My phone goes off for what I believe is the ninth time since noon today. It’s Éclair, again. I send her to voicemail just as I have been doing all day. I am just not sure how to feel about Éclair right now. I have always thought of her as a friend –not just some business rival. And we have been sleeping together for God knows how long. Then Sylvia gets thrown into the mix, and I’m thinking about being in an actual relationship for the first time in my life –so Éclair complicates things there. Then there is the whole Ricardo Smith accusing her of trying to kill Eddie thing. A part of me even believe it. It’s a lot to try to piece together in my head. Is Éclair even capable of something so malice? I don’t want to think so, but it sure does look that way.

I’m sitting at home after a long day running around at the office, contemplating on whether or not to go back to the hospital to visit Eddie again. I had been there all morning before going into the office, and I had driven across town to visit him during my lunch break. I’m glad that he had been awake during my lunch break again. He looked so exhausted, and he had been drifting in and out of sleep the whole time –but he was awake, so that’s good. I’ll probably bring Sylvia to the hospital with me soon so that she can official meet him.

Once again, my phone starts going off. It’s Éclair again. I send her to voicemail. She’s probably going to get really pissed at me. I start to fix myself something to eat from my kitchen when there is a sudden knock on my door. I assume it’s Sylvia –no one else really ever pops in for unannounced visits. I go to answer the door, but I hesitate. Instead of just flinging it open, I check the peep hole. It’s Éclair. Geeze –she won’t get a clue! I don’t’ answer it. I pretend I’m not home. She stands outside the door for what feels like an eternity knocking. I just can’t talk to her right now –not when I’m trying to decide whether or not I believe Ricardo’s accusation.

“James?” she calls out, and I swear she sounds almost sad. Éclair never sounds sad. She never breaks down that tough exterior of hers. She always puts up a wall, and it makes it difficult to read her emotions. This time, maybe because she’s on the other side of a door, she is showing it quite clearly. I stand there, staring at the door –still unwilling to make it known that I am there. “I know you’re home. You weren’t at the hospital.” She says, “We need to talk. I know what this is about –why you’re being so distance. Just open the door. Please.”

I keep my mouth shut, and I feel like a real tool. Did she go all the way to the hospital to see if I was there? Now she’s here? She really is desperate to talk to me. I’ve never really seen this side of Éclair before. I just can’t bring myself to open the door. “James,” I hear her voice again, “You have to know that I would never hurt you. Or your brother. I wouldn’t. I care about you, James.”

She is making it really hard to not open that door. I just can’t move. I bite my lip, not wanting to say anything back. At least this way we can go on pretending that I never heard anything she is saying right now. There is a long pause before she continues. “And whatever is going on between you and that other woman you’re seeing… I respect that. I know I have just been writing it off as if it was nothing, but if it’s something more than that –that’s okay. I’ll back off. I just wish you would tell me. Tell me so I know. So I’ll stop because… because I don’t want to lose you James. I don’t want to do something that will make you hate me. Make you lose her. You’re my best friend. I know I’ve never said that, but it’s true. Would you please just open the damn door?”

I can’t. I can’t open the door. Not now. I hear her walking away, and I feel like shit. How could I just let her walk off like that? I just can’t trust her right now. I’ve never felt like that about her. It’s too damn confusing. A part of me wants to chase after her and apologize for being such an ass and to tell her she won’t ever lose me –to tell her she’s my best friend too, but I just can’t. Not today. Not now.