I wished I knew the exact moment that things were about to change. We had changed, slowly, but our love was still the same. That held strong even when we didn’t. That was Lotus and Orion. People envied our relationship. They wanted what we had.
But what was it that we had exactly?
On that day, I wasn’t so sure. It all felt… off.
It wasn’t going to be a good day, of that I was sure. Orion was gone when I woke first thing, but his lips lingered on my cheek. Every morning, if he was up before me, his lips would stain my cheek, leaving his mark there for me to feel when I woke. It was the sweetest thing that had ever come from Orion Hurley. I wasn’t sure if he even knew he was doing it, or if it was just a reaction he had become accustomed to. But still, if that kiss wasn’t there, my day wouldn’t have started. It needed to start with his lips.
Orion seemed to be leaving more and more frequently, staying away longer and longer, which in turn made me crazier and crazier. He would never tell me why he left or where he went. After years of being with someone, and loving that someone, you at least deserved to know that much. No. I hadn’t been given that privilege, and in return, it made me a person I didn’t recognize. When it came to that subject, or when he got home very late, he just showered and dressed in different clothes. Believing he wasn’t cheating on me was only a half-truth. Unfortunately, a part of me thought he was. But our love, well, fuck, that was insatiable. He couldn’t be, I would tell myself. His hands never stayed off me for longer than a few hours. How could someone that was stepping out on you, possibly want you as much as Orion wanted me? It wasn’t possible.
My day went as planned, I studied, took a few classes, it was exhausting. Ever so exhausting, but it was what I wanted to do with my life. To be a lawyer. It was something I wasn’t willing to quit.
Sebastian had already finished his studies and was working. I was to be next if I could get there. Some days I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, other days I wanted to stay in the darkness with Orion. He made it all so beautiful when it was just the two of us.
Except, it wasn’t the real world. Staying there wasn’t a viable option, and I had to live.
Coming back to him every night like I did, that was my choice, my heart’s choice. It saw and thought of no one else but that man, and he was absolutely everything to me. To the way his lips claimed every inch of my skin. To the way he would breathe my name back into me when I couldn’t even form words. To his steely dark eyes that wanted to hold me captive and never let go. To his soul that was tarnished, oh so tarnished, yet color etched in it just for me. That was Orion, my Orion, he was my own personal Orion’s belt. And no matter how crazy I got, how mad and in love I felt, I would never leave him. That belt he held so strongly around my waist held me captive.
Even when I should have. Even when I would hurt him by throwing objects at his face. He never once retaliated. He’d stand there, waiting for me to get it out like he knew I had to, then he’d calm me down, followed by me claiming him. That’s what I would do, claim him as mine to remind him that it was me who waited for him every day, no one else. It was me whose water seemed murky when he wasn’t near. But when he was there I could see straight, perfectly clearly. Even through the anger, the happiness, I could see when he was near.
That was why when I waited on the doorstep of our home that night, I tried to remember all the good things.
Don’t get yourself worked up, I told myself.
Keep calm.
It never worked.
I wished it did.
It was impossible when you had a million things running around in your mind. Especially when home was meant to be your safe haven. It wasn’t lately. Instead, it was filled with what’s and where’s.
Walking around the back where a pond was situated, fully clothed, I stepped in. The night was dark. I’d waited over four hours for him to come home, but there was still no sign. The sun would be rising soon. I knew in my heart that he was safe, possibly not from me right now, but safe nevertheless.
The cold air clipped at my ankles as I walked further in, my skirt that stopped at my knees began to get wet. Soon half my body was enveloped in the murky water when I heard a car pull up. Then footsteps. I heard Orion walk through the house, then I heard him run along the grass coming up behind me. Not turning, I stayed where I was, looking into the murky water as the moonlight hit it.
“Lotus.” My name left his lips, and a shiver crawled over me. Not a good one either. He said my name like we were strangers, not like the well-acquainted lovers we were. “Lotus,” he said it again, only this time with more depth. I turned slowly to watch him as he was staring at me.
Orion hadn’t showered. He was dressed in clothes that he’d laid out last night to wear today. His eyes roamed mine as mine did his. His hands were covered in blood again. Blood splatters were also across his cheek just under his eye and over his clothes. I wanted to reach out and wipe it off. Instead, I took a step back, further into the water away from him.
“Blood.” My voice leaves me, but it isn’t my own. I don’t recognize the sound I was making.
“Lotus, we need to talk.” Orion looked away from me. He never looked away when he spoke to me. He was always direct and looked me square in the eyes.
“Come in with me, Orion.” He shook his head. Taking another step backward, I went deeper into the water. “I’ll be in soon.” His eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Go inside, Orion, I’ll be in soon.”
He shook his head again. “I’ll carry you in.”
I could feel the tears wanting to come, they wanted to find their place in this world, but I didn’t want to give in to them. Something about tonight felt final, and I needed to drag it out.
“I’ll be in soon.”
“It’s freezing, Lotus.” He attempted to take a step into the water, but my hand went up to stop him, and I shook my head.
“Give me five minutes, Orion, I think it’s only fair.”
His hand dropped and he nodded his head before he turned and walked away.
My feet were freezing and my legs were shaking. Staying right where I was though sounded better than going in there with him. Stepping into that house right now was the last thing I wanted to do. I had no wish to deal with what awaited me. It scared me. I felt it in my bones that it was serious. Something had shifted, nothing was good.
My hands entered the dark murky water, then slowly, so slowly my body went down further to match them. My hair floated around the top, cascading above the water’s surface.
Did I want to rise and face what was coming? Possibly not. But I knew I must. Gasping for breath when I finally surfaced, I crawled to the bank and laid my back down on it, looking up at the stars. The moon was the brightest it had ever been. Could it be that I was paying more attention to anything, which was not my current situation? I wasn’t sure. It felt like it was shining on me, trying to crack through my drying skin.
My name was called.
After I didn’t know how long.
Standing, I got ready to walk inside. Knowing that this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing right now.
Would it destroy me?
Would I recover from it?
The look in his eyes tonight was different.
I could always tell Orion’s different, he put it on for others but never for me.
Tonight, it was for me.
From his outstretched hand to his steely eyes.