Siarra

Like clockwork, the knock on my door sounded. I was still skeptical, but I wasn’t so much afraid of him anymore. I could tell that he cared about her and what she needed and wanted. If that wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t have even considered letting her stay with me last night.

I opened the door and peered at him. “Hi.”

He nodded. “Siarra…” before pushing past me and letting himself in. Such a gentleman, right?

He didn’t ask any questions, just welcomed himself into my living room where Addie was sitting playing with the tablet I’d gotten her. She totally got into it after we put the Kindle app on it and went bananas. I realized my bank card would incur charges like nobody’s business since it’s been saved on there. She was clicking until her hearts content on books. It still amazed me that even with all the other options she had like Netflix and Hulu she opted for the Kindle, but hey, if that’s what she wanted then fine. I’d done my part in introducing her to other things, but I wouldn’t judge or condemn her from her preferences.

Today, they didn’t sit in the living room together for a long while. They joined me in the kitchen only after about 20 minutes or so. It didn’t take long to find out why.

“What you cooking?” Psycho asked.

I grunted. “Food.”

He scowled at me. “I see that, fuck kind of food are you making?”

I rolled my eyes. “Can you watch your mouth? There are children in the room.”

He groaned and muttered a short “sorry” before he continued on. “So…?”

I let my smirk come out because I knew he couldn’t see it. “So…” I answered back.

It didn’t take but a few seconds before he was by the stove investigating for himself. He made a groaning noise when he saw the shrimp Alfredo. “How much longer until dinner?”

I couldn’t conceal my laugh. “Well in about a couple of minutes dinner will be ready and me and Addie will be eating.”

He growled. “You didn’t make any for me and you knew I was coming?” he asked his voice full of insult.

I turned to him and crossed my eyes. “You sound pretty entitled.” I pointed out.

He grunted. I’m beginning to think that was one of his favorite things to do. “I am pretty fucking entitled. You’ll be lucky if I let you have any. I’ll take the whole damn pot.”

My eyes bugged out. “You wouldn’t dare.” I said not sure if he was being serious.

He gave me an evil little grin like he could eat me whole and I kind of wanted to run. “Yeah, I really would.”

I shook my head. It was only food, let’s be serious. But the way he just took whatever he wanted was a bit scary. He obviously had no regards for anyone or anything else. All that mattered was his being happy or satisfied it seemed. “There’s enough for you, cool your jets.” I said hoping he couldn’t sense my inner turmoil.

He gave me a smug look and a nod before taking a seat at the table. I could kick my own butt for letting him strike fear in me over a freaking meal. I continued to berate myself as I went about making the plates and getting the lemonade from the fridge. By the time I sat, I had successfully calmed myself down so that I could function like a normal human being.

I felt warm inside when they both dug in immediately and made groans of pleasure. Just as he did yesterday, he went about refilling his plate after his first serving. Dinner was mostly quiet, everyone just filling their mouths with food. When dinner was over, Psycho didn’t hang around for long and was gone just as fast as he came.

Thankfully, it was the weekend and, I was able to take off of work today. We needed to do some school shopping. I’d taken it upon myself yesterday to go online to the school’s website and get the list of school supplies for the fourth-grade classes. I figured it was going to be a bit rough considering it is so last minute and the back to school sales and items have been out for the past couple of months. Hopefully though, they will be at better prices.

Plus, I noticed that her sneakers were borderline about to fall apart. We needed to get her some more clothes and shoes and such. I made a list last night with Addie before she went to bed to make sure that I had the things she knew she needed then added onto it. We’d had breakfast, packed a few snacks, and were heading out.

I had just tucked her into the car when I heard the rumble of a bike. I turned just as Psycho pulled into my driveway. I waited as he turned off the bike and hopped off. I couldn’t help but notice how big and strong his thighs were in those worn, snug jeans.

“We were just heading out…” I told him.

He stuck his tongue in his cheek as he stared at me. It only took a few seconds for me to start fidgeting uncomfortable being under his gaze. “I know.”

I frowned. “O… k?”

“Addie told me you guys were going school shopping today. I didn’t know when, so I came early… looks like I’m just in time.” He elaborated.

I nodded. “Alright.” I still wasn’t sure what was going on.

“I’m coming.” He finally said, and the lightbulb went off.

I shrugged. “Alright.”

He held his hand out and I arched an eyebrow in question. “Yes?”

Tongue in cheek again, God that was hot. Hot? Slow it down there missy, those are bad thoughts doll.

“Keys… I’m driving.”

Oh-ho. “No way bud, you can grab a seat in the back or the passenger side, but nobody drives Molly but me.”

His eyebrow cocked, and he looked at me amused. “Molly?”

Bastard. “That’s my beautiful girl’s name.” I said as I caressed the hood of my car.

He chuckled and came close until I could smell nothing but him. Leather and woods, nice. He leaned down and his breath fanned my face. “I don’t go shotgun to no one babe. Give me them keys before I have to search you for them then toss your ass in the back.”

My body shook, and it wasn’t in fear. Nope, I had weird sudden visions of his hands roaming all over me as he searched for the keys and I considered hiding them somewhere really close to… Stop! Stop, stop, stop! I dug into my bag and produced my keys. Instead of grabbing them right away and letting me be, he leaned in closer. Oh my. There was barely any air in between us now. One move and we’d touch. My lady bits were beginning to get hot and I didn’t like that at all.

“I would’ve preferred to search.” He bent his head lower until it was right by my ear. “That’s the last place I would’ve looked.” He leaned back and grinned then snatched the keys from my hand.

Psycho let himself into my car as I went around and got into the passenger side. I had begun to make Addie only ride in the back because I started doing reading online and well… it frightened me. I couldn’t help but look over at him. I never let anyone drive my baby but as out of place his big body looked in my car as he was adjusting the heck out of my seat. He looked so damn good in that moment. Addie’s voice broke through before I could let my mind get carried away.

“Hi Sy.”

Sy? Well, I guess that was better than telling her his name was Psycho.

“Sup Addilyn.”

I turned back and saw her smiling. “Are you coming with us?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yea, I’m coming.”

She let out a small giggle. “This is going to be so much fun!” she was excited and that made me smile.

“We’ll have a lot of fun.” I told her.

 

*****

Siarra

 

“Really?” I asked exasperated.

“Yes really, why the fuck not?” Psycho asked crossing his massive arms across his muscular chest.

I groaned. He drove us to The Loo mall. There was a good like twenty stores in here and we’d be able to find everything that we needed. We were only in the first store – Target – in the school supplies section and I was ready to rip the man’s head off.

Fine, I know he was new to this. He didn’t know, but I had explained this to him already, three times. He just doesn’t understand that he doesn’t make all the rules. They had a very detailed list for a reason; for what it was they needed. Like how she needed three spiral notebooks and he was hell bent on the composition one.

Granted that was the thing that she picked up and said she liked but I was going with the list dammit. I lifted the list into his face again ready to smother him with it. “This Psy-cho is what the school says she’s going to need for school. Therefore, this is what we need to buy.” I stressed.

He slapped my hand down. “Stop sticking that shit in my face. I heard you the first fucking time, but she wants it, so she can have it. What’s the big fucking deal?” he was definitely aggravated.

I groaned. “It’s not on the list!”

He came in close and I instinctively took a step back. “I fucking get you and this whole list obsession you’ve got going on. But… if my daughter wants a fucking two-dollar notebook then fucking hell she can have it. The fuck, we’re going to get your three spiral notebooks. Ever think she’d want something for a fucking diary or something?”

I zipped my lips. Fine, I was new to this too and I found that over the past couple of days lists were helping me get through them. I’ve always loved lists because my mind can stray occasionally. And I always forgot things when I tried to just remember on my own. I was trying to stay focused and make sure that nothing slipped my mind. Yes, I agreed she can have extra stuff, but to me… it was outside of my comfort zone. You follow the list first, and then got other things. When you start co-mingling you start forgetting about the list.

“Ok” I acquiesced knowing that it was a me thing… not a normal person thing. Ugh. I mean, these were the times where I’m reminded why I’m single and lonely.

“Addie, put the book into the cart.” He turned back to me. “And you, how bout you give me your fucking list? Cause I swear to fuck if you shove that shit in my face again I’m going to fucking kill you.” Oh, he looked like he really, really meant it.

I handed it over willingly. He snatched it from me, damn near ripping it in the process. He read it over before moving over to the art supplies where he tossed some stuff in the cart. We didn’t speak much more as we found the rest of the supplies and loaded up the cart.

When we got in line to pay, I mentally went over what I remembered of the prices and tried to calculate how much this was all going to run me. Considering, a lot was on sale like I hoped, it wouldn’t be too bad. I was a bit startled when the cashier told us the total, $102.89, Psycho pulled out a wad of cash and plucked two hundred-dollar bills from the top and handed it over. I wanted to slap myself, why didn’t I think her father would pay.

When that was all said and done, we made our way to the Gap, Footlocker, and Macys. He’d had to have spent about two grand on stuff for her. She was definitely now more than prepared to start school. We’d reached Target and I was spent… my feet were starting to hurt, but the sheer joy in Addie made it all worth it.

I looked over to Psycho. “What do we need from here?” I asked. I figured she had everything already.

He just shrugged. “Figured she wants some toys or games or some shit.”

I couldn’t help but look at him in awe. He’d cracked a few smiles and engaged in conversation with Addie, but he seemed a bit passive… kind of like he was just going with the motions being the charge card. Really, he seemed to have thought this through and it was extremely considerate.

We went straight to the toy section of the store. “What do you want?” Psycho asked Addie.

Ad blushed and began to play with her fingers while she stared at them distractedly. “Anything.” She said in a whisper.

He cocked his head to the side. “You want anything?” he asked for clarification.

She shrugged nervously. “Anything is fine.” She peeked at him then backtracked. “Or nothing is fine too.”

I frowned hard and he growled. “You can have anything you want… whatever it is.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Really?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yes.”

She squealed and took off. She was practically running up and down the aisles. I don’t know how she actually saw anything. When she got to the aisle that look like some big pink monster puked on it, she slowed down and began scrutinizing each thing. I did notice when she seemed to reach for something, she would eye the price tag and then pull back.

She finally settled on this nail design set thing and walked back over. She handed it to me to inspect. “Is this ok?” she asked.

I nodded. “Looks like fun.”

She smiled. “Ok, I’ll take this one.”

Psycho walked past us back down the aisle the way we came and picked something up. “It looked like you like this one?” he asked her.

She shrugged. “Yea, that one is cool too. But it costs a lot.”

Psycho’s eyes blazed with anger and she shrunk back practically hiding behind me. “I’m sorry.” She said softly, and I felt her shiver.

I’ll admit that look was pretty scary, but I also knew that wasn’t what caused his anger. The toy was $39.99. If he couldn’t get it for her I sure would, but I was sure his anger was towards the same thing that invoked mine. I was just better at hiding it.

I bent down until I was at eye level with her and spoke softly and lowly. “Honey, he’s not angry at you. He’s angry that you are thinking about the prices. Other kids, they don’t think about that type of stuff. We just want you to have the things you want… he’s mad because well, we know you haven’t always gotten things you want and deserve. Also, you don’t have to get just one. I’ve told you this before and I’ll keep telling you this as much as I have to. You don’t have to worry about those things with me… or with your father. I might not be able to afford everything but if I can then I will as long as you continue to deserve things.

She studied me for a moment seeming to think over my words before blushing and nodding. “I remember… I’m sorry.”

I shook my head and smiled. “No need to be sorry, you’ll get used to it.”

I looked up to see Psycho standing over us. I worried my lip when I realized that his attention was focused solely on me. I couldn’t read his expression, it was too guarded… but the fury in his eyes had gone away so I guess that was a good sign.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “Now, take a good look and pick up anything you want.” He cocked his head to the side and seemed to think about what he’d said. “Not everything you see... be reasonable… but you can have a few. You don’t have anything so it’s ok if you like a handful.”

She shook her head and laughed. “Don’t be silly. I’ve got some stuff. Sia got me some toys and board games that I like. Anddddddd she got me an iPad! I can play games on there and read my books. There’s so many books Sy.” She gushed.

He quirked an eyebrow at me briefly before returning his attention to Addie. “Well alright, but still… look around.”

When she skipped away I had to turn my head away from him because I couldn’t stand his intense stare. Even with my body facing another direction, I could feel him burning holes in me with his gaze.

He cleared his throat intentionally and I hesitantly turned to face him. “You’re really good with her.” He commented.

I shrugged. “I’ve known her for a while now. We weren’t like best friends but I’m extremely fond of her. She deserves to be happy.”

His eyes narrowed. “What’s in it for you?”

My head snapped back, and I frowned. “What?”

He gave me a look as though that was the dumbest thing he’s ever heard, which I’m certain that couldn’t have been the case. “Why’re you doing all this shit for her? You don’t even know her… she ain’t no fucking body to you.”

I crossed my arms now thoroughly pissed. “Excuse me? I know her! I’ve been with her damn near every day for the past four years! I care about her; she means so much to me. I’ve always done things for her… whether you like it or not, I… I care.”

He studied me then grunted before storming off to join Ad in looking at things. I stewed for the rest of the time we spent perusing the store. How dare he? He just showed up and wants to tell me what I feel. What a jerk. He made me want to step back and just push myself out of this completely, so I didn’t have to deal with him, but I wouldn’t lose her because of him. By the time we left the store, I came to the conclusion, I hated him.