CHAPTER 11
Zane
I drove home from the wake, my head spinning. When I pulled into my driveway, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit still for long. Without going inside, I walked down the driveway and back into town. I didn’t know where I was going, but I just needed to move.
Seeing Alicia hadn’t gone how I planned, but that wasn’t what weighed on my mind. Alicia running out of the pub had saddened me, but I could understand her desire to get away. Allie’s words, however, made me rethink everything I thought I knew.
“I know it may have not seemed like anything to you, but what you and Alicia had meant everything to her. You broke her heart.”
As I walked through town, I replayed my entire relationship with Alicia.
I remembered our conversations, our late nights together, all the time we spent talking about our hopes and dreams for the future…
Back then, I’d thought we were on the same page; I thought Alicia understood me better than anyone ever had or ever would.
Nothing could have been further from the truth, that much was obvious. What didn’t make sense was how I could have been so wrong. How I could have misconstrued the entire thing for the past five years. That last night in Kellan’s was so long ago, but it stood out vividly in my mind. She’d been angry at first. And sad. But so was I.
I had explained why I had to leave and thought she understood. I’d apologized, and she had walked away. I could still see her curls disappearing through the front door and out into the parking lot. I remembered wanting to chase after her, but not knowing what I would say. I’d figured she just needed time, and then we would find our way back to each other.
Surely, she had felt that way too, hadn’t she?
Had I been deluding myself all these years? Had my decision to leave destroyed all the feelings Alicia had ever had for me? Had she spent the past five years hating me for choosing the Savage Soldiers over her?
Damn.
I suddenly felt weaker than I had in months. My head pounded as Allie’s words echoed in my mind, and my arms and legs felt like jelly. My eyes and chest were heavy with anxiety as I moved faster.
I walked the perimeter around the town square three times, trying to work through my emotions before deciding to sit down for a few minutes.
Less than five minutes after I found a bench, Alicia crossed the street right in front of me. Moving quickly, her hips swayed slightly and I could see every curve of her body beneath her tight dress. Her dark hair caught the light so perfectly captivating.
“Alicia!” I called, on my feet instantly, hurrying toward her.
She glanced behind her, deflating when she realized it was me calling her. She slowed down but didn’t stop.
I jogged until I fell into step beside her.
She crossed her arms and raised her chin, her eyes remaining firmly focused in front of her. She wore an expression I knew all too well—the same look she’d gotten every time we argued. Whenever I said something stupid or upset her, she would cross her arms, raise her chin, square her shoulders, and glare into the distance.
“Zane,” she said with the tiniest of nods.
“I was going to say hi at the wake, but you ran out of there pretty fast.” I studied her face, waiting to see a reaction I recognized.
“Yeah, it was getting crowded,” she said emotionlessly.
“Well, it’s good to see you,” I said tentatively, desperate to crack the ice so that I could see the real Alicia again. “I’m sorry about your uncle.”
“Thank you,” she said, her voice still cold.
“How are your parents taking it?” I asked.
“They’re fine. Sad. Like all of us.”
“Well, the wake was nice. They did a great job. I’m sure Jimmy would have loved it.”
“You didn’t even know him.”
“No, but I knew of him,” I reminded her. “You told me stories about your whole family, remember?”
“That was a long time ago, Zane. Things have changed.”
“Like what?” I asked. I knew she could hear the desperation in my voice; Alicia always knew me better than I knew myself.
“Everything.” She sighed. “Everything has changed.”
I walked silently beside her. There were so many things I wanted to say, but none of them felt important enough. I glanced over at her every few seconds, hoping to catch her looking at me, but she never did. Her blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight and she looked angrier than I’d ever seen her.
Shit.
Nevertheless, it amazed me how someone could be so angry and so beautiful at the same time. Even when she wouldn’t look at me and wanted nothing more than for me to go away, she was the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.
“Not everything…You’re still just as beautiful as ever,” I said, immediately regretting my words when she flinched. “I’m sorry.”
“What do you want, Zane?”
“I just wanted to see you. To talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s been five years…”
“I know,” Alicia said, her voice tight. “Which is why I don’t understand what good this will do. Why bother coming to Jimmy’s wake? Or chasing me down now?”
“I told you, I just wanted to see you.”
She glared into the distance, tightening her arms around her chest and picking up her pace—her way of telling me it was time for me to go away.
But now that I was finally talking to her, I didn’t want to stop.
“No one told me you were back in town,” I said, knowing I sounded stupid, but unable to stop myself. The words were flying out of my mouth at a warped speed, and I just wanted to hear her voice again.
“Why would they? You’re not important to me anymore, Zane.”
The venom in her voice was like a punch to the stomach. My eyes never left her face. I waited to see if she would thaw even slightly, but she didn’t. Her eyes remained focused on the sidewalk in front of us, and she didn’t spare so much as a glance my way.
For years, I’d dreamt of what it would be like to see her again. I played her voice over and over in my mind when I was out on a mission or whenever training became too monotonous. It kept me calm and centered; my memories of her had been my anchor.
Yet now, when I was finally getting the chance to be with her, she couldn’t even look at me.
Rage filled my body and my face flushed. I told myself to stay calm—that she was just hurting after the way things ended between us. To me, we’d always had a future, but to her, it must have felt completely different.
Still, my disappointment got the best of me, and the longer she refused to look at me, the angrier I became. “Well, I clearly don’t mean anything to you,” I said, frustrated. “You couldn’t even call. Couldn’t pick up the phone after all these years, huh? After all the letters I wrote you?”
“No. And I never should have come back,” she said.
“Why?” I spat.
“So that I could keep avoiding all of this! You trying to pull me back in. Make me your girl again. I am not your girl Zane. And I never will be.”
“We’ll see about that.” The words left my mouth before I realized what I was saying. While she brought out the best in me, she could also bring out the worst. In just a matter of minutes, my long-suppressed cockiness had reared its ugly head again. I knew it had been a mistake to let those words slip out, but I didn’t regret them.
At last, Alicia came to a full stop and faced me head-on, her eyes narrowed dangerously. “What did you just say?”
Emboldened, I stared her right in the eyes. “I said you’ll be mine again, Alicia.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“You’ve been wrong before,” I muttered as I turned to walk away.
Alicia was my new mission, and this time, I refused to fail.