hannah
Day 39
They were all over the news.
Jasper and Parker had been the talk of the media for days now.
The talk of the town was that they’d thrown in their contract with the label and were going it alone.
I wasn’t one to believe everything I read on the internet, but Charlotte had released a statement, saying that they boys and the label were no longer ‘a good fit’ and they’d be going their separate ways.
This was a storm that had been brewing for over a year now.
There was nothing but drama with that company and Exit Strategy would be better off without them.
The other thing that was all over the net, was clips from their show.
They were almost painful to watch.
Jasper looked so lost, so unsure of himself.
It was ironic really, his confident nature was one of the things that drew me to him so strongly in the first place, and now he seemed to have lost that.
It was heartbreaking to watch.
The only song he’d put any effort into was the one that was threatening to tear me apart now.
It was my song.
He’d played my song.
And if I had to guess, I would say that playing that song had been the final nail in the coffin between Parker and Jasper and the label execs.
There was no way they could have played a previously unreleased song on a whim like that, and not have trouble brew.
I hit the replay key, my eyes fixed entirely on his face as I listened to him sing that song like his life depended on it.
It was the most beautiful and the most heart wrenching thing to watch all at the same time.
“Find me,” I whispered at the screen. “Please find me…”
* * *
Day 51
I stared at the two pink lines on the stick in front of me.
I shouldn’t have been surprised really… it wasn’t as though we were exactly careful about it.
Jasper was an ‘it is what it is’ kinda guy. If something was meant to be – it would be, or so he thought.
I’d told him on more than one occasion that I’d missed a pill or two, but all he did was smile and wink. Once I’d sworn I’d heard him mumble something about getting a baby in my belly one way or another.
I knew he was going to be over the moon.
He would be an amazing dad.
The only problem was that I was here, and he wasn’t.
This revelation threw a spanner in the works.
We were on the clock now.
I would have waited as long as it took for him, but now there was a timeframe.
If he didn’t find me in the next couple of months, I’d have to go home and pray that he still wanted me… and our baby.
I laid a hand over my belly.
It didn’t look any different, but in an instant, I felt different.
I wasn’t alone anymore. It was me and my little peanut now.
“What am I gonna do now, huh, peanut? Your daddy shouldn’t be missing this.”
I sighed and took stock of the empty box of pregnancy tests.
I hadn’t believed the first one.
I still was having a hard time believing any of them.
How did I miss this?
I hadn’t even thought about having a period. Not once since I’d been here had it even crossed my mind; my thoughts were being pulled in a thousand different directions.
It wasn’t until I’d heard a guy in the ‘women’s’ section of the supermarket on the phone to who I assumed was his wife. He was complaining in hushed tones about not knowing whether he needed slim fit or regular – heavy flow or light.
It had been entertaining to begin with. I’d strolled past, eavesdropping and smiling to myself when it had hit me that I hadn’t put any of those little boxes into my shopping basket since before I’d run away from home.
I’d frozen at the end of the aisle, turned around and put a different kind of box into my shopping basket.
And here I was. A white, pee-covered stick alerting me to the fact that my whole life was about to change.
Can I be a mother?
I grabbed my cell phone and looked up the number for the local doctor’s clinic.
First things first.
* * *
Day 56
“Judging by these measurements, I’d say you’re around ten weeks.”
“There’s seriously a baby in there?”
She laughed. “Yes, there is seriously a baby in there.”
I laughed and covered my eyes. “I was so worried I’d imagined the whole thing.”
She pushed the screen towards me and tilted it so I could see.
“Oh my god,” I whispered.
My little peanut was wiggling around.
“And here is the heartbeat.” She twisted a dial and a thudding noise filled the room.
“That’s incredible,” I breathed.
I felt so guilty that Jasper was missing this. He should have been at my side when we had our first ultrasound, but because of me, he wasn’t.
“What do I do now?”
She smiled at me. “You just carry on, Hannah. I’ll give you some vitamins I want you to take and some information about what things you should avoid, but other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
She wiped the gel off my stomach and indicated for me to sit up.
My knowledge of babies and pregnancy was limited, to say the least, but I knew how to Google… I could figure this thing out.
“Is the father in the picture?” she asked. I could tell by her expression that she was nervous about asking, but I could tell by the check box on her computer screen that it was a question she had to ask.
“It’s kinda complicated,” I admitted. “I’m hoping he’ll be here with me soon.”
“Does he know about the pregnancy?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“How do you think he’ll feel about it?” she asked.
I smiled. “I think he’ll be absolutely over the moon.”
She ran through the rest of the information with me and I got up to leave.
“You’re like, really sure there’s a baby in there, right?”
She laughed and shook her head at me. “One hundred and fifty percent sure, now go home and look after yourself.”