Chapter 7
WESTON
I know the second I hear Madeline coming downstairs that I’m about to get an earful. It’s like having a second mother, sometimes. I know she’s angry that I made no effort with Samantha, and that I showed her up at dinner, but honestly, if she would mind her own business, we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.
The first thing I see when I look in the doorway is Madeline with her hands on her hips.
“Well, I hope you’re happy.”
I smile at her sweetly. “How nice of you to say.”
“Don’t be smart with me. You know exactly what I mean. You’ve been nothing, but cold towards Samantha.”
I roll my eyes. “Look, I don’t even know the woman. She’s just some idiot who ventured into our neck of the woods without thinking it through. After I drop her in town tomorrow, I’m never going to see her again. Why are you so concerned about the impression I give her?”
Madeline puffs out air through her nose. “First off, you should always strive to leave a good impression. Secondly, she seems like a lovely woman. She doesn’t deserve the kind of rudeness you exhibited today. She could have been a friend to you if you had let her. Maybe even more! Now, when she remembers her trip to Colorado, she’ll just think of the rude man who made her feel unwelcome, and how you laughed at her predicament. Is that what you want?”
I sigh. I know I shouldn’t fight back against Madeline - it never gets me far. But tonight, she’s tested my patience. Why is she being so presumptuous about this woman, and how she might be involved in my life? She’s pushing the idea of me being with a woman I don’t even know. That’s the reason she cares, though she would never admit it out loud.
“Honestly, Madeline? None of what you have said really concerns me much.”
“Well, maybe it should. How will you ever move on if you don’t even try? Worse, it’s like you try your hardest to push people away. Like you want them to give up on you straight away.”
As usual, there’s a ring of truth to Madeline’s words. But she’s still angering me. What if I don’t want to move on? What if I don’t want to forget the love of my life and replace her with some dumb girl who has come into my life by ridiculous chance?
“Can you just drop it, please?”
Madeline presses her lips into an angry line. “Fine. I won’t say anything else. But you should think about it for a while.”
I don’t say anything else. Instead, I stare at the fireplace belligerently. I hear Madeline leave a few minutes later, and I can finally relax a little again.
I close my eyes, rubbing at my temples. Closing my eyes means inviting Cheryl back into my mind, though. I can still see her smile clear as day. How could I ever think of moving on when she’s still etched into my brain? She’s a tattoo on my mind, a part of me. No amount of pretty girls walking into my life is going to change that. Especially not Samantha from New Jersey.
“Dad?”
I turn around and see Eric watching me. I sigh wearily.
“Eric. I thought Madeline put you to bed.”
“Yeah...but I can’t sleep.”
I try for a smile, patting the sofa cushion next to me. Eric scurries over to sit beside me, his head resting against my arm. I feel a rush of emotion and tears prick my eyes. I imagine how it would feel to have Cheryl beside us now, completing our family. Things could have been so different. They should have been different. But here we are now without Cheryl and with some strange woman asleep in my spare bedroom instead.
This is not how I imagined things to be.
“Dad?”
“Hmm?”
“Samantha seems real nice.”
I almost laugh. It’s almost as though Madeline put him up to this. But of course, there’s nothing wrong with Samantha. It’s just my stubborn mind telling me to hate her simply because Madeline has romantic hopes for us. I pat Eric’s arm.
“She is a nice lady. But don’t get attached, okay? She’s not staying here.”
“Not even another day?”
I grimace. “Not even.”
Eric hangs his head, his little legs kicking at the coffee table. “Maybe she should stay.”
“Why would we invite a stranger to stay with us, Eric? You know that’s not right.”
“She’s not a stranger now! We know her...a bit,” Eric says insistently. I frown, pulling my son on to my knee and fixing him a stern look.
“Now, tell me. What is this really about? Do you have something you want to talk about?”
Eric shakes his head at first. But after a few moments, he dips his head, looking guilty for lying to me.
“I just think it would be nice to have a mom.”
I shut my eyes. Damn Madeline for putting fantasies into his head! I knew this would be a problem someday. But Samantha showing up here has sped things up so much. I’m starting to think it would have been a better idea to leave her out there in the woods.
“Eric, my son. I can’t just move on from your mom the second I meet another woman. I know you think Samantha is nice...but that’s all. It doesn’t mean we’re friends. We won’t see each other again after today.”
“What if I want her to stay?”
“No. You’re being silly now.”
“I’m not! I want a mom like everyone else! Why won’t you let that happen?” Eric says angrily. Then, before I can stop him, he hops off my knee and runs back upstairs.
I put my head in my hands, pressing my hands against my eyes. How did it come to this? How can one person shift the balance in your life so entirely in such a short space of time?
Maybe I am selfish, leaving Eric without a mother all these years. Maybe Madeline’s right, and I need to let go. But if it was that easy, I would have done it the second Cheryl died. I could have another woman if I wanted one. I could go upstairs now and seduce Samantha if I wanted. But I can’t - or won’t - because of Cheryl.
It’s not my fault that when she left, she took the piece of me that remembers how to love.