Chapter 4
SAMANTHA
I’m spending my first night in Colorado in the sweet bed and breakfast Colin and I booked together. When I arrived with my suitcase an hour ago, looking a little pathetic and lost, they took me in right away, offering me complimentary coffee and cookies. They got me settled in a room that overlooks the mountains and the nearby lake, as I had requested upon booking. They fussed around, getting me a bathrobe and slippers, explaining that they don’t get many guests in the early autumn. It seems I have this whole place to myself.
What a way to make me feel even more isolated.
As night draws in, I look out at the mountains. I can’t help imagining what it would be like if Colin was here now. He would wrap his arms around my waist and tell me some obscure fact about the Rocky Mountains that only he would know. Then we would watch the sunset and marvel at its beauty.
Except none of that’s true now. He left me.
I sink on to the clean sheets with a sigh, closing my eyes. Did Colin ever love me? Or was I simply a cover-up before he had the bravery to come out as gay? He never told me. He simply announced that he was leaving for a man, not that he solely likes men. It gives me a sick kind of hope. That maybe he loved me once. That maybe our entire relationship wasn’t based on a lie.
I’m not sure why it’s better. It’s clear now that he was cheating on me. I think of how he acted when he came back from the bar the night before our wedding. He must have known then what he was going to do. And yet he still had the guts to get into bed beside me and pretend that everything was fine.
I wonder if he has any idea how much he humiliated me. Does he realize that I had to turn away over a hundred wedding guests who had come from far and wide to attend our wedding, and tell them that my fiancé had run off with someone else? No one should have to go through that. And yet, I did. And then I went home and tore my wedding dress to shreds while Ashley watched me cry, knowing that there was nothing she could do. I was inconsolable. So much wasted time. So many wasted minutes, hours, days fawning over a man who ultimately would take me down with one single blow.
And somewhere, deep down, I still love that man. He probably could have shot me with a pistol and I would still want him to take me back.
It’s pathetic, really, what love does to a person.
***
After crying myself to sleep, I feel surprisingly better when I wake at the crack of dawn. I have a new-found hope. Nothing’s perfect, of course, and it still feels as though misery has rooted itself in my heart. But I’m going into today with a positive attitude.
I head downstairs in my walking gear. It’s sunny outside, though a little chilly. The woman at the reception desk peers at me in concern.
“Be careful out there today. There’s a storm coming.”
I frown, looking out the window. There’s not a cloud in sight.
“How do you know?”
She taps the side of her nose knowingly. “Intuition.”
I try not to snort at the woman. Everyone here is so different from back home. I can’t tell if she is joking or not. I just smile and hope that’s appropriate.
“Thanks for the tip.”
“If you don’t come back by dark, we’ll send out a search party.”
I head for the door without looking back, trying to figure out if she is being serious. Maybe everyone in Colorado is just really sarcastic?
The weather really is beautiful. It’s that kind of crisp autumn morning where it’s not too hot or too cold, and a light breeze ruffles my hair as I start walking downhill. According to the map, there’s a lake few miles away from my hotel that I want to start the day at. The scenery there looks breathtaking and maybe I can even have a dip in the lake although something’s telling the water is probably already too cold for that. The hill winds downwards towards the trees and I take a deep breath. This is going to be an awesome day - just me and the nature. The receptionist was surely exaggerating in a bid to sell me some of their tour trips. She saw a city girl and thought that I would get scared. Well, she got that wrong. I smile to myself full of confidence and head towards a nearby forest where the trek begins. But I manage to make only few steps before my phone buzzes in my pocket. I frown as I put it to my ear.
“Ashley?”
“Hey, girl! I just wanted to ring and see how your trip is going. I’ve been worrying about you, out there all on your own…”
“Ashley, I’m fine,” I say, cautiously maneuvering around a ditch. The ground is a little unkempt, so I have to keep an eye on where my feet are treading. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I don’t know...if something happens, you’re out in the wild. I just thought it was best to check on you…”
“God, you sound like my mom. Then again, even my mom hasn’t called yet today…”
“Well, sorry for caring! Next time, I won’t bother...except I probably will because I don’t want to find out you were savaged by a grizzly bear or something.”
“Nope, still alive. Besides, there has been no confirmed sighting of a grizzly in Colorado since 1979. It’s sunny out here. It’s nice being out in nature...glued to my cell phone.”
“Alright, I get what you’re saying. You want to be left alone. You know you really should-”
I can still hear Ashley talking, but there’s suddenly static covering up her voice. I pull away from my phone.
“Ash, the line is bad. I’m going to hang up.”
She begins to protest, but I hit the end call button. As much as it was nice of her to call, I’m really not in the mood for company right now. I continue my walk with a clear head.
At midday, I stop for the packed lunch I brought with me. I still haven’t found my way out of the forest, but I try not to mind as I sit on a rock, a little chilly from the lack of sun. Several times, I glance to my left, half expecting Colin to be beside me. Each time he fails to show, I get a little more disappointed.
I decide to continue walking to keep my mind off things. But the air keeps getting chillier, and I start to wonder if the woman at the desk was right about the impending storm. I glance around me. I’m starting to feel disorientated - it’s impossible to tell where I am from my surroundings. I’m convinced I’ve been walking towards the lake, but what if I’m wrong?
I tell myself there’s no need to panic. It’s not late. I have plenty of time to get out before nightfall. But which way do I go to get back to the hotel?
Here was me thinking this walk would be easy.
I carry on the way I planned, quickening my pace. My heart is thudding in my chest. It suddenly occurs to me that I should call someone, but who? I don’t have the number of the hotel. I could call Ashley, but when I attempt to, the line is dead. Typical, there’s no signal when you really need it. I take a deep breath and keep walking, just as I hear the first clap of thunder above my head and the first drop of rain wiggles through the gaps in the trees.
I’m in trouble.
By the time I reach a clearing, I can see that the sky has gone completely gray. I’m soaked to my skin, despite the shelter of the forest. I’m jittery from the flashes of lightning that have been crackling overhead for the past half hour. It seems this day just couldn’t get any worse.
But of course, it does. My pants catch on a tree branch and I plummet to the floor, my face landing in the mud. I groan, standing up and brushing myself off as best as I can. Now, I’m not only wet and cold but also covered in slimy mud.
Finally, I can see the lake in front of me. The rain is pounding the water like rocks when I come into the clearing. Exhausted, I shelter under a tree, settling uncomfortably on the roots. Lightning strikes again and I shudder, wrapping my arms around myself.
What the hell am I going to do now?
I rest my face against the wet tree trunk. I guess I’ll just have to wait for the storm to pass. Across the lake, I can see a house, the lights in the windows like a dull yellow glow in the dark. How long would it take me to walk there? I don’t have a clue, but I don’t want to risk it. Not in this weather. Instead, I close my eyes and try to forget the thunderclouds overhead.