The cold air licked at my skin, as I was left standing here in the middle of the road watching the car drive off. I didn’t bother stopping Lotus, why would I? She saw and will remember how I was, it could possibly all be too much for her.
I always wondered how she fell in love with me in the first place. For me it was easy. It was the sweep of her hair, from her laugh, to the way she looked at me like I was someone instead of a no one. Walking back to the house, the light still on, Lotus’ ties that bound her wrists are on the floor.
I pull a cigarette from my pocket, light it and put it to my lips. Lotus hates smoking, hates the taste of it, the smell. And the addiction. But my addiction to her trumps them all. Even if a cigarette is one of the most addictive drugs in the world, I guarantee she’s worse.
Looking around at the house that has been both good and bad to me, I step forward, walking through the smoke that I blow from my mouth and pick up the gasoline container that lays near the door. Taking one long draw, I drop the smoke to the floor. Then I open the can, the smell of gasoline takes over my senses. Placing one foot in front of the other, I start walking around with the container of gas upside down, letting it flow out all over the house. The highly flammable liquid splashes against the wood, the smell so overbearing that I end up stepping away and throwing it at the house.
Standing back, my head hurts, my heart hurts. It always seems to fucking hurt when she isn’t near. That’s why, no matter what, I always had to go back to her when we were together. Then when she left, I’d become a better man to earn her back.
Pulling another cigarette from my pocket, I light it, watching the flame flicker and I wonder what would happen if I dropped it right now at my feet. hearing a car, and notice Cole is coming back, but Lotus isn’t with him. Taking one last draw on the cigarette, I discard it, and it leaves my fingers as if it was never meant to be there. It fizzles a few times finding where it belongs, flicking the flame of the lighter I toss it to the floor with it, lighting up the house.
Cole swears loudly as he jumps from the car. “What the fuck, man?” He pulls me back, but my eyes don’t want to leave the inferno. It’s beautiful, just like her. I see the scorching red, as red as her hair.
“You gone and quit all right.” He laughs. “Lucky no one will see this unless it’s called in.” He’s right. Then there’s a loud explosion. Our ears feel like they’re about to pop. We duck, landing on the ground. Then we laugh. Drugs. That house was full of chemicals. None good. All very explosive. The smell covers me, as smoke and debris fly my way.
Cole punches me in the arm, hard. “I can’t believe you just did that. Fucking hell, man, I had good clothes still in there.” My hand goes to my stomach, and a loud laugh leaves my mouth. They all think of him as scary, I guess he is in a way. To others, to me, he’s just always been Cole. Nothing more.
“I’ll buy you new clothes,” I tell him as I stand and brush myself off. Cole does the same, shaking his head and pointing to the burning house.
“I had those pants since I was eighteen, man. They were my lady pants. You know… got all the ladies.” He thrusts his midsection, and I know he’s being serious. Shaking my head at him is all I can do as I walk to his car. “Should we call the fire department? What if it spreads?” he asks while opening his door as I sit in the passenger side. He slides into the driver’s side, not starting the car.
“Not yet. Let’s wait and try to stop it from spreading ourselves.”
He nods his head, leans his seat back and watches the fire burn. “She’s at mine… just so you know,” he says, breaking the silence.
Turning to face him, I wait for Cole to say more but he doesn’t. “She’s finally seen. Maybe now she’ll get what she wants and move on without me.” Turning back to watch the fire, the ceiling collapses onto the frame, and the whole house falls down. The wood keeps it all burning, but mostly it’s starting to die down a little after hours of watching.
“I think she does too, but you forget she only sees you. That’s her problem. Fuck! That was both of your problems. You were fixated on each other so much so that you didn’t even pay attention to anyone else. That’s why you showed Kama who she was to you that night.”
Shaking my head, I don’t want to remember that night, it was the final straw. I had to end it with her. She was the one person in all of this that couldn’t be affected by my actions, no matter what. So the look in his eyes and words that left his mouth that night about her, I knew he was going to use her and therefore I had to call it off first. It just had to be done. Even if it wasn’t something I wanted to do.
“She could have loved him if it wasn’t for me.”
He laughs. I don’t care. It’s the truth.
“Lotus Vein wasn’t put on this earth to love anyone else but you, Orion Hurley, and it’s the same with you. Just give her time. She’s a smart woman, she will come around.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe time is all I need to give her. Easier said than done, though. Time has taken so much from us already.
Stalking, that’s what I’ve come down to. Sitting on my motorbike, watching from a distance, as she walks out from Cole’s house the next day. Lotus climb’s into his car. It wasn’t my intention to stalk, I was simply going for a ride in the early hours to clear my head, and ended up back here.
Just for a one-time glimpse.
It’s all I want, I tell myself.
It’s never something small with Lotus. That’s why I’ve kept away all these years. I knew if I saw her, even from a distance, I wouldn’t be able to stay away. It would be impossible to do. So, I did everything else. I worked every day from when the sun came up until it went down, then I did the same thing the next day, and then the next. Constantly improving, constantly trying to better myself. Now I’ve done all I had ever dreamed of doing, even more so in my career. I’m a millionaire who doesn’t spend his money. I still live in my house I grew up in, the one that still reminds me of her. My money sits in a bank doing nothing. Other than a few donations here and there, it does nothing. I don’t have anyone to spend it on. I wanted to spend on her, but she doesn’t care for money. Well, she never did when we were together.
Her fiancé seems to think otherwise.
Like the ring that was on her finger. It’s expensive, and nothing like the one I had for her locked away since we were eighteen. I planned to give it to her when we hit twenty-two, but that didn’t work out as planned. No, it fucking didn’t.
Working so much helped me get through. It helped me to not think of her every second of every fucking day. Lotus turns to wrap her arms around Cole, and I can feel the urge to go to her, but I stay back watching, giving her space like she asked for.
Cole looks up as she shuts her door, he knows I’m here. He would have heard me the moment I came close to his house. Cole knows the sound of my bike. He doesn’t bring attention to me, just nods then disappears into his car with her. Staying and waiting until they drive away, I pull the bike out onto the road. The breeze hits me hard, and it reminds me of all the times she was on the back of my bike. The way she would squeeze hard when she wanted me to slow down. Lotus likes a view, especially the meadows. Endless meadows with nothing but flowers and grass. She could spend all day out in one given a chance. That’s why I never sold the house, the backyard is like a meadow—a large yard, on acres by itself with the huge pond stuck in the middle. There were some weeks where every day I would find her out there with a book in hand, studying, or just lying down.
Pulling up to a stop, I see the place where our lab house stood last night, nothing but ash now covers the ground.
“You really fucked it, didn’t you?” His voice makes me jump, my hand sliding to my pants where my knife is located. Turning around, Kama’s standing behind me, looking at the rubble. He kicks some dirt, waiting for something. For me? I should kill him for touching her. Slice him and bury him with the other bodies.
“You want to kill me, don’t you?” His voice is anything but scared, he’s being a smartass. He looks up, one side of his lip is quirked as he watches me. “You do. You want to kill me because I touched her.”
Closing my eyes and reopening them, I know that they will be almost entirely black.
“Why don’t I just do it?” I take a step toward him, but he takes a step backward. Then shakes his head.
“She would know. How could you live with that?” he asks, teasing me.
“With you in the ground and her in my bed, that’s how.” My knuckles crack at my sides, his eyes fall down to them then back up to mine.
“She’s a smart one, pretty too. Maybe you should think of putting what’s best for her first.”
I laugh. “You think you’re the man to give me advice? You’ve got to be shitting me, right? Why are you really here, Kama? I’m not cooking any more Luce for you. If you want to threaten me again, you know where that will leave you.”
“I just came to tell you...” he slides his sunglasses on, “… just out of respect. Roan plans to win her back.” Kama turns then walks off, a small wave as he leaves, and continues out of sight.
Fuck.