The grunting and groaning that came from Clara’s room woke me around 7 AM. The house was eerily quiet, since Derek’s snores were usually wafting down the hallway around this time. I stretched and sat up in my bed just before Clara’s cries began to kick up, and it was then I realized why it was so quiet.

Today was the day Derek went back to work.

I squinted at the clock and double-checked the time; surely Derek wasn’t due into work before this hour in the morning. But when I wrapped my newly-purchased house robe around my body and ventured out into the hallway, I saw his door hanging open.

That was one thing Derek never did: sleep with the door open.

I shuffled into Clara’s room and turned on the light, anxious to get the crying girl some breakfast before I figured out what to do with my day. I’d honestly gotten used to Derek being around, and since there wasn’t much to do in the way of buying her anything, I really wasn’t sure what I would do with my day.

“Come here, sweetheart,” I cooed. I wrapped my hands underneath her armpits and slowly pulled her to me. Her eyes were just now peeling open, and I pulled her close to my body before I wrapped my own robe around her shoulders. I held her tight while I made my way to the kitchen, and as I pulled the refrigerator door open I realized something.

This was the third night in a row Clara had slept in her own crib.

“Already growing up,” I smiled.

Soon, I was sitting at the breakfast nook and feeding Clara her bottle. I found myself thinking about Derek at work and realized I didn’t really know what he did for a living. I mean, it must be something important or of value. He’s a very rich man not to be of value to anyone. Did he build his own business? Did he sell something? Was he a motivational speaker, or maybe a trader on Wall Street? Was he a philanthropist, or did he keep all his money for himself?

I lost myself in my thoughts until I heard Clara sucking on an empty bottle.

“Ooooh, hungry aren’t we?” I giggled.

I put her on my shoulder and started the rhythmic drumming on her back. She burped and she gurgled, and I had a feeling I was going to have to change my robe before this was all over. Sounds no small child should make were coming out of every orifice she had, and before I knew it she let out a massive sneeze and filled her diaper at the same time.

“Good god, child,” I breathed.

I carried the giggling little girl back to her room and expedited the changing of her butt. I wiped her down while her arms flailed in the air, and I couldn’t help but gaze down at her and smile. She really was a chunky one, with red and bulging apple peaks for cheeks. Even for a child, her lips were very full, and her eyes were big and bright.

Her father had the icy eyes of the Arctic, but she had the deep sea foam eyes of the calm before the storm.

“Must be your mom’s,” I smiled down at her.

That’s when I really began to study her: the rolls upon rolls of her short, stubby legs and the way her fingers still instinctively curled into the palm of her hand. Her hair still had that newborn baby smell to it, and I thought back to something Derek had mentioned the very first day I had been there.

If his math had been right, and we added three weeks to that time, Clara was almost four months old.

That meant she would be due for another check-up soon.

“Possibly shots…” I trailed off.

I then realized what it was I was going to do that day. I was going to play with Clara, maybe take her on a walk outside while I went to seek out a double-mocha coffee, and then I was going to research pediatricians in the area.

Even if her mom was coming back, she still needed a doctor in the area in case she ever got sick.

But then, that brought up the whole ordeal of health insurance.

“Guess I’m just gonna have to call your daddy!” I smiled. “Yes I am!”

I scooped her body up into my arms and bundled her back up into my robe. I could feel her head nuzzling into my bosom while I made my way to my room, and when I picked up my cell phone I saw I had a message …

… From Derek.

My heart skipped a beat and my toes began to burn as my thumb swiped over the screen to open it up. The idea of hearing from him during the day while he was at work stirred something inside of me that I really couldn’t place.

I was… happy… that he was thinking of me while he was hard at work.

“Get my note on the door?” it said.

I furrowed my brow and put my phone down before I strode out towards the front door. I saw the taped piece of paper and reached out to grasp it, and a smile crept across my cheeks as I read the words on the paper.

Apparently he figured Clara could use a doctor as well.

I clenched the note in my hand and bounded back to my room, and when I picked up the phone I already had another message from him.

“Sleep well?” it asked.

I squealed with delight at the simple question. God, I was acting like a schoolgirl with a celebrity crush! One little ounce of attention and I was ready to jump at his every beckoning call.

What the hell was happening to me?

“Seems great minds think alike. I was just thinking I should find her a pediatrician today. But, that brings up the question of health insurance.”

I sent the message before I typed another one in rapid succession.

“And I slept well. You?”

I felt Clara’s breathing evening out against my skin, so I sat on the edge of my bed and waited. My hand was grasping my phone as tightly as it could, and part of me swore that the phone was about to cave in on itself from the pressure I was exerting. My stomach was lurching for the phone to vibrate in my hand, and when it did I let out an audible gasp.

“I’ll take care of the health insurance company. Just find some doctors to interview and we can go talk to them sometime this week. And I slept just fine.”

We.

He said “we” could go talk to them.

I felt this weird settling in the pit of my stomach. For my entire life, I had walked on eggshells around people. I always wanted to impress them, to prove my worth. I always felt I had to bring something to the table, or to be of value somewhere in order for someone to want me around. For as long as I could remember, I always had things flying through my head: “Sit with your back straight” and “don’t forget your manners.”

“Keep a steady foot” and “don’t look down when you’re talking to someone.”

But now, as I sat here in the middle of a multimillion-dollar penthouse on top of my designated California king-sized bed with its Egyptian cotton sheets and a walk-in closet the size of my own bedroom growing up at home, all I could think about was my mind…

… and how utterly blank it was.

I had settled into a routine with Derek: a routine that consisted of taking care of the little girl snoring lightly against my chest; a routine that consisted of guarding this home while its owner was away, and cooking dinners with the man who had settled into a fatherly role a lot easier than either of us expected.

I had settled into a routine with a man who wanted nothing more of me except everything I could give that was mine. He didn’t expect me to talk or act or sit or look a certain way.

He simply wanted me to be… me.

At least, I think he did.

And even then, that was still a change from what I was used to.

How I was raised.

But the vibrating of my phone ripped me from my thoughts before I looked down and saw my phone was ringing.

And it was Derek who was calling.

“Well hello there,” I answered.

“Is everything alright?” he asked quickly.

I looked at my phone and saw I had a few missed messages.

“Uh… yeah; yeah, everything’s all right. Are you all right?” I breathed.

“Has anyone come to the door?” he asked.

“What?”

“Has anyone come to the door, Madeline!?” Derek yelled.

Before I could even comprehend why he was asking, I held the phone in my hand and cradled Clara close while my feet slid across the hardwood floors. Dust kicked up around me, and I made a mental note to clean up a bit before my hand flew out and locked the lock on the door.

“Madeline!” Derek bellowed.

“No!” I yelped. “And I have the front door locked.”

“God, you aren’t in danger,” Derek groaned.

“What’s going on? Are my missed messages from you?”

“Yes. Listen, it’s an involved story that starts with me getting up very early this morning, but I need you to keep an ear out th--”

But his sentiment was interrupted by a loud and ferocious pounding on the door.

“Was that the door?” Derek asked quickly.

My jaw went slack while the little child in my arms began to stir. The phone clattered to the floor while my head began to race and my body was shaking as I tried to pull it together. One minute I was feeling safe and secure… rooted into this new life that seemed to be forming in front of me, and the next minute I was back in the middle of shaky ground. It felt as if the Earth itself was trying to part its jowls and swallow me whole, and all I could do was grip the stirring child in my arms and clench my jaw to keep it from chattering with fear.

I felt tears rise to my eyes as the door sounded with yet another thud.

I reached my hand out for the lock on the door before I slowly flipped it open. My weakened hand laid itself on the doorknob just as another thud sounded, but then a voice accompanied the sound before I had a chance to turn it.

“Derrie! Are you home? Is Clara with you?”

My eyes widened at the boisterous female voice, and suddenly I found myself ripping the door open as I stood toe-to-toe with the unmistakable form of Clara’s mother. My eyes met hers and clocked the color of raging sea foam that decorated the depths of her eyes before the woman’s stare dropped to my chest.

“Clara!” she breathed before she reached out and ripped the child from me.

And as the woman I had only ever heard called “Gracie” came whirling into the room like a freak tornado, the only thing I could register was my heart plummeting to my feet.

So much for new beginnings.