Siarra

I was on auto-pilot. After Psycho stormed off, I did as he said and sat down at a table. The girls came to join me at the table, but I didn’t hear a word they said. My mind was going a mile a minute as the last few minutes played back in my mind. Psycho kissed me, he freaking kissed me. I don’t care how childish it seemed that I was reeling from that one little tap on my lips. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t kiss me again; I’d even built up the courage to ask. Maybe it wasn’t what he thought it would be? Maybe he didn’t even really want to do it to begin with? I sighed. I was making myself positively crazy. When my mind just refused to let that moment go, I decided to get drunk like everyone else. I’d been sitting here thinking so dang long I’d actually began to sober up.

It wasn’t long until the room began to spin a little. I’d taken my time with my drink, so I could remain aware of how drunk I was getting. When I felt tipsy enough I decided it was time to head to bed. I scanned the room and didn’t see Psycho anywhere, so I just decided to head to bed. I made my way to his room and when I entered it was pitch black. I’d only been in here twice before outside of today and I had no clue where the light switch was.

I relied on my memory and clumsily made my way to his bed only walking into the dresser once and tripping twice. I climbed onto the bed and crawled my way to the top where I plopped down and kicked the covers down, so I can slide in. I screamed at the top of my lungs when the blanket was tugged back up.

“The fuck. Shut up Siarra.” Psycho growled.

I gripped my chest where I was sure you were able to see my heart pounding through my skin. “What the hell Sy, you scared me to death.” I was still panting like I ran a marathon. “And how did you know it was me? It’s pitch freaking black in here.” I fussed at him.

I felt him shift and grunt. “Because no one else would bring they ass in here to begin with. Now shut up so I can go back to sleep.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up.” I muttered as I slid into the bed, then something very important dawned on me. “Wait a minute, what are you doing in here? We can’t sleep together.”

He growled. “It’s my bed and I’m sleeping in here. Just go to sleep already.” He sounded exhausted and I almost felt bad for bothering him. Almost.

“But I can’t sleep with you!” I said on a squeak. I could feel my cheeks heating from embarrassment on how childish I was but come on. Give a girl a break here! I’ve been having wet dreams about the man for what feels like years and I don’t think that would be a good thing while lying right next to the man.

“Haven’t you ever slept with a man before?” he asked.

Sure, I had little experience with men, but I wasn’t a virgin. “Yes!” I answered indignantly. “I’ve had boyfriends before.”

“Ok, so then this is simple there just won’t be no cuddling. Now go. To. Sleep.”

I groaned he was just not getting it. “But I can’t.” I stressed. “I was dating those guys. We’re not dating! I mean, sure you kissed me but that doesn’t mean – “

“Is that what the fuck this is about? Why you won’t shut up?” he asked.

Total confusion. “Huh.”

The bed moved and there was a warm large hand cupping the entire back and sides of my neck. He applied some pressure tugging my head down. I opened my mouth to argue, but then they were covered. His lips were hard against mine, and he moved his head to the side his tongue snaking out to brush against my lips. The only thing I could do was sigh. It felt amazing.

He took that as a personal invitation to invade my mouth with his tongue. It was warm and tasted delicious. I hesitated but then let myself go and I began to move my tongue along with his. On their own accord, my hands fell down and I began running my hands along his abs. Wow. He was shirtless, score! I felt all his muscles bunch and tense underneath my fingers as I ran them all over him. Unfortunately, he had to release me so that we could catch our breath. I collapsed down onto my back and couldn’t help but bring a finger to my lips still unsure if I just imagined that.

He chuckled. “If I knew that’s how to shut you the fuck up I would’ve done it ages ago.”

Like clockwork I flushed with embarrassment. “That’s it, I’m leaving.”

I moved to push the covers off of me and his hand clamped down on my hip keeping me in place. “Relax, I was joking.” I settled. “A little.” I tensed, and he sighed. “Oh my God, you’re such a baby. Come here let me rock you to sleep.” He teased.

I stayed silent and still not willing to give him the satisfaction that he was getting to me. He let out another deep sigh and shifted. Then I was being dragged across the bed until I bumped into his hard body. He pulled me over until I was lying on top of him – chest to chest – and moved me around a bit like I was a ragdoll until he was comfortable. Within minutes his breathing had evened out and I knew he was asleep. One arm was around my waist and his other hand resting on my back in between my shoulders. Screw it, and I went to sleep too.

 As I was stirring awake, the first thing that I noticed was that I was really really warm. I stretched and the feel of hair brushing against my leg brought back memories of the night before. Slowly I peeked one eye open, then another. Psycho was still fast asleep. One arm thrown over his eyes, the other wrapped around my back his hand resting on my butt. I was plastered to his side, one arm resting against his chest and on leg thrown over his.

I’ve dreamt of waking up like this a few times, usually it was after a night spent of hot, passionate sex that I never actually experienced outside of my imagination. I tried to wiggle out of his grip and his muscles bunched and tensed keeping me in place.

“You starting this bullshit first thing in the morning?” he asked voice thick with sleep.

“What are you talking about?” I asked trying really hard not to open my mouth.

“Keep your ass still, I might be able to go back to sleep.” He said.

“But I’m awake now.” I whined.

He peeked an eye open. “Why’re you talking like that?” he asked.

I blushed. “I have morning breath.” I muttered.

He laughed. “I know, I can smell it.”

I ducked my head to hide my blush. “I was trying to avoid that.”

“Siarra…” he said, and I knew he was laughing at me still.

“Yes?”

“Look at me.” Reluctantly I looked up, and he had a blinding smile on his face. Wow. I never saw him smile like this before. It was so open and inviting and I found myself grinning back like an idiot.

“You gotta lighten up a little pequeña chica. When I say shit about your clothes or call you tiny and shit you get all red in the face. I’m only fucking with you.” He wiped his face. “And people say that I don’t have a sense of humor.”

My eyebrows rose. “You did it again.”

He frowned. “What?”

“Talked in Spanish… why haven’t you done that before?” I asked curiously.

He gave me a knowing look. “I say all types of shit in Spanish about you in my head all the time. Spanish only comes out when I’m mad or annoyed which doesn’t happen often. I’d get rid of the shit before it got that far.” He cocked an eyebrow.

I couldn’t help it, I blushed, and he grinned. “Would you stop doing that?” I muttered.

He shrugged. “Just telling you how it is, I ain’t gonna lie to you.” He met my eyes. “But if it means anything, I don’t usually joke around with no one let alone take them talking a bunch of shit from their lips.”

I smiled this time. “No one is afraid of the big bad wolf. All bark and no bite.”

Both of his eyebrows hit his hairline. “Really?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Oh ye – “

He was on me in a second. He flipped me onto my back and was hovering over me. My heart began to pound out of control at his proximity. Not to mention this awfully intimate position. Lady bits, down girl. He gave me a wicked grin before he leaned down and bit me on the neck. I jumped and yelped bringing us closer together.

“That what you needed to get your ass in line?” he asked with his mouth still dangerously close to my neck.

“I – I – I… huh?” I was totally brainless.

He chuckled, and his breath fanned my neck. “Does it hurt?” he whispered.

I nodded my head then shook it and he laughed again. He closed the distance putting his lips in the spot he just bit then leaned back so that he was kneeling putting some space between us. “Come on, I’m fucking starving.”

He got off the bed and began shuffling around through the drawers pulling out clothes. “I can cook something.” I offered.

He shook his head. “Nah, that’s too much. Those mother fuckers are greedy as fuck, we can grab something.” He said not sparing me a glance. “I’ll go grab a shower while you use mine. Be back in a few minutes.” He tossed over his shoulder as he headed out the door. Well alright then.

I was ready by the time he came back and then I was following him out. He had me leave my bag after I confirmed I would go with him in a little while to pick up Addie. When we got outside he headed straight for his bike, I frowned.

“Um, am I meeting you there?” I asked.

He looked at me like I’d grown a fourth head or something. “What?”

I cleared my throat. “I, Siarra, am not getting on that thing.” I said.

He looked from to the bike then back again. “Why the fuck not?”

I cocked my head to the side, he couldn’t be serious. “You might like living on the wild side and all, but I’d like to end the day in one piece. Do you know how dangerous those things are? I actually googled it a while back when I was concerned about Addie being on one of those things with you. I mean, the statistics – “

He held up a hand stopping me in the middle of my rant. “Al diablo.” He turned and began stalking off in another direction.

Spanish, again… well whatever I wasn’t caving on that one. “And you’re not driving Molly.”

He scoffed. “I’m sick of driving your small ass car.”

I gasped, offended. “How dare you? Molly is an amazing woman thank you very much and she deserves respect.”

He turned back and looked at me like I was crazy, heck maybe I was if the past 24 hours was any indication. Shoot, the past few weeks. “We’re taking my cage.”

What the… “You’re what?”

He frowned and gripped the back of his neck. Yep, I was aggravating him for sure. “My car woman. My cage is my car.” He hit a button and the sound of doors unlocking broke through the silence. I turned my head to see a huge black range rover behind him. I could work with that.

I hopped in the passenger seat and waited for him to pull out. When he put the car into drive, I noticed he didn’t have on his seatbelt. “Um, Sy?”

He turned his head oh so slowly my way with narrowed eyes. “What now?” he asked.

I bit my lip and began playing with my fingers. “You forgot your seatbelt.” I told him.

He squeezed his eyes shut for about thirty seconds and when he opened them he was glaring. “If I put the fucking seatbelt on, will you keep your lips shut for the rest of the ride?” he asked.

Ok so here’s the thing, I really really couldn’t promise that. Sometimes words just came out, but the way he was looking at me told me there was only one way to answer that question. So, what did I do? I gave him the answer he wanted to hear and crossed my fingers I wouldn’t prove myself to be a liar. I mean, how hard could it be? We couldn’t be going that far. “Yes.”

He put on his seatbelt and pulled out. Now I was so focused on not speaking, my mind was going about 100 miles per minute. I thought about all the things I recently learned about him. How he held me all night even though he said no cuddling. He also kissed me, more than once. That kiss last night was just… wow. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, or the way his five o’clock shadow felt rubbing against my shoulder this morning. His hair still looked a little wet from his shower and was all over the place. If I frustrate him so much, why is it that he’s never spoke Spanish before admitting to me he was Latino? Well he did say he did it all in his head. About that… his name was Alex. Alejandro… I liked it. Would he let me call him that now that I knew? I wonder…

I opened my mouth to ask and snapped it shut. I looked at the time, 9:53. I looked out the window and decided to focus my attention on the buildings passing by. Hmm, I think I would much prefer Alex over Psycho. It made him seem more human; it reminded me of the smile he graced me with earlier this morning. I was shocked that he didn’t seem repulsed that we were still so close together when he woke up. All in all, I don’t think he’s even realized that he sometimes shows me his softer side.

I looked at the clock. 9:55. You have got to be kidding me! It feels like we have been in this car for hours already. It’s not so bad Sia, chill out. We’ll be there soon and then you can talk again. I stared at the radio, wishing I had magic powers to make it come on. I needed something to distract me because my mind apparently wasn’t a safe place. The more I thought, the more I wanted to say… but I was really fixated on his name. How much better can my fantasies be with me screaming out Alex or Alejandro instead of Psycho. Yes. I can see it in my brain, it would be so much better.

9:58. I was going to die. I was going to jump out of this moving car into oncoming traffic or just shoot myself. There’s gotta be a gun around here, somewhere right?

“Fucking spit it out. You look like a mad man over there. Did you even make it five minutes?” he asked.

I took a deep breath. “I was just thinking about how much I like your name, your real name. It’s so much better than Psycho to me. I was wondering if I could call you Alex. Or Alejandro. I would really like that.” I let out in one long breath. No way was I going to tell him the other things I’d been thinking about.

“No.”

What? “Why?”

“Because I go by Psycho.” He stated flatly.

“Well Alex is nicer.” I hinted.

He grunted.

“I mean, how much harm can it really be if I called you that?”

“Lots.”

I frowned. “I’m willing to compromise. Like, if it’s just us like now or around Addie…”

He stuck his tongue into his cheek. “No.”

“What’s with the one-word answers?” I asked annoyed.

He shrugged.

“Are you intentionally being short with me?” I asked.

“No.”

I am going to scream. “Do you not like me or something?” I asked.

“Not particularly.”

Huh. “Do you hate me?”

“Not particularly.”

Bastard. “Are you attracted to me?” Yes, I went there. I was curious, and I felt a little more comfortable with broaching the subject with all the flirting and the kissing and the touching he was doing as of late. In truth, I kind of wanted him to like me. Like, like me, like me. God, I sound like a grade school girl.

He sighed. No answer.

Jerk. “Well then why did you kiss me?” I snapped.

“Because I can.”

In-fur-iating man. “Actually, no you can’t. I don’t just let anybody who feels like it put their mouth on me. You better keep that mouth, your hands, your… your… everything to yourself.” I was upset. At him but mostly myself. Why did I have to even bring this up? Why did I just have to know? And God now I had to sit and deal with the harsh reality of his rejection.

He pulled up to a red light and for the first time since we pulled off he looked at me. His eyes dark and narrowed. He gripped my ponytail and tugged my hair until my head was over the center console. He leaned down and nipped my bottom lip then kissed me fully on the mouth. “Too bad it’s not your fucking choice.” He said as he released me when the person behind us honked because the light had changed to green.

He was so confusing. “So, you do like me?” I asked.

“You talk too much.” He muttered.

“If you like me, I’ll just call you Alex.” I said with a nod. That definitely sounded like a plan.

“No.”

“So, is this a date?” I asked. Now I was just messing with him.

He glanced over at me and must’ve been able to read the same on my face. “Fucking hell. Are you going to harass the fuck out of me as some sick form of enjoyment for the rest of the ride?” he asked.

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

He gave me a nod in understanding. I opened my mouth to speak, and music began blaring through the speakers. It was so loud I swear my ears were bleeding and begging for forgiveness. The entire car throbbed with the beat of the music. I’m sure they could hear this all the way back at the club. When he looked at me he gave me an evil grin and I understood the message. He’d won this round.

 

*****

 

Psycho

 

I was sitting staring at Siarra as she explained some science shit to Addie. The little bitch. Ever since the other night when I’d kissed her she’s been making me fucking crazy. She didn’t bring it up again since the next morning in the car when she gave me the fifth degree. I don’t know what the fuck she was expecting from me. I told her the truth. Did I like her? Not really. I mean I guess I did but she got on my nerves so goddamn much she was usually bordering the line between life and death. Did I find her attractive? I didn’t answer her because fuck yea I did, and she should be aware of that. I just wasn’t going to put no shit in her head.

She’s a different type of bitch. She wants relationships, dates, cuddling the whole nine yards. I could give her a good fuck but that’s all I can promise her. All that other shit is just a bit fucking much for me. Too much damn work and time and patience I just didn’t fucking have. She was a good bitch, good for Addie, too fucking good for me. The both of them bitches really. But Addie is mine, so there’s fuck all to do about it. Siarra on the other hand don’t belong to me. Don’t mean I don’t want her to. I’m like a walking hard on around her and I know that if I take her I’m going to own her ass and she don’t deserve that.

She been giving me those bedroom eyes and fuck me looks. I swear to fuck she busted out a whole new wardrobe of sleep shit to prance around in during the evenings when I’m over there dropping off Addilyn. I caught her a few times looking at my lips with this sexy little pout like she needed them on her. Fuck me, something had to give.

My dick could probably hammer a nail right now with how hard I was. I got up from the table and decided to go fucking distract myself before I did something stupid. I was making my way over to Tank, when Kitty cornered me.

“Ya know, I could help your girl with her homework and you wouldn’t even have to pay me. Plus, I’m already here. You don’t need Siarra for that.” She stuck her tongue out and ran it across her top lip. I think it was supposed to be seductive, but there was not a fuck I found attractive about her. She was a sheep, and if we were in the business she’d probably be the first to volunteer to be a turn out. Not to mention I heard she had something a few times and the track marks on her ain’t old. I don’t do junkies voluntarily. Never stuck my dick anywhere near this bitch.

“Bitch, you can barely say the fucking alphabet.” I said trying to wave her off.

She poked her lip out like she was truly offended. She had no fucking right to be it was truth. “She ya sweetie or something?”

“Or something.” I answered.

“What is it? Are you dating? I mean I just don’t get it… plus look at her. She doesn’t exactly fit in with this life.” Kitty said.

 “You drunk or some shit?” I asked.

She frowned. “No.”

“Then who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Do you question me?” I asked. Now I was pissed. I don’t know if it’s because Addie got whatever the fuck or if it’s because they hear Siarra’s fucking mouth all the time knowing I damn well should’ve popped her one by now. But, who the fuck did this bitch think she was questioning me.

She paled. “I’m – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way I swear. I was just curious is all.”

I moved in closer. “Fuck are you curious about. My shit ain’t your business and you need to fucking remember that. Next time you get curious, I’ll put one in your brain to make sure that shit don’t fucking happen again. Get outta my face.” I said brushing past her leaving her to lick her wounds.

I reached Tank and he shook his head. “What’s up with Kitty?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Slut is out of her fucking mind is all. I had to remind her who the fuck she was.”

He smiled in amusement. “I don’t even know why she still here. Don’t anybody here even wanna fuck her anymore.”

I shrugged. “She cleans.”

He tilted his head in thought. “True. And I don’t want to do that shit. I guess the bitch can stay a bit longer.”

I rolled my eyes. “How’s the situation with the feds?” I asked. Lately the fucking pigs been giving us shit. Doing their best to make shit difficult for us, cock suckers.

Tank shook his head. “It’s getting worse man. They’re all over us… I’m pretty sure they’re staking out the club.” He looked me in the eye and cleared his throat. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to bring this up, but I don’t think Addie should be here… or you for that matter.”

I frowned. “What the fuck do you mean? Addie is mine and she’s with me. And this is my mother fucking club.”

He held up his hands. “Just listen man. They’re on us, all our fucking business and down our necks. They’re looking for anything to bring you down right now bro. That’s your fucking daughter. You don’t think they’d target her. She’s here… if they bust in this shit they’re going to fucking take her away and put her up in a group home or some shit. Think about it.”

I stormed off to my office with Tank hot on my tail. I kicked the door open, letting it bang hard against the wall ensuring there would be a dent left behind. He closed the door behind him and stood there quietly while I paced. He was right, I fucking knew he was. In the last meeting I was the dick that suggested I might have to go underground for a while to get them to back the fuck off the club. But fucking hell. I didn’t think I’d actually have to do that shit. Then having Addie here, probably putting her in some shit. I was fucking this whole father thing up.

I stopped pacing and sighed. What the fuck else can I do? “I know you’re right bro. I just, fuck. This shit is going to suck.” I admitted.

He nodded. “Yea, it will. But it shouldn’t be more than a few weeks. You know I’m going to keep you in the loop on everything. You will still be making all the calls and I’d just be the middle man between you and the club. I can snatch us up burners, so our calls won’t be tapped. We just communicate with each other.”

I nodded. “I’m probably going to grab a room at the hotel on the other side.”

Tank frowned. “What? Why you going to a hotel?”

I just stared at him. “I can’t fucking stay, here can I?” I asked irritated.

He shrugged. “I’m saying, I just thought that you were going to just stay with Addie and Siarra… that makes the most sense. Plus, you’ll get more time with your daughter. Take the time off and spend it with her.”

I gripped the back on my neck. “No. absolutely not.”

Tank put his hands on his hips in annoyance. Ditto mother fucker. “Why the fuck not?”

I was baffled. “Have you met that little fucking witch? She’s fucking crazy, I’ll kill her then the feds really will have my balls.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re being dramatic and you ain’t gonna do shit to her but probably fuck her. If you were gonna brain her you would’ve done it by now.”

I sighed. “Only because of Addie…”

He groaned. “This shit again?”

“Look, there is nothing going on with us and there won’t be. Drop this shit already, its fucking old now and it isn’t funny anymore.”

“What the fuck ever. What are you going to do?” he asked.

I groaned. “I’m going to go ask the little fucking nerd if I can crash at her place for a few weeks.”

He bit back a smile. “You’re going to ask?”

The fuck. I flipped him off and stormed out of the room mentally preparing myself for the fuckery that is about to become my life.