Chapter 2
SAMANTHA
“Let me get this straight, Sam. Your fiancé left you...for his best man. He broke your heart into a million pieces. You quit your job just so that you don’t have to face him. And you’re telling me you still want to go on the honeymoon you planned together?”
I shrug, placing my walking boots in my suitcase. Ashley is watching me with a disgruntled expression, her arms folded. “Maybe I got sick of sitting at home, crying over him. He’s not coming back. He made that clear.”
“Honey, you’re supposed to cry over him. That’s a normal reaction to heartbreak. Going on some crazy walking adventure - which, by the way, was his suggestion - is a dumb idea. It’s going to bring up all the emotions you’ve spent the past two weeks avoiding. You’re going to be miserable.”
“You just told me to cry him out. Besides, the trip is non-refundable. And he wanted to go to Colorado because I did. This was my dream, not his.”
“It was your shared dream.”
“No. I’ve wanted to go since I was a child. He doesn’t get to steal this from me too. He’s already taken enough.”
Ashley seems to realize she’s fighting a losing battle and throws her hands up in exasperation. She watches me continue to pack in silence.
“Sam...I just want you to be okay. I think you’re going to realize this is a mistake the moment you get there. There are other ways to get over him.”
I sigh, pausing my packing for a moment. “Ashley...no offense to you, but you have no idea what I’m going through. You’ve never had your man leave you the morning before your wedding. Hell, you leave every guy before he has a chance to leave you.”
Ashley puffs out air. “Wow. Nice.”
I shake my head at myself. She’s trying to be nice to me and here I am, taking cheap shots at her. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m just saying that this situation is unique. Maybe I’m making a mistake. I don’t know yet. But it’s my mistake to make, and I need you to support that.”
Ashley crosses the room to hug me. It’s nice of her, but it just makes me feel lonely. It reminds me that a few weeks ago, I woke up every morning with Colin’s arms around me. It reminds me that he doesn’t want me and that all I have left is a friend to hold me when I cry.
“I’ll support whatever you decide. I just thought I should say my piece.”
I nod, wiping my eyes discreetly. “I know. I’m glad you did.”
Ashley pulls away. Her face is still stern, but her eyes have softened in sympathy. “What will you do when you arrive?”
I continue packing, desperate for a distraction from the tears building up behind my eyes. “I want to spend the time alone. Do some hiking, see the sights. I think it will help to clear my head...all that time alone.”
Ashley gives me a sad smile. “I hope it’s the right choice for you.”
I chuckle quietly. “Me too.”
***
Ashley drives me to the airport without saying a word, the radio quietly playing in the background. I stare out of the window as we leave New Jersey behind. It’s the place that has always felt like home to me, especially since I met Colin. Now, all it holds is memories. Memories that hurt. I turn to face the road ahead. I need to look forward, not backward.
When we arrive at the terminal, I’m just keen to escape. Ashley watches me grab my bag sadly. It’s as though I’m never coming back, the way she’s reacting. I sigh, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Really, Ashley? I’ll be back in just over a week.”
She forces a smile. “I know. I just don’t like the idea of you out there all alone…”
“Stop worrying about me, I’m going to be fine. I’m a big girl.”
Ashley nods, though she doesn’t appear to be convinced. She’s not normally a worrier - she takes everything in stride - but she looks genuinely concerned. I pull her in for a hug, glad to at least have a good friend who gives a damn about me.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” I insist. Then, before she can get all emotional on me, I head into the airport, wheeling my case behind me.
I guess the issue is that Ashley is probably right to be worried. I’ve never done anything on my own. Even before Colin, I relied on friends or family to complete plans with me. I’ve never flown on a plane alone. I’ve never even been to the mall without a housemate or family member over the years. In so many ways, I feel like a child at twenty-eight. My independence has been hindered by the company I keep, and my insistence on an easy life. But finally, I have to do something for myself. For once, I don’t want any help from anyone.
I make it through security with no problems, and I find myself in the VIP lounge. We splashed out on the airport experience, knowing that the trip in Colorado itself would be quite cheap. Colin and I planned to go hiking in the mountains and by the lakes, spending our days entirely outside to enjoy the glorious weather and scenery. We booked a quaint little hotel, out of everyone else’s way, so that we could be alone. I sip wine in the lounge, letting that word settle in my mind. Alone. All alone. I drain the glass and order another.
Does being alone always hurt this much?
I’m a little tipsy by the time I get on the flight, which makes it easier. It makes it easier to ignore how empty first class is without Colin beside me. The third glass I order from the cabin crew after takeoff helps as well. If Colin could see me now, he’d disapprove of how much I’ve drunk. But he’s not here, because it turns out he disapproves of the rest of me as well.
I feel tears streaming down my cheeks before I can try and stop them. I waited so long for someone perfect to come along. I thought I found the one, and then all of a sudden, he’s been taken from me again. It feels like waking up. I have my eyes open for the first time in forever, and I realize again that you can’t trust anyone.