done with me. He wanted to cuddle afterward. Again, it wasn’t something I was accustomed to. I closed my eyes and when Lee planted a kiss in my hair, I closed my eyes and let go of all the uncertainty I’d held onto.