It’s the day of the big match, and I know I’m not up for it at all. Gabe’s funeral is supposed to be this afternoon, so that is in my head. I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to pull this off without Gabe here. Damion is quiet as he ties up my hands, prepping them for my gloves. “Look, Jonathan,” the old man speaks softly as he wraps the bandages around my knuckles, “I know the odds are pretty stacked against you today, but-”

“I got this, Damion,” I say, but even I can hear the lack of confidence in that statement.

Damion glances to his side as though he was about to ask Gabe to hand him the gloves, and he shakes his head. “Damn,” he grumbles under his breath. The old man looks teary eyed. “Your manager is an asshole for not calling this match after what happened,” he says.

“You’re telling me,” I say.

Soon they’re calling for me to come out, and I know this is not going to go over well. I head out to the ring, and the crowd is going nuts. Most of those people out there have no idea my life has been completely shattered. They’re just there to see the fight. The revenge fight of the season. Donte is running around the ring like an ass, pumping up the crowd. He heads to his corner as I make my way into the ring. Brandi is sitting in the front row, shaking her head at Donte’s antics and my stupidity.

My manager hired some kid to come to help Damion out last minute to replace Gabe. I don’t think I was ever told the kids name. Everything about this match feels off. I just don’t know what to think about it all.

The ref makes us bump gloves. Donte is grinning ear to ear; he’s really pumped up, and I’m not even sure if I am going to make it past the first round. My entire career is resting on me winning this match, but all I can think about is Gabe’s funeral this afternoon –about seeing all of his friends and seeing his parents. About how everyone is going to ask me about it. Everyone is going to want to know. His parents had hinted that they wanted me to speak at the funeral, but then they had withdrawn their request after seeing how bent out of shape I was about it. That makes me feel like absolute shit that I can’t even give him some passing words.

The bell goes off, and Donte comes at me like a lunatic. He’s ready to go, and I am just barely aware enough to hold my gloves up to block him from knocking me in the face. The end of the first round can’t come fast enough, and I wind up taking a real serious beating. Already he has split some skin above my right eye. Damion wipes the blood from my face and the kid that replaced Gabe tries to give me a sip of water. “What the hell, Jonathan?” Damion is saying to me, “Look, I know you’re distracted, but you have got to snap out of it.”

“I know, I know,” I say, and soon Damion is pushing me back into the ring for round two.

Donte nails me in the jaw with a serious cross hook, and I just about fall out, but somehow I manage to keep myself upright. He lands probably double the number of punches as I do by the end of the second round. At the end of round two, Donte manages to get a serious knock on the side of my head –so I wind up almost waddling over to the wrong corner of the ring in my haze. I’m seriously fucked.

Damion waves me back to my corner, and he pours a bit of water over my head. “Come on, Jonathan, keep your gloves up! You have got to get your shit together, or you’re going to wind up in the hospital again.”

Round three and four are equally devastating. I’m hardly able to breathe. I’ve never fought so lousy in my life. I take a deep breath. I need to focus. The bell for the fifth round goes off, and I go at Donte. By some grace of God, I manage to land a few good punches, but I leave myself open like a damn amateur. He nails me right between my eyes, and I am out like a light.

I wake up on the floor of the ring, and the announcers are already declaring Donte the winner by knockout. It’s over. The match is over, and my career is over. I stand upright, an arm over Damion’s shoulder, as I watch the ref hold up one of Donte’s gloves, declaring him the winner.

Damion takes me back to the locker room, my head hanging low in shame.