One last taste of Orion Hurley was all I was asking for, one last taste of his lips on mine. He didn’t disappoint me. He didn’t know why, he just knew it was what both of us needed. I couldn’t be with Orion, no matter that he was what I needed. No. We couldn’t go back to what we were, it wasn’t healthy for either of us. So one last taste would be all we would have. This time we’re going to take it slow, to remember every piece of him, every touch and taste he was about to give me I would store in my memory bank. It would be labeled ‘That time I was unhealthy, with a man that made me that way because our love was too great for our world.’
“Lotus.” He never called me Lo like the others, my name was always in full from his lips.
“Kiss me, Orion, kiss me, like we’re swimming in your pond under the moonlight.” He doesn’t have to be asked twice, his lips come down on mine, my hands at first stay by my side. I want him to take control of the kiss, not me. He does so with no disappointment. Orion grips my face as I do his. His lips lick mine, tasting me, making sure I’m real before his lips completely cover mine to capture my mouth.
Passion.
He always gives it, tenfold. Roan and I never had this, to the point where nothing is fast enough, yet everything is heightened. I can’t get enough of him, and that’s what made us so dangerous together, with me being so uncontrollable.
Lies, secrets, sex, passion. We had it all, and no matter what people tell you, they’re not a good mix. They take you down a path you didn’t know you could go down, they change you into a person you didn’t know you could be.
Opening my eyes, I see his, the steel in them gone, just blue like the day’s sky shine back at me.
“You’re drowning in me. Stop it.”
He shakes his head, pulling my clothes from my body. “No Lotus, drowning in you is my only success.”
I shake my head at him, lifting my arms above my head. “Don’t do it, Orion.” He cocks his head as my arms drop to my sides, now naked in our old living room. He pulls his shirt over his head then drops his pants fast, standing in front of me, naked.
“Too late, Lotus, too fucking late.” He falls to the floor, his hand touches in between both of my thighs, and he pushes them apart, so I’m standing starfish. His hand traces between my legs, and I watch as his lips lift in a smirk as he moves forward, his mouth landing between my thighs right on my clit. He cups my ass with both hands. His tongue dances with my clit, making me breathe heavy with each lick and suck he gives me.
Orion’s mouth I’ve missed greatly, so fucking much. He does this thing with his tongue, where it flicks then sucks, followed by a lick from the bottom to the top that makes me pinch my legs around his head in pleasure. Orion inserts two fingers, and I’m a goner, but he hasn’t had enough. His tongue is still between my legs, his hands back on my ass, and he lifts me ever so slightly so my back drops to the couch, and I’m laying down on it. He pulls me further apart as he trails kisses up my stomach to my breast, biting my nipples, then he goes back down again.
He tastes me, all of me, like he used to. Pushing him up, he tries to resist me, but I won’t let him. I close my legs, trying to sit up because I need to taste him as well.
“No, not tonight.”
Orion knows what I want. He won’t let me have it. Sometimes he just wants me, sometimes he’ll even go to sleep without finishing himself off because he gets his pleasure in me, he often used to tell me. His fingers lightly trace up my side, making my skin rise to goosebumps. His cock slides up my legs and touches my already-wet pussy. But he doesn’t move any further.
“I’ve drowned you in me before, Lotus. Do you remember?”
I nod my head. It still hurts, even thinking about that night, he wanted me to leave. I left, as a silly girl that had her heart torn out and it was never given back.
“You’re my murky water, Orion.” My hand touches his face, pushing his brown locks back, and he falls into my touch.
“Are you saying goodbye for good, now, Lotus?”
A single tear leaves my eye. “Goodbye Orion.”
He pushes inside of me, his eyes back to steel. Pushing and pushing until I can no longer keep my legs around him, even then he pushes some more.
Until we’re both spent, broken and somewhere slowly putting ourselves back together.
Orion’s asleep when I leave. Pulling his arm off me without waking him up was an effort. We both went to sleep only a few hours ago. The sun had set and rose again by the time I’d finally closed my eyes. Now I’m sneaking out.
We said what we needed to say, we ended what needed to be ended all those years ago. I’m hoping now I can live, without feeling like something’s missing. No matter how much I love Orion Hurley, I’m bad for him. I was bad for myself with him.
Driving away and back to the city feels weird. I hadn’t been to this part of the neighborhood since that night many years ago when I took off running on both feet. It’s changed, and for the better as well. Houses are neater, gardens are well kept, streets are cleaner, shops look to be doing well now.
All the way to my apartment, I wonder what I’m going to say to Roan if he’s there. What will I say to him if he’s there.
I had sex with another man who didn’t put the ring on my finger that I’m still wearing.
Comparing both men to each other is stupid. Orion lies or keeps secrets, which he said were to protect me. I never felt like they were to betray or harm me. That was the reason I never pushed while we were together. Maybe I was naïve. Maybe I loved him more, so I let things slide. Now I know better regarding both.
Taking the lift to the penthouse apartment we shared, I wait for the door to open, and when it does, Roan is standing there with his cell to his ear. He looks me up and down, disconnects, and smirks at me.
“You came back, Lo?”
Nodding my head, I see nothing has changed. Yet somehow everything has. I see him more clearly now. His smile isn’t only for me, but his anger is at this very moment.
What happened to that sweet and loving man, did I only see parts of him?
“I need my things.” Pulling the ring from my finger, I attempt to give it to him, but he merely looks at it then back to me.
“This is what you choose? To throw me, it… all away?”
“I’m just going to do me for a while, no more complications.”
“You think I’m a complication?” he asks incredulously.
I simply nod my head to his words. “I don’t really seem to know who you are. Yet, I wear your ring on my finger. You seem to know all there is to know about me, though.”
He nods his head and presses a button next to the kitchen, and I know what that does. It locks all access from downstairs. It’s meant to be an emergency button, now it’s one that has just trapped us both up here.
“What are you doing, Roan?”
He steps closer to me, looking down to the ring I’m holding in my hand, then back to me. His eyes are now dark and full of anger.
“I want to know what you think you’re doing?”
“I’m giving you back your ring,” I answer, trying to remain calm. Instead, I’m freaking out on the inside. He steps back one step away from the ring, and my outstretched hand.
“I wouldn’t choose him if I were you.”
My hand drops at his voice because that sounded like a threat. “I haven’t chosen anyone… just myself.”
He looks at me, confused. “You aren’t going to him after here?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m going to Yumi’s, and working everything out from there.”
“Did he tell you?” My eyebrows pinch together at his words. “I didn’t intend to hurt you, Lo.”
“You didn’t,” I say calmer now, pain is evident on his face.
“He’s your brother, Lo, but I fell for you. Not just because he told me to win you over. I fell for you, Lo.”
My face freezes. What’s he talking about? He goes to touch me, and I don’t even respond to him.
“Lo,” he whispers my name.
“What are you talking about?”
“Kama, he was the one who worked for Orion. My brother. He was the one who threatened you that night you left him.”
“Your brother,” I say more to myself in disbelief. “You never told me you had a brother.” Looking back up to him, he shakes his head.
“I packed your things already, Lo. Please don’t ever come back, and stay away from Orion. He just made an enemy of Kama.” He walks away then comes back with a large duffle bag.
Everything I own fits into it. How sad is that?
“Thank you, Roan, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you like you deserved.”
He nods his head, pushes the button and unlocks the apartment, allowing the lift to open for me to leave. His behavior’s odd, but I put it down to him thinking I’m leaving him for another man. Which is not the case at all, I’ve left because I love another man the way I should love my fiancé. What a fucked-up world I seem to be living in.
Walking out of the building and past a man that’s smoking, I try to cover my mouth, but he purposely blows smoke into my face. Ignoring him, I keep walking until I hear the sound of footsteps behind me. My head starts to become dizzy, and before I can reach for the wall, I fall. Hands wrap around me, the smell of smoke invades me, and all I see is the darkness as it goes black.
My body’s stiff. It’s the first thing I notice as I try to move. Then I attempt to move my hands, which don’t budge at all. They stay locked exactly where they are. I’m unable to move. Looking around, I notice I’m in a room with all men, and all eyes on me. I’m sitting in a chair, well, tied to it to be exact, with my hands clasped in front.
“You’re awake,” one man’s voice says as he stands, walking closer to me. He looks familiar, I just don’t know where from. “I don’t want to hurt you, just yet. Just want to talk if we can.” Too stunned to answer him, he pulls a seat like the one I’m sitting on and sits opposite of me.
“Who are you?”
He drops his head from side to side, cracking his neck. The other men in the room stay silent, some drinking, some smoking as they watch.
“The name’s Kama.” My eyes go large. “So you’ve heard of me. Tell, from which love?”
“Your name from your brother,” I tell him honestly.
He nods in understanding. “Yes, yes. I met you one other time. You were drunk, though. Do you remember? It was the night before he told you to leave.” He leans in close. “Do you remember the blood?” Shaking my head, he laughs. “You screamed, so loud. So fucking loud, he had to seal his lips to yours to shut you up.” Then I remember, the second to last night I was with Orion Hurley.
It was a rare night when he was home. I was home but not studying. We were invited out. You could legally drink in Australia at the age of eighteen, and the total number of bender nights I’d had totaled one. Tonight, I wanted to rectify that by dragging Orion out to take me dancing all night until my feet bled.
Orion was a great dancer, not that anyone knew that. He would dance with me in our living room and around the house, while I blasted music as I cooked dinner. I think he did it to appease me more than any other reason. It always worked. Dinner was always burnt by the end, because the moment we started, it was hard to stop. Hands would run up and down, bodies would grind, and that was that. On the floor, in the bed, it didn’t matter because we ended up in so many places. We christened all of the house. Plus, dancing distracted us from fighting, our fighting could tear our house down.
We only truly fought over one thing, though. When he would come home late with no explanation. Nothing else was an issue. His eyes never wandered and his hands stayed on me. We had the perfect relationship, but we didn’t. It was like the devil wanting to marry a priest, it couldn’t work, but somehow they would find a way. He was the devil after all.
Yumi was dressed and on her way, and I was pulling everything from our closet to the floor as I searched for the perfect dress, the same one I had worn only once since—the dress from the pond. Orion loved that dress on me, he told me all the time. Tonight, I had planned to wear it again for him. He came in searching for me, and all I had on was a towel wrapped around me, but it was falling and dropping to the ground. He didn’t help as he walked in, pulling it away with his hand as he sat on the bed, dressed and ready to go, and started watching me. He looked fantastic dressed in his black dress slacks and blue shirt.
“Ahhha,” I yelled, pulling it out. It fitted like a second skin when I pulled it over my body. Turning, his eyes were already large as he watched me. Orion’s eyes glossed over, and he pulled his lip into his teeth and bit. The things this man did to me, and he had no idea.
“You want to go out in that dress?” He looked me up and down.
Reaching down, I picked up a pair of heels, pairing them with the dress and a plain long black necklace to add something different. Turning slowly, I showed him—me. “You approve?”
He nodded his head and stood. His hand touched my hip, his grip was rough as he looked up. “Except that dress is for my eyes only.”
I leaned in close. “Oh, it is. You will be the only one taking it off.” His eyes stayed glossed over, as he leaned forward, taking my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking and then biting it between his teeth.
“That I will, Lotus Vein.” He tapped my ass, pulling away, letting go of my hip as a car horn honked. Cole and Yumi had arrived and were waiting impatiently in the car for us. Walking out first, I danced my way to the car making Yumi turn the music up as I swayed my hips. Cole shook his head with a smirk, trying to contain his laughter.
We appeared perfect, on the outside.
They didn’t know the demons we harbored on the inside. The inner demon in me that liked to shine brightly when I had no idea where my man was—dead, fucking someone? Who knew?
“Stop shaking my ass for the world, woman.” Orion’s voice came up behind me as I opened the car door, he smiled and right at that moment, in that smile that only I was always greeted with, I knew I loved him. That even if I didn’t know what happens with him, if I could forget about the blood he sometimes came home with, or the nights he didn’t return, I knew I loved him.
We sang and drank all the way in, well mostly, I drunk a bottle of vodka that Yumi was kind enough to bring for me. When we arrived, Cole knew one of the owners, so we didn’t have to wait outside. Yumi yanked me away from Orion’s hand the minute she saw the bar and pulled me in that direction.
We lined shots up, one after the other. Then we found the dance floor and stayed on there until we needed more drinks. Hands wrapped around me early and I knew those hands, so I didn’t pull away from them. His lips touched my neck, kissing their way down my collarbone as his hips swung in motion with my own.
“I’m going to fuck you on the dirt tonight out the back of the house, so I can make you my own little whore. Then I’m going to pick you up, spread your legs, and show you why you’re mine.” I started to get wet immediately at his words. I wanted to blow off the night and go home right there and then. Just as I was about to say it, Cole walked over smiling, hands Yumi and I another drink and whispered in Orion’s ear as he danced behind me.
“I’ll be back, babe.” He kissed my neck then he was gone. At first, I wanted him back straight away, until Yumi started handing me more drinks. Then I got lost, in the music, in the dance, and stayed that way for hours.
My head was spinning, and Yumi could barely stand. Somehow we ended up back at the bar drinking more shots with people we didn’t know. It felt like we’d been occupied all night and I hadn’t seen Orion since he left. He was supposed to be with me. It was meant to be our fun night out.
Telling our newfound friends I was going to the restroom, I headed off in search for him. Orion couldn’t have gotten far, he wouldn’t have left without telling me first. Bumping into bodies as I pass them, the air felt too hot, and I managed to find a door and pushed it open. Immediately the cold air laces over my face, making me feel better, but my eyes were blurry and not believing what I was seeing. Or if I really saw anything.
Orion was there, so was Cole. A few other people I didn’t care for as well. His name left my lips, and his fists stop mid-punch. He was covered in blood, his face stone cold until his eyes reached mine. A scream ripped through my mouth, it was loud, and shocked even me. Except I couldn’t seem to stop it. Seeing him that way, so dark, like they all talk about him, was completely different.
And the blood? I was used to the blood, but to witness how he got it was a whole new level of crazy.
Cole looked up, the shock was written on his face, for me. He took action fast and started walking. Orion wiped his hands on his black slacks, as he looked down then back to me. His lips landed on mine—he was attempting to shut me up. It worked, my nerves settled and my mouth closed around his. He eventually pulled away, my breathing heavy now, his hands to his side but still covered in blood. Looking down, a man was on the ground, blood covered his face. Was he alive?
“What are you doing?”
Orion looked to me then to a man next to him, who had been watching me this whole time.
“Who’s this, Orion?”
Ignoring him, so did Orion, he turned, reached out his hand to touch me, but I pulled back. Orion’s hands were red, blood red. Why were they always red?
“Because some people need to be taught manners.”
Did I say that out loud?
Orion seemed to have answered my question. He looked away then back to me. “We need to go.” I heard the car but didn’t see it. He pulled me down the stairs, realizing how drunk I was, then he picked me up to carry me. My eyes locked on the man on the ground once more, the one that was barely breathing and covered in red. Crimson red to be precise. He looked young, like Orion and I. Could what he’d done be so deserving of that?
Yumi was singing and dancing in the car when we got there. She noticed my change in demeanor and asked if I was okay.
“I felt sick, and needed some air,” I lied to my best friend. She bought it, nodding her head and turning the music down just a fraction. Orion tried to touch me in the back seat of the car, just a touch to my thigh, but I pulled away from him, edging myself over to the window. The minute we came to a stop at our house, I told Yumi, “Bye,” and climbed out, standing in the driveway, watching the dirt pick up as Cole sped off, blowing dust everywhere.
“Lotus.” Orion was being cautious with my name.
“You do that often, don’t you?”
He looked down, kicked a rock with his foot then looked back up to me. “It’s my business. I have to protect it.”
I scoffed at him while shaking my head. Walking away, I made my way into the house, pulling the dress off. Then opening a window and throwing it outside because I never wanted to see it again.
“I’m drowning in you, Lotus Vein.”
Shaking my head, I was now naked. Nothing but heels on. “Stop it! Go and drown in that fucking pond until you realize what an ass you are.” My words were caused by my drunkenness, I knew this. He knew this also. But it was the best comeback I could think of at the time. He attempted to touch me, but my hand clasped on the remote of the TV. Turning, I pulled away from him and tried to hit him with it to keep him away. He didn’t care. I could tear out his eyes with my bare hands, and he would still step closer to me. I hit him several times with it, and he shook his head at me as I dropped it.
“You want to hurt me the way I hurt you? By keeping secrets? Because you don’t do the same.”
My head nodded. It was the truth even in my drunken glory I knew it. If only everything was the truth.
“How about I fuck the anger out of you.”
I was already pushing him backward, pulling at his pants before he could finish his words. I climbed his body the minute his cock was free and pulled his hair. Both of his hands fell down to my breasts. He let me be as rough as I wanted, he liked it. No, he loved it even. I slid down on him slowly until he was all the way in, then just waited so I could feel every inch of him. Then I started to move, using his hair as leverage and my breasts in his face, trying to take full advantage of all of him. All of him was what I’d always wanted.
I just never seemed to get it.
Maybe that was the problem?
I really hoped I remembered this.
“I can’t do this forever, it hurts too much.” My whisper was small as my eyes got heavy. He was still inside of me.
We fucked like we were never going to see each other again.
Like we could suck each other’s soul into the other to have our fill.
“Forever is all we have,” he said back to me.
“Maybe not together, though.”
He clasped my hair in his hands, pulled on my red locks as he set them free.
“Forever, Lotus. For now and fucking ever.”
“You have to let someone else in, you know. It can’t always be me.” He smoothed out my hair, carrying me to the bed and laying me down with him. He tucked me in tightly, so our naked bodies were flush.
“All I need is you. Oh, and I’m getting that fucking dress back.”
I laughed despite myself. And I planned to ask him in the morning what it was he really did with his business life. I knew it was not legal. But I should know after all.
I didn’t remember a thing the next day, not one fucking thing.