Chapter Forty-Six

I knew I would regret not going to the grocery store earlier, but life had been chaotic with Christmas shopping, signing contracts, attending to my blog, work, getting Cody through finals, the list could go on and on.

That’s why I was shopping the Saturday before Christmas along with everyone else in Chicagoland. It didn’t help that the weather forecasted ten inches of snow tomorrow. People were stocking up. They all knew ten inches could easily turn into twenty with lake effect snow. At least my Christmas shopping was done. I had done most of it online. I even had most of the presents wrapped.

It was our first Christmas as a family of two. We were starting our own traditions, like we planned to go to the movies Christmas Day instead of watching Neil’s favorite holiday movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, at home. Though we would still have Christmas Eve tea with Gelaire and, yes, Neil and his daughter, possibly baby mama too. We had to be parents to Cody, despite our feelings for each other, or should I say my feelings for Neil. Christmas Eve night we would eat dinner at my parents’ before heading to mass. My Christmas wish was that Ma would make amends with Peter and Delanie so we could all be together. I wasn’t holding my breath.

What I was doing was making my way through the maze of people in the store. I had to squeeze between two other shoppers to get to the oranges. I always made orange rolls for Christmas Eve dinner, and I needed the zest and juice from several oranges to make them just right.

While I was picking out the perfect citrus, I heard my name. The voice made my insides swish and my heart swell. My head popped up to see the man that belonged to the voice. He stood across from me near the apples.

This wasn’t our grocery store; I was back to using the closest one to me, but he looked as good here as he had in ours. He was wearing a stocking cap and a tentative smile. It went well with his stubble and bright blue eyes.

“Sam, how are you?”

I swallowed down my heart. I held up my bag of oranges for some reason. I always did stupid things around him. “Busy, but good.”

It was true. I wasn’t completely healed, but I was on the road to recovery. I was inching my way through the dark; sometimes I even felt like I moved a few feet. “How are you?” I remembered to ask.

His tentative smile showed signs of smoldering. “Better now.” 

Another shopper was giving me the look and huffing like I needed to move on. She probably wanted oranges too.

I was torn. I wanted to stay right where I was and talk to Reed, but it wasn’t the time. And for all I knew, he had moved on. I hadn’t heard a peep from him in weeks. “I hope you have a Merry Christmas.” I placed the bag full of oranges in my cart and moved out of the way.

“You too.” He didn’t follow me or say another word.

I don’t know why I expected him to. Disappointment filled me, but there was nothing I could do about it in the middle of the crowded store. I would go home and vent to my journal, or maybe paint my bathroom. Home improvement projects were becoming my favorite form of therapy.

Ten minutes later, while deciding whether I should buy premade eggnog or make my own, all while trying to not think about Reed, my phone buzzed. I picked it up expecting a text from Cody to pick him up some type of snack he wanted—it was a regular occurrence.

It wasn’t Cody.

Go to the greeting card aisle. Look in the For Her section.

Suddenly all the organs in my body reacted. My heart raced, my stomach felt like someone was using it for a slip and slide. I was shaking even though I was warm in my turtleneck sweater and jeans. Despite my out of control body, I hustled over to the greeting cards, looking for Reed as I went. Was he still here?

I looked at each sign detailing the different types of cards until I spotted For Her. There were a few people perusing cards. A couple were giggling to themselves as they read, in my way. This was no laughing matter to me. I needed to find my card.

I left my cart to one side and pushed my way between the two women. “I’m so sorry, excuse me.”

I wasn’t really that sorry, not even when their faces scrunched in that wow, she’s rude sort of way. I was being totally rude, but if they knew what hung in the balance, they would surely understand. Not like I was taking the time to explain it to them. I was on a mission.

I scanned the cards. They had ones for birthdays, thinking of you, just because. Oh. There it was. A bright red envelope with my name on it in Reed’s chicken scratch. I took several shallow breaths before I snatched it.

As soon as I opened the envelope and pulled out the card, everyone around me melted away. All that existed for me were my thoughts and the card in my shaking hand. I hardly bothered with the front, it said something about meeting under the mistletoe. I took that as a good sign. I would love to meet Reed under the kiss-inducing plant. But right now, I needed to know if he had a message for me. When I opened the card my heart soared. His scribble filled the whole left side.

1. I’m sorry.

2. I was a fool.

3. Please forgive me.

4. You look more beautiful than ever.

5. I want to kiss you.

6. Right now.

7. I’m going to have to head to the frozen food aisle, thinking about how much I want to kiss you.

8. I love you.

9. I’m going to need you to give me this card back so I can pay for it.

10. Did I mention I am in the frozen food aisle?

My eyes were so blurry after the I love you, I could hardly read the rest. I chased my heart to the frozen food section, not caring that I left my cart in the card aisle.

I wasn’t exactly sure how I made it to the frozen food section or how many people I may have pushed out of the way, but before I knew it, I was there. He was there.

He was loitering with no cart, just waiting. Waiting for me. His grin said come kiss me. All right.

Holding his card, I met him halfway. Without thinking or caring who might see, I dropped the card, threw myself into his arms, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned in and our lips collided. For a second he acted surprised and paused, but when I didn’t pull away, he parted my lips. Yep, we were French kissing in front of the frozen French fries. My tingly spine was back, and he tasted better than I remembered.

We pulled apart when we heard a child comment to his dad, “Ooh gross, they’re kissing.” The dad wasn’t too impressed with us either. “Grow up.” He scowled on his way by.

Maybe not my finest moment, but I didn’t care.

Reed ignored the grumpy man. He brushed my cheek with his hand. “You kissed me in public.”

“I did.”

“You know what that means?”

“I think we better talk to Cody.”

“We?”

“We.” I smiled.

“I like we.”

“Me too. But, Reed,” I took a deep breath, “I’m still broken. I don’t know where this will go.”

With his thumb, he caught the tear in the corner of my eye before it had a chance to fall. “Sam, I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I asked you once if you wanted company on your journey. Somewhere along the way I forgot it was your journey. I got in a rush to make it to the finish line, so I ran when I should have been walking beside you. Showing you how a real man acts when he loves you. Instead, I acted like the boy I wanted you to forget.”

Tears ran down my cheeks. “You know, thinking back, I liked that boy . . . when he wasn’t booby trapping my room.”

The back of his hand glided down my cheek. “That boy liked you, but not as much as the man in front of you loves you.”

I swallowed hard. “I can’t say that back right now, but I’m working on it.” I had to be honest, even if it meant losing him.

“I don’t expect you to. I’m not expecting anything from you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“He sounds sure to me, lady.” A gruff voice interrupted. “Do you think you could move out of the way?”

Reed and I turned toward the surly bald man who looked like he needed a cigar in his mouth and a gangster suit on.

“We’re sorry.” Reed pulled me to the side so the man could load up on fries.

The man gave us a half smile. “Mazel tov. Now go get a room or something.”

I laughed and grinned up at Reed. “Does ‘or something’ work for you?”

“I’ll take whatever you have to offer. But just know, someday I plan on signing that NDA.”