Siarra

First day of school.

I was more nervous than she was. Psycho had indeed gone to the school to update her information. We also had a discussion about her hours. After finding out that she usually comes to the library afterschool until it was late he put his foot down and said no. He wanted time with her, and until she was comfortable enough to move in with him fulltime it only made sense that he pick her up and take her there until I got off of work. I’d then either pick her up or he would drop her off, but we’d have to play it by ear.

I packed her favorite lunch for her – a chicken sandwich – and spent the day in a worried frenzy. I mean, it’s not like she was going to kindergarten or something and it was her real first day. I mean, she’s done this before. I felt silly being so anxious but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it.

After 3:30 passed, I’d grabbed my phone and have had it in my hand ever since just twirling it around. I was almost desperate to call Psycho, so I can talk to her and checkup on her, but I didn’t want to intrude. I knew he wasn’t particularly fond of me as I wasn’t of him, but I didn’t want to push my luck.

At 6:00 I was at the end of my rope. I felt like a mad man. This must be what withdrawal feels like for addicts. I just needed a dose, a small one I swear, and I’d be ok. She’d never been alone with him before and it was killing me not knowing what was happening. Was she happy? Scared? Confused? Did she feel neglected by me? The questions were never ending, and it was like my own personal hell that I didn’t have the balls to just call like any other rational person. I mean, he couldn’t really get pissed at that right? To me… it made sense. But with him, I’m just so scared to hit that button. The one that would finally push him over the edge and would take her out of my life.

I wasn’t getting a lick of work done. I was sitting at my desk with my back towards the desk shuffling papers around for no reason other than to give my hands something to do besides mess with my phone. I didn’t want to accidentally call him, and I needed to at least appear busy. I was just glancing down at my phone again when a touch on my shoulder jostled me.

I knocked half of the papers in front of me down to the floor when I jumped and spun around. I placed a hand over my heart hoping that it would help calm my excessively beating heart. I spun around and was surprised to see a confused Psycho and Addie behind me.

I instantly went to Addie and grabbed her hands. “So, how did it go?” I asked. “Did you like your teacher? Did you make new friends? Did you learn anything?” I asked all in one breath.

Addie laughed. “Sia, you sound just like a teacher sometimes. My teacher is alright, not better than you though and I spoke to some kids… not a lot. At least they didn’t make fun of me. Some of them even said how cool my shoes were. My lunch was the best at my table though.” She said giving me a bright smile.

I scooped her up into my arms and hugged her tight. “That’s great! We’ll have to figure out a better one for tomorrow.” I eyed her bookbag, “do you have homework?”

She rolled her eyes and while that should probably annoy me, it made me absolutely ecstatic. This is what a girl her age should act like, and I’m happy that she is beginning to feel comfortable enough to act her age and not worry like an adult for once.

“Only the worst teachers on the planet give homework on the first day of school.” She said.

I was just about to lecture her, when Psycho cleared his throat from behind me. I turned around to face him. “Hello Sy.” I greeted him.

He gripped the back of his neck. “I gotta talk to you for a sec.”

I nodded and turned back to Addie. “Want to leave your bag with me?” I asked her.

“Yes, I just need to grab my book that I finished so I can return it.” She said as she dropped down to her knees and began rummaging through her bag.

“Just give it to me and I’ll put it back, I didn’t put it into the system. I’m going to pay off the other books so that you can use your card again.” I said as I made my way behind the desk to pull up her account. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to snack on?” I asked her as I put in her information.

“Yes, please. I mean, only if you have extras.” She replied softly.

I raised my eyes to meet hers over the top of the screen and scowled. “What have I told you about that? I shouldn’t have to ask you Ad, you should tell me. I only ate half my lunch today; I was a nervous wreck with you at school. I have that, and I’ve also have some cheese, meat, and crackers… kind of like a lunchable. But I did bring an extra turkey and cheese sandwich for you just in case you came by. You know where I keep my bag, grab whatever you like and think about what you want for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow in case we need to stop at the store.” I informed her.

“Ok. Thanks, Sia.” She said shyly as she handed me the book and walked off to hopefully fill her stomach and find a good read.

Her account was only a balance of $32.97 so I paid that off quickly and her account was once again active. There shouldn’t be anyone touching her books and things anymore. I smiled.

“I’m uncomfortable.” Psycho muttered.

I looked up at him; I forgot he was even here for a while. “Why?” I asked.

He shrugged. “You have all of this under control it seems like. She didn’t relax from the moment I picked her up until she got here and then you, kind of just… handled it.”

I smiled. “That’s normal, I have experience with her. You don’t want to know what it took to get that from her. It’s not going to happen overnight.” I came back out from behind the desk to stand beside him. “You wanted to talk?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, so… at the school I gave them my contact information. I wanted them to get her fucking aunt off of everything. I don’t even want her to see that bitch, but I needed an address. I didn’t want to give the club address cause I don’t need no nosy mother fuckers sniffing around so I gave them yours, and your number and shit as the other emergency contact.”

 I gave him a genuine smile. “Really?” I asked.

He frowned. “You’re not angry?”

Now I was confused. “No, why would I be?”

“Because I gave your information away… “He said.

“Well it was to her school, that’s fine by me… I don’t mind if you give them my address. If you’d asked I would’ve said it was OK, but I wouldn’t be mad ever if you told someone to contact me if it has to do with her.” I told him honestly.

“I don’t fucking get you.” He said harshly.

“I… I don’t understand?”

“Why the fuck are you doing all of this? I can’t get it in my head that it’s just from the good graces of your heart. I can see a good twenty other kids in here and would you do the same for them?” he asked.

I answered him honestly. “No.”

“Then why?”

I told him simply, “Because I want to.”

He scoffed. “Tomorrow.” He said before he stomped off angrily. I don’t know what it is about me that rubs him the wrong way so bad but whatever. As long as I still have her here I can deal with his childish temper tantrums and whatever else he might have up his sleeve.

The few weeks following were a bit rough on us all. We were trying out different things to see the best way to coordinate our schedules. Addie was becoming more vocal about what it was she wanted and that kind of made things difficult, but I think we have finally managed to figure things out.

During the week, she spent nights with me and Psycho picked her up from school. Since she enjoyed dinner with the both of us, he would bring her back to my place at night and have dinner with us. Then I’d spend the remaining of the time with Addie before bed. Once in a while, he would stay and hang out with us and we’d watch a movie.