Chapter 23
From the moment Tyler got out of bed he didn’t feel right. At first he thought his head was foggy from lack of caffeine. After drinking his coffee he realized his equilibrium was off. Getting ready for church exhausted him to the point of needing to lay down and close his eyes before Lauren arrived.
“How are you?” she asked when he climbed into her car.
“Not great. I woke up feeling kind of weird, like I’m in a haze.”
“Are you sure you want to go to church?” Lauren frowned. “We can watch Livestream.”
“No.” Tyler massaged his right temple. “We’re starting the new year off right by going to church and lunch after.”
“But if you don’t feel good—”
“I’ll be fine.” Tyler settled back in the seat. “I’m not in pain. Maybe the caffeine didn’t kick in yet.”
“We have time if you want to grab coffee while I take little guy to class.”
“Sure.” Tyler closed his eyes. God, please, let it be nothing.
The lights, the noise, and the crowd in the bookstore cafe left Tyler overwhelmed. It seemed like each voice echoed in his head and he felt unsure of every step. He slipped on his sunglasses to cut the glare of the light while standing in line.
“Happy Sunday! What can I get for you today?”
Tyler cringed at the volume and pitch of the young blonde cashier’s voice. “Four shots on ice, please. And a medium peppermint mocha. Decaf.”
“The shots decaf or the mocha?”
“The mocha.” Tyler pulled out his card, wishing she would stop talking.
“I saw your last picture,” she whispered. “It was great. I’m sure you’re trying to keep your identity a secret.” The girl nodded toward his sunglasses. “You’re safe with me.”
He shook his head as he watched her scroll TYLER STEVENS on the side of both cups. “I appreciate that, but the lights are bugging my eyes.”
“Right. Or is it because of the accident? To cover your black eye?” She winked as she ran his card.
“Thank you.” Lauren accepted her coffee from him when they met outside the cafe. “What’s with the sunglasses? You hiding from someone today?”
“The lights were bugging me.” Tyler sipped his espresso. “Mind if we sit on the side, close to the door?”
“That’s fine.” She looked him over. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m praying I will be.” Tyler inhaled the aroma of his coffee, hoping that would lessen the pounding in his head.
Lauren hadn’t seen Tyler so uncomfortable in church since the first service he attended. He chose seats in the fourth row closest to the side exit. Head down, she wondered if he was praying or avoiding the overhead lights. He tensed when she rested her hand on his shoulder.
“If you want, we can sit outside. Watch it on the screens.”
Tyler shook his head, glancing up momentarily. “It’s fine.”
God, I don’t know what’s going on, Lauren prayed, but be with him. Heal him. If it’s a spiritual attack, lift it.
He stood at the first worship song, but instead of clapping he gripped the seat in front of him. He rubbed his temples as the guitars screeched. At the first drum solo, he bolted out the door.
Slipping on his sunglasses, he breathed in the fresh air hoping his head would stop spinning. He didn’t understand what was going on. Yesterday he was fine. Tired, but fine. Today he felt like he was on a ship sailing through choppy seas.
“Tyler! Tyler!” Lauren came running after him.
I’m such a wimp, he thought. I didn’t want to bother her. She shouldn’t miss church because of me.
“What’s going on?” she asked once she caught up with him.
“I don’t know.” He sat at a table outside the cafe. “I felt like my head was going to explode.”
“Do you think it’s because of the concussion?”
The same question nagged him since they arrived at church. “I don’t know. It’s been almost a week. Guess I’ll go to the eye doctor tomorrow like the ER doc recommended.” He motioned to the sanctuary door. “Go in. I’ll hang out here and watch it on the screen.”
She handed him his jacket and then put on her own. “I’ll stay with you.”
“You don’t need to. There’s nothing you can do.”
Lauren slipped her hand in his. “I can sit with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
He was thankful the sunglasses hid the tears forming in his eyes.
They sat on the patio watching the service on the big screen. She held his hand the entire time. Tyler had never been so thankful for her.
“So, David and I were thinking it’d be better to pick up food and head back to your place,” Lauren said when she met him at the car with David after service.
“I think our Mexican restaurant is fine—”
“Too late. I already called in our order.” She buckled David into his carseat. “Besides, I haven’t gotten to eat on your new dishes yet.”
Tyler sighed. “I’m sorry—”
“No apologies. Or arguing. I’m taking care of you today.” Shutting the back door, she climbed in the driver’s seat. “And taking you to the eye doctor tomorrow.”
“Can I ask what’s for lunch?”
“Hot and sour soup, kung pao beef, orange chicken, chow mein, and fried rice. And egg rolls. I know sometimes you like egg rolls.”
“Egg rolls sound great.” Tyler grinned. “Do I get roses, too?”
“No, but you do get Mountain Dew.” She pulled out of the lot. “I can grab ice cream from next door if you’d like.”
“Sounds like you thought of everything.”
David let out a loud cry.
“It was all David’s idea, wasn’t it, buddy?”
“You know me well, don’t you, little man?” Tyler reached his hand in the back and David immediately grabbed it. “Thanks for taking care of me.”
“That’s what we’re here for.” Lauren patted his knee.
They ate in his dimly lit dining room. He appreciated her attempt to make conversation, but after several minutes of her talking and David’s occasional shrieks, a bizarre raking sensation came over his brain.
“We’ll go so you can rest.” Lauren packed up after cleaning the lunch dishes and feeding David. “You’ll call the eye doctor when they open and let me know what time to get you?”
“I will.” Tyler stood, his head spinning.
“Take care.” She wrapped her arms around him.
He closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax in her arms.
“I’m thankful we got to spend the day with you.”
“I’m thankful for all you’ve done for me today, including the great Chinese food.” For a moment, he wished she didn’t have to leave.
“Leftovers are in the fridge in case you want them for dinner.” She took a step back. “You’ll be okay?”
“Yeah.” He tried to convince himself as well. “I’m going to hang out in bed. Think that’s the best place for me.”
She rested her hand on his chest. “If you need anything, call me. We can come over. Or I can have Dad watch David and I’ll come.”
“I will. Thanks.”
On the way home she made mental notes of what she needed to do the next day. Groceries to order, meals to make. All these months she had needed him. Now she had the chance to return the favor.
David was still asleep when they arrived home, so she laid him in his crib. With the shutting of his bedroom door, the tears came. Remembrances of the look of confusion, exhaustion, and frustration on Tyler’s face haunted her. It progressed into weeping when she thought about him in the hospital after the accident, bruised and hooked up to monitors.
“God, I need him.” Collapsing on her bed, she grabbed her pillow and squeezed it tightly. “We’ve been through so much this year. Why are You doing this? I don’t understand why it has to be so hard.” The muscles in her chest constricted the more she cried. “I can’t...I can’t…”
By the time she called Shelly, Lauren was gasping for breath.
“Hey, did you guys go to first service today?” Shel asked when she answered the phone.
Instead of words, sobs came.
“Lauren? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” she cried. “It’s Tyler.”
“What happened?”
“He didn’t feel good this morning. The lights and noise in the the cafe were too much for him and then he ran out of service. By the time we left his house this afternoon, he was going back to bed.” The hyperventilating began. “Oh Shel...he’s a mess...he’s not okay.”
“It’s from the accident?”
“It must be.” Lauren pressed her hand against her chest trying to calm her racing heart. “I don’t know what to do. Why is this happening? Haven’t we been through enough?”
“I don’t know, but you need to breathe. Take a deep breath.”
Lauren tried and failed.
“Breathe,” Shelly encouraged her. “Focus on breathing.”
Closing her eyes, Lauren listened to her friend’s voice encouraging her to calm down. It took several tries, but soon she was no longer gasping for air.
“Should you take him to the hospital?” Shelly asked when Lauren settled down.
“The ER doctor recommended seeing an eye doctor after the accident.” Lauren opened her eyes. “I’m taking him tomorrow.”
“See. You’re on top of it. The doctor will know what’s going on.”
“How do you know?”
“Because we’ll pray. Prayer works, right?”
Lauren sniffed. “Yeah.”
“Forget the lies, focus on the truth.” Shelly paused. “God has a plan for a hope and a future, for both of you.”
“You’re right. It’s just—”
“Hard. I know. But He’s with you, hemming you in. Let’s pray.”
With each word her friend spoke, Lauren’s racing thoughts settled. Her pulse decreased. Her breathing steadied.
“Now you need to hold on to His Word, right?” Shelly asked after they prayed.
“I do.” Lauren lifted her Bible from her nightstand. “I’m going to read it now.”
After hanging up with Shel, Lauren opened to Psalm 91.
“If you say, ‘The Lord is my refuge,’ and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.”
God, I know You say that, but the accident was so bad—
“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”
Lauren remembered the pictures of his Corvette. He should have died—
“‘Because he loves me,’ says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.’”
“God, thank You for saving Tyler. Please make him well. Heal him. Give him peace tonight and give us answers tomorrow.”
Never in his life had he felt so pathetic.
I need to be okay. I need to take care of her, he thought, collapsing on his bed after they left.
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
God, if You were meeting my needs, You would take this from me. You know she needs me.
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.
She shouldn’t be taking care of me. I don’t want to be a burden to her.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
But we aren’t three anymore. It’s me and her. I need to be there for her. I can’t go through this.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
The verse pierced Tyler’s heart. I don’t want to walk through the fire. We’ve been through enough. Haven’t we been through enough?
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
She doesn’t need me to worry about too.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Bitter tears streaked Tyler’s cheeks. Tension crept up his neck. I don’t want to be thankful. I want to be well. I want to be whole.
His phone chimed. It took a while to read the text from Danny because it was blurry.
Happy New Year, bro. Missed you at church today. You doing okay?
Tyler started to respond, but struggled to make out the letters on the keyboard.
“Hey Tyler, what’s up?” Danny answered.
“Nothing good. We went to church but my head’s a mess. I felt off all morning. I actually ran out during the drum solo.”
“Wow. You think it’s from your concussion?”
“Must be, but is that crazy? I mean, I went to the hospital. I’ve been better this week. Some pain, but nothing major.”
“You were in a horrific accident, bro. No, it’s not so crazy.”
Tyler sighed. “Well, then maybe it’s just wrong. I mean, after all we went through last year. I need to be well for her, to take care of her.”
“Lauren is doing a fine job taking care of herself. David, too.”
“I don’t need her worrying about me. She shouldn’t have to take care of me.”
“But she’s your friend. Friends help each other.”
Tyler rubbed his temples. “That’s not what I mean.”
The silence grew for several minutes until Danny spoke. “What is it, bro? What’s eating at you? Why aren’t you trusting God with this?”
“The night after the accident, I was listening to Romans 8. That was one of Lauren’s favorites to listen to when she was in pain, so I thought I’d try it.”
“That’s a good one,” Danny agreed.
“It was like I finally got it. Jesus not only saved me from my sins, but He saved my life. It stirred up this passion in me to be more, do more. Not to settle for comfortable…” Conviction hit Tyler’s heart.
“That’s where God is taking you. Out of your comfort zone. I know you want to take care of Lauren, but you have to trust God first and foremost. Even if you guys end up together, Jesus needs to remain first in both of your lives. God strengthens our witness through hardships. But when you pass through the water—”
“He’s with me. The rivers won’t sweep over me. The fire won’t consume me,” Tyler finished the verse.
“You know it. Now He’s asking you to live it. Not on the African savannah for a couple dozen to see, but in Hollywood for the entire world to witness. Don’t hide it and stop fighting it. God is doing a work and it’ll be a good one.”
“You’re right.”
“And don’t worry about Lauren. God will use this for her good as well. She has the gift of service and exhortation. Don’t push her away. Let her help you. Be honest with your feelings and struggles so she can minister to you. That’s when she comes alive. Not to mention God will bless her when she uses her gifts.” Danny paused. “You going to the doctor tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Lauren said she’d take me.”
“How about I pray for you?”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“Father God, I thank You for my friend and for sparing his life. I pray for the best of the best doctors for Tyler. We pray for answers and ultimately healing, but in this process strengthen his resolve in his walk and his commitment to You. Give him a boldness to be honest about all he’s going through so You can use it for Your glory. And I lift Lauren up to You. Do a great work in her as well. Lord, You know what a blessing both of them and their faith are to me and Shelly. Make them a blessing to everyone they come in contact with. Thank You, Father, that ultimate healing comes from You. We trust You for that. Give Tyler the patience and endurance to go through the fire. We’ll give You all the glory and honor. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen.” The anger melted away along with the tension. “Thanks, man. I needed that.”
“No problem. Do you need anything else? Dinner, company?”
“Nah. I’m in bed, Chinese leftovers are in the fridge. You go hang out with Shelly. Think I’ll listen to the Bible to set my mind and heart on Him.”
“Good idea. Let me know what the doctor says. We’ll be praying for you.”
Opening up his Bible app, Tyler played Romans 8.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Thank You, Jesus, that there’s no condemnation in You. Thank You that You are with me and nothing can separate me from Your love.