Chapter 21
Tyler thought sleep would come once he settled into his bed, but every time he closed his eyes, his mind replayed accident. The truck smashing into him, his car slamming into the guardrail, the top of the Corvette being pulled back, the emergency crew extracting him. The pain meds from the hospital began to wear off and every inch of his body hurt. Never had he felt like such a mess.
God, be with me like You were with her. Help me through this, he silently prayed.
Opening his Bible app, he clicked on Romans chapter 8. His eyes burned from lack of sleep and his head pounded, but he needed peace and knew he could find it in God’s Word.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
The throbbing in his head lessened as he recited the first verse along with the narrator, then the second. For months he read this chapter aloud to Lauren. Never did he consider its power, until now. Of course he could never be separated from Christ. Jesus’ sacrifice made a way to overcome sin and death.
Death. Tyler smirked. I overcame death.
“It’s amazing you survived,” the paramedic had told him. “You’re one lucky man.”
“Blessed,” Tyler had said. “I’m very blessed.”
Now he understood Adam’s passion after he beat cancer for the second time. He should have died, but he didn’t. Only because of God and His love. Because God wasn’t done with him yet. God had saved him. How could he be about anything but the Lord’s business?
“God, I don’t know what You have for me, but I give You every part of my life. I want to be used greatly by You. I don’t want to settle for comfortable. Help me share Your love and grace with everyone I meet. Give me a heart for the lost and dying.” His actor friend, Will, who died years before in a car accident came to mind. “I don’t want anyone that I know to end up in hell, not even Monty Goldbloom. I’m Your servant, Lord. Make me bold for You.”
Peace settled in his heart and mind as he drifted off listening to the Word of God.
It seemed as soon as Lauren fell asleep, David woke up. After she fed him, Shelly took him downstairs. Waking four hours later, her eyes burned and head pounded, but she couldn’t sleep anymore. She needed to see Tyler. To be with him.
“Hey you.” Lauren entered Tyler’s room to find him in bed on his back, phone in the air.
“Hey.” Tyler lowered his phone. “I just woke up. It’s a little challenging reading with one eye. Where’s David?”
“Dad’s with him. The last thing you need is him grabbing at you.” Lauren placed a cup from the local coffee place on his nightstand. “Didn’t know if you’d want it—”
“Four shots on ice.” He smiled. “Thanks. That might help my head.”
“It still hurts?” Sitting at the foot of his bed, she sipped her peppermint mocha.
“Not as bad as yesterday.” He set his phone beside him and carefully sat up. “Probably like your first week in the hospital. You back on caffeine?”
“Four hours of sleep isn’t enough to function without caffeine.”
“My ribs hurt when I roll over, so I woke up a lot last night.” Tyler sipped his drink.
“Is the pain medication working?”
“I’m staying away from the hard core stuff and sticking to Tylenol. I’ll get through it.”
Lauren didn’t mean to frown, but his black eye, bruises, and cuts reminded her of how she almost lost him.
“What’s wrong?”
“You don’t look so good.”
“Gee, thanks. I know you prefer me clean shaven, but that’s not happening for a few days.”
“It makes me realize—” Lauren stopped as tears formed in her eyes.
“I’m okay. Pathetic, but okay. Well, maybe hungry. Any chance you feel like making me breakfast?”
Lauren grinned. “I might have brought you a breakfast burrito. I didn’t know if you’d want to eat it in bed or in the kitchen.”
A smile spread across his lips. “Lauren Drake Riley, you’re my hero. Breakfast in bed sounds fabulous.”
“Also have roast beef sandwich fixings for lunch and I’ll make spaghetti for dinner, if that’s okay.”
“Sounds delicious, but you don’t have to wait on me all day.”
“My pleasure.” She rubbed his foot. “You spent months at my bedside. Think I can handle a day.”
She stared at him as he spoke and ate, the sound of his voice calming her. His stupid jokes seemed funnier, his face, though bruised, more handsome. Maybe it was his smile, those dimples that had melted her heart as she first got to know him. For months he was by her side in the hospital, making her laugh, taking her to visit children in pediatrics to shift her mind off her own problems. And now that David was here, Tyler was eager to hold him, feed him, do whatever needed to be done.
God, You know I need him. Please, please don’t ever take him from me.
“I’m going to be fine.” Tyler poured hot sauce in his burrito.
She nodded, sipping her drink. “I know.”
“You don’t need to worry—”
“I’m not worried.”
“You are. I can tell ’cause your eyebrows.” He pointed to them. “God’s not taking me from you.”
Tears immediately rose in her eyes. She searched his face. How does he know?
“You’ve lost a lot this year, but you’re not losing me.”
She bit her lip. “The accident was so bad.”
He placed the burrito on his John Deere plate that sat on the tray in front of him. “Yeah, it was. But when I woke up, I kept hearing that verse in my head. The one in your bathroom. ‘You hem me in behind and before—’”
“You lay your hand upon me,” she finished for him.
“Yep, that one.” He smiled. “I’m certain the reason my ribs aren’t broken and the reason I didn’t die was because He had His hands upon me. God has reassured me He has a lot of work for me to finish before He calls me home.”
Lauren averted her gaze. “We don’t need to go out New Year’s. I can come over here—”
“I bought tickets and made reservations,” Tyler interrupted. “A few scratches and bruises aren’t stopping me. Unless you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“Never.” Lauren looked at his face, forcing herself not to frown. “I simply want you to be okay.”
“I will be. A couple days of rest and I’ll be fine.”
The worry didn’t leave her eyes, but her attempt to smile told him she was trying to let go of it.
“I thought we could watch a movie later,” she changed the subject.
“Sounds good. We’ll need to watch it downstairs. My TV’s broke.”
“How’d it break?” Lauren asked. “Is it under warranty?”
“Something’s wrong with the screen. Probably time for a new one anyway.” He took a bite of his breakfast. “Do you have one in mind?”
“How about something with Tyler Stevens?” Pulling out her phone, she opened her movie app and started searching.
“It’s not enough that I’m in pain, but you’re going to force me to endure my own movie?”
She stretched out across the foot of his bed. “You’re a great actor. Why can’t you see that?”
“You’re beautiful.” He wiped his mouth. “Why can’t you see that?”
He expected she’d roll her eyes or answer ‘oh please.’ Instead, the corners of her mouth turned up.
“Thank you.”
Finally, she’s starting to see it, Tyler thought as he took a bite of his burrito. “What’d you want to watch?”
“Anything except A Night to Remember and Fear and Beyond.”
Of course, the movies I was in with Lotus. The years had grown her confidence in such a way he didn’t want her to continue struggling with doubt of her worth.
God, give me the words to say and give her a heart to receive them, he silently prayed, setting his burrito on his plate. “You know, you’re more of a woman she could ever hope to be—”
Lauren sat up. “I really don’t want to talk about her—”
“But we need to.”
Frowning, she folded her arms.
“You’re more of a woman than she could ever hope to be in every area. Personality, spirituality, hard-working, good looks—”
“Oh, plea—”
Tyler raised his hand and cleared his throat. “You are absolutely more gorgeous than she is.”
Lauren closed her eyes. “If that was true, you never would have invited her over that night.” Opening her eyes, he could see tears forming.
“Truth is, I was an insecure mess.” Tyler sighed. “You had it all together—getting your master’s, big plans for the future. I realized all I had were good looks and luck. I kept thinking, ‘If my career ends tomorrow, what do I have to offer Lauren?’ That’s where I came up short.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t love you because you were an actor or for your appearance.”
“I understand that now, but back then, that’s what defined me.” He started to run his fingers through his hair and stopped as soon as he touched his head. Pain radiated from his forehead causing him to pause. “I started reading the Bible, but I was like that seed that was choked out by the cares of the world. I thought of you surrounded by all these super smart people and felt ridiculous thinking you would be content with a nobody like me.”
A nobody like me. The words had her mind reeling. How could he feel that way? Half the world knows him. I was so in love with him. How could he have doubted that?
“I drove myself crazy with all the ‘what-ifs.’ And there Lotus was, every day, enticing me to my old life, encouraging me to leave my worries behind.” He dropped his gaze, but Lauren could see the tears rising. “I invited her over that night to get high. She’d been offering me marijuana all week. I wanted one night of not thinking, not worrying. There was no way I wanted any kind of relationship with Lotus. It sickened me to kiss her on the set, knowing what she represented.” He smirked. “Knowing where she’d been.”
“Yet doing drugs seemed okay?”
“No, but I felt like I needed an escape.” He slowly looked at her. “The minute you hung up, I regretted all of it. My insecurity, my selfishness to give in to my flesh, my stupidity. I convinced myself you would never forgive me, perhaps because I couldn’t forgive myself. You were too good for me.”
“How can you say that?” Lauren had spent so much time not feeling worthy of Tyler’s love and then Adam’s. How could he feel that way about me?
“It’s true. You always have been.” Tyler shrugged. “You’re totally selfless. I was completely conceited.”
“Were.” Lauren squeezed his toes. “You’re a new creation.”
“I don’t say all this to excuse what I did. What I did was wrong. But I don’t want you to think it was because of you, something you lacked or that somehow I wasn’t satisfied with you. You truly are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. I’m blessed that you’ve stayed my friend through the years. You continue to outdo me with your kindness and spiritual knowledge.”
To hear him say the words humbled her, reminded her of how much he had changed. To think after all this time that he had loved her completely and without fail healed all the hurt places that remained even though she had forgiven him. It wasn’t out of obligation that he stood beside her, but out of love. “I’m the one who’s blessed. Spending months by my side was pretty selfless of you. And you know a lot more scripture than you give yourself credit for.”
“I know Romans 8 by heart. I’m sure you find that hard to believe.” Tyler began eating again.
Lauren smiled. “That is my favorite chapter.”
“Yes, I know.” He winked.
They settled on Heart of Africa. At the beginning of the movie, he reclined on one end of the sectional and she on the other. Halfway through Lauren grabbed a blanket and placed a pillow against his lap.
“Do you mind?” she asked.
“Not at all.”
As the movie played he stared at her, remembering the first time he was in Africa filming only a few months after they met. At night he’d lie in his tent and think of her. Text or call her, just to feel close to her. Then he thought of ten months before, how worry for her consumed him until he lifted it to the Lord. Reaching out, he gently ran his hand down her hair, resting it on her arm.
God, thank You for sparing my life. Thank You for allowing me the privilege to love her.
Her opposite arm emerged from the blanket. “I’m thankful you’re okay.” She intertwined her fingers with his.
Tears of gratitude raised, preventing him from responding.