CHAPTER 22
Zane
Alicia’s face changed in an instant.
I frowned and wrapped my arms around her waist. Something was troubling her, but I was too drunk and exhausted to wonder what it was. I held her closer and waited for my breathing to return to normal. When it did, I took her hand and pulled her gently toward the door.
“Maybe another drink or two? Then I’ll walk you home?”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Give me a minute. I want to clean up a little before I head back out.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
“No. No need to. I’ll be quick. You go order us some drinks and I’ll meet you at the table.”
“Are you sure?” I searched her face for a clue as to what was suddenly bothering her.
“Positive,” she said.
Part of me wanted to stay put, but I knew she needed space for some reason. So I turned and unlocked the bathroom door. With a glance back at her, I pushed it open and let myself out into the hallway. When the door swung shut behind me, I stared at it for a fraction of a second.
It won’t do any good to wait outside the door, I told myself.
With a sigh, I walked slowly up to the bar. “Two more,” I said to the bartender. He nodded and went to work pouring our drinks. All around me, people were getting rowdier. It was almost midnight and even in Savage, things always began to heat up around this time.
I glanced around and noticed the people in the pub. There were a lot more than there had been before Alicia and I had disappeared into the bathroom. Most of the tables were packed now, and there were even a few guys standing by the jukebox.
I realized I recognized one of them.
I looked away quickly, my heart beginning to race.
“Prewitt!” a voice called from behind me.
Shit. The last thing I needed was a run in with McCoys. I pretended like I didn’t hear him until he was standing directly behind me.
“Hey, Zane!”
I turned around slowly and plastered a smile on my face. “McCoys,” I said. “What the hell are you doing here, man?”
“Just making the rounds. Visiting some friends. Thought we’d take a little road trip. I didn’t know you still lived around here!”
“Yeah, man. Savage is home. Not just because of the base either.”
“Where?” McCoys asked. He was already drunk, his eyes glassy. I couldn’t blame him though; I wasn’t exactly sober myself.
“Here,” I said. “This town. Savage.”
“Right,” McCoys nodded. “Well, let me buy you a drink! Man, it has been way too long.”
“Just a few months,” I said. The last time I’d seen McCoys had been at Leo’s funeral. The memory made the alcohol in my stomach churn.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Look man, it would be great to catch up with you, but I’m actually here with someone. She’s in the bathroom right now, but she’ll be out in a minute.”
“Oh!” McCoys grinned. “A lady? Well, I should meet her! Tell her what she’s getting herself into with the likes of you.” He bumped me good-naturedly and I tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.
“That would be great,” I said. “But maybe another night, okay? It’s kind of a date, you know? Just us.”
“I see,” he said, his face changing in an instant. “Don’t have time for an old buddy?”
“It’s not that, man.”
“No, forget it. I don’t know what I expected. You haven’t kept in touch with any of us since we all left the team. Too good for us now?”
“It’s not that… Things have just been hard.”
“Hard?” McCoys laughed. “Yeah, I bet they have. Carrying around all that guilt can’t be easy.”
My face flushed. “What?” I said.
“We all know what really happened that night.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I turned away, my head spinning with anger and intoxication. I couldn’t believe he would dare bring that up.
“Yes, you do,” he spat. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. Spit flew as he spoke. “We all know why Leo died, Prewitt. You should have been there! You were the closest, and you let him die. You just let him—”
When my fist hit his face, I barely knew what happened. I connected with his jaw and his head jerked to the side.
I didn’t wait for him to fight back.
I tackled him to the floor, knocking a chair over in the process. We landed hard. McCoys rolled over and pinned me down, punching me twice before I kicked him off me. My foot connected with his stomach and I felt him curl inward. The satisfaction I felt was so great that I kicked him again.
And again.
Until someone I didn’t know pulled me away from him.
I struggled against the arms that held me, still kicking wildly.
“Get out of here!” the bartender yelled. “Both of you!”
I was carried out into the parking lot and thrown to the ground. It wasn’t long before McCoys landed next to me. I scrambled to my feet, immediately putting distance between us. The fight was over; we didn’t need to throw any more punches.
McCoys glared at me while his buddies patted him on the back and led him away. I watched as they disappeared across the parking lot. Glancing down at my hand, I saw that it was bleeding. I cursed and wrapped it tightly in my shirt. When I looked back up, Alicia was standing in front of me, furious.
“Alicia,” I began, “I can explain.”
“Save it.” She stormed past me.
“Stop!” I yelled, running after her. “Please, just listen! You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand perfectly, Zane,” she yelled back. She rounded on me, her eyes on fire. “This is just who you are! Right when things start to get good again, you screw up! You start throwing punches in bars! Beating the crap out of random strangers and—”
“He wasn’t random!” I screamed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“The hell he wasn’t!” she screamed back. “I can’t believe I fell for your crap again!”
“Will you please just listen to me?! I can explain! I know that guy, okay? We were in the desert together. On the same team and—”
“So you were fighting someone you served with?” Alicia said incredulously. “What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of person have you become?”
“I don’t know!”
My entire body shook and my blood boiled remembering the things McCoys had said to me just moments ago. His words had hit me harder than anything I’d ever experienced because he had finally put into words exactly how I’d felt since the night Leo died. No one knew how much that night tore me apart, and now I knew for certain that even my own team members thought I’d been responsible. I had always thought it was my fault, but after my confrontation with McCoys, I finally knew once and for all that I was right.
“I’m going home,” Alicia said, looking at me with disgust. “Don’t follow me. In fact, don’t ever speak to me again.”
“Alicia!” I called after her as she hurried down the street. I moved to follow her, but my legs weren’t strong enough to hold me anymore. After everything that had happened that night, I couldn’t stand for another second. I collapsed onto the asphalt and rolled onto my back.
As I stared up at the stars, the world around me spun and my stomach heaved. I rolled over and vomited. When I was done, I laid my head back down and closed my eyes.
“Prewitt, you look like shit, man.”
I heard Leo’s voice in my head as clearly as if he was lying right beside me. The tears began to flow.
“Get up,” he said. “You’re already pathetic enough without passing out in front of a bar. Just get up.”
“I can’t,” I said out loud. “I can’t do it anymore, Leo.”
“You have to,” his voice whispered.
“Why?” I asked, my voice cracking with emotion.
“Because you lived, man. You lived.”