Chapter Thirty
Sawyer
The plane touched down in Orlando. We were on our way to tell Knoah, and then Cameron later, about the baby. On Monday, we would go see our doctor. I was a little nervous going back. What if something happened to the baby? Knowing this wasn’t helping, I focused on getting off the plane and not the negative thoughts.
As I descended the stairs, I adjusted my large shirt. Baby Hendrix decided to show early, and my abdomen had a definite pooch. Slouchy clothes hid it well, but that wouldn’t work for long. This changed our plans for the baby’s announcement.
Originally, the shoot had been scheduled for the following week, based on the thought that the baby would start showing about then. Nope. Baby Hendrix had a mind of his own—like his father. But now we had a plan, and I liked plans. The magazine would release Monday of the next week. It was a special edition. Yeah, I was a nervous wreck.
The photographer and editor still had no idea what the article was about, just that it was news they wouldn’t want to pass up involving Kurt Hendrix. In fact, they had no idea I would be part of it, either. It would be interesting when they found out.
“How are you feeling?” Kurt asked from beside me as our driver took us to Shaw Tower.
“Good. Ready to see the doctor. Nervous about telling Knoah.”
“Me, too.”
My knee was bouncing at the speed of a jack rabbit. How would we break the ice? Maybe a joke. “Guess what I have in common with an oven. Oh, we both bake buns.” No, no jokes.
Shaw Tower came into view. It felt like a lifetime ago that I’d left for my mini break to Destin. So much had changed since then. At the time, I thought Kurt and I were over forever. And here we were with his hand resting on my abdomen, where our baby was growing. Life was full of unexpected good surprises.
Though things with my parents hurt, I would not let them dictate my life the way they had for so long. Maybe at some point, they would come around for good. One thing I knew—they would not play their games with my child.
The driver pulled the car up to the entrance of Shaw Tower and let us out. Security followed closely. A few photographers hung outside and snapped pictures. I held Kurt’s hand as we walked in, trying to appear normal, but I felt as if the baby pooch was on full display. We made it to the elevator and used our key card to access our floor.
“I miss George. Edge better not teach him anything bad.”
Kurt chuckled. “He’s already texted me twice about the directions you typed up, afraid to mess something up. I can’t believe Nina said yes to another date.”
“Oh, ye of little faith in my cupid-like matchmaking abilities.”
Kurt pulled me close and gave me a kiss. “You’ve made me a believer.”
I pushed on Kurt’s chest as panic came over me. “Wait. Are we telling her together or separate? We haven’t discussed a plan. Like, are we just blurting it out?”
“Oh shit. I don’t know.”
I was so happy about this baby, but I didn’t want the news to bring Knoah pain.
The door opened and Knoah waited in the hallway with balloons that said welcome home. There was no time to sneak into our apartment and bake up an announcement plan like this bun in my oven. Stop with the cooking puns. On autopilot, I walked into her arms, and Knoah squeezed me to her. I said, “Oh, I missed my bestie.”
And it was true. I liked the calming effect Knoah had. As she pulled back, I noticed her eyebrow was raised. “I missed you, too. How is everything?”
Umm…I’m pregnant. Instead, I said something suave. “Great! This one here drives me batshit crazy, but I think he makes a good sidepiece, so I’ll keep him.”
Kurt scooped Knoah up. “Ignore her. How’s it going, squirt? Did you bake me a fresh batch of cookies?”
“Of course.”
After setting Knoah down, Kurt shook Garrick’s hand. “Good to see you, man. Thanks for all your help.”
“Anytime. I hope the recommendations worked out.”
“Yes, they did.”
That seemed a little odd. I wondered what Garrick had recommended. Next, Garrick gave me a hug. It was good to be with our friends. Knoah seemed to be doing well, and she led us into the apartment.
I bugged out my eyes at Kurt, but he shook his head. When are we going to do this? Stalling, I asked, “So, how’s the new house coming? How’s the job? Tell me everything.”
Knoah moved her blonde hair over her shoulders. “The new house is coming along.” She grabbed Garrick’s hand and snuggled into him. They were so good for each other. “I decided to take a step back at work and only do the event planning. Basically, I’m simplifying my life. Now I’ll be home with Garrick in the evenings, and I can travel with him on his upcoming trips. It’s a good change.”
“I’m happy for you. That’s amazing.”
Knoah poured us mimosas, and I froze. I looked at Kurt, who’d perfected his deer-in-the-headlights expression, too.
Yeah, we’re terrible at this.
“Let’s toast. To friends finding their way,” Knoah said.
Garrick held his glass out next to hers while Kurt and I stared at ours where they remained on the table. An awkward silence descended on the group. The only thing I could think of was my bun joke, which was terrible.
I stared at Kurt, who stared at me. And I knew our friends were watching us.
“A toast,” Garrick said, reminding us politely to pick up our glasses.
Like before, Kurt was catatonic. I stammered, “I…uh…”
Bumping Kurt with my elbow, I tried to get him to say something, but he was worse than me. “We…uh…”
Realization dawned on Knoah, and it was reflected in her eyes. Hesitantly, she asked, “Are you…?”
“If your question is ‘Am I hungry or pregnant,’ then yes. Yes, I am both of those things.” There. That was a little better than blaming Kurt and discussions of super sperm.
Utter joy transformed Knoah’s face, and I sagged with relief. I felt a little foolish thinking she might have been upset. Knoah got up and hugged me to her. “When? How? I mean, I know how.” She pointed at Kurt. “No details. And no telling me something gross I don’t want to know about.”
Super sperm was definitely something Knoah would not want to know about. Stay factual. “It happened in November, and I found out a few weeks ago. You guys are the first to know besides the band members. Which is a long story, but they found the pregnancy tests. And considering I’m the only girl staying on the bus, it was a little obvious who was preggers. Lana knows as well.”
Knoah poured me a glass of orange juice. “A new toast. To finding happiness.”
“To finding happiness,” everyone echoed.
* * *
Kurt talked with Garrick while Knoah and I had some girl time. We sat cross-legged in my apartment.
She picked up her glass of wine. “So, you doing okay?”
“Yeah. I was so scared in the beginning. But I’m good now. I was at the doctor to get my shot, and they did a urine test—I was eight weeks pregnant.” Inside I was still a bit unsure if Knoah was putting up a front. The last thing I wanted was her to be upset by our news. The depression that set in after she lost her baby had been bad. I chewed on my lip, unsure what else to say.
“Sawyer, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable about being pregnant around me. I’m okay.” Scooting next to me, Knoah put her arm around me. “I mean it. Garrick and I have been going to therapy together. I’m in a good place. If it’s meant to be, it will. And if not, there are so many options. When it’s time to take that next step, I’ll know it. I still have hope for the future, so let’s celebrate. You’re having a baby. A baby. You’re going to be a mother, and I want to be there every step of the way.”
I grabbed her hand and rested my head on her shoulder. “You’re an amazing friend.”
“And I can’t wait to throw you a baby shower.”
Things were going to be just fine.
* * *
We knocked on Cameron’s door. He opened the door, and I rushed into his arms, nearly knocking him over.
“Hey there. You okay?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
We hadn’t decided on how to tell Cameron. This baby was sucking the memory cells from me. Recover, Sawyer. “Yes, I just missed you. Where’s Monica?”
Monica called out from the kitchen, “In here. Dinner’s almost ready.”
It had been too long since I’d seen Cameron, and with the mess with my parents, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to know he was still on my side.
“I love you, Sawyer. Never doubt it.”
I pulled back and nodded with a watery smile. “I know. It’s just good to give you an actual hug.” Wiping my eyes, I took a dramatic smell. “Oh, that smells yum to the tum.”
We walked into the kitchen as Monica was setting the pasta bowl on the table. “Do you need any help?”
“I don’t think so. How was your trip?” She took off her apron and placed it on the counter. She would be the perfect wife for Cameron—Suzy Homemaker at her finest.
“Great. It’s nice to be home. But I enjoy being on the road with the band.”
And with Kurt. Especially with Kurt.
We sat and began to eat. I felt like a ticking time bomb, waiting to disclose the big news. My palms were sweating, and I ran them along my thighs as I looked at Kurt. He had the Oh shit look again. Yeah, oh shit. We forgot.
“So, what have you guys been up to?” Cameron asked as he brought a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth.
Just rip it off like a Band-Aid. Get it over with. I took a deep breath. “Kurt knocked me up.”
Around the table, forks dropped, and Kurt nudged my leg with his and turned my way. “Very subtle, Sawyer.”
Under my breath, I murmured, “It’s better than just staring and stuttering at each other.”
“What?” Cameron looked surprised. Shocked. Maybe a bit confused.
Kurt cleared his throat and took a drink. “What Sawyer meant to say is that we’re expecting a baby in August.”
Monica’s eyes were like ping-pong balls, bouncing around between the three of us. I blurted, “Are there any more breadsticks? They’re amazing.”
“Wait.” Cameron put his hands out. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes. Baby is cooking in the oven. Just like the breadsticks. Timer will go off August twenty-first. Ding.” I took a breadstick and shoved it into my mouth to stem the flow of nonsense.
Beside me Kurt whispered, “Ding?”
With a mouth full of bread, I said, “It was the oven timer. Ding, ding, ding. Baby is ready.” We stared at each other and laughed. “We are so terrible at this.”
“Are you okay with this?” Cameron’s tense voice stopped Kurt’s and my side conversation.
Oh, he’s about to go all big brother bear on the man next to me. My baby needed a daddy. I grabbed Kurt’s hand. “Yes, we’re more than okay with this. It’s unexpected, but we’re happy. And we were back together before we found out.”
“I don’t know if I should kick Kurt’s ass or congratulate him.”
I leaned toward Cameron and whispered, “I would go with congratulating him on the condition that he stops by Vilma’s Bakery and gets me cookies on the way home.”
“You really are happy?” Cameron searched my face the way he had so many times after Mom and Dad had hurt me in some way.
For the first time in a long time, I was able to tell the truth. “Yes. Promise. I was shocked to begin with. Well, we both were. But this baby isn’t an accident, it’s a blessing.” I took a deep breath. “I’m done punishing myself for Mattie’s death. I want and am excited about having this baby.”
Cameron eyes were big. “He knows?”
Cameron and I only ever spoke about Mattie when we were alone. Never in front of other people.
“Yes, he knows everything. I’m tired of only speaking about her in hushed whispers.” It felt cathartic to speak about Mattie openly.
Cameron stood and engulfed me in a hug. “I couldn’t agree more. I love you, Sawyer.”
“Love you, too.” I whispered back.