CHAPTER 24
Alicia
I could see that my words had hit Zane’s ears like a brick. His entire demeanor changed instantly. He sunk into himself, his eyes darkened, and his face lost all color. His breathing practically stopped completely as he stood there, staring at me in shock.
“What did you just say?” he asked, dumbfounded.
I took a deep breath, knowing it was time to explain. “When you left,” I said, “I was pregnant. I didn’t know it at the time. That night, I only knew that my heart was breaking. A week later, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Oh my god…”
“I didn’t know what to do,” I continued. “I just knew I had to decide fast. I talked to my mom and to Allie, and they both supported me. They said they would stand by me no matter what decision I made. When I decided to give the baby up, it was the hardest decision I’d ever made. I was six months along when I asked Allie to adopt the baby. I didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. I couldn’t bear the thought of knowing and then having to give her up. Allie agreed to keep her. She held me while I cried over it and she was there in the room when I gave birth.”
“Allie has our child?” Zane asked, anger bubbling beneath the surface of his voice.
“No. When she was born, I held her. I held her for a long time and then they took her away. The second she left the room, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I started screaming and sobbing. I yelled as loud as I could until Allie and my mom came running into the room. I told them I’d made a mistake, and that I wanted to keep my baby. They thought I was just emotional and sleep-deprived, so they told me to sleep on it, but I didn’t need to. I knew the second I saw her that I couldn’t lose her. She was mine.”
“Ours,” Zane corrected with a glare. “She is OURS. How the hell could you keep this from me?”
“I thought about telling you a thousand times! But you were gone and I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what you would say or how you would react.”
“That doesn’t matter!” he screamed. “I had a right to know I was a father!”
“Would it have changed anything? Would you have left the military to be a dad?”
“What I would or wouldn’t have done isn’t the point, Alicia,” he said pointedly. “You kept my child from me for five years! How could you do that?”
The truth felt like an excuse, but I said it anyway. “Because I was scared.”
Zane watched my face and his anger began to subside. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said softly. “For you. For her.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. That wasn’t fair.”
“What’s her name?” He glanced behind me, looking at the front door as if he only just realized where he was. “Is she here?”
“She’s at Allie’s playing with her cousins for a few hours. Her name is Elizabeth. Elizabeth Diane.”
Zane’s eyes widened. “Diane?”
I nodded. “After your mother. You know I always loved her.”
“You didn’t tell...” His voice faltered for a second and he swayed on the spot.
“Your parents?” I asked. “Of course not. Do you really think they would have kept this from you?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. If you had asked them to…”
“Well, I didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone outside my family.”
“I want to see her,” he said.
Knowing I couldn’t deny his request, I gestured to my car. We climbed inside and I drove through town until reaching Allie’s house. When I pulled into the driveway, Zane immediately jumped out of the car.
“Wait,” I said, hurrying after him. “You can’t just barge in there.”
“Why not? She’s my daughter.”
“But she doesn’t know that. Just give me a minute to explain things to her. Please.”
Zane looked like he wanted to shove me to the ground and race inside the house, but he knew I was right. No matter how angry he was with me, he couldn’t put his own needs above Elizabeth’s. She needed to be prepared for what was about to happen.
I stepped around Zane and made my way to the front door. I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.
Allie answered the door with a smile. “You’re early. We didn’t expect you until later.”
“I’m sorry. Uhm… something came up and I need to talk to Elizabeth. Immediately.”
“Okay…” Allie frowned as she stepped aside to let me in. “What’s going on?”
“I told Zane. He’s here to meet her.”
Allie’s jaw dropped. “Oh my God.”
“Where is she?”
“Upstairs.”
When I made it up the stairs, the kids were in the playroom, playing and giggling. I leaned against the wall and watched them for a few seconds, wanting to imprint the image onto my brain.
“Hey guys,” I finally said. “Can you go find your mom while I talk to Lizzy for a minute?”
“Mom!” Lizzy groaned. “We’re still playing!”
“I know, sweetheart. But this is really important, okay?”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes as her cousins ran downstairs. “What is it?”
“Come here.” I gestured for her to come stand in front of me, and then I knelt so I was level with her. I smiled and smoothed her curls down. She had grown up so much that there were times when I forgot how little she still was. She was just a child, after all; she hadn’t even started kindergarten yet.
“Mommy,” she said with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?” I said slowly.
She nodded. “Yes. You said he was a brave soldier. You said he was busy fighting for our country.”
“Right. He was. And he did that for a long time, but now he’s done. He’s retired and he’s here to meet you. Is that something you want?”
Lizzy frowned for a second and took a step back. She looked down at her shoes. “Am I going to live with him now?” she asked.
“No, honey,” I said quickly. “You’ll stay with me. I promise.”
She looked back up at me, her worried expression disappearing. “Is he nice?” she asked curiously.
I smiled. “Yes. He’s very nice. You’ll love him.”
“Okay. Then, I want to meet him.”