Chapter Thirteen
Sawyer
Two weeks after the epic food poisoning, the thought and smell of pork still turned my stomach. Other than that, I was back to normal and full steam ahead. Life on the bus was exhausting, and I slept more soundly than I could ever remember. I was catching up on all the sleepless nights in the apartment—and then some.
The excitement of the audience buzzed in the air. I loved concert nights—soaking up the energy and hearing Kurt’s sultry voice. We were in Flagstaff, Arizona, at our largest venue yet. The entire tour was sold out and the demand to add more concert stops increased every day. Fans loved watching the part of the show when the band shared pictures from when we stopped at various crazy landmarks and life on the road.
As Kurt sang his heart out, I laughed at the glimmer of a rhinestone sparkling on his back pocket. Man, they only accentuated his ass. Damn it. Even the girls seemed to love the addition to his jacket. As he turned back my way, our eyes met, and I got a warm smile.
Stupid pitter-patter of my heart.
Over the last two weeks, we’d become more comfortable with each other, it seemed. Kurt and I had turned into homebodies. Nothing had changed, per se, but it felt like we were on the cusp of something. I thought back to the night before when I’d gotten on the bus after going through the latest media statistics.
Kurt had been sitting on the couch watching TV and eating the latest batch of mint chocolate chip cookies Knoah had sent. On the floor, George had been massacring one of his stuffed animals. I’d given him a pat and sat on the couch near Kurt. He’d held out the cookie he’d already taken a bite from for me to try. This was how we’d become lately—familiar yet not intimate. It was a weird place to be. Yet I stuck to my motto—no pushing.
In LA, the moment I had pushed, things had turned for the worse. I’d learned this about Kurt—time and patience were something he required. I had surprising amounts of both with him. In the long run, I knew he was worth it.
“A package arrived for you. I put it on the table.”
I’d glanced back and curled my lip. “I’m going to return it. It’s a purse bag for George to fit in. But he’s already gotten too big for it.”
Kurt had choked on his cookie. “You were going to emasculate our poor dog. As the coparent, I cannot agree.”
Rolling my eyes, I’d taken a huge bite of the cookie. The flavor had burst through my mouth. “Oh my gosh, these are amazing. Give me one.”
Kurt had shaken his head. “No, you got your two bites.”
“You have more than a dozen in this box.”
He’d winked. “Yeah, I do. And they’re all for me.”
In a moment of pure insanity to have the cookie, I’d grabbed three and taken off toward my bedroom.
“Sawyer! Give me back my cookies.”
I’d barely got to my room with Kurt hot on my tail. With no other option, I’d shoved them in my mouth until I could barely move my lips.
“You did not just do that.”
“I did.” A few crumbs had come sputtering out as I tried to chew.
As if drawn, Kurt had taken a step closer to me. Mere inches had separated us, and my skin had tingled from his proximity.
“Hey, man! You in here?” Harlem had called from the front of the bus.
With this, Kurt had blinked a few times and taken a step back. But his eyes never left mine. “Yeah, in here.”
Before Harlem came down the hall, Kurt had turned, breaking the connection. That was when I noticed all the bags on my bed. I’d turned to spit the cookies in the trash can. Poor, poor cookies. “What are these?”
“Pajamas.”
I’d opened one of the bags to find five or six pairs of Lululemon pants. “Kurt, I don’t need this many pajamas pants.”
From the other room, he’d answered, “Yeah, you do. I threw out all your other ones.”
“What?” Kneeling, I’d opened the drawer under my bed and found all my pajamas and nighties gone. Anger had rolled through me as I stomped into the living room. “Where are my pajamas? You have no right.”
Harlem had just stood there, amused.
“George complained. And as a coparent, I thought I should fix it. Unless, of course, you aren’t concerned about what he sees and hears.”
I spluttered, which had only fueled the twinkle in Kurt’s eyes.
Without a decent comeback, I’d stormed back to my room and ordered more risqué pajamas.
My phone vibrated, startling me out of my memories. Jordan. I took a deep breath.
Jordan: How’s the road trip going? You liking Arizona?
Me: Yeah, it’s good. The band’s almost finished.
Jordan: What’s the plan tonight?
Me: I think we’re headed to a place called Ice House.
Jordan: Hopefully we can catch up sometime soon.
I put my phone in my clutch without responding. Over the last couple of weeks, we had spoken a few times. He’d sent me a get-well cookie basket. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Kurt didn’t touch it, and he had a weakness for sweets. In another life, this would have been a simple decision. Jordan checked all the boxes:
Ready for a relationship.
Emotionally open.
Mature.
Stable.
Yet it wasn’t enough for me now. I wanted that deep soul connection where it was hard to tell where one person ended and the other began. As Jordan dropped hints, I’d played them off as if I were oblivious to them. Yes, I liked the attention, but the man whose voice shattered me was the one who occupied my thoughts. I would rather have whatever Kurt had to offer and feel complete than have all the boxes checked but still feel like something was missing. Little checks didn’t equal happiness.
The band finished their encore and the crowd went wild. Kurt came off stage toward me, sweaty. I fanned my nose. “Oh, you’re a little stinky.”
He shook his head, and I took a step back. “Yuck. Don’t stain my dress.”
“Maybe that’s the point,” he said wryly.
“What? You don’t like Louis?”
Yes, I might have been in a skintight dress with a very low back. He tilted his head. “George complained about it before he left.”
I pointed my finger to him. “No messing with my dresses. But the good news is I think I’ve gained a couple of pounds from eating cookies. At the rate I’m going, it’s not going to fit soon.”
“I’ll call Knoah and get you a special batch made.” His tone was light, but his face was serious.
I pushed his leather-clad shoulder. “Go shower. A night of dancing and drinking is calling my name.”
“Wait for me.”
“I will.”
Kurt used a door off to one side to avoid the crowds. While I waited, I made a few lists and checked off some items I’d handled earlier. Overall, things were on track, which was a good feeling.
Kurt came back, fresh from a shower. “You ready?”
I finished sending a text to Knoah asking how she was doing. “Yeah. I need to find Nina and Donnie first. I can catch up or take a cab if the band is ready to go.”
“No, we’ll wait for you.”
I really should have found them during the concert, but I’d gotten lost in Kurt’s voice. Nina needed to make a few wardrobe changes and Donnie had asked for a favor from me that I’d handled.
I pulled out the three sticky notes from my purse. As luck would have it, Nina walked by with an armful of customs. I stuck two of them to the clipboard resting on top. “Hey, Nina, I think we should add a few changes when we head up north where it’s cold. Maybe add a ripped flannel look. Edge mentioned he wanted suspenders. I’m not sure how to make that work, but I’m sure you can.”
Her eyes turned sad before she mustered up a bright smile and laughed a little too hard for it to be natural. “He’s been trying to get me to give him suspenders for two years. I might be able to make it work with the flannel.”
“He’ll love it. Are you going to meet us at Ice House tonight?” Another strange look passed over Nina’s face as if a bad memory had flooded her mind.
“Are we ready to partay? Let’s see what Flagstaff has to offer!” Edge announced as he walked in. His arms were in the air, showcasing his muscles in his button-up shirt with the sleeves ripped off and jeans—his signature look. For a second, a split second, he paused when he saw Nina.
Harlem broke the uncomfortable situation when he slapped Edge on the back. “Let’s go. Girls are waiting.”
Edge left with Harlem but paused to look back once. It was a sad, longing look at Nina, who would not make eye contact. Shifting on her feet, she responded, “You have fun. You look great. I’m not really the club type of girl. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Thanks. See you tomorrow.” I made a mental note to ask Nina out for some girl time. It looked like she needed it.
Kurt and I were alone, but I was still focused on what had happened a few minutes ago. “Did you catch that? With Nina and Edge.”
“Don’t meddle, Sawyer. They have their own shit to work out.”
Oh, this is news to me. “So, they were together?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that.” It seemed like it. There had been some sexual tension in the air, now that I thought about it.
I raised my eyebrow. “It can’t be that complicated.”
“Trust me. It’s a lot more complicated than what you and I have going on.”
For a second, I wasn’t sure what to say. Kurt just admitted we had something going on. With nothing to say, I kept my face neutral. No pushing. I looked at my last sticky note and scanned the room for Donnie, the sound guy. “One second,” I said to Kurt.
I hurried to Donnie, thankful for the break in conversation with Kurt. “Hey, Donnie. Here’s the list of what you need to do for the surprise date with your wife. I’ve made all the reservations for you.”
He adjusted his ball cap and put the note in his pocket. “Thanks, Sawyer. I don’t know what to say.”
Over the last few weeks, I had gotten to know the crew. I liked them—they were down to earth like Kurt. I held up my hand. “There’s nothing to say. Let me know if you need anything else. Happy anniversary. Thanks for all you do to help get the concerts going.”
“I will. You’ve been a lifesaver. I know nothing about that romantic shit. I told Jeff what you did for me. I think he’s going to reach out.”
I laughed. “Well, glad I could help. Tell Jeff he can call or text whenever.”
With the teardown in full swing, Donnie got back to work. Kurt put his hand on my lower back as we left the arena. Skin on skin. It electrified me, and every nerve in my body woke up at his touch. Another issue of being in limbo with Kurt—my vibrator was getting one hell of a workout every night. It seemed like being so close yet so far away from Kurt had my sexual appetite at an all-time high.
“Sawyer?”
I focused back on Kurt, feeling his fingers press a little harder into my skin. “What was that about?”
Lately, his touches had increased, and I had spotted a hard-on more than once. There was something inside him that kept him from completely opening up. We wanted each other. And if something didn’t happen soon, I would combust.
“Donnie lives in Albuquerque. He’s surprising his wife with a night out for their anniversary.”
“Will you make sure to take care of the bill for everything? On me.”
“Yes. That’s sweet of you. They’ve been married for twenty-five years. He’s going to be a grandfather.”
He shook his head and mumbled. “At least I’m not the only one affected.” Before I had a chance to question that, he said, “Donnie’s a good guy. He’s been with me since the beginning. How long are we in Albuquerque?”
“Just a night. Then you have two days of promo and a day off before we head to Denver. We have the weekend off in Denver. I figured I would see my parents.”
For a second, Kurt was silent as we moved through the people tearing down the set. “Let him stay with his family. Fly him in the day before the next gig for setup.”
“Consider it done.”
We made our way out to the limo where the band members were already inside. The leftover excitement of the concert lingered in the air.
Edge patted the seat beside him. “Come have a seat. Let’s chat.”
I quirked my eyebrow and cast a quick glance at Kurt. He popped his knuckles as Edge threw his arm around my shoulders. “So, Sawyer…about those suspenders. I’m counting on you to make that happen.”
I kept my face serious. “I have a condition. And if you agree, you’ll have them for Colorado.”
He squeezed me close to him; I had to keep my hand on the hem of my dress to keep it from riding too high. “Fuck yeah. You are the woman! Wait. What condition?”
I gave him a wink and held up a finger while pulling back some. “I know you’ve been calling George ‘pussy puppy’ behind my back. No more.”
Edge took his arm from around me. “Sawyer, you’re sucking all the air from the funhouse. We just put on a fanfuckingtastic concert. The vibes were great. Then, pop.”
With my finger in the air, I pretended to pop bubbles. “And two, you have to defend George any time anyone else tries to call him that.”
A look of horror crossed his face. “Are you crazy? You’re going to make me a pansy.”
I leaned in as if conspiring with him. “How bad do you want the suspenders, Edge? The power to have them is within your grasp if you just say yes.”
The other members chuckled as they watched in amusement. Kurt had relaxed and grinned at me. Finally, Edge muttered, “Fine. You have a deal.”
I patted his shoulder. “You’ve made a good choice. Just ask Kurt what happens to his wardrobe when I get pissed off.”
The band chuckled as Edge’s eyes widened.