Days turn into weeks. Weeks have turned into a month.
What the fuck am I doing with my life right now? It’s like trying to crack an addiction, one that reminds you every day that you have to wait, just fucking wait. How much longer am I meant to be the patient for? I’ve already done years and years. Yes, granted, it was my fault to try to break all my contracts slowly, because these things are not to be rushed when dealing with drug runners, but I’ve finally achieved my goal. And I still wake up lonely.
Maybe my expectations were too high. They were fucking very low, then Lotus left him, and they rose and rose, and they haven’t stopped fucking rising. Walking in circles is what I do best now, like a robot. Work, home, sleep, repeat. I must keep myself busy, very busy because if I don’t, I will find her and I’ll take her. She is mine. It’s just a matter of her realizing the same thing. That we are forever tethered together. Til death do us part, even without the fucking ring.
Cole is hardly around either. I have no one to whine to, or even speak to. He’s now seeing Yumi more and more. He thinks it’s a gigantic secret. What a shit secret keeper he is.
“I’m out,” he calls at the end of the day while grabbing his jacket and getting ready to walk out.
Laying back in my chair, I smirk as the words leave my lips. “Tell Yumi, hi.”
“Will do,” is all he says then stops, turns, with his mouth open. “You know?” he asks surprised.
“You’re the worst at keeping shit secret, man. She lights up your cell every hour which is always on the desk.”
He smiles, so proud of it. “Did you want to join us? It’s her birthday, and a certain someone might be there?”
I stand, straight away pushing the seat backward. “Does she know?”
He looks down to the ground. “I wasn’t going to ask. She does know there could be a possibility… Yumi told me to extend the invite to you if that counts.” He checks his cell then looks back to me. “You coming? I’m already late.”
Pulling my jacket on, I follow him out the door and into the night, to get my first glimpse of her in what feels like forever.
Cole walks in first and I follow behind him into Yumi’s house. The music is on, and people are talking, drinking wine and beer. Cole doesn’t hesitate to go to Yumi the minute he sets eyes on her, walking ahead, leaving me standing at the front. My eyes skim the room, once, twice, with no sign of her. My hand rubs my face. Maybe this was a bad idea because I sure as shit don’t want to make small talk with anyone. Just as I’m about to turn, someone bumps into me from behind, hands touch my hip followed by a soft voice.
“I’m so sorry. You were standing in the doorway, and obviously, I didn’t see…” Her words stop when she looks up from apologizing to me. “Orion.” My name is like honey dripping from her mouth, I want her to scream it for me. Can I make her scream it? Staring at her lips, she shakes her head.
“Stop thinking about my lips, Orion.” I look up to her eyes. She blushes, and it makes my cock stand tall. Her blushes don’t happen all that often, but I fucking love it when they do.
“Who said I was thinking about your lips?”
She looks me over then smirks. “You lick your lips when you do. Then you slide your tongue over your teeth.”
My eyes go wide at her words. “Well, what do I do when I want to fuck you. Hard.”
She looks around to make sure no one is listening, then her eyes come back to me, then they lower. “You hold your belt.” Looking down, my hands are on my belt. “You haven’t changed.” She smiles.
“Is that a bad thing?”
Lotus picks up the bag she dropped when she walked in after bumping into me, and I can see down her top, her tits are perky and beautiful.
“No, but I guess we’ll have to find out. We all change one way or another.” She looks back to me before she walks around me and away. Following her, because that’s all I can seem to do, I step behind her into the kitchen. She starts pouring drinks, placing them on the counter, then she offers me one when she sees I’m following her. I shake my head as she takes a sip with her eyes on me. Leaning my arms on the counter so I’m closer to her, she watches me over the rim of the glass, and I do the exact same thing. Her name is called, the drink is lowered, and she walks off, leaving me standing there.
I stay where she left me for a good five minutes. Yes, that’s my maximum time I can stand it before I’m off to find her. Yumi is standing with her back to me, Cole is to Yumi’s side, watching her speak like she’s the most interesting person on the planet. Maybe she is to him, but it’s very unusual to watch. Behind them is Lotus. Her hair makes her the easiest to notice in a crowd. Just as I take a step toward her, I see him standing next to her, his hand on her shoulder laughing with her. They look close. Is that why she didn’t come back to me? Is that why I haven’t heard from her for so long? Is it because of him?
“Orion.” Cole’s voice is right there, right next to me. “Don’t do anything stupid, I will fuck you up otherwise. This is not the place.” He taps my shoulder as I realize what I was thinking. I was thinking of walking over there and making his head meet the nearest wall to say hello. Cole turns back to Yumi as I take a step closer to her, making her turn, making him turn. He eyes me up and down, his hands going to his pockets, while she watches what I do. Do I have a tell for everything? Because she’s looking at me like she knows every single one of them. She probably does.
“Orion,” my name is clipped as he says it.
“Roan,” I say, nodding. Lotus looks from Roan to me then back again. Then she laughs, a beautiful, nervous, all that is Lotus laugh.
“This is highly uncomfortable for me, forget about you two,” she says, shaking her head looking between us. My eyes go back to Roan. I don’t trust him based on who his family is. He seems to be uncomfortable, then he leans forward, his hand going to Lotus’ waist as he kisses her cheek softly. His lips move to her ear and start moving, but I don’t hear any words leave his mouth. She smirks, then turns to kiss his cheek back before he straightens up and walks off. Leaving us two alone.
“I have to use the ladies’, but then I have to carry some chairs in from outside. Would you like to help?” I nod my head, unable to say no to her. “I’ll meet you out there,” she says as she walks away, leaving me watching her walk, her dress hugging her ass and swaying as she walks.
Sex. She oozes it, and she has no idea. The minute she’s out of my sight I make my way through the crowd of people to the outdoor area. A few people are out here smoking, so I pull mine from my pocket and light one up, sucking in a long draw. The people that are outside seem to have finished their cigarettes and leave me standing on the balcony by myself. As I turn around, with the cigarette to my lips, Lotus walks out of the door straight toward me. Her hand comes up and she removes the cigarette from my mouth, dropping it to the floor. She watches me as she steps on it, squashing it. I try to restrain myself, I really, really, do. But it’s impossible. Her lips are red and begging to be kissed.
“Are you going to kiss me, Orion Hurley, or simply stare?”
My lip twitches at her words. As I step forward, she places a finger to my lips. She smells like she always does, strawberries. “This means nothing. Sometimes you’re just too hard to resist.”
My lips turn up into a full smile. Her hands go to my face. She cups my cheeks like she always has, and my hands cup her hips as they always have, as her body slams against me. Strawberries and cream, it’s the taste that’s associated with Lotus Vein, both equally as tasty as the other. Her thumb drops a gentle stroke, it’s all she gives me, her lips barely opening, just a slip of her tongue, just tasting a fraction. My hands dig in further, my lips glued to hers. She moans into my mouth, the sound making my cock stir against her as she pushes harder into me. She knows exactly what she’s doing, then she opens her mouth. Tasting is now over, now it’s time to consume.
That’s what Lotus Vein does when she kisses you, she consumes so no other can compare. Her hips move, her tongue slides against mine, her fingers hold steady onto my face. One touching my chin pulling at it to open at her command. She pulls back suddenly, leaving me standing there feeling her loss straight away. Looking up, she touches her lips, her finger dragging back and forth before her glazed-over eyes reach mine. Her breathing is heavy when she speaks. “I’m going to drown in you again, aren’t I?” Her fingers move, dropping to her side, her eyes are still glazed as I answer her.
“All the way, baby. All the way to the bottom of the fucking pond. And you can’t stop it.”
She shakes her head, looks behind me then back to me. “I’m still not ready yet. You…” she waves her hand up and down, “… require too much of me. I don’t know what’s left of me to give anymore.” She turns, walking back through the glass door, leaving me standing there watching her walk away, just as I did all those years ago.
This time she won’t get far.
Walking back in not long after Lotus leaves, Cole stops me from going any further, his hand to my chest, smiling. “You haven’t wished Yumi a happy birthday yet.”
I stop checking around, and stare at him. “I’m looking for Lotus.”
He shakes his head. “I know. I saw her walk in, and as both of your friends, I’m going to distract you for a good hour to give her a break from your lips.” He shakes his head while walking to where Yumi is standing, with a glass of wine surrounded by people I don’t know.
“How did you know we were kissing?” I question, following him but still looking around for her.
“You both get the same look after you get lost in each other. Plus, she couldn’t remove her hands from her lips.” Cole stops with his hand reaching out to touch Yumi on her waist, a simple possessive touch that brings her into him. They look serious. How did that happen? She turns to me as Cole starts speaking to someone about business, and she smiles at me.
“I’m impressed you didn’t hunt her down.” She laughs.
“It wasn’t easy.”
She looks around then her eyes come back to me. “She found out about your accident as well, just so you know.” Yumi turns back to the conversation, leaving me lost in my own mind.
It was the next morning, that accident. I had time to calm down, and I was going to win her back. Fuck, whatever else happened in the world, I had to have her back. I drove too fast, too recklessly, trying to reach her. Only to miss the sight of a car turning at an intersection.
No one knew I was going after Lotus. I never intended to tell anyone. Still don’t. It was what was best at the time. I had to be better for Lotus, to deserve her. Dealing with what I was dealing with wasn’t the smartest thing to do around her.
She was a lawyer. I was a drug dealer.
We shouldn’t have worked.
We didn’t work.
It was the smartest thing to do, even if it wasn’t by choice.
“Orion,” my name is called but not by her. Turning around I spot Roan standing there watching me. “She’s said before on several occasions she wants to go strawberry picking.” He ends the one-sided conversation at that, then turns and walks away.
I just stand there and draw my eyebrows together in confusion.
Was he helping me?
I’m not sure, but I do need all the help I can get to win her back.
Because I plan to keep my Lotus, for life.
My lips still feel him, his smell still covers me. Looking at the time, I’d hoped he would be out here. I’d been sitting on my bed wondering about what was the right thing to do. Over this last month I had it all worked out in my head, it was all that had been on my mind. I even had to lock my cell phone and give it to Yumi to hide so I didn’t break. I needed to be… just me, for a little bit before I became someone else’s again.
That’s what will happen, even though he doesn’t dull me. Orion will consume me in every way. And I will let him because it’s what I choose to do.
My legs are weak, my heart is even more vulnerable when it comes to Orion Hurley, it always has since the first time our lips touched. In that moment, I knew I would never love a man near as much as I would love him. Yumi would tell me after we broke up that we get more than one great love in our life. She may be right. She may be wrong. I could have learned to love Roan more passionately. Only one true love though was reserved for Orion. He stole it, or perhaps I handed it to him on a golden platter, smiling as I did so. He took it, blood-covered hands and all and hid it so no one else could touch it. Even to this day.
Walking out, I see him looking lost in thought. He moves, and the moment his eyes fall on me something happens in his eyes, just the way it used too. He looks at me as if I’m the only Lotus in that pond, his eyes are only for me. My heels click with each step I take as I get closer to him, he doesn’t touch me or even go to touch me as I stand close, and it disappoints me because I like his hands on me. All over me.
“Plans for tomorrow?” he asks me.
Odd question, but I answer him anyway.
“No.”
He nods once, watching me, his hands going to his belt and I try to contain my laughter. “Can I take you out?” His words surprise me. If he’d have asked me right now to go to bed with him, I would have. That’s how much of my weakness I have for him, all of him.
“Yes. Is that what you want, though?”
We never did dates. We did parties. Then most of the time it was just us in the meadow out the back, or in the pond in his yard.
“Of course it is.” He looks around, and I know he wants to leave, but also wants to stay because I’m here. He’s much like me in that way. I hate parties just as much, still do. But here I have a room to hide in.
“Tomorrow. Should I dress…”
“Casual.”
Smiling, I wait to see what he wants to do. He licks his lips, his kisses want to come, but they don’t as he looks around to anything but my mouth to distract him. I’m a distraction for him which puts me on a high. Still after so many years, I can make this man weak.
Cole and Yumi walk over,stepping into our circle, breaking it apart.
His eyes stare at me one more time before he looks to Cole, his hand dropping from his belt. “Let’s go.”
Cole shakes his head, reaching into his pocket he pulls out keys and hands them to Orion. “Drive yourself. I’ll find my own way back,” Cole tells him.
“Sure you will,” Orion says, looking back to me.
Yumi and Cole are a thing, which is surprising but also welcoming. Both are some of my favorite people on this earth, as is the person staring at me right now. I smile, and he smirks, leaning in. His lips touch my cheek ever so softly, teasing me with his breath.
“Tomorrow,” is all he says as he pulls away, walking away from us, leaving me standing there, wanting to pull him back to me and to have my way.
I must refrain.
I must.
“You two are going to fuck,” Yumi says, laughing. She is now well and truly drunk. Smiling at her and Cole, I excuse myself to go to my room, shutting the door and locking myself in there for the rest of the night. I’m excited for what tomorrow will bring.
I wake before the sun even comes up, nerves and excitement running through me. I’ve changed and done my hair in four different hairstyles this morning. I settled on a pair of jean shorts with a mid-shoulder length top. Now I’m drinking my coffee and waiting, staring outside and at my phone, very impatiently. He didn’t tell me a time, so my bases are all covered for the day. I have no plans at all. Even if I wanted to text him to find out when, I didn’t. I cannot take control of the situation because I need to ride with him to see where it leads.
The sound of a motorbike pulls my attention, and looking down over her balcony I see him stand the bike, getting off. He pulls the helmet from his head then looks up. Orion spots me and smirks. He knows I hate surprises, but I get very anxious for them as well. I need him to hurry up, the wait to know what’s coming or happening is killing me.
I wave to him, it’s the best I can do. I turn, hurrying, walking out down the stairs and opening the door to see him leaning up against his bike, his feet crossed over one another. To describe the way Orion watches my every move would be like breathing during sex, hot. His eyes always fall a shade darker, and they’re always on me, always. It’s never once made me feel uncomfortable. It has the opposite effect on me, it makes me hot.
“Lotus Vein,” he says, inclining his head while passing the helmet.
“Orion Hurley,” I reply, smiling and taking it from him.
“You look ravishing, as always.” His eyes look me up and down. Teasing me.
“And yourself. Now, will you tell me where we’re going?”
He ignores me, pulling his bike up to stand, then sitting on it. I pull down my helmet and follow him, climbing on the back. He takes my hands and places them around his waist like he’s always done.
“Hold on,” is all he says before we’re driving. His hand touches mine a few times as we drive on the highway away from the city. At one stage, he holds my hand enclosed in his for a good five minutes as I lean onto his back, remembering all the good things about us. It’s hard to remember we chose not to because the bad always seems to outweigh the good. But the good definitely is better than the bad at the moment. So many good memories.
Lifting my head as he slows down, I see a sign, then a field. He comes to a stop, and the smile on my face is large. I remember, early on in our relationship, he would nuzzle into my neck all the time. I asked him why and his reply was simple, “Strawberries are meant to be devoured.” He was talking about me, the oil I use on my skin is strawberry-scented. I personally love the fruit and have come to have a weird obsession with them. So it’s only natural I try to smell like one and that’s where we’re standing right now, at a strawberry farm.
Orion takes hold of my hand once we are both standing and we pull our helmets off.
“It wasn’t my idea,” he says as we start walking. “It was Roan’s, he told me about it.”
I smile because with Roan, we hardly did anything I wanted to do. It was always what he wanted to do. And picking strawberries was not something he wanted, it was boring to him.
Why would I even want to do such a thing?
“It doesn’t matter. It’s you that’s taking me.” He nods his head. Orion knows it’s the actions that count. We walk through the fields, strawberries are everywhere, and he hands me a basket and steps back while I start picking. Some are so full of color it’s hard to pull it free like it’s exactly where it should belong, attached to its plant. He follows me, helping me along the way to filling my basket up so I can’t fit anymore. Then laughs when my bottom lip drops as some topple out and fall to the ground. Picking one up, he goes to place it back in my basket, then his eyes lift, and he licks his lips. My hand clutches hard onto the basket, knowing what he’s about to do as he steps right up to me, so close that the toes of our feet touch.
“I think you should taste what I taste.” He puts the strawberry to my lips, the bottom of it slides in as I open my mouth, my lips around it. He closes his eyes, shakes his head, as I bite down, eating the ripe, juicy fruit while he stands there watching me. As I swallow, his lips slam onto mine. My hand lets go of the basket like it’s not important to me.
Maybe it isn’t compared to Orion Hurley.
Maybe nothing in my life is as important as him.
Maybe that’s the problem.
Or again, maybe it’s not a problem at all.
His lips move in sync with mine, his teeth glide along my tongue then bite as my hands work their way up his back. His lips freeze on me, then I can feel his breathing start to even out.
“This is a family area,” he says as I open my eyes. I don’t care, and I don’t give a fuck if everyone here is watching us. Right now, I want to push him down to the ground, but he pulls away. “Your strawberries.” Looking down as he bends to start collecting them, I wonder how he can be so composed when my body is such a mess.
“Unless you plan to eat them off my naked body, I say leave them.” His hands freeze from picking them up, I wait for him to stand, but then they move again picking them up and placing them carefully in the basket. He stands to hand the basket to me, which I take. Even though it’s not something I really want to take right now. I would much rather take him.
“Don’t you want to go slow, Lotus? Last time we went fast. Maybe that was our downfall? I don’t want that same outcome again.” His words shock me because I didn’t think he would feel that way.
“What if it doesn’t work out again?” I ask in a small voice.
“I wasn’t conditioned to love, Lotus, not even the slightest. You should know that.”
I nod my head, it’s true. No one had loved Orion Hurley, and what a shame it was for them. “I only know how to love you. You, and only you.”
“Does it make you mad that I loved someone else?”
His eyes drop, his hands clench. “Yes. I wouldn’t love you if it didn’t. But I do know, Lotus, that you didn’t love him the way you love me.”
He’s right, I could never love someone like I do Orion.
“What if I fuck it all up? What if we go down the same path again? I didn’t like that person I became, Orion.”
He moves closer now, his hand over mine as I hold the basket of strawberries.
“You won’t be that person again because this time there will be no secrets to affect us.”
I nod my head then lean my head on his chest. Orion takes the basket from my hands because I don’t want to hold it any longer and kisses the top of my head.
Maybe it’s possible to function like normal again. Maybe all we needed was some time apart. I lay my head on him for longer than necessary, just to soak in his smell. How I’ve missed that smell, the one that’s purely him. There would be nights I could fall asleep anywhere as long as I could lay my head on him.
He kissed the top of my head again as I pull away, and his hand clasps around mine while his other holds the basket. I check my watch, hours have passed, and I had no idea. He’s consuming my world again, and I’m totally okay with that.
“Hungry?” he asks, brushing a lock of hair from my face then holding my hand again.
“Starved,” I reply, just to distract myself because right now I only want one thing, and it’s not food that’s on my mind.
Walking back to the bike with my strawberries now in a bag, he grabs my helmet, stepping up close to me and placing it carefully on my head. Only a hand’s distance separates us right now, and I can feel the heat coming off of him. It’s like a heater drawing me in. He pulls back before I can move, and climbs on after he places the strawberries in the bag holder. Orion turns, offering me his hand to help me on and then wraps my hands around his waist as he kicks off.
We drive along the highway and back into the city. Orion stops at his hotel and climbs off, helping me as well. He leaves the strawberries on the bike, placing both helmets down, and the minute he does, my hand is back in his. He smirks looking forward, but I catch it as we walk inside.
“Mr. Hurley,” a young guy says, smiling at both of us as we stop at the restaurant. We follow him in to sit down opposite each other as our hands drop, the loss is felt the minute our hands part.
“I placed our order before we arrived. They’re already cooking it as we speak.”
Water is poured for us, and I wait to speak until the waiter leaves.
“Are we doing this?”
He nods his head, his eyes set to serious. “Oh, yes, baby, we are doing this. Have no doubt about it.”
My fingers play in my lap. Looking up, I stare at the man I’ve loved all my life.
“I tried to break from you this last month, I tried to work out if I could survive again without you.”
He leans in, waiting for me to finish. “And?” he asks impatiently.
“I couldn’t. It was an impossible task to set upon myself. My heart only knows how to beat for you. What am I meant to do with that?” I ask, and he smiles.
“Just let me love you, so we can drown together.” And that’s all I need to hear, that’s all I want to hear. We eat, laughing, smiling, flirting like we’re teenagers again. Like we didn’t destroy each other all those years ago. It’s like we’ve woken up from a dream and everything is right in the world again. But it’s new, we are new. Only time will tell if we have really changed. Because if we go back to where we were before, I won’t be able to leave him. Next time, my heart and soul won’t be able to handle the loss of Orion Hurley.
We were mad, crazy, uncontrolled lovers. Who somehow found our way back to one another. Let’s hope we don’t destroy each other.