Chapter 6
Instead of waking at four o’clock, David woke at 5:30 a.m. After feeding, burping, and laying him down, Lauren stumbled back into bed. The alarm on her phone woke her at nine o’clock.
“Oh no!” She leapt from bed. In thirty minutes David would be hungry. It took that long to get to church. If she took time to shower and get ready, she’d need to feed him before they left and would be over an hour late to Bible study.
In less than ten minutes she brushed her teeth and pulled on capris, a t-shirt, a hat, and was out the door. Instead of singing along with her worship music in the car, Lauren prayed her little guy would remain asleep until they got to church. Not only did she make it to church, but almost to the nursing room before he began fussing.
Joyce poked her head in ten minutes before study started. “Glad you made it.”
“Me, too.” Lauren patted David’s back to burp him. “I overslept.”
“Welcome to motherhood.” Joyce chuckled. “Pack him up and move in here.”
“We’re fine,” Lauren said.
“You can’t fellowship with others if you’re hiding in here.” Joyce walked toward her.
“But if he cries—”
“Then you step out of the sanctuary.” Picking up Lauren’s diaper bag and David’s carrier, Joyce headed for the door. “C’mon. You can sit toward the back.”
It’s ridiculous to feel nervous, Lauren told herself as she followed Joyce. I’ve attended this church since it opened. I’ve served in so many capacities. God, why am I nervous? Why do I feel like I don’t belong?
Joyce set Lauren’s things four rows from the back. “And don’t try to sneak out before discussion groups.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Lauren sighed. God, thank You for friends who know me so well. She looked around at the dozens of women sitting in front of her.
“Look at you, back row mama.” Beth entered Lauren’s row, placing her Bible on the chair.
“I tried to hide in the mother’s room, but Joyce wouldn’t let me.”
“Of course.” Beth gently rubbed David’s head. “How’s little guy?”
A petite burp escaped him.
“Well fed and hopefully going to sleep the rest of the time.” Lauren sat down with him. “You don’t need to sit with us. Move up front.”
Beth chuckled, sitting beside her. “I’ve always been a back row Mama. Besides, I’m your assistant. I’m here to assist. And learn about Christ.”
Placing a sleeping David in his carrier on the floor, Lauren tucked his bear blanket around him. “You have such little faith in me?”
“You’re doing a fabulous job. Don’t think for a minute accepting help means you aren’t. I just want you to enjoy study. It’s been way too long since you’ve attended.” She slowly started rocking David’s seat with her foot when he stirred. “Besides, I need to brush up on my baby skills. Gabby won’t even let me do her hair.”
Lauren smiled at her friend’s pregnant belly. “You feeling good?”
“Yep. Still sleeping and have energy. Figure it will all go downhill next month when I enter my third trimester.”
“Well, I’m happy to give you the practice.” Lauren sighed. “He’s a blessing, but exhausting to take care of alone.”
“You’re not alone, girlfriend,” Beth said. “Don’t think for a moment that you’re alone.”
Every woman who entered before service started gave Lauren a congratulatory hug or pat on the back. They peeked at David sleeping. The older women tearing up and the younger ones commenting on his tininess. During the first worship song anxiety stirred inside her.
What if he wakes up? She glanced at her sleeping baby. If he starts crying, I’ll need to take him out—
“He’s fine,” Beth whispered. “Focus on the Lord.”
Lauren closed her eyes. Inhaling deeply, she allowed the words of the song to wash over her.
“Come to Jesus, leave your burdens behind…”
Two months she had been in the hospital with increasing pain. Another month waiting for David to be released. The days filled with waiting, wondering, praying. God, thank You for carrying us through.
“Trust in Him, rest in His grace…”
Every day she was reminded that she was a single mom when he woke at four a.m. to eat, while he screamed during her shower, as she fell into bed exhausted at nine p.m., barely able to see straight. Thank You for the grace You give me to continue on.
“He is mighty to save, find your comfort in Him…”
Adam had been gone almost nine months. Her heart ached for her husband, to hear his laughter, feel his touch, see his face. Draw me to You, Lord. Be my Comforter, my All in All.
Lifting her worries to the Lord as she entered His presence, peace washed over her. His radiance seemed to shine upon her. She lifted her voice and her arms out of humility, love, honor of who God is, and what He had done.
The muffled whimper came during the third song. When it progressed into a tiny cry, Lauren turned. Beth already had David on her chest, swaying him to the music. The minute Lauren placed the pacifier against his lips, he latched onto it.
Thank You, Lord, for friends and the help You have blessed me with, she prayed, returning to worship.
Following a passionate message on sacrifice from Joyce, the ladies dismissed to their small groups. Tucked back into his infant seat, Beth carried David and Lauren toted her diaper bag.
“There’s room in my group,” Beth said. “Michele is leading it.”
Lauren smiled and nodded to ladies as they made their way to the fellowship hall. For years she had been a discussion group leader. She didn’t mind only being a participant, but an uneasiness built inside her. God, help me to feel comfortable. Show me my place.
Two other ladies were sitting in the circle when they joined them. The twenty-four-year-old had attended for several years. Beth was introducing the older woman to Lauren when Erika, Joyce’s assistant, approached Lauren.
“Michele is sick today. Would you mind leading?” Erika held out a paper with discussion questions.
Lauren stared at the questions, then Erika. How can I lead, Lord? I’ve been gone for so long. I don’t know that I’m ready—
“She’d love to.” Beth snatched the paper from Erika. “Right, Lauren?”
“Sure.” Lauren smiled.
“Did you plan that?” Lauren asked Beth when the other ladies had left.
Shock covered Beth’s face. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you know I want to sit in the back row for a while.” She slid her Bible in David’s diaper bag and zipped it up.
“That would be God. You know He won’t let you hide.”
“I’m not trying to hide.” Lauren stood.
“I’ve known you for over twelve years, girlfriend.” Beth lifted David in the carrier. “Yes, you are.”
Joyce approached them as they walked toward the door. “How did it go?”
“Okay,” Lauren said.
“She was a pro,” Beth added.
“Of course she was.” Joyce smiled. “That’s why I told Erika to have you lead.”
“See you Monday?” Beth passed David off to Lauren.
Lauren nodded. “Thanks for your help. Have a good weekend.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” Beth waved as she walked out the door.
“Hopefully next week will be this wonderful.” Lauren glanced at David. “Maybe I’ll even get in a shower.”
“If you don’t, we understand. I did want to talk to you about something.” Joyce followed her outside. “I’d like you to lead a group again. As needed right now and then after the first of the year you’ll have your own.”
“That should be fine. By January he can go to the nursery.”
“I’d also like you to consider sharing your testimony next month of fighting and overcoming depression,” Joyce said.
“Oh.” Lauren paused. “Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“Since you’ve beat it or since David was born?”
“Both, maybe. I don’t know. You really think I can?”
“Absolutely.” Joyce placed a hand on her upper arm. “God healed you, Lauren. You are victorious. Pray about it this week, ask God to give you the words if He wants you to speak. Will you do that?”
“Sure,” Lauren found herself saying rather than no, thank you, which was what she wanted to reply.
Tyler fasted and prayed all morning in preparation for his meeting with the executive producers to approve the final budget for the film. It wasn’t Lucas and his wife who made him nervous, nor Frederick Dupray, but Monty Goldbloom. He wondered how a man who seemed agnostic at best came to be executive producer of this Christian film. Tyler wished he would have stepped up rather than allowing Monty to, but something prevented him from doing so.
“God, only You know a man’s heart. Help me to not judge Monty,” Tyler prayed on the way to Lucas’s house. “Open his eyes to Your vision, open his heart to Your purpose for this film.”
“Hello, Tyler,” Darlene, Lucas’s wife, greeted him at the door. “Everyone’s in the sunroom.”
“Thanks, Darlene.” Tyler wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts. “How are the girls?”
“Doing well.” She led him down the hall. “Whitney is officially in remission.” She placed a hand on his arm. “Thank you for all your prayers.”
“Prayer works,” he said, more for his own benefit than hers.
“There he is,” Lucas greeted Tyler. “We saved a seat for you.” He motioned to the head of the table.
“Thanks.” The first thing he noticed was how underdressed he was. Shorts and a t-shirt as opposed to everyone else in khaki pants and a golf shirt. “Good to see you, Frederick.” Tyler pushed his insecurities aside as he shook his hand. “How are you, Monty?”
Rather than shaking, Monty grunted.
“Tyler, can I get you coffee, juice, muffins?” Darlene asked.
“Coffee would be great, thanks.” He took his place across from Lucas.
“So, the budget,” Monty held up a paper in front of him on the table.
“Excuse me, Monty,” Lucas leaned forward. “I’d like Tyler to pray before we get started, if you don’t mind.”
“Pray?” Monty scoffed.
Oh, Lord, really? Tyler shifted in his seat.
“Yes.” Lucas folded his hands. “I’d like to open this meeting in prayer. For wisdom.”
Darlene placed the coffee in front of Tyler. He nodded to her before making eye contact with Lucas.
“Sure, let’s pray.” Dropping his head, he inhaled deeply. “Father, thank You for this film. Thank You for all You desire to reach through it. We pray for wisdom and direction as we finalize the costs. Help us make wise decisions for this picture so that it can be all You want it to be. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Everyone echoed the amen, except Monty, who reclined in his chair, arms folded over his chest.
“Now can we begin?” Monty spit out.
They worked their way down the list of items, counting the costs. Monty argued each one, Tyler defended it, Monty cussed, Frederick and Lucas agreed with Tyler, and Monty finally conceded. Frustration continued rising in Tyler. They were halfway down the page when Monty dropped the f-bomb.
“Monty, please.” Tyler made eye contact with him. “Could you stop with the profanity? It’s not necessary.”
A scowl appeared on Monty’s face. “I don’t see how prayer is necessary, but it was forced upon me. No doubt you will waste time and money, my money, praying on the set each day.”
“Yes, we will,” Tyler said without blinking.
“What good will that do me?”
Tyler’s heart began to race. “We’ll be praying for the film to reach millions, which will make you a lot of money.”
“How do you know that will happen?” Monty’s eyes narrowed as he spoke.
“Because that’s a prayer God wants to answer. His desire is for all to come to know Christ as Savior.”
Lucas leaned forward. “Prayer works. Our daughter being cancer free is proof of that.”
“The operation and chemo made her cancer free,” Monty scowled.
“God healed her,” Lucas retorted. “He may have used doctors and medicine, but ultimately it was His doing.”
“Look at Into the Jungle.” Monty threw his hand up in the air. “You didn’t waste time praying and that was a fine picture. No doubt it’ll win us awards and bring in a ton of cash.”
Tyler chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ve never prayed more in my life than I did during that production.”
All eyes focused on him.
“I had no desire to do it—”
“I knew it!” Monty blurted out at Tyler’s comment.
“But God called me to.” Tyler looked at Monty, then Lucas and finally Frederick. “So, I was constantly praying for God to help me do my best. For Him. I also led a weekly Bible study for the cast, crew—heck, the kitchen staff even stayed.” He turned to Monty. “This picture has a greater purpose than entertaining people. It’s about glorifying God.”
“Monty, I mean no disrespect,” Lucas interjected, “but I have to ask—why did you want to produce this film? You saw the play. You know the storyline and religious content. If you don’t agree with it, why be a part of it?”
He shifted his gaze from Lucas, to Tyler, and back to Lucas. “The audience’s response. I thought to myself, ‘If every audience responds to the movie the way the crowd responded to the play, it’ll be a hit.’”
“Then trust us,” Tyler found the courage to say. “Trust us to do what’s necessary to make the film what God wants it to be. If you do, it will be a success.”
“How was study?” Tyler asked as he unloaded boxes of Chinese food onto Lauren’s dining table at five o’clock that evening. He thought about her and David all day. Offering to bring dinner seemed the best excuse to spend time with them.
Lauren strapped a sleeping David into his swing and turned it on low. “I ended up leading a discussion group.”
“Really? So soon?”
“That’s what I was thinking.” Lauren accepted the carton of orange chicken from him. “But it went well. David slept almost the entire time.”
“Good.” He handed her chopsticks.
Breaking them apart, she rubbed her chopsticks against one another. “Then Joyce asked me to give my testimony of overcoming depression next month.”
“You said?” Tyler sat across from her.
“I wasn’t sure. She told me to pray and ask God to give me the words if I should speak.”
“And?” Tyler rubbed his chopsticks together.
Lauren dropped her gaze. “During David’s afternoon nap I wrote three pages.”
Tyler smiled. “Then I guess it’s time.”
Lifting her eyes, Lauren bit her lip. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”
“Too soon after you giving birth or being healed?”
“That’s what Joyce asked.” Lauren placed her chopsticks on the table. “I don’t know. Shouldn’t I ease into things?”
“I guess not.” Tyler shrugged. “If it’s God’s timing, it’s His timing. Wait if He says wait, but it seems like He’s saying go.”
“But everything is different.”
“It is. You have an overwhelming amount of God’s Word in your heart and mind. I know because I read a lot of it to you.”
She chuckled, shaking her head.
“You’re a leader, Lauren. You always have been. Maybe you followed Adam, but God made you to lead women, teens, and kids. Everything you’ve gone through has been to bring you into a deeper relationship with God and prepare you for something greater.” He offered her his hand. “Let’s pray for the food before little guy is awake and yours gets cold.”
She bowed her head.
“God, thank You for this food and for the blessed time Lauren had at Bible study. Continue to lead and guide her. Help her accomplish the tasks You have for her as she balances being a mom. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen.” Lauren brushed the tears from her cheeks. “I guess I expected life to be quiet for a while.”
A grin spread across his face as Tyler opened his beef and broccoli. “You had four months of quiet and it about drove you insane.”
“That’s true.” She dug into her chicken. “How was your meeting with the producers?”
“The first half was awful, the last amazing.” Tyler spoke between bites. “Lucas and I had it out with Monty Goldbloom. I used to think the guy hated me. Now I realize he hates God.”
Lauren raised an eyebrow. “Why in the world would you want him as an executive producer?”
“I keep asking God that. We gave him an out today and he didn’t take it. He actually respected me enough to stop cursing after I asked him to, and he agreed to allow us to do whatever we feel is necessary, including prayer and Bible study before filming.”
“Well, sounds like God is giving you a new ministry as well.” Lauren scooped up some fried rice.
“Guess we’re both headed into uncharted territory.” Tyler opened his soda. “I’ll pray for you and you pray for me.”
“It’s a deal.” Lauren took a swig of her water after clicking with his can.
“We attending church on Sunday?” Tyler asked.
“You can. I think it’s too early for little guy and me.”
Tyler frowned. “You went to study today and said he was fine.”
“I know, but he’s so little I can’t put him in the nursery.”
“We can sit in the family sanctuary.” Tyler pointed his chopsticks at her. “Or the nursing room.”
Lauren laughed. “He and I can sit in the nursing room.”
Tyler rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” She sighed. “Yes, we’ll go to church Sunday. But I’ll need Mexican food after.”