Chapter 19
Lee
After we finished at the office, Farrah followed my truck back to the cabin. She smiled when she climbed out of the car and I pulled her against me in a hug. I hadn’t done that when I had first seen her. I had done a hell of a lot of other things, but not that.
I was pissed off at myself for being so quick with her. I had fucked her because she had been a vision on two legs and I had missed her while she had been away. Now that my sexual appetite had been satisfied, I realized I had been a bit of a dick. No pun intended. But I wanted to make it right.
I wanted to treat her the way she deserved to be treated and to me, Farrah would never be a quick fuck. From the start, she had been the type of woman that should be courted. I wanted to woo her, to do right by her. I wanted to take her out and spoil her. I wanted to cook for her and treat her like a queen. Farrah deserved nothing but the best, and even though what we had done in my office had been fucking good, it had been far from the best when it came to how she had been treated.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her when we were inside.
“I’m alright,” she said. “A little shaken. A little unsure. It’s been a lot to take in and all of this is very new. Very sudden.”
I nodded.
“It’s not bad, obviously,” she added quickly. “And I’m happy to be here.”
When she tried to make what she had said right, I smiled and reached for her again, pulling her into another hug. I couldn’t get enough of touching her and holding her.
“It’s okay, I get it,” I said. “None of this is easy, and no one expects you to get it right straight away.”
Farrah took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She relaxed against my body and I loved it. When she was in my arms I wanted to protect her from everything.
“I like coming back here,” Farrah said.
“I like it, too.”
She tipped her head up and I kissed her. When we finally broke the kiss she looked up at me with impossibly blue eyes. I could get lost in those eyes and just stare at her forever.
“I’m going to put on the kettle,” I said. “Why don’t you go in and change so you’ll be more comfortable?”
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Farrah asked.
“Go ahead,” I said. “There are towels in the cabinet.”
Farrah walked away and I watched her leave, her hips swinging side to side. When she walked through the bedroom door and looked back at me I swallowed hard. We had just had sex but she had the ability to stir the animal inside me. I wanted her again. I would always want her.
When she was out of sight I took a deep breath and tried to get myself back under control, focusing on getting the kettle on the burner.
We cooked dinner together, working side by side in the kitchen as we had before. Again, everything felt right. Standing together, chopping up salad and vegetables, and chatting about small things seemed perfect. Farrah fit into my world in a way I had never thought possible. I’d only had women in this cabin a handful of times.
Each time it had felt crowded very quickly and I’d wanted them to leave. But somehow with Farrah next to me, my little cabin was transformed into a home.
Once dinner was ready, we sat down at the breakfast nook which now doubled as a small dining room table. When I was alone I always ate in front of the television, but I wanted to sit down with Farrah and have a conversation. I wanted to find out what she’d learned while she’d been gone.
“So, tell me about the doctors,” I started. She hadn’t mentioned it at all, even though she had stayed overnight for all her tests. My stomach tightened when she nodded, looking down at her food, and I was nervous about what the results might be.
In that moment, I realized I really wanted this baby. Not only because it would keep Farrah in my life, but I had been thinking a lot about being a dad and found that I liked the idea.
“I really am pregnant,” Farrah said.
“Were they still unsure?”
Farrah nodded. “My case is so complicated they were worried it might be something else like a chemical pregnancy. But with bloodwork that hardly seems possible. Still, they wanted to be sure. It’s very early and all. Dr. Hamish had said the same thing, I’m barely a week along and they were surprised it had shown up in my blood at all because the pregnancy hormone is so very faint.”
“But everything is as it should be?”
Farrah nodded. “So far, yes. None of us are sure what the future holds. Apparently, every case is unique in a situation like this and they can’t give me an idea what to expect. Which probably means I’m in for a lot of checkups throughout the pregnancy to be sure everything is okay.”
“That’s good news, though,” I said.
Farrah smiled and it was genuine. She was happy about having this baby. Seeing her light up like that made me warm. If she was happy, I was happy.
She carried on, telling me what the doctor’s had said she could expect over the next couple of weeks, and how her body should be reacting. If anything was wrong she had to get to a doctor as soon as possible, even if she wasn’t sure.
I vowed to be there for her and to make it easier if I could. No matter what she needed, I wanted to be there for her and make sure she got it.
My conversation with Hannah came back to me. We had spoken about what I wanted. I would be the father of the child under any circumstance, but I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be with Farrah, but I wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted, too.
“I know it’s still a while before the baby is on the way,” I said carefully. “But what do you want from me during the pregnancy?”
Farrah looked at me, chewing. Her blue eyes were sharp.
“I don’t know what to expect during the pregnancy,” she said. “I know we don’t know each other very well, but I might need a lot of emotional support.”
I blinked at her. “Of course,” I said. From the start, Farrah had been more intense when it came to her emotions and I hadn’t had a problem with it. Not one bit. In fact, I liked it when she leaned on me. I liked it when she needed me and I could be there for her. It made me feel strong. I was protective of her already, and I didn’t know why that was. I barely knew her, but I wanted to keep her safe, physically and emotionally.
“I have no idea how many doctor’s visits I’m going to need or what this is going to be like. If I’m lucky there won’t be any complications, but nothing is certain.” She looked down and when she glanced at me, she seemed embarrassed. “I have a medical plan, but I don’t know if I’ll deplete it at some point. I might need financial help. And if I can’t work because I’m on bedrest or something, it might be more.” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m not asking for money. It’s just a lot to think about.”
Her voice was muffled through her hands. She had been thinking about a lot, I could see that, and I could hear the beginnings of panic.
“Hey,” I said, wrapping my fingers around her wrists and gently prying her hands away from her face. She looked at me and there was uncertainty in her eyes.
“Money isn’t a problem. We’ll make this work. Whatever you and the baby need to be healthy and get through this, we’re in it together,” I said.
Farrah nodded and she looked relieved. But she hadn’t answered me. At least, not what I had asked. I could see how she had interpreted my question, but money and time was nothing to me. She would have that no matter what happened. It was our relationship—whether we would have one—that plagued me.
“What about us?” I asked. It was a hard conversation to have with her but I needed to know what we were going to do.
“What do you mean?” Farrah asked. Did she really not know what I was talking about? Or did she need me to put it into so many words for her?
I guess in any other situation where the relationship was straightforward, I would still have to verbalize it. I wasn’t always very good at putting somethings into words. When Farrah and I had been out in the darkness and I had dared her to be bold, she had been the one that had to take the leap.
Now, it was the other way around. I was the one that had to be bold. And this wasn’t just a kiss under the moonlight. I was standing at the edge of a cliff and looking down at my future. I had to jump to get there, but such a leap was never easy.
“I mean, what are you going to do? Are we going to try to be together through this, and see how it goes? Or are we going to co-parent, living separate lives except for the baby.”
There. I had put it into words. It had been harder than I’d thought it would be and now that I’d asked, I realized how badly I wanted to know her answer. I was worried she would say that she only wanted to co-parent. I was worried we would never be more than two people who had slept together a couple of times.
That could still happen. A sexual relationship was nothing like building a life together. But I wanted a go at a life with Farrah.
“I want us to try to be together,” Farrah said softly. “I mean, I know it’s a big deal. We didn’t plan for this to happen at all. But I want to try.” Her eyes were cast on the table as if she couldn’t bear to see my expression. As if she didn’t want to be disappointed.
“If that’s what you want?” she asked, and looked at me again.
I nodded. “It’s definitely what I want.”
Farrah smiled. I took her hand and pulled her out of her chair and onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her, long and deeply. I wanted to try being with her. Farrah was the kind of woman I would be a fool to let slip through my fingers. Now that we were having a baby it was all the more reason to do right by her. It wasn’t always going to be easy, I knew that. We didn’t know each other and it was going to be a long road ahead with the pregnancy and getting to know each other. But we could make it work, I was sure of it.
When we broke the kiss, Farrah laughed.
“This is a good start,” she said.