Chapter 8
Tyler’s eyes opened at five o’clock. Names of cast members, the crew’s positions, scheduling for the remainder of the week, and equipment checks sent his mind reeling. He hadn’t been so apprehensive since the first day of middle school.
Opening his Bible to Philippians, he started reading in chapter two. He read verses one through four over several times, pondering their truth.
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
“God, help me live this out today,” he prayed. “We need to in order for this picture to be a success. Help Lucas, Danny, and me to be like-minded. Unify us so we may glorify You.”
The silence on the soundstage at six thirty was eerie. The first thing Tyler noticed was three black directors’ chairs. He paused at the one with Stevens 1st AD embroidered on it.
Lord, I never imagined this was Your calling for me. I still don’t know—
“You like it?” Lucas’s voice startled him.
“A little intimidating.” Tyler ran his hand over the back. “I never thought I’d be on this side of things.”
“You’re a natural leader. You have the gift, for sure.” Lucas sat in his chair and pulled out his phone. “I’ll bring you along and you can bring Danny along in time. I completed the schedule for the next two days, but you can take it from there. Did you have any questions?”
“I did.” Tyler sat and removed his phone from his pocket. “Today we’re working with Bradley and extras. What was the welcome? Were you going to do that?”
“Thought I’d let you share something and pray for us.”
“Maybe we should pray now.” Tyler folded his hands. “I might be feeling a little overwhelmed.”
“I started with all teens because I know that’s where your comfort level is. It’s like your acting classes, only intensified. You got this.”
“Bradley?” Tyler opened the door to the dressing room after knocking. “Hey Bradley, you in here?”
Entering the room, Tyler heard someone heaving in the bathroom. He sat on the couch until a very pale Bradley stumbled out.
“You okay?” Tyler asked.
“Yeah.” Bradley collapsed beside him. “Nerves. I should be fine once we start filming. It’s the anticipation that kills me. I’ve never thrown up on stage. Not yet, anyway.”
“You’ve got this, kid. I have complete confidence in you.” Pulling gum from his pocket, Tyler offered him a stick.
“Thanks.” Bradley unwrapped it and crammed it in his mouth. “This is my biggest role. I mean, the most lines I had before this were a hundred and thirty-seven.”
Tyler chuckled. “You counted?”
Bradley nodded, head dropped. “There’s a lot more than a hundred lines.” He glanced at Tyler. “I have most of them memorized, but what if I mess up? I mean, it’s a lot to keep straight.”
“If you mess up, we cut and reshoot. No big deal.”
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“Don’t worry about disappointing people. Focus on doing your best. If you’re in it to please God, you’ll do fine.”
“You’re right.” Bradley’s eyes met Tyler’s. “Were you ever this nervous?”
“I am this morning, but I keep reminding myself I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
“That’s a good one,” Bradley said. “Could you—would you mind, maybe, praying for me?”
Tyler placed his hand on Bradley’s back. “Absolutely, kid.”
“Hello. I’m Tyler, first assistant director,” Tyler addressed the teens a half hour later. “This is Lucas, head director, and Danny, second AD.” He motioned to Lucas and Danny in their chairs. “As you probably guess, Danny also wrote the screenplay.” Out of the corner of his eye, Tyler saw Monty Goldbloom approaching.
Lord, give me Your words to speak, Tyler prayed.
He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I read some verses in Philippians 2 that I wanted to share with you.” The entire time he read, Monty stood beside Lucas with a scowl on his face and arms crossed.
“It hit me that if this project is going to be a success, we need to have the mindset Paul discusses.” Tyler slipped his phone back into his pocket. “You’re here because God has given you the gift of acting. Doesn’t matter if you have no lines, five lines, or a hundred and thirty-seven.” Bradley grinned. “You are all important to this picture. You have a unique role in helping us bring others to Christ. I want you to remember that. Reach out to one another, get to know your costars, pray for those involved in this film. We don’t need to worry about the results as long as we’re doing what God calls us to.”
Teens nodded.
“Lucas, Danny, and I are part of the team, too. If you have a need, please come talk to us. If you feel something might be better a different way, we want to hear your idea. This is your picture as much as it is ours, and ultimately it’s the Lord’s. So, will you join me in praying for God’s hand to be upon us?”
Tyler felt the Spirit moving as he prayed for the equipment, wisdom, and most of all, for the cast to be like-minded and to glorify the Lord by bringing others closer to Him. Teens mumbled, “yes” and “amen”. He closed with a prayer for the salvation of everyone involved in the project—cameramen, crew, actors, even the producers—as well as those who would see the film.
“Thanks, Tyler. That was perfect.” Lucas stood. “Going along with what Tyler said, I feel like we should take a few minutes to get to know each other. Let’s introduce ourselves, what role you’re playing, and an obscure fact about yourself. I’ll start.” Lucas placed a hand on his chest. “I’m Lucas. I’m the director and I actually enjoy watching sappy love stories with my wife.”
All the teens laughed.
“Hi, I’m Danny.” Danny stepped forward. “I’m the screenwriter and second AD. When I’m alone sometimes I talk to my fictitious friends like they’re real.”
The laughter increased.
Tyler chuckled. “I did not know that about you, but it doesn’t surprise me.” He turned to the kids. “I’m Tyler, first AD and I’m playing Danny’s father. I’m actually scared of spiders. So, if you find one on the set, don’t call me. That’s Danny’s department.”
Tyler motioned to Bradley who stood beside him.
“I’m Bradley. I’m playing Danny. When I get nervous I tend to hurl. I’m pretty nervous right now, so I apologize in advance.”
The introductions continued. By the end all the teens were smiling and seemed more at ease.
“Now that we know each other,” Lucas said after the last person shared, “listen up and I’ll run through the schedule and how we hope today will work.”
Tyler stepped back as Lucas spoke to the teens.
“You holding a Bible study every morning?” Monty growled in his ear.
“Probably.” Tyler smiled. “Why don’t you join us?”
Shaking his head, Monty walked away mumbling, “Freak.”
Yes, I am, Tyler thought.
Well? How’d it go? Tyler read Lauren’s text around eight o’clock as he walked to his car.
It was an incredibly long day but very successful. Thanks for the prayers. How was yours?
About the same. It’s great to have Ruth here and to see Mike and Hannah, but I’m exhausted. Just fed little guy so I’m headed to bed. Praying tomorrow will be even more successful.
“Thanks, Angel,” he said to himself, climbing into his car.
Each day opened with a devotion and prayer. Monty was there, standing in the background, sighing and clearing his throat when the discussion centered on Jesus too long. On Thursday a boy asked to share what he read in his devotion that morning. Tyler was impressed with the wisdom and truth he spoke. As the week progressed, the teens approached Tyler, Lucas, and Danny more often asking, “What if we do this…” and, “How about that…” Listening to each suggestion, they made adjustments based on the recommendations. Most of the time the scene went better than anticipated.
“Are you going to allow the kids to run this whole film?” Monty screamed at Lucas one afternoon.
“No,” Lucas stated calmly, “but I am going to sincerely consider their suggestions when it comes to their scenes.” He slapped Monty on the back. “Like-minded. One in Spirit. Trust us, Monty. Let us do our thing and this picture will be a success.”
“He’s going to kill me,” Tyler said under his breath once Monty stomped away.
“Keep praying for him,” Lucas said. “I’ve known the guy for over fifteen years. He’s backed more pictures of mine than I can count. I still can’t believe he’s on this one. God is up to something.”
The tears started each night after she laid David down. It was great having Ruth, Mike, and Hannah visiting, but Lauren felt overwhelmed with the level of activity in the house and exhausted from lack of sleep. Tyler was busy on his new film, Shelly was preoccupied with her new relationship with Danny, her dad was at the peak of his busy season. That left Lauren pretending everything was okay to her sister-in-law though she teetered on the edge of depression. She read her verses at night, listened to the Bible, but the crushing feeling increased and her heart hurt.
It won’t get better, the thoughts taunted her on Wednesday night. You’ll continue to spiral out of control until you can’t handle it anymore.
“I’m just overwhelmed,” Lauren told herself. “And exhausted. It’s hard right now, but I’ll be okay—”
You’ve never been okay, the thoughts interrupted her. You’ve always been a wreck and always will be.
“I know the truth. I’m healed.”
You were never healed, the thoughts mocked. You believed the lies the church told you. They are the ones telling you lies, that you can beat this, that you can live a normal life. You’ve never been normal.
Lauren rubbed her forehead, trying to escape the thoughts.
Ever since you were a child you were different. That’s why you’re so full of shame. No one can understand.
“I’m not alone,” Lauren whispered, placing her hand on her Bible. She wanted to open it, to read it, but she couldn’t. The weight growing in her chest made breathing difficult.
Of course you’re alone. No one can understand.
Beth suddenly came to mind. Grabbing her phone, Lauren dialed her number.
“Hey, girlfriend,” she answered after the second ring. “You okay?”
“Not really.” Lauren sighed. “That whole postpartum thing?”
“Oh, yeah. That’s nasty. I’m not looking forward to that after this baby is born.” Beth sighed. “You have your verses?”
“I do, and I listen to the Bible at night before I go to sleep, but this feeling of overwhelmingness is growing.” She gazed at David, sleeping in his bassinet beside the rocking chair in her room. “And exhaustion. David is so wonderful and I’m thankful for him, but it’s…”
“So hard. I know, girl, I’ve been there.”
“That’s why I called.” Lauren’s tears choked out her words.
“It’ll be okay. I promise. Your emotions are crazy like when you were first pregnant and you’re sleep deprived. That magnifies everything.”
“I don’t know how to stop it, Beth.” Lauren massaged her temples. “The bad thoughts are bombarding me. I believed I was healed, but—”
“You are healed. God didn’t undo that. It’s Satan, throwing lies at you. Forget the lies and focus on the truth. What’s the truth?”
Lauren bit her lip to stop it from quivering. “God healed me.”
“What else?”
“David’s wonderful. I love him so much.”
“Good. Another important truth is he won’t be eating every four hours for the rest of his life.”
“Are you sure?” Lauren brushed away her tears. “Because it feels like it’s going to be forever.”
“I promise. If they didn’t learn to sleep through the night, there’s no way I’d have another one. In a month or so he’ll be done with the middle-of-the-night feedings. That’ll make all the difference.” Beth was quiet for a minute before continuing. “Remember how tiny he was when he was born?”
“Yes.” Lauren recalled the first time she saw Tyler holding him in the NICU. “He was swimming in the preemie clothes.”
“And now?”
“He’s wearing 0-3 month clothes.”
“The truth is, they grow up faster than we want them to. I can’t believe Gabby is in kindergarten. I love to see her so independent and mature, but it breaks my heart. I miss snuggling with her, kissing her tiny cheeks and hands.”
“Soon you’ll have that all over again.”
“I will, but this baby will do the same. You can’t stop them from growing, no matter how hard you try. Enjoy this time the best you can. Take naps with him so you can catch up on sleep and snuggle together. Thank God for the midnight feedings because it means he’s growing. You waited so long and prayed so hard for a baby. Don’t allow Satan to steal your joy. When you need to cry, watch sappy love stories. Then turn on a comedy and remember how good life is.” Beth paused. “Your life is good, girlfriend. As hard as it’s been the past year, I think you can admit, it’s good.”
“Yeah, it is.” Lauren closed her eyes. “Thank you, friend. That’s what I needed.”
“I’ll call Bonnie tomorrow and rearrange her hours. Allow her to hang out with David in the morning while you sleep or shower. Let her take care of all your meals. It will do both of you a lot of good. She still misses Adam. I can hear it in her voice when she asks about you.”
“Sounds like a great idea.”
“I love you, girl. Stay the course. You are making it.”
After hanging up with Beth, Lauren opened up her Bible to 1 Peter. She underlined all the words in the first five verses that spoke to her—priceless inheritance, pure and undefiled, beyond decay. She smiled, thinking of Adam in heaven, constantly in the presence of God. They were never in need materially, but nothing they owned, nothing he left her, could compare to heaven.
Then she stumbled upon verses six and seven. By the time she reached verse seven, tears blurred her sight.
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
“Lord, I didn’t realize I needed a stronger faith,” she lowered her head as she prayed, “but now I see how all I’ve gone through has made me who I am and helped me become determined to stand. Help me stand firm on Your promises and believe Your truth instead of the lies.”
Lauren opened her social media page and began to type.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted lately (as most new moms do), but those are triggers of my depression. A friend reminded me it’s important when you’ve struggled with depression to forget the lies and hold on to the truth. These are the truths I need to hold on to:
My baby is a blessing from the Lord.
He won’t be this little for much longer—soon enough he’ll be sleeping through the night.
God will give me the help and wisdom I need to be the best mom I can be.
I am healed from my depression.
Everything I’ve been through has made me stronger, defined my faith.
I have a glorious inheritance waiting for me in heaven with Adam.
I am blessed with great friends and family who support and love me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, including being a single mom.
Lauren took a deep breath before continuing.
What truths do you need to hold on to? Forget the lies, my friend, as they come from Satan. We need to focus on the truth.
Her phone rang as she pressed “post.”
“Hey, how are you?”
The sound of Tyler’s voice instantly lifted the weight from her.
“I’m hanging in there.” She sank onto her bed. “How are you?”
“Exhausted, but good. We finally wrapped for the day. I’m headed home and thought I’d call. Sorry we haven’t talked all week.”
“That’s okay.” Lauren pulled her blankets around her. “I understand. How’s it going?”
“Amazing.” Tyler started his car. “Truly amazing. The kids are all bonding, working together, coming up with great ideas. Bradley is a fabulous actor. I mean, really gifted. He totally lacks self-confidence, which is good because he’s relying on God.” Tyler sighed. “You know, the past several years I’ve been careful what movies I starred in, but I had no idea it would make such a difference to do one with a biblical message. I mean, the Holy Spirit is there, working and moving constantly. It’s…”
“Amazing.” Lauren completed his sentence. “That’s how I felt about Adam’s worship concerts.”
“Yeah. I’m still praying for Monty, but he’s been there every morning for our prayer and devotion.”
“Seriously?”
“I don’t think he’s coming because he’s intrigued. Seems he wants to keep an eye on everything. A couple times he made comments. Lucas told him to let us do what we’re doing. One of the kids actually led the devotion today.”
“That’s great, Tyler. When do you start your part?”
“Next week. We’re on track to end with the teens on Friday or Monday. Then we do early family scenes. So, how are you? How’s it with Ruth’s family there?”
Truth, she told herself. You need to tell him the truth. “I’ve been overwhelmed, but I talked to Beth tonight and spent a lot of time in God’s Word. That changed my perspective.”
“What perspective do you have now?”
“Little guy is a blessing and growing fast. Pretty soon he won’t be eating every four hours. Then we’ll both be sleeping through the night.”
“That will be fantastic.”
“It will. I’m thankful for the trials that have defined my faith and that I have a glorious inheritance in heaven with Adam.”
“Ah. Is that from Timothy?”
“1 Peter.”
“Right. Worth more than gold.”
“Yes, it is.” She flicked off her light. “I’m also blessed with friends who encourage me in God’s ways.”
“So am I. Thanks for all your prayers this week. I know it made the difference.”
“Absolutely.” Lauren paused before continuing. “You know, I pray for you all the time. Even when you don’t tell me what to pray for.”
Tyler was quiet for a minute. “Guess you were not feeling good for so long, I didn’t want to burden you.”
“Prayer isn’t a burden. It’s a way of life. And we do life together, right?”
“Yes, we do,” Tyler replied. “Mind if I come over Saturday? See Ruth, Mike, and Hannah? I could order dinner. That’s probably easier than going out with the kids.”
“I’d like that. Good night, Tyler.”
“Good night, Lauren. Sweet dreams.”
The music faded into the background as he thought of her words. I’m thankful for the trials that have defined my faith and that I have a glorious inheritance in heaven with Adam.
All his prayers for her were coming true—a child, complete healing, a greater faith, the right perspective, peace. Now God was answering prayers he never prayed. Being a director, making a Christian film. It seemed surreal. Almost overwhelming. Did he dare ask—could he?
“You know my heart’s desire, Lord,” he whispered. “I lift it up to you.”