Chapter Thirty-Eight

Thunderous applause rang in my ears. I looked over the crowd of women who had each been seated at their respective round tables eating lunch. Those same women were now on their feet, clapping for me. Reed suggested I end with the line he loved so much about none of us truly being empowered until we all were. From the looks of it, it had an effect.

My heart was pounding wildly. I wasn’t expecting such a response. I only spoke from the heart about my journey and where I hoped to go. I used football as an analogy for how we can empower women and girls. I talked about the teamwork it required and how if we as adult women stopped comparing ourselves, how much better equipped we would make the next generation of women. I talked about the need to persevere, even if the odds were against us and it looked like we might lose. The great thing about life, though, was there was plenty of overtime; we just couldn’t give up. These were all things I needed to hear more than anyone.

I had posted the speech on my blog that morning and had gotten the same response, minus the standing ovation. Though a few people sent standing ovation gifs. Others sent some not-so-nice ones. The more followers I got, the more detractors that came with it. I was called, among other things, a flaming feminist, bitter, ugly, and with Halloween around the corner, someone wished a house to fall on me.

There was enough love for me, though, that I had met with Delanie, a Chicago-based marketing group, and agent to talk about “selling me” earlier in the week. That sounded awful and frightening, because it was. It was also exciting and intriguing.

These people were talking about getting me on talk shows and shopping around for a publisher. The agent even threw out reality TV. I shut that down immediately. I had enough reality in my life. I didn’t need some camera crew following me around documenting it. Besides, I was boring. He wouldn’t let it drop. He was thinking of doing like a Bachelorette type show where I chose to get back in the game and choose my next husband. Never in a million years was that going to happen. Marriage wasn’t meant to be mocked. I didn’t care that Kevin, my wannabe agent, was throwing around six-figure numbers at me.

I didn’t even have time to see Reed, and I already knew I liked him.

In all the chaos, and with his illness, I wasn’t going to get to really see him until James and Avery’s Halloween party that Saturday night, two days before my birthday. Even then, we wouldn’t be able to connect in the way I would have liked. The way he kept texting me about how he planned to make me gasp, I was ready.

I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about all that while I was standing in front of strangers taking in their applause. I should have been thinking about my exit strategy. What was I supposed to say and do?

Thankfully Delanie and Avery were in the audience. I looked to them. Delanie was trying to mouth something to me. She was a smart girl. Like, I-really-wanted-to-know-what-she-did-for-a-living smart. You should have seen the way she handled the agent and marketing firm. I was beginning to think that online publication she worked for paid her some serious bucks, and she was worth every penny. She was savvy and showed them who was boss right down to telling them if we used them, we wanted full control and say over anything that had the Sidelined Wife’s name attached to it. She even named an entertainment lawyer we would be bringing to our next meeting. When I’d asked her how she knew one, she brushed it off.

I finally figured out what Delanie was mouthing: Tell them where to look for you online and thank them for hosting you.

Oh yeah, I think she mentioned that beforehand when I almost puked from nerves. I stood up tall at the podium with the Clearfield’s Women League sign adorning it. I took a deep breath. “Thank you so much. I’m overwhelmed. If you want to hear more from me, please follow me online. You can find me at theSidelinedWife.com or on Facebook. Thank you.”

I did my best to gracefully exit the stage. I shook the president of the league’s hand on my way off the raised platform. She was a lovely lady, from what I could tell.

I walked to the table where Avery, Delanie, and the leaders of the league were all gathered. My sisters greeted me with open arms. I drew from their strength and sent a prayer of thanks up for not wetting my pants, tripping, vomiting, mispronouncing words, or in general embarrassing myself. But, honestly, what had I gotten myself into?

~*~

I wondered that exact same thing when I showed up to Avery and James’s annual Halloween party across town in my Little Red Riding Hood costume a few days later. It was a mix of sweet and sexy, with a full-length red satin cape, and a corseted dress that fell a couple of inches above my knee. I wore white stockings to my knees with heels.

It wasn’t really anything I would want my mother to see me in. Which was why I dropped Cody off at my parents’ place to stay the night with Jimmy and Matt before I dressed up like a very grown-up Red Riding Hood. Also, James and Avery’s parties sometimes got a little wild. That’s what happens when you throw alcohol into the mix. Nothing we needed our children to see. Or the parents. Or so I thought.

I had asked Avery if she wanted me to come early and help, but she repeatedly told me she had it covered. She specifically told me to show up at 6:30 that night. I did as she instructed, with my basket full of wolf-shaped cookies I’d made earlier in the day. I was being one of those over-achievers. It wouldn’t last. But every Little Red Riding Hood needed a wolf, and mine tasted yummy.

When I showed up, there was a hardly a car in their middle-of-the-middle-class neighborhood, and none but mine in front of their house. So maybe Avery wanted me to be there early to help after all, I thought. It made sense; the party normally started at 7:00.

I almost felt like skipping up the stone paver walk. Not sure where that urge came from. Maybe because I knew I would see Reed, or perhaps I kind of liked the way I was looking tonight. Even my hair did what I wanted it to. Sexy curls outlined my face. It looked great with the hood.

I shook my head at their door with a sign that read, Sorry, We’re Dead. That was James’s idea. He loved that sign and couldn’t wait to put it out every year. Avery would promptly replace it the day after Halloween next week with a fall harvest wreath.

I tapped on the door before turning the knob to let myself in, like I normally did.

For a split second, the front room and foyer were dark. The next second, it was all lit up and several people jumped up and shouted, “Surprise! Happy Birthday!”

I was so startled I dropped my basket of cookies. It took me a second to process what had happened and focus in on the familiar faces. Avery caught my eye first, beaming, knowing she had pulled off this little ruse of hers. She was coming my way with open arms. Before I could hug her, I caught a glimpse of Reed. Was he wearing a wolf mask? I had told him what I was coming as tonight. I didn’t have time to worry about it. I was being bombarded with throngs of family and old friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Avery wrapped her tiny arms around me. She was the cutest Alice in Wonderland to James’s Mad Hatter costume. “Happy birthday! Are you surprised?”

I reciprocated the hug. “That is an understatement. How long have you been planning this?”

She released me and grinned. “Forever. You only turn forty once.”

Forty? I was still coming to terms with that number. While everyone was saying the forties are the new twenties, my body was saying, You wish.

“Thank you. I think.” I grinned.

Up next were my brothers. I got a big bear hug from each. Peter was dressed up as Fred Flintstone. I assumed that meant Delanie was dressed up as Wilma with her red hair; it would have been perfect. But I didn’t see her right off. That made sense when Peter backed away and made room for my parents. I noticed the hard stare he gave Ma before he walked off. They still weren’t talking.

I thought for a second Ma was going to say something to him, but instead she turned her sights on me . . . or should I say, my costume. She shook her head and pressed her lips together. Neither she nor Dad were dressed up, unless shocked was a costume.

“Samantha Marie, what is this you’re wearing?” Ma waved her hand up and down. “You’re going to give everyone the impression that you are spreading your NDAs around!”

Oh, why couldn’t she forget about that? “It’s nice to see you too, Ma.”

Dad stepped in and wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Happy birthday, baby girl. You look too good.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I hugged him for a few seconds longer, enjoying the safety of his arms and trying to avoid Ma for as long as possible.

Dad stepped away, giving Ma a clear shot of me. She was about to lay into me again, until . . .

“Happy birthday, Sam.” Reed, my savior, showed up, and he was definitely wearing a wolf head. He was opening a can of worms I wasn’t ready for.

“Hi.” I did my best not to grimace at his costume. His smile made it hard to be upset with him.

He turned toward my parents. “I’m sorry, am I interrupting anything? I just wanted to wish Samantha a happy birthday.”

Ma patted his arm. “You are such a nice boy. Had I known you were going to be here, I would have invited Penelope. I’ve been telling her all about you. You really should come to church and meet her.”

Reed rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll think about it.”

“I better go say hi to everyone else.” I made a quick escape while jealous tinges tried to take root. I tried to fight them off with logical thoughts. For example, Penelope was young and a model, of course Reed should want to meet her. And we had made no commitments to each other, so he was free to date whomever he wanted. Not sure any of those thoughts helped, but the barrage of people greeting me helped me to at least focus on something else.

There were so many people I hadn’t seen in years. I had a feeling my newfound semi-fame played a role in their attendance. People like the Pollards, who I hadn’t seen since my wedding, were there and hugging me like we were the best of friends. Or the Brownings, who made mention how much they loved my blog and wondered if I would mention their tire store in exchange for a free rotation. Not sure what to say, so I moved on. And there were a lot of people to move on to. Eventually I got to Delanie, who was indeed Wilma Flintstone and wow, was I envious of her twenty-something body. No wonder Peter was holding on tight.

She kissed my cheek. “You look gorgeous tonight.”

“Not as gorgeous as you.”

She waved me off. “This was Peter’s idea.”

“Guilty,” Peter admitted while he ogled his wife.

Delanie leaned in toward me. “Did you and Reed coordinate costumes?”

“No,” I immediately shot that idea down. “It’s a weird coincidence.”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“He said he was a German Shepherd,” Peter interjected.

“Oh. I can see that.” No, I didn’t. Who dressed up like a German Shepherd?

“Uh-huh.” Delanie wasn’t buying it.

“I’m going to get a drink,” I interrupted. “Does anyone want one?”

“It’s your party, sis, let me get you something,” Peter offered.

“You married a keeper, Delanie.”

“I know.” She pecked Peter’s lips.

“I’ll take anything from the non-alcoholic table. Thank you.” I couldn’t stand the thought of Ma scolding me for drinking dressed as I was, plus I had to drive myself home. No more designated Neil.

I wanted to talk to Delanie more, but Avery and James’s neighbor, Gary, the one Avery had been trying to set me up with, decided to engage me in conversation.

“I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m Gary Wright. I live next door.” The distinguished man with traces of gray in his chestnut hair, a spark in his emerald eyes, held out his hand.

I took a closer look and had to admit he was handsome, but I couldn’t place him. Maybe it was the This is my Halloween Costume shirt that was throwing me for a loop. It reminded me of Neil. He was the last person I wanted to be reminded of tonight. He’d found adult Halloween parties juvenile. Maybe they were, but they were fun.

I took his hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you, but it’s nice to meet you again. I’m Samantha.”

“The birthday girl.” He let go of my hand after his firm shake.

“Girl is stretching it, but yes, in a couple of days.” I had kind of been dreading it. And now look, I got to celebrate it early.

His baritone laugh filled the crowded room. “Well, you look good to me.” His ears turned bright red.

Delanie’s eyebrows raised.

Yes, that was awkward. “Thanks.” My voice was hitting some high notes.

Might as well add a dash more of awkward. Reed joined us in his “dog” costume.

“Sounds like this is where the party is.” He held out his hand to Gary. “I’m Reed, longtime friend of the guest of honor.”

Gary studied the fur face atop Reed’s head. “Gary, new acquaintance of the birthday girl.”

Both men turned to me and smiled as if they expected me to say something.

I said the dumbest thing I could. “I heard it might snow tonight.” Wow. Sam for the win. The really ridiculous part was that I hadn’t heard that; it was fifty degrees outside. It had been a warmer than usual fall day.

“Really?” Gary seemed intrigued and pulled out his phone to check his weather app. Exactly what Neil would have done.

Reed, on the other hand, knew I had no idea what I was talking about. The biggest smirk filled his face. “I hope you don’t catch a cold, Little Red Riding Hood.”

“Thank you for your concern. Excuse me, I’m going to see if I can help Avery in the kitchen.”

“Me too.” Delanie followed.

Peter noticed and walked into the kitchen with us. He handed me some punch and Delanie a glass of white wine. I almost begged her to swap. But who knew what would come out of my mouth if I added alcohol into the mix?

“Thank you,” I said as I took the punch.

“You okay?” Peter asked.

“Looks like Sam has a few admirers tonight,” Delanie answered for me.

“Ooh, is Gary one?” Avery jumped in with her hands full of wrapped wieners on a tray.

“Yes, and Reed is the other.”

I choked on my punch.

“No way.” Avery laughed. “She babysat him.”

“From the looks of it, I don’t think he would mind if she took care of him again,” Delanie commented.

Peter didn’t look surprised at all.

Avery was still shaking her head. “That’s crazy talk. I heard he was going to ask out Penelope, the model girl from church.”

Jealousy pricked my nerves again.

“Hmm.” Delanie stared at me. “What do you think?”

“I’m sure they would make a lovely couple.” I set my drink down on the kitchen counter before reaching for the tray Avery was holding. “Let me help you.”

“It’s your party, I got it,” Avery tried to protest.

“Please, let me help.” I wasn’t taking no for an answer. I took the tray and headed for their dining room where there was a huge spread, including a large sheet cake with, Happy Birthday, Samantha, written out in red icing.

Avery laughed at my side. “What a riot, you and Reed. Funny, though, how your costumes match.”

“Peter said he was a German Shepherd.”

“That makes sense.”

No, it didn’t. None of this was making a lot of sense to me.

“Thanks, by the way.” I set the tray down near the condiments on the table. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“It was my pleasure. You needed to ring in forty with a bang.” She shimmied up close to me. “So what do you think of Gary? Handsome, huh?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“He’s a loan officer for a local bank. He’s been divorced and has two younger girls that he gets every other weekend and a couple of times during the week. Cutest things ever.”

I hadn’t thought about dating someone with children. Blending a family. I supposed I should have. There were a lot of things I should have thought about. Not that I was against it; I wasn’t. But what would Cody think? And I would have to think about someone else’s ex. Maybe I wasn’t ready for all this. Then there was Reed. From the sounds of it, our fun could be coming to an end.

“Sounds nice.” I grabbed a cheese cube from off the table and popped it in my mouth.

She waved her hand in front of my face. “Are you okay? You seem lost in thought.”

“I think I just need some fresh air. This is kind of overwhelming for me.” She had no idea how true that was.

“You deserve it.” She gave me a tight Avery hug.

I slipped out the back door, well, sort of. At least five people wished me happy birthday before I could make my escape. I took a deep, cleansing breath once I hit the night air and closed the sliding glass door behind me. It was a little chilly in my getup, but no snow was in the air. I retreated down the deck steps and headed for the koi pond they had in their beautifully landscaped backyard. In the summer it was more glorious, with a variety of blooming flowers. Even now it was beautiful, but most importantly, peaceful.

I took a seat on the small stone bench near the edge of the pond. The cape was hardly any source of warmth, but I pulled it around me. I thought back to last year when I found my solace out here during the Halloween party. Same place, different reason. Or was it different? Maybe it was a new set of issues, but it all stemmed from my marriage falling apart. Last year I was in denial. This year there was no denying it.

I think part of me wished I could be like the koi fish that had retreated to the bottom of the pond, invisible. I had done my best for months to make myself as scarce as possible, even from myself. Now that I was emerging, there were growing pains. More lessons to be learned. Pain that had to be dealt with.

“Hey, there.”

My time alone had come to an end. My focus stayed on the dark pool of water. “What are you doing out here?”

“This is where you are.”

“You shouldn’t have come out here. My family is already suspicious.”

“Would it be so bad if they knew?”

I swiveled on the bench to face him. He looked ridiculous. “Nice costume, by the way.”

His lip twitched, forming a half smile. “I couldn’t resist once you told me what you were coming as. You’re stunning, by the way, but you’re avoiding the question.”

It was a good question, and one he deserved an answer to.

He stepped closer. “I’m not asking you for a commitment.”

Right. I knew that. It’s not like I should be thinking along those lines anyway. “I have to talk to Cody first.”

His eyes dared me . . . or was that pleaded with me? I couldn’t tell in the dark.

“But will you?”

I wasn’t sure.