CHAPTER 5
Alicia
“You aren’t ready yet?!”
Allie’s annoyed voice snapped me out of my daydream. “I was having a nice moment and you just ruined it,” I said as I turned around to glare at her.
“A nice moment? You were staring out the window.”
“Exactly. It was peaceful until you showed up.”
“Cry me a river,” Allie said and rolled her eyes. “Get dressed. We have to leave in ten minutes. Mom and Dad are already freaking out that we’ll be late.”
“They’ve been freaking out since I got here. What else is new?”
“Just hurry. Please.”
“Well, since you said please,” I teased.
I walked over to the closet and pulled the door open. I’d grown up in this room and had unpacked my things the night before, but it still felt like I was living in someone else’s home. The five years since I’d last slept in that bed and opened the closet door had put up a permanent wall between me and my parent’s home. Nothing felt like mine anymore.
I pulled out a dark dress and some heels. Laying them on the bed, I stripped down to my underwear without realizing my sister was still in the doorway.
“What?” I snapped. “I’m getting dressed.”
“Don’t you own anything black?” Allie asked, her eyes glued to my dress.
“That is black.”
“No, Alicia. That’s blue.” Allie walked over, picked up the dress, and held it up to my nose.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. It’s blue, but it’s navy blue, so no one will be able to tell the difference.”
“You didn’t pack a black dress?” Allie’s voice began to gain its mothering quality, and the last thing I needed was a full-on Allie-styled lecture right before a funeral.
I shrugged. “I must have grabbed the wrong one.”
“Haven’t you heard?” A voice called from the hallway. “Navy is the new black in New York City. Our Alicia here has to stay up on the latest fashion trends if she wants to stick out in the big city.”
“Thanks for that, Aunt Ira,” I called back.
I caught Allie’s eye and we both erupted into silent giggles. Just like that, all tension faded from the room and Allie helped me step into my dress without further complaint. She zipped me up and leaned against the dresser while I slipped on my shoes.
“So tell me,” she began, her tone suddenly serious, “how is it being back?”
“Honestly, Al, I don’t know.” I shook my head and gestured around the room. “All of this—it just feels surreal. It feels like an entirely different life. I’m not the same girl I was when I lived here.”
“I know that,” Allie nodded. “We all do, Licia. No one expects you to be exactly the same. We just wanted to see you.”
“I know, and I’m glad I’m here.”
Allie gave me a skeptical look. I stared at her defiantly for a few seconds before sighing and letting a small smile creep onto my lips.
“I am,” I insisted. “Even if it’s weird to be back, it’s good that I came.”
Laughter echoed up the stairs and I heard children running around in the living room. In a second, my mother would come and demand they all quiet down. This was a morning of sadness, after all, not playing. Still, hearing them laugh helped make my words to Allie feel true.
“How’s Mom been?” Allie asked weakly. “I’m just asking,” she added when I gave her a warning glance.
“It’s like I said, she’s been freaking out since I arrived yesterday. They both have.”
“I don’t mean about the funeral,” Allie said with a wave of her hand. “I mean about you.”
“She’s been fine,” I said evasively. “Shouldn’t we get going? I thought everyone was afraid of being late.”
Allie opened her mouth as if to argue, but thought better of it. Instead, she grabbed my purse from the dresser and handed it to me. After smoothing my hair and pinching my cheeks, she smiled in the way only a big sister can.
“Let’s do this,” she said, her tone suggesting we were going into battle. Maybe we were. A Joppa reunion, even one for a funeral, was always an interesting event.
“Do you feel sad?” I asked.
Allie nodded. “Don’t you?”
“Not really.”
“Monster,” Allie teased.
“Shut up. I hadn’t seen the man in ten years.”
“You’re going to hell,” Allie said, pretending to be serious.
I jabbed her in the ribs with my elbow. “Fuck off.”
“There’s that Alicia Joppa charm.”
“I hate you.”
“You adore me.”
We stepped out into the hallway and I pulled the door closed behind me.
My mother stood at the foot of the stairs, her head tilted upward as if about to yell something to us. “Oh,” she said, relaxing her neck. “You’re ready.”
“Yup,” I said as Allie led the way downstairs.
“Good, let’s go.”