“And who is the client again?” I asked.

“I didn’t tell you because they want to remain confidential until you choose whether to accept the job or not,” Eleanor stated.

“How can I accept the job when I don’t even know about the person hiring me, or know what will be expected of me?” I huffed.

“Well you could because they’re offering over one hundred grand for you to be a live-in nanny and full-time provider for one child.”

Four years ago I took on a position as a nanny for a family. We meshed perfectly and it fit well with my school schedule. I was able to complete my Psychology degree and still bring in a part-time income. I lived with them on the weekends and during breaks, and in return I didn’t have to go home and deal with my exasperating family. Then, they moved to New York City because of a job transfer and offered me the option to come along.

So, I went.

I missed my graduation, received my diploma in the mail, and never looked back to the life from which I was running. I was excited about the prospects New York had for me: some of the best graduate schools for Psychology students were there, and the family said they would work with me on my schedule if I wanted to pursue my studies so soon out of my foundational degree.

Then, a car accident ripped everything from us –

• From me.

I tried consoling the family, but they locked me out. I tried attending their sweet child’s funeral, but they wouldn’t have any of it. I couldn’t blame them: I had been a powerful presence in their child’s life for four years; seeing my face probably dredged up too many memories of their child.

Blocking me out was a way to eliminate one of those memory-based triggers so they could try to cope and heal from their loss.

I abandoned my graduate studies and took a full-time job at a local grocery store. I was staying in an apartment with way too many bodies, just trying to get by, and I didn’t know what in the world I was going to do. Every day was the same: I got up at six; took a cold shower because someone somewhere forgot to pay the power bill; made it to work by eight; worked without a break until four; hit up the dollar menu at the fast food joint down the road; then went home.

I saved every dime I could and dreamed of one day getting out of this place –

• Of getting out of New York –
• Of
• going home…

But one day, I got a call. Some sort of Nanny Agency called about a position I had been recommended for, and they wanted to interview me.

I told them I no longer worked as a nanny, and thanked them for their generous consideration.

However, they told me I came highly recommended by an up-and-coming family in New York, and when I asked them who had given them the referral, my stomach dropped and tears rose to my eyes.

I never thought I would ever hear their names again.

That woman who called to interview me was named Eleanor, and she had guided me through three different part-time positions. I found people in the city to be much pickier about their babysitters and nannies than I was used to, and after the last family fired me because I wasn’t using non-GMO foods to make their baby’s pureed foods, I had almost convinced myself to go back to the grocery store.

That was until I got a phone call at four in the morning.

“– One hundred thousand dollars?” I whispered.

“Yep,” Eleanor popped out, “they said the job description entails being a full-time live-in nanny with responsibilities that range from keeping up with the child to cleaning up after yourself.”

“So… every job as a nanny ever, then,” I sighed.

“There’s a catch, though,” Eleanor said.

“I figured there would be for that kind of money.”

“I have to have a decision from you before we hang up. If you accept, you have to be over there with your things by 7:30 this morning.”

“I have to be there with all my stuff in three hours?” I shrieked.

“Yes,” Eleanor said.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Some family wanted me to pack up my life in three hours, move to a place I couldn’t be told about to stay with a family I couldn’t meet beforehand, and take care of a child with whom I didn’t even know I’d be compatible!

What the hell kind of job was this?

But as my eyes panned around the room at the sleeping bodies on the floor of the dark, dank, empty apartment I was still residing in, I thought about the luxuries one hundred grand could afford me. I thought about the schooling I could save up for and the car I could finally purchase. I thought about the house I could save up for and the home I could finally create that was devoid of all the screaming and yelling and name-calling which had filled my past.

I could afford health insurance for the tooth throbbing at the back of my jaw and aching toe I knew I had probably broken a week ago after stumbling out of the cold shower.

Oh, god. I could take a hot shower…

“I don’t really own much…” I trailed off.

“Is that a yes?” Eleanor pressed.

But my silence still gave away my hesitation, and Eleanor had one more trick up her sleeve.

“Maddie… we vet every single client for safety and precautionary measures. This client is a last-minute client with a dire situation on their hands. They are lost, and have absolutely no idea what to do…”

She knew I knew what that felt like.

“And you’re sure this is safe?” I asked lowly.

“I wouldn’t have taken on the client if I thought it wasn’t.”

“Ok,” I breathed. “I’ll do it.”

“Wonderful!” Eleanor exclaimed. “Pack your stuff up and be outside by seven sharp. Someone will be by to pick you up.”

“I still don’t get to know where I’m going?” I whispered harshly.

“Just do it,” Eleanor groaned.

She knew something I didn’t. Something in her voice was absolutely giddy about the idea of this client. I didn’t know what she had up her sleeve and I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but already I was sucked into the emotional component of the entire situation. I knew what it felt like to be lost and alone, bobbing in a sea of colorless buoys as I searched for something to cling onto to keep from drowning.

Anything to reach out to and grab.

“And Maddie?” Eleanor asked.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Remember the rule,” she stated.

And that statement, more than anything, caught my attention.

I don’t know why she felt the need to say it, nor did I understand why she felt the need to remind me of it, but something in my gut told me this was no ordinary client.

After all, when you need to remind a nanny to keep her emotional distance from a client, you know you’re in for an interesting ride.

This meant my hands trembled the entire time as I began to pack my bags.