CHAPTER 15
Alicia
“Will you please stop looking at me like that?” I snapped. After enduring Allie’s judgmental glare for nearly twenty minutes, I was ready to get away from her for the night.
“Like what?” she asked, fake innocence dripping from her voice.
“Like I just killed your puppy.”
Allie shook her head. “I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
“Well, you don’t have to.”
“Alicia…” Allie began. She slowly got off the bed and walked over to me.
I stood in front of the vanity mirror, teasing my curls and adding finishing touches to my makeup as Allie stood behind me, watching. I pretended to not see her standing there until I couldn’t take it anymore. “What?” I snapped, turning around to face her.
My stance must have been defensive because Allie immediately took two steps back. “Retract the claws, okay?” she said, holding her hands up in a surrendering gesture. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I’m not getting myself into anything,” I said, exasperated. “It’s just dinner with an old friend.”
“He’s not just an old friend, and you know that.”
“Of course, I know that.” For the first time all evening, I let my confidence slip away. My head sagged and I stared at my feet, which were crammed into high heels a size too small. I hated how easily it was for me to become emotional. In New York, I was strong and didn’t allow any weakness to seep through. In Savage, though--it was like everyone could see straight down to my vulnerable soul and no one could see better than my sister.
“Talk to me,” Allie said softly.
“These shoes are too small,” I complained.
“Yeah, well, they’re all I have. Maybe you should have brought your own if you intended to date while you’re in town. Seriously, Alicia…”
“Don’t.” My head popped back up and my eyes narrowed warningly. “Allie, it’s not your life, and it’s not your business.”
Her face turned red in a flash. “The hell it’s not! Who took care of you when he bailed? Who was there in the hospital the day—”
I shot her a warning look. She was treading on extremely dangerous ground and she knew it. Her mouth clamped shut and her expression softened.
Of all the things I knew about my sister, her protective instinct was the most prominent. When she felt I was heading down the wrong path, she couldn’t help voicing her opinions, even when they were the last thing I needed or wanted to hear.
“I know you’re worried, okay?” I said. I tried to keep my voice even and calm, but it trembled anyway. Gently, I reached my hand out and took hers, squeezing it. “I understand. And you know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years. You, more than anyone, have stood by me and I love you for it. I really do, Al. I just can’t explain to you how I’m feeling right now. Everything with Zane feels so uncertain and unfinished. Despite everything, I don’t think I ever truly got closure from him. I need to go tonight, okay? And right now, you need to back off.”
Allie opened her mouth to argue, but she closed it almost just as fast. With a sigh, she took a step forward and engulfed me in a bone-crushing hug. I thought I was going to suffocate, but I didn’t pull away. I just stepped closer and wrapped my arms around her waist, letting her hold me.
As my big sister, Allie had seen me at my lowest points in life. More than anyone, she knew the progress I’d made over the past five years. Deep down, I knew her worry stemmed from her desire to keep me on my chosen path; she didn’t want anything derailing the life I had created for myself, especially not Zane.
“It’s okay to be scared,” she whispered.
I wouldn’t admit it, but she was right. I was terrified of what dinner with Zane might mean. Our talk in town had gone well—better than I had ever imagined. Still, that didn’t change our history. There was so much between us. So much pain and heartache. One dinner could never erase all that, but a part of me hoped it might be a start, or at least a step in the right direction.
“Are you going to tell him?” Allie asked, her voice soft, not wanting to upset me again.
Sighing, I pulled away from her and sunk onto the bed to adjust the heels on my feet. Allie waited patiently for my answer, but we both knew I didn’t have one.
“Maybe he should know,” she said. “Elizabeth isn’t a baby anymore and—”
“I know,” I said, cutting her off. I didn’t know if I could handle talking about Elizabeth at the moment. “And honestly, I don’t know what I will or won’t tell him. I don’t think I’ll know until I’m there.”
Allie nodded .“Fair enough. It’s ultimately your decision, but be careful. Once you tell him, you can never take it back. He’ll know forever.”
I nodded and gave her another quick hug before grabbing my purse and hurrying out the door with her words ringing through my ears.