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The Twelve Mates Of Christmas: The Complete Collection by Sable Sylvan (53)

Chapter Two

December 5th, 2011

Connor woke up bright and early. He got the canoe in the water before Krampus had even finished his morning tea – the dregs from the carafes of tea they’d brought over the day before.

Every day was the same. Connor knew he’d have to row over, face that annoying girl Noel, who annoyed him a.) because she was annoying, and b.) because she was curvy and sexy and absolutely his type, the kind of distraction he didn’t need when he was trying to get his dumb ass off The Naughty List.

Krampus came out to the dock, still wearing his green pajamas, which had a pattern of tiny red dancing devils wearing Santa hats on the fabric.

“Somebody’s up early,” said Krampus, rubbing his eyes.

“I didn’t know demons needed to sleep…or, that they wore childish pajamas,” said Connor.

“Nothing childish about a onesie with a butt-flap,” said Krampus. “I’m not trying to freeze my ass off when I take a night shit.”

“I already knew demons took nasty dumps from the way you leave the bathroom smelling every night,” said Connor.

“Whatever,” said Krampus. “You’re just jealous of my sick outfit.”

“Yeah, totally,” said Connor. “Is it from your mother or something?”

“Avery made them,” said Krampus. “She, uh, was worried I’d get cold out here.”

Krampus ran a hand over his body and was suddenly clothed in his standard workday garb of cotton work pants and a long-sleeve flannel button-up.

Krampus and Connor got in the boat. Connor started rowing. With every stroke of the oars, he thought about how much he disliked that girl Noel. With every stroke, he thought about how frustrated she made him, sometimes, without her even trying.

You’ve got it bad, said Comet.

What was that? Connor asked Comet. Aren’t you usually the silent type?

Not when my co-pilot’s got his head in the clouds, said Comet. Or, err…his head on the ground. Whatever. The point is, you obviously like this girl, Noel. Stop trying to resist her.

I came here to do a job, said Connor. I have to get off The Naughty List.

You also have to find a mate, said Comet.

After I get off The Naughty List, Connor reminded Comet. I have to do things in order.

Look, just because you need to make sure you land the bird safely, that doesn’t mean you can’t do a barrel roll while you’re still in the air, said Comet.

I don’t follow, admitted Connor.

You need to get off The Naughty List, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also search for your mate at the same time, explained Comet. Humans. I swear. I don’t know how you survived in the wild, because you lot obviously are missing some critical thinking skills.

Fine, said Connor. I’ll look for my mate…but it’s not that annoying Noel girl. That, I guarantee.

Connor docked the boat on the little pier just a stone’s throw away from the back patio of Bear Claw Bakery.

He walked with Krampus up to the patio, where Noel was sitting, coffee in hand, grinning as she checked Connor out. He could feel her eyes run over his body, like a supermarket cashier’s scanning going over a busted barcode, over and over. Connor rolled his eyes and started to head inside.

Avery came outside as Connor was about to open the door, opening the door, hard, hitting Connor in the torso.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” said Avery, her hands flying to her face. Connor had hit the ground hard. He was on his ass, one palm against the ground, the other, on his shoulder.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” insisted Connor. “You caught my shoulder, that’s all.”

“Come on,” said Noel, who had gotten up from her seat to walk over to Connor. “Let’s get you up.”

Noel reached out her hand. Connor took it instinctively, not thinking. He didn’t need Noel to help him up, so why did his body react to her outreached hand and take it so readily?

Connor pulled his hand away from Noel and got up. Connor dusted himself up.

“I’m fine, really,” insisted Connor.

“You scraped your elbow when you went down,” said Noel, turning Connor’s right arm. “Avery, can you grab the first aid kit? I’ll patch him up.”

“I can do it myself,” said Connor.

“Really?” asked Noel, crossing her arms. “You’re left-handed?”

“I can do it myself,” repeated Connor.

Connor took a seat at a table and examined the damage. He had a pretty nasty scrape on his elbow. Avery came out with a first aid kit. Connor tried to bandage himself, but, Noel was correct – Connor was right-handed, so it was like watching a sloth try to paint.

“Mmhmm,” said Noel, watching Connor and keeping her arms crossed. “Well done, Connor. Very nice work.”

“Fine, will you help me?” asked Connor, putting down the mangled supplies.

“I didn’t hear a ‘please,’ but I supposed I could make an exception…for you,” said Noel. “Scooch over.”

Connor moved so Noel could sit next to him. Noel looked at the damage. She took an alcohol wipe and opened it.

“Now, this might sting,” said Noel, already dabbing at the wound.

“Is that really necessary?” asked Connor, wincing.

“Would you rather lose your arm to infection?” asked Noel. “Typical shifter male bravado, ugh.”

Noel opened a pack of antibiotic cream. She made fast work of applying the ointment and bandaging up Connor. She was focused entirely on the task at hand. By the time she was done, Connor looked as if he’d been fixed up by an RN.

“Damn, little lady, you know how to bandage shit up,” said a deep voice. “Why don’t you come hang out with a real man? Trust me, after you’re done riding me, you’ll need bandages too.”

“Ugh, is that supposed to be sexy?” said Noel, looking over the tall, skinny man in front of her. “I’ll pass – thanks.”

“Come on,” said the man, putting a hand on Noel’s shoulder. “Ever had it from a shifter before?”

“More than I can count, and all of them were better looking than your ugly skinny ass,” said Noel, pushing the man’s hand off her shoulder.

“Touch her again, and see what happens,” growled Connor.

Noel was confused. She’d thought Connor hated her.

“Boop,” said the shifter, poking Noel in the arm.

“That’s it,” said Connor. In a flash, he stood up and pushed the man back, toward the ground.

“You claimed her?” asked the stranger, regaining his balance.

“She doesn’t need to be claimed to be respected,” said Connor. “You gonna get lost or am I going to have to show you how to get lost.”

The man grabbed Connor by the shoulder. Before Connor could stop himself, Connor shifted.

For a split second, Connor expected to hit the ground, hard, his four paws slapping against the icy pavement. He expected to feel a warmth as thick fur covered his body, a tightness as his clothes strained to hold his growing beast before they ripped at the seams. He was an alpha male beast with alpha male energy. He was the prince of the Pacific Northwest forests. He was a grizzly, of Clan Marron, and that alone would make him feel like he could kick the asses of a thousand armies blindfolded. To be clear, the armies would be blindfolded, not Connor, but the metaphor still worked.

Instead, Connor felt like he was going to slip.

He looked down. He didn’t have paws – he had hooves. They were big and thick and attached to spindly-looking legs. He was warm, alright, and he saw that he had a thick beard – much thicker than the one he’d seen in the mirror that morning. It was large and white and brown and gray, a mottled thickness that spread down his chest like syrup over a pancake.

He wasn’t a bear anymore, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t big, real big. And now, he was tall, with a pair of kick-ass weapons strapped to his head.

Maybe being a reindeer wasn’t so bad – he was basically a tall bear with antlers.

Then, he saw the other man shift, turning into something much taller than Connor.

No way, said Connor.

This is The Wreath, said Comet. I’ve heard of stranger things happening out here – you know, like bad boy bear shifters having to help a girl learn ‘the true meaning of Christmas’ to get off The Naughty List.

But have you seen one of those? Connor asked Comet. He’s…

Tall, but you can reach him, said Comet.

He’s too tall for me to reach, said Connor.

You’re not just a reindeer – you’re one of Santana’s eight reindeer, said Comet. You know – we’re the eight horny bastards that can fly through the sky.

Only on Christmas Eve, said Connor.

And where is that written? Comet asked Connor. You humans. You know nothing about how Christmas really works.

You mean I can – started Connor.

Yes, said Comet.

And it won’t make it harder for me to get off the – began Connor.

Yes, said Comet. Just do it already!

Connor thought about how he’d seen it done in the movies. He jumped up in the air, slipped his legs beneath his torso, and hoped.

And he fell flat on his stomach.

You know, the whole point of flying is not falling, commented Comet.

Connor got back up and looked the huge shifter in the eye. He regained his balance and focused on ‘not falling.’ Suddenly, he realized his hooves weren’t against the ice – they were in the air.

“Well, I’ll be,” said a voice. Connor looked - frikkin’ Noel and Avery and Krampus were all outside, watching him!

Connor looked back at his target – the frikkin’ giraffe.

Connor didn’t need to be a zoologist to tell what kind of animal the shifter was – everyone knew what a giraffe looked like. This shifter was tall, with a long-ass neck, some orangey brown spots over a yellow coat. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and has a long-ass neck like a goose, it’s probably a giraffe in a duck costume. This giraffe was in no costume and did not look like a friendly animal from a storybook.

Are those it’s…started Comet before Comet burst out laughing.

What’s so funny? Connor asked Comet.

Its horns, replied Comet. Those two nubs on its head!

I guess they are, said Connor. Connor started laughing. When he laughed as a grizzly, it was like a goofy sounding roar. When he laughed as a reindeer, the sound was like a rusty French horn mixed with an elephant’s toot.

Connor let himself get distracted. The giraffe swung its neck at Connor and sent the reindeer flying into the tree.

“Hey!” shouted a voice. Connor instantly picked it out as Noel’s voice.

What’s she doing? Connor thought as he untangled his gangly legs from the branches of the tree. Connor swung his head around and spotted Noel baiting the were-giraffe!

Engaging with the enemy, answered Comet. Or did you hit your head real hard when we got knocked into that tree?

I mean why is she doing that? Connor pondered. She could get hurt! I have to stop her!

Ah, because you want to protect your mate, commented Comet.

It’s not like that! Connor insisted. I just don’t want to get in more trouble and have an even harder time getting off The Naughty List.

Connor flew out of the tree and extended his legs. He hit the giraffe in the back of the head – but not with his hooves. His torso slammed into the back of the big beast’ head. The creature ducked, and Connor kept flying, hitting the side of the bakery. He heard a window crack.

Ouch, thought Connor.

“Hey! You big bully! It’s me you want, right?” asked Noel, putting a hand on her hip and jiggling her curves. The giraffe’s tongue lolled out of its mouth as the giraffe nodded.

“Then why don’t you take me on a date?” asked Noel, grabbing a cardboard box of coffee off of the table and unscrewing it behind her back. “How about…a coffee date?”

Noel swung the coffee container in a circle. Scalding hot coffee hit the giraffe’s legs! Noel kept spraying the giraffe with hot coffee as the giraffe curled up into a ball.

“Mercy!” called a male voice, as the giraffe turned back into a man. “Mercy!”

“In two seconds, you’re going to begging for me to shower you in hot coffee,” said Noel, putting down the container of coffee. The shifter was naked, as his clothing had burst into pieces.

Shift, ordered Comet.

But I’m going to be – started Connor.

No, you’re not, said Comet. Did you feel your clothes rip when you shifted? Do the math.

Connor shifted back into his human form. His clothes appeared on his body as if he’d never turned in the first place. Connor walked up to Noel.

“Are you alright?” asked Connor.

“I’m fine – you should see the other guy,” joked Noel. “But, Connor…what was that?

“Call it Christmas magic,” said Connor.

“But –” started Noel, before she was interrupted.

“What’s all the commotion?” asked Avery as she burst through the back exit of the bakery, followed by Krampus. “I heard something hit the bakery.”

“That, uh, would be me,” said Connor. “Looks like I cracked a window.”

“Did you?” asked Krampus. Connor looked again – the window was no longer cracked.

“That guy’s naked – what are we going to do with him?” asked Connor.

“Is he?” asked Krampus. Connor looked. The giraffe shifter was now wearing the same clothes he was wearing before the fight.

“Wh-what is this?” asked the stranger. “My clothes – they were broken, and now, they’re back on me. What is this?”

“Demoncraft – and unless you care to experience more of it, for all eternity, up close and personal, I suggest you change your ways,” threatened Krampus. “It’s never too late to change – until it is.”

The man got up and looked over Krampus.

“Y-you really are some kind of demon?” asked the shifter.

“I’m a Christmas demon, and in the spirit of Christmas, I’m willing to let you run off now,” said Krampus. “Go. Get.”

The man nodded and sprinted away from the bakery.

“How much do I owe you for the window?” asked Avery.

“Breakfast,” said Krampus, walking with Avery back into the bakery.

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” asked Noel.

“What was what?” asked Connor.

“Uh, you flew in the air and beat the shit out of a giraffe,” said Noel, crossing her arms. “Your clothes didn’t get busted when you turned into a reindeer, and when you shifted back, it was as if nothing had happened.”

“If you’ve already figured out that I’m one of Santa Claus’ eight flying reindeer, then I don’t see why we’re sitting around here talking about it,” said Connor.

“It’s impossible,” said Noel. “There has to be another explanation.”

“Well, while you figure that out, I’m getting my grub and heading out,” said Connor.

“Wait,” said Noel, blocking Connor’s way.

“It’s dangerous to get between a shifter and his coffee,” said Connor.

“First of all, it’s tea,” said Noel. “Second of all, if you won’t tell me the truth about what I say back there, at least tell me about this. Why do you hate me, Connor? And why did you defend me if you don’t even like me?”

“I don’t hate you,” said Connor. “Do you assume any man that doesn’t want to throw you down on a table and claim you hates you?”

“Well, yeah,” admitted Noel. “Connor, I get every guy I want. Look at me. Obviously, I have the curves a man like you deserves, so why aren’t you after them?”

“I helped you because I’m trying to do something, to be something,” said Connor. “Apparently, it didn’t work, because this is still here, isn’t it?” Connor pressed his hand to his bare chest, to the mark that ready ‘Naughty.’

“Your tattoo?” asked Noel. “I don’t know how it works for reindeer – is that your…”

“No,” said Connor. “It’s a reminder of what I did to become what I am, Noel, what I am is a man trying to do the Nice thing to get off The Naughty List. That’s it. Given it didn’t work…don’t worry. I won’t be bothering you again.”

“Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve been saying?” asked Noel. “Did the ice-cold lake numb your nuts or something? I’m trying to have sex with you, you big dick!”

“Classic seduction technique,” said Krampus, who had just walked back outside and was munching on a breakfast sandwich that oddly had two sugar cookies layered between the two croissant halves and the bulk of the sandwich. “Men of every category just love it when women call them big dicks – or wait, was it when they tell them they have big dicks?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” asked Noel.

“Nope!” said Krampus. “Connor, grab the stuff, I’ll see you in the boat.”

“Really?” asked Noel, following after Connor. “Connor! You can’t just go without explaining what happened!”

“Try and stop me,” said Connor, lumbering into the kitchen, grabbing the goods, and leaving. Noel watched as he left. There was no way she could stop that force of nature. Plus, she’d just seen him do the impossible. Maybe he was some sort of wizard. Perhaps if she kept pissing him off, he’d zap her with a lightning bolt.

“Avery, what’s going on?” asked Noel.

“You believe that Christmas magic is real now?” asked Avery.

“I don’t want to, but, I can’t come up with another explanation for what I just saw – a flying frikkin’ reindeer beating a giraffe’s ass by roundhouse kicking it in the head,” admitted Noel. “Would you mind explaining Christmas magic to me? I know I was rude about it before. I really thought you were joking.”

“You’re lucky I believe in second chances,” said Avery. “Okay. Well, the first thing you need to know is, up North, this guy, Santana, Santana Claus, has a workshop – The Workshop. You know him as Santa Claus. He’s my boss and the owner of this Bear Claw Bakery location. He’s got a bunch of magical workers that use Christmas magic, including me. I’m a Christmas elf.”

“Is Krampus a Christmas elf?” asked Noel.

“He’s a Christmas demon,” said Avery. “He works for Santana. He trains shifters and teaches them values. The shifters he trains are bad boys. They’re shifters that didn’t take the search for a fated mate seriously, which got their furry butts on The Naughty List.”

“Okay,” said Noel, crossing her arms. “And?”

“Well, he only trains one a year, so this guy, Boreas Winter, has to supplement things and lends Santana some shifters so that he has enough reindeer to pull his sleigh on Christmas Eve – during what we call The Ride. It’s his ride around the world,” explained Avery. “Boreas and his crew hang out at The South Pole.”

“What’s that got to do with Connor?” asked Noel.

“If he doesn’t get off of The Naughty List and claim a mate by Christmas, he’ll lose his mate mark and shift…forever,” explained Avery.

“Okay, so let me get this straight – Connor hasn’t found a fated mate, so that’s why he was sent here, to find one?” asked Noel. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. They didn’t cover this in business school!”

And to help Santana with The Ride,” Avery reminded Noel. “He has to do a good deed to get off The Naughty List, and then, he gets his real shift – the bear spirit – and his mate mark back. He has to claim a mate by the end of Christmas Day, or he’ll lose his shift and have to leave his bear Clan.”

“Sounds like a whole lot of not my problem,” said Noel.

“What’s the move?” asked Avery. “Are you going to go call your best friend and tell her about Christmas magic? Write a blog post about The North Pole?”

“I’m not telling anyone that I know the truth about Christmas magic, least of all Connor and Krampus,” said Noel. “I have seven older brothers, Avery. That means I know two things to be true. First, nobody other than you, Krampus, Connor, and I guess that giraffe, would believe me. Second of all, if I let them know I know things, then I’m showing them my hand, and nobody ever won a game of poker by showing their hand.”

“You like poker?” asked Avery.

“I’ll put it this way – I gambled well with my Halloween candy as a girl,” said Noel. “Games played with Christmas candy and nuts can’t be much different. When the time comes, I can use this information as a weapon.”

“Of course you’d be the one girl that learns about Christmas magic and wants to use it for Machiavellian scheming,” said Avery, shaking her head. “Here I was, thinking I only ever hired good girls.”

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